[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Push, are you around?
I want to ask you whether you think going out with this guy would be a bad idea for me. In messaging back and forth he mentioned looking for a “European” or “natural” attitude, by which he meant regarding sex, and asked where on the spectrum I fall. I offered every single thought I had about where I might fall, because you know how I love to tell everything, noting what I think is a fairly high sex drive and a monogamous/dedicated bent, then asked him where HE falls. Among other things he said:
[quote]To further address your question, I’ll expand on the above. I have no judgments about or restrictions against anything sexual as long as it involves (however many!) consenting adults and no one gets hurt. Group sex? Well, 3 is a group, I suppose. I’ve tried it, and it wasn’t what I thought it would be. But, that was because it was 2 (female) friends, one of who was into it, but the other did it more for us. I remain open to it, but like almost anything else sexual, am not specifically looking for it.
I am also open to polyamory, but, again, am not specifically seeking that. Since it seems to mean different things to different people, I define polyamory not an open relationship where sex with others is a free-for-all. Rather, for me, it is intimate relationships with a minimal number of select women with whom I would have some level of emotional connection and attachment. Again, while open to it, I’ve never experienced it.[/quote]
So I said I thought he may be more liberated than I am, that I do best in a traditional LTR, and that I want to be careful not to stumble into a relationship with someone who wants more than I can provide, and will become restless. He answered:
[quote]Noted re no poly-anything. But, I will remind that I wrote that I am open to it, not actively seeking it. I am not actively seeking anything other than a relationship or relationships that just will feel right, “click,” and simply work for me.
But, I will tell you that sex is very important to me. It is both physically amazingly enjoyable, and a beautiful form of communication. I.e., I love making love, and I love fucking.
So, in the spirit of responding to your concern about how we might be different vis-a-vis sex, yes, I cannot be with someone who is “plain vanilla.” I would surely be very soon restless. That said, I, like you, still do not know if we resonate or not in this arena. I guess the only way for us to know is to have sex! ;-)[/quote]
I wonder what you think, whether you think someone like me has a chance with someone like this. He’s smart and very funny, looks very fit, etc. But I don’t want to set myself up for first a sexual advance that will bowl me over, and then wind up hurt because I’ll get attached.
I’m asking you because his attitudes sound a lot like yours, and you’re now in a monogamous relationship, right? And because you know me and what I’m looking for, I think.
Edit: Obviously, as always, I wonder what Chushin thinks, too. [/quote]
Hey. First, I want you to know that I have a lot of respect for you, and that you “as always” care about my opinion means something to me.
Ok, to cut to the chase: I think I’d be pretty careful with this one, given what I know about you. (I’m tempted to say, “Stay away!” but that would imply that I know more than I can or do.
I think that your first reaction to what he wrote (in between his quotes, above) indicates that YOU know he’s probably not a good idea, too.
MY first reaction on reading him was that he was subtly adjusting his presentation in order to increase his chances of getting laid.
I don’t know; I tend to be really good at avoiding destructive relationships by being overly cautious and paying attention to any warning signs. In this case you want a monogamous LTR; he’s “open” to multiple love relationships. That seems like a warning sign to me.
^^^ the best I could do from Bangkok, on my iPhone, with my honey pulling at me to go shopping with her.[/quote]
Okay. Guard UP. I think I’ll still do the lunch just for fun, although it may be a bad idea. Probably is. He is interesting, though, and I think it would be a good time. He’s well aware that I’m dubious about our relationship potential, and a relationship is what I’m seeking, so it’s not like I’m setting up false expectations. Our current agreement is that we’ll almost certainly have an enjoyable afternoon regardless of whether anything follows.
I’m sure even the hockey player who hasn’t kissed me yet has sex on his mind. At least I hope so!
But the hockey player and Iraq are looking for monogamy. But then, my experience has been that people will say they’re monogamous, but then fail to be that in reality. 