[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Push, are you around?
I want to ask you whether you think going out with this guy would be a bad idea for me. In messaging back and forth he mentioned looking for a “European” or “natural” attitude, by which he meant regarding sex, and asked where on the spectrum I fall. I offered every single thought I had about where I might fall, because you know how I love to tell everything, noting what I think is a fairly high sex drive and a monogamous/dedicated bent, then asked him where HE falls. Among other things he said:
[quote]To further address your question, I’ll expand on the above. I have no judgments about or restrictions against anything sexual as long as it involves (however many!) consenting adults and no one gets hurt. Group sex? Well, 3 is a group, I suppose. I’ve tried it, and it wasn’t what I thought it would be. But, that was because it was 2 (female) friends, one of who was into it, but the other did it more for us. I remain open to it, but like almost anything else sexual, am not specifically looking for it.
I am also open to polyamory, but, again, am not specifically seeking that. Since it seems to mean different things to different people, I define polyamory not an open relationship where sex with others is a free-for-all. Rather, for me, it is intimate relationships with a minimal number of select women with whom I would have some level of emotional connection and attachment. Again, while open to it, I’ve never experienced it.[/quote]
So I said I thought he may be more liberated than I am, that I do best in a traditional LTR, and that I want to be careful not to stumble into a relationship with someone who wants more than I can provide, and will become restless. He answered:
[quote]Noted re no poly-anything. But, I will remind that I wrote that I am open to it, not actively seeking it. I am not actively seeking anything other than a relationship or relationships that just will feel right, “click,” and simply work for me.
But, I will tell you that sex is very important to me. It is both physically amazingly enjoyable, and a beautiful form of communication. I.e., I love making love, and I love fucking.
So, in the spirit of responding to your concern about how we might be different vis-a-vis sex, yes, I cannot be with someone who is “plain vanilla.” I would surely be very soon restless. That said, I, like you, still do not know if we resonate or not in this arena. I guess the only way for us to know is to have sex! ;-)[/quote]
I wonder what you think, whether you think someone like me has a chance with someone like this. He’s smart and very funny, looks very fit, etc. But I don’t want to set myself up for first a sexual advance that will bowl me over, and then wind up hurt because I’ll get attached.
I’m asking you because his attitudes sound a lot like yours, and you’re now in a monogamous relationship, right? And because you know me and what I’m looking for, I think.
Edit: Obviously, as always, I wonder what Chushin thinks, too. [/quote]
Em, I’d take him for what he said. He’s open to a bit of an unconventional relationship, i.e., he’s not looking for a “plain vanilla” type deal. I think that could be a good thing for you.
I do understand your concern though. I had women express the same thing to me a few years ago when I told them my past. They were skeered they couldn’t provide what I was used to. I answered them like he just did, more or less.
Chances are good he has a higher sex drive like you are hoping. That of course should be a good thing for you considering your past.
I’m biased of course, but don’t let his initial attitude drive you away. If you meet him and things don’t smell so good, let him go.[/quote]
One worry is that he seems not to have had all of the experiences he’s open to, which may be a problem. But he’s funny and it can’t hurt to have lunch with him. I doubt that I’ll get involved - and who knows if he’ll want to - but maybe at some point I’ll decide that I’m tired of looking for forever love and he might then make a good friend.
Do you think you’d have settled happily into long term monogamy if not for the impact of infidelity?