Push, are you around?
I want to ask you whether you think going out with this guy would be a bad idea for me. In messaging back and forth he mentioned looking for a “European” or “natural” attitude, by which he meant regarding sex, and asked where on the spectrum I fall. I offered every single thought I had about where I might fall, because you know how I love to tell everything, noting what I think is a fairly high sex drive and a monogamous/dedicated bent, then asked him where HE falls. Among other things he said:
[quote]To further address your question, I’ll expand on the above. I have no judgments about or restrictions against anything sexual as long as it involves (however many!) consenting adults and no one gets hurt. Group sex? Well, 3 is a group, I suppose. I’ve tried it, and it wasn’t what I thought it would be. But, that was because it was 2 (female) friends, one of who was into it, but the other did it more for us. I remain open to it, but like almost anything else sexual, am not specifically looking for it.
I am also open to polyamory, but, again, am not specifically seeking that. Since it seems to mean different things to different people, I define polyamory not an open relationship where sex with others is a free-for-all. Rather, for me, it is intimate relationships with a minimal number of select women with whom I would have some level of emotional connection and attachment. Again, while open to it, I’ve never experienced it.[/quote]
So I said I thought he may be more liberated than I am, that I do best in a traditional LTR, and that I want to be careful not to stumble into a relationship with someone who wants more than I can provide, and will become restless. He answered:
[quote]Noted re no poly-anything. But, I will remind that I wrote that I am open to it, not actively seeking it. I am not actively seeking anything other than a relationship or relationships that just will feel right, “click,” and simply work for me.
But, I will tell you that sex is very important to me. It is both physically amazingly enjoyable, and a beautiful form of communication. I.e., I love making love, and I love fucking.
So, in the spirit of responding to your concern about how we might be different vis-a-vis sex, yes, I cannot be with someone who is “plain vanilla.” I would surely be very soon restless. That said, I, like you, still do not know if we resonate or not in this arena. I guess the only way for us to know is to have sex! ;-)[/quote]
I wonder what you think, whether you think someone like me has a chance with someone like this. He’s smart and very funny, looks very fit, etc. But I don’t want to set myself up for first a sexual advance that will bowl me over, and then wind up hurt because I’ll get attached.
I’m asking you because his attitudes sound a lot like yours, and you’re now in a monogamous relationship, right? And because you know me and what I’m looking for, I think.
Edit: Obviously, as always, I wonder what Chushin thinks, too.
