Let's Process Our Feelings

[SkyzykS]

Thanks for the feedback. Just to clarify though, the thing about the cocoa was in jest, kinda like that old “That don’t make me gay, does it?” comedy shtick

What’s the point of a support group if after 10+ years, all the trust and reputation you have built doesn’t equate to your word meaning shit? If you are good with it and you know it isn’t a narcotic and it isn’t cheating to you, that’s whats important. If they are worth a shit, and it’s worth that much to you, you should go to a meeting and air it out. If they don’t support you, then maybe you don’t need them or that type of support group. Seems a rather quick sort of judgement and a rather bullshit way of applauding an accomplishment you earned. I’d give it back and tell them you will accept it when they give it to you correctly, without the plastic applause and without the passive alienation.

That question is something I’ve had to consider. Reputation isn’t necessarily paramount, but the trust is important to me. I’m not considering putting the kibosh on the meetings as a whole, but maybe that particular group. It’s difficult though when me and some of these guys have been through a lot together. Life stuff like weddings, funerals, births of our children- significant events. The applause doesn’t mean a whole lot, other than a measure of contrast.

[quote] I would share your feelings with the group. I think the majority of substance abusers are self-medicating something, and one of the challenges of abstaining is figuring out what and dealing with it. One ativan during a panic attack does not, in my (professional) opinion, a relapse make, but obviously people differ. I would bear in mind that your friend is expressing concern, though not in a way that’s helpful to you. But I would assume his intentions are good.

I think you should tell the group about your disappointment and then, as Eminem said, shake it off and keep moving.

And I’m sorry about the panic attack. Those suck mightily. [/quote]

I figured the same thing about the ativan. That is the general consensus of most professionals, in that it was prescribed appropriately and taken as directed. It’s not like I said to my self “I’m going to go get some heroin, but just this once and only because I really need it. And maybe a couple bags for tomorrow.”. I have considered that he is expressing concern and has good intentions, which brings me to another stumbling block. I have a hard time addressing things like this tactfully without being offensive of defensive. Generally I’m very direct and simple. More often than not that comes of as something other than intended and people get turned off or cagey. Anyways, suffice to say, it doesn’t make for many warm & fuzzy moments.

And thanks for your concern. I didn’t realize it, but looking back I’ve had problems with anxiety my whole life. At that point my son was in the hospital with a flu virus (@ 4 mos. old, that was scary as hell), the division I was in at work was shutting down, and people were getting taken out of that place by life flight on a weekly basis. Literally getting busted up and losing limbs by tons of steel. It was a bad time.

Not my problem but I empathize. What about the broken confidence in his doctor? His doctor shared shit with the group, which seems to be something else that needs to be addressed.

It wasn’t a Dr./patient thing, but a conversation between friends. It just struck me as unusual that he was in such direct contradiction to standard practice.

I don’t know how seriously Skyz takes me or that we like one another much, but what he’s going through is some bullshit that he didn’t bring onto himself.

I think your fine. Anybody willing to take the time to participate in something like these forums has to be at least half way decent in my book. And I learned a long time ago not to discount something that may be applicable based on who says it. That being said , I’m not planting one on some hockey player after we do a shot, good intentions be damned!

I sure hope this quote thing works. I screw it up more often than not. If not, please pardon the inability to use tabs.

[LoRez]

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
I figured the same thing about the ativan. That is the general consensus of most professionals, in that it was prescribed appropriately and taken as directed. It’s not like I said to my self “I’m going to go get some heroin, but just this once and only because I really need it. And maybe a couple bags for tomorrow.”. I have considered that he is expressing concern and has good intentions, which brings me to another stumbling block. I have a hard time addressing things like this tactfully without being offensive of defensive. Generally I’m very direct and simple. More often than not that comes of as something other than intended and people get turned off or cagey. Anyways, suffice to say, it doesn’t make for many warm & fuzzy moments.
[/quote]

I would consider that his behavior could in fact be him expressing guilt toward his own relapse behavior, sort of a “good, it’s not just me”. In the same way that many people call out others for the same sins they’re committing, just to feel better about themselves. Either way, I wouldn’t make anything of it, you’ve done nothing remotely questionable.

Ativan is designed and prescribed for exactly how you used it. I’m sorry to hear about the panic attack; I’ve experienced a few mild ones and I can’t imagine how bad it must be.

For what it’s worth, well done on 11 years.

[JCMPG]

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
Thanks for the feedback. Just to clarify though, the thing about the cocoa was in jest, kinda like that old “That don’t make me gay, does it?” comedy shtick

What’s the point of a support group if after 10+ years, all the trust and reputation you have built doesn’t equate to your word meaning shit? If you are good with it and you know it isn’t a narcotic and it isn’t cheating to you, that’s whats important. If they are worth a shit, and it’s worth that much to you, you should go to a meeting and air it out. If they don’t support you, then maybe you don’t need them or that type of support group. Seems a rather quick sort of judgement and a rather bullshit way of applauding an accomplishment you earned. I’d give it back and tell them you will accept it when they give it to you correctly, without the plastic applause and without the passive alienation.

That question is something I’ve had to consider. Reputation isn’t necessarily paramount, but the trust is important to me. I’m not considering putting the kibosh on the meetings as a whole, but maybe that particular group. It’s difficult though when me and some of these guys have been through a lot together. Life stuff like weddings, funerals, births of our children- significant events. The applause doesn’t mean a whole lot, other than a measure of contrast.

[quote] I would share your feelings with the group. I think the majority of substance abusers are self-medicating something, and one of the challenges of abstaining is figuring out what and dealing with it. One ativan during a panic attack does not, in my (professional) opinion, a relapse make, but obviously people differ. I would bear in mind that your friend is expressing concern, though not in a way that’s helpful to you. But I would assume his intentions are good.

I think you should tell the group about your disappointment and then, as Eminem said, shake it off and keep moving.

And I’m sorry about the panic attack. Those suck mightily. [/quote]

I figured the same thing about the ativan. That is the general consensus of most professionals, in that it was prescribed appropriately and taken as directed. It’s not like I said to my self “I’m going to go get some heroin, but just this once and only because I really need it. And maybe a couple bags for tomorrow.”. I have considered that he is expressing concern and has good intentions, which brings me to another stumbling block. I have a hard time addressing things like this tactfully without being offensive of defensive. Generally I’m very direct and simple. More often than not that comes of as something other than intended and people get turned off or cagey. Anyways, suffice to say, it doesn’t make for many warm & fuzzy moments.

And thanks for your concern. I didn’t realize it, but looking back I’ve had problems with anxiety my whole life. At that point my son was in the hospital with a flu virus (@ 4 mos. old, that was scary as hell), the division I was in at work was shutting down, and people were getting taken out of that place by life flight on a weekly basis. Literally getting busted up and losing limbs by tons of steel. It was a bad time.

Not my problem but I empathize. What about the broken confidence in his doctor? His doctor shared shit with the group, which seems to be something else that needs to be addressed.

It wasn’t a Dr./patient thing, but a conversation between friends. It just struck me as unusual that he was in such direct contradiction to standard practice.

I don’t know how seriously Skyz takes me or that we like one another much, but what he’s going through is some bullshit that he didn’t bring onto himself.

I think your fine. Anybody willing to take the time to participate in something like these forums has to be at least half way decent in my book. And I learned a long time ago not to discount something that may be applicable based on who says it. That being said , I’m not planting one on some hockey player after we do a shot, good intentions be damned!

I sure hope this quote thing works. I screw it up more often than not. If not, please pardon the inability to use tabs.
[/quote]

He maybe over analyzing your situation due to feelings or issues that he is having in his own life. People have a tendency to find fault in others rather than address their own issues.

[EmilyQ]

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
Thanks for the feedback. Just to clarify though, the thing about the cocoa was in jest, kinda like that old “That don’t make me gay, does it?” comedy shtick

What’s the point of a support group if after 10+ years, all the trust and reputation you have built doesn’t equate to your word meaning shit? If you are good with it and you know it isn’t a narcotic and it isn’t cheating to you, that’s whats important. If they are worth a shit, and it’s worth that much to you, you should go to a meeting and air it out. If they don’t support you, then maybe you don’t need them or that type of support group. Seems a rather quick sort of judgement and a rather bullshit way of applauding an accomplishment you earned. I’d give it back and tell them you will accept it when they give it to you correctly, without the plastic applause and without the passive alienation.

That question is something I’ve had to consider. Reputation isn’t necessarily paramount, but the trust is important to me. I’m not considering putting the kibosh on the meetings as a whole, but maybe that particular group. It’s difficult though when me and some of these guys have been through a lot together. Life stuff like weddings, funerals, births of our children- significant events. The applause doesn’t mean a whole lot, other than a measure of contrast.

[quote] I would share your feelings with the group. I think the majority of substance abusers are self-medicating something, and one of the challenges of abstaining is figuring out what and dealing with it. One ativan during a panic attack does not, in my (professional) opinion, a relapse make, but obviously people differ. I would bear in mind that your friend is expressing concern, though not in a way that’s helpful to you. But I would assume his intentions are good.

I think you should tell the group about your disappointment and then, as Eminem said, shake it off and keep moving.

And I’m sorry about the panic attack. Those suck mightily. [/quote]

I figured the same thing about the ativan. That is the general consensus of most professionals, in that it was prescribed appropriately and taken as directed. It’s not like I said to my self “I’m going to go get some heroin, but just this once and only because I really need it. And maybe a couple bags for tomorrow.”. I have considered that he is expressing concern and has good intentions, which brings me to another stumbling block. I have a hard time addressing things like this tactfully without being offensive of defensive. Generally I’m very direct and simple. More often than not that comes of as something other than intended and people get turned off or cagey. Anyways, suffice to say, it doesn’t make for many warm & fuzzy moments.

And thanks for your concern. I didn’t realize it, but looking back I’ve had problems with anxiety my whole life. At that point my son was in the hospital with a flu virus (@ 4 mos. old, that was scary as hell), the division I was in at work was shutting down, and people were getting taken out of that place by life flight on a weekly basis. Literally getting busted up and losing limbs by tons of steel. It was a bad time.

Not my problem but I empathize. What about the broken confidence in his doctor? His doctor shared shit with the group, which seems to be something else that needs to be addressed.

It wasn’t a Dr./patient thing, but a conversation between friends. It just struck me as unusual that he was in such direct contradiction to standard practice.

I don’t know how seriously Skyz takes me or that we like one another much, but what he’s going through is some bullshit that he didn’t bring onto himself.

I think your fine. Anybody willing to take the time to participate in something like these forums has to be at least half way decent in my book. And I learned a long time ago not to discount something that may be applicable based on who says it. That being said , I’m not planting one on some hockey player after we do a shot, good intentions be damned!

I sure hope this quote thing works. I screw it up more often than not. If not, please pardon the inability to use tabs.
[/quote]

Stay away from my hockey player! Find your own to kiss! He plays recreationally, btw. I assume that was clear. He’s a bio-medical engineer. So he has teeth, which will be nice if we ever do kiss. Something to hold his lips in place. lol

I had breakfast with a builder this morning. I like him, too. He also has teeth and we also didn’t kiss.

But back to your concern about the group, I agree with Chushin that maybe you’ve outgrown it. On the other hand, if they’ve been a steady support I might just push through this odd spot. Maybe just say nothing, act normally and let it die. They’ll soon see you haven’t relapsed.

[EmilyQ]

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

Push, I say on mine that I’m pretty affectionate and hope he will be, too. Originally I had physically affectionate, but then after peering at it for a bit through my pince-nez spectacles decided that it looked like I was advertising for casual sex. Also, there’s my work. To talk about my sexual desires explicitly seems unwise.

[/quote]

I think there is a way to do it without the casual sex advertisement worry. If you read what I wrote it surely doesn’t imply I’m all about lovin’ and leavin’ 'em. It just says if you’re truly interested in me be prepared to make sure the physical side of things is a primary component of the relationship. I’m not even remotely interested in being one of these guys who has to whine (legitimately) about a frigid wife no matter what her other qualities.
[/quote]

I guess I didn’t mean casual so much as just “WANT SEX, SEEKING SAME.” I think this is another one of those different-for-men things, because I have to be careful not to come off like I’m looking for someone to rescue me (the long term thing) and not to come off like I’m a song in the Jukebox of Pussy (tm TNation).

Maybe I should go with: “Nerdy librarian-type seeking to throw off glasses and tousle hair!”[/quote]

The thing you are looking for is " Casual dating".

An affair.

Now, if you are like “I am not that kind of girl” and on the other hand “ya, technically that about the level of intimacy I can handle right now and have my raging libidos needs met” you sort out the conflict.

[/quote]

I’m not. I’m looking for a long term relationship, something forever. Dating is what I have to do to get there. I AM that kind of girl, very, but in a relationship that allows the other kinds of intimacy as well.

I want to fall in love. Not right away, of course, but I want to identify someone who has integrity, health (physical, financial, emotional), and a good sense of humor and who likes me very well also, and then settle into getting to know him well while having dates and sex and hikes and such. My life is pretty nice. I want someone who enhances it further - a best friend I get to sleep with every night, who makes me whimper in pleasure, to whom I can do the same, and who makes me feel safe because he’s strong, and whom I can make feel safe because I’m steadfast.

That’s all. Just that. Easy-peasy, right? lol[/quote]

Thats where I would swoop in with “Yeah girl, dont we all want that? But even though we know it can never be, do we have to be all lonely while we search for the right one?”

I wish I had a Barry White voice, because in that case, that would be a 100% perfect sell. [/quote]

It CAN be, you grouchy cynic!
[/quote]

Mebbe, but my sales pitch to you would have been that even while I might not be the one for the long term, ships in the night, and so further and so on…[/quote]

So what are you saying, you’re playing to the crowd by selling whatever they’re looking to buy?

[orion]

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

Push, I say on mine that I’m pretty affectionate and hope he will be, too. Originally I had physically affectionate, but then after peering at it for a bit through my pince-nez spectacles decided that it looked like I was advertising for casual sex. Also, there’s my work. To talk about my sexual desires explicitly seems unwise.

[/quote]

I think there is a way to do it without the casual sex advertisement worry. If you read what I wrote it surely doesn’t imply I’m all about lovin’ and leavin’ 'em. It just says if you’re truly interested in me be prepared to make sure the physical side of things is a primary component of the relationship. I’m not even remotely interested in being one of these guys who has to whine (legitimately) about a frigid wife no matter what her other qualities.
[/quote]

I guess I didn’t mean casual so much as just “WANT SEX, SEEKING SAME.” I think this is another one of those different-for-men things, because I have to be careful not to come off like I’m looking for someone to rescue me (the long term thing) and not to come off like I’m a song in the Jukebox of Pussy (tm TNation).

Maybe I should go with: “Nerdy librarian-type seeking to throw off glasses and tousle hair!”[/quote]

The thing you are looking for is " Casual dating".

An affair.

Now, if you are like “I am not that kind of girl” and on the other hand “ya, technically that about the level of intimacy I can handle right now and have my raging libidos needs met” you sort out the conflict.

[/quote]

I’m not. I’m looking for a long term relationship, something forever. Dating is what I have to do to get there. I AM that kind of girl, very, but in a relationship that allows the other kinds of intimacy as well.

I want to fall in love. Not right away, of course, but I want to identify someone who has integrity, health (physical, financial, emotional), and a good sense of humor and who likes me very well also, and then settle into getting to know him well while having dates and sex and hikes and such. My life is pretty nice. I want someone who enhances it further - a best friend I get to sleep with every night, who makes me whimper in pleasure, to whom I can do the same, and who makes me feel safe because he’s strong, and whom I can make feel safe because I’m steadfast.

That’s all. Just that. Easy-peasy, right? lol[/quote]

Thats where I would swoop in with “Yeah girl, dont we all want that? But even though we know it can never be, do we have to be all lonely while we search for the right one?”

I wish I had a Barry White voice, because in that case, that would be a 100% perfect sell. [/quote]

It CAN be, you grouchy cynic!
[/quote]

Mebbe, but my sales pitch to you would have been that even while I might not be the one for the long term, ships in the night, and so further and so on…[/quote]

So what are you saying, you’re playing to the crowd by selling whatever they’re looking to buy?

[/quote]

No, because that would not sell…

I am selling what they could see buying…

[undoredo]

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
… sober … 11 year …
[/quote]
Congratulations on staying sober 11 years! Period. No qualifier.

… my friend may have shared his opinion of whether or not I relapsed with other people. So now I feel kind of estranged and betrayed by a person that I’ve really looked up to over the years.

As harsh and unrealistic as your friend’s evaluations and remarks to you have been: I would give him the benefit of the doubt on that betrayal thing, unless you are absolutely certain nobody else could have overheard. (That is aside from the other issues with your friend and that group.)

[EmilyQ]

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

But back to your concern about the group, I agree with Chushin that maybe you’ve outgrown it.
[/quote]

I’m not sure how to feel about the fact that you have been mentioning me a fair amount lately, but not talking directly to me.

Not that it’s a big deal; hey, I like to share now and then, too, you know.

[/quote]

But I’m agreeing with you! So picture me beside you, nodding my head in vigorous agreement with everything you say.

And anyway, when is the last time (except right now) you’ve shared your feelings so we could all process them with you?

[KAS]

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
Thanks for the feedback. Just to clarify though, the thing about the cocoa was in jest, kinda like that old “That don’t make me gay, does it?” comedy shtick

What’s the point of a support group if after 10+ years, all the trust and reputation you have built doesn’t equate to your word meaning shit? If you are good with it and you know it isn’t a narcotic and it isn’t cheating to you, that’s whats important. If they are worth a shit, and it’s worth that much to you, you should go to a meeting and air it out. If they don’t support you, then maybe you don’t need them or that type of support group. Seems a rather quick sort of judgement and a rather bullshit way of applauding an accomplishment you earned. I’d give it back and tell them you will accept it when they give it to you correctly, without the plastic applause and without the passive alienation.

That question is something I’ve had to consider. Reputation isn’t necessarily paramount, but the trust is important to me. I’m not considering putting the kibosh on the meetings as a whole, but maybe that particular group. It’s difficult though when me and some of these guys have been through a lot together. Life stuff like weddings, funerals, births of our children- significant events. The applause doesn’t mean a whole lot, other than a measure of contrast.

[quote] I would share your feelings with the group. I think the majority of substance abusers are self-medicating something, and one of the challenges of abstaining is figuring out what and dealing with it. One ativan during a panic attack does not, in my (professional) opinion, a relapse make, but obviously people differ. I would bear in mind that your friend is expressing concern, though not in a way that’s helpful to you. But I would assume his intentions are good.

I think you should tell the group about your disappointment and then, as Eminem said, shake it off and keep moving.

And I’m sorry about the panic attack. Those suck mightily. [/quote]

I figured the same thing about the ativan. That is the general consensus of most professionals, in that it was prescribed appropriately and taken as directed. It’s not like I said to my self “I’m going to go get some heroin, but just this once and only because I really need it. And maybe a couple bags for tomorrow.”. I have considered that he is expressing concern and has good intentions, which brings me to another stumbling block. I have a hard time addressing things like this tactfully without being offensive of defensive. Generally I’m very direct and simple. More often than not that comes of as something other than intended and people get turned off or cagey. Anyways, suffice to say, it doesn’t make for many warm & fuzzy moments.

And thanks for your concern. I didn’t realize it, but looking back I’ve had problems with anxiety my whole life. At that point my son was in the hospital with a flu virus (@ 4 mos. old, that was scary as hell), the division I was in at work was shutting down, and people were getting taken out of that place by life flight on a weekly basis. Literally getting busted up and losing limbs by tons of steel. It was a bad time.

Not my problem but I empathize. What about the broken confidence in his doctor? His doctor shared shit with the group, which seems to be something else that needs to be addressed.

It wasn’t a Dr./patient thing, but a conversation between friends. It just struck me as unusual that he was in such direct contradiction to standard practice.

I don’t know how seriously Skyz takes me or that we like one another much, but what he’s going through is some bullshit that he didn’t bring onto himself.

I think your fine. Anybody willing to take the time to participate in something like these forums has to be at least half way decent in my book. And I learned a long time ago not to discount something that may be applicable based on who says it. That being said , I’m not planting one on some hockey player after we do a shot, good intentions be damned!

I sure hope this quote thing works. I screw it up more often than not. If not, please pardon the inability to use tabs.
[/quote]

Not a relapse in my book. Do you still share with the group publicly, or just attend and speak to your sponsor? This is a support group, right? Then get this whole thing out there, without naming names, of course.

I’d tell the group about your panic attack and ongoing anxiety issues. I’m 99.99% sure someone else has or is dealing with similar problems. Run through the fact that there was a suggestion that this might be a relapse and how you feel about it. This whole subject is directly related to the group’s interest.

I would be cautious about this talk of outgrowing the group, there’s a lot of history there. If you really believe you have outgrown them, then take on a more leading role if you can; take them with you, don’t leave them behind. You sound like you’ve got a lot to offer and there will be people that respond to your way of thinking/speaking.

I think you should address you friend directly and in private. If, like you say, you tend be very direct and people get the wrong idea, then put something in writing. You express yourself just fine on this forum.

[EmilyQ]

I’ve changed my mind and now agree with KAS, despite his disturbing avatar.

[EmilyQ]

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

Push, I say on mine that I’m pretty affectionate and hope he will be, too. Originally I had physically affectionate, but then after peering at it for a bit through my pince-nez spectacles decided that it looked like I was advertising for casual sex. Also, there’s my work. To talk about my sexual desires explicitly seems unwise.

[/quote]

I think there is a way to do it without the casual sex advertisement worry. If you read what I wrote it surely doesn’t imply I’m all about lovin’ and leavin’ 'em. It just says if you’re truly interested in me be prepared to make sure the physical side of things is a primary component of the relationship. I’m not even remotely interested in being one of these guys who has to whine (legitimately) about a frigid wife no matter what her other qualities.
[/quote]

I guess I didn’t mean casual so much as just “WANT SEX, SEEKING SAME.” I think this is another one of those different-for-men things, because I have to be careful not to come off like I’m looking for someone to rescue me (the long term thing) and not to come off like I’m a song in the Jukebox of Pussy (tm TNation).

Maybe I should go with: “Nerdy librarian-type seeking to throw off glasses and tousle hair!”[/quote]

The thing you are looking for is " Casual dating".

An affair.

Now, if you are like “I am not that kind of girl” and on the other hand “ya, technically that about the level of intimacy I can handle right now and have my raging libidos needs met” you sort out the conflict.

[/quote]

I’m not. I’m looking for a long term relationship, something forever. Dating is what I have to do to get there. I AM that kind of girl, very, but in a relationship that allows the other kinds of intimacy as well.

I want to fall in love. Not right away, of course, but I want to identify someone who has integrity, health (physical, financial, emotional), and a good sense of humor and who likes me very well also, and then settle into getting to know him well while having dates and sex and hikes and such. My life is pretty nice. I want someone who enhances it further - a best friend I get to sleep with every night, who makes me whimper in pleasure, to whom I can do the same, and who makes me feel safe because he’s strong, and whom I can make feel safe because I’m steadfast.

That’s all. Just that. Easy-peasy, right? lol[/quote]

Thats where I would swoop in with “Yeah girl, dont we all want that? But even though we know it can never be, do we have to be all lonely while we search for the right one?”

I wish I had a Barry White voice, because in that case, that would be a 100% perfect sell. [/quote]

It CAN be, you grouchy cynic!
[/quote]

Mebbe, but my sales pitch to you would have been that even while I might not be the one for the long term, ships in the night, and so further and so on…[/quote]

So what are you saying, you’re playing to the crowd by selling whatever they’re looking to buy?

[/quote]

No, because that would not sell…

I am selling what they could see buying…[/quote]

I guess I just have to hope I’m lucky enough to encounter people with scruples. But you know, if not, it’s not the end of the world. Eventually you identify them, feel a brief surge of disgust, then move along and forget about them. Which is ultimately much sadder for the player than the playee.

[SkyzykS]

[quote]KAS wrote:

Not a relapse in my book. Do you still share with the group publicly, or just attend and speak to your sponsor? This is a support group, right? Then get this whole thing out there, without naming names, of course.

I’d tell the group about your panic attack and ongoing anxiety issues. I’m 99.99% sure someone else has or is dealing with similar problems. Run through the fact that there was a suggestion that this might be a relapse and how you feel about it. This whole subject is directly related to the group’s interest.

I would be cautious about this talk of outgrowing the group, there’s a lot of history there. If you really believe you have outgrown them, then take on a more leading role if you can; take them with you, don’t leave them behind. You sound like you’ve got a lot to offer and there will be people that respond to your way of thinking/speaking.

I think you should address you friend directly and in private. If, like you say, you tend be very direct and people get the wrong idea, then put something in writing. You express yourself just fine on this forum.
[/quote]

I do still actively participate. Its a discussion group, so you can pass or participate as you like. I’ve brought up the anxiety before and got some pretty typical but effective advice for it as far as staying in the present, keeping a clean slate and things like that which generally keep it at bay.

The thing about outgrowing my sponsor may be pretty accurate though. As I reflect on it, it has happened several times, usually right at points when my life is changing or has changed. In the last 18 months there has been plenty of that. Changing my role in the group may be a good idea too though. My primary purpose is for myself, but part of it is spending time with people who are just trying to get a handle on things. From the feedback I’ve gotten I have been helpful to a lot of people. I guess I should take a good look at what I’ve done so far and figure out what I can do next (or also).

Addressing this privately will likely be the best approach. Hashing it out in front of others can get messy when egos and saving face get involved.

Oh, and LoRez, Csuli, undooredo, etc. Thanks! I wasn’t ignoring your input, just wan’t expecting such a flurry of response.

[KAS]

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]KAS wrote:

Not a relapse in my book. Do you still share with the group publicly, or just attend and speak to your sponsor? This is a support group, right? Then get this whole thing out there, without naming names, of course.

I’d tell the group about your panic attack and ongoing anxiety issues. I’m 99.99% sure someone else has or is dealing with similar problems. Run through the fact that there was a suggestion that this might be a relapse and how you feel about it. This whole subject is directly related to the group’s interest.

I would be cautious about this talk of outgrowing the group, there’s a lot of history there. If you really believe you have outgrown them, then take on a more leading role if you can; take them with you, don’t leave them behind. You sound like you’ve got a lot to offer and there will be people that respond to your way of thinking/speaking.

I think you should address you friend directly and in private. If, like you say, you tend be very direct and people get the wrong idea, then put something in writing. You express yourself just fine on this forum.
[/quote]

I do still actively participate. Its a discussion group, so you can pass or participate as you like. I’ve brought up the anxiety before and got some pretty typical but effective advice for it as far as staying in the present, keeping a clean slate and things like that which generally keep it at bay.

The thing about outgrowing my sponsor may be pretty accurate though. As I reflect on it, it has happened several times, usually right at points when my life is changing or has changed. In the last 18 months there has been plenty of that. Changing my role in the group may be a good idea too though. My primary purpose is for myself, but part of it is spending time with people who are just trying to get a handle on things. From the feedback I’ve gotten I have been helpful to a lot of people. I guess I should take a good look at what I’ve done so far and figure out what I can do next (or also).

Addressing this privately will likely be the best approach. Hashing it out in front of others can get messy when egos and saving face get involved.

Oh, and LoRez, Csuli, undooredo, etc. Thanks! I wasn’t ignoring your input, just wan’t expecting such a flurry of response.

[/quote]

You’re obviously doing it right, 11 years is no joke. Outgrowing your sponsor is different from outgrowing the group, and from the sound of it, you’re already paying it forward in the way you participate and help others. Keep doing this and focus on the wins, for you and those you help out.

You’ll get a much better idea about where you’re headed with your sponsor based on his reaction/response to your concerns. If you’re done, make sure to thank him, no doubt he’s made mistakes, but could you have got to 11 years without him?

Good luck dude, I have no doubt you’re going to be fine, and probably better off, regardless of the outcome with your friend.

[EmilyQ]

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

But I’m agreeing with you! So picture me beside you, nodding my head in vigorous agreement with everything you say.
[/quote]
He he. I like that image.

And, yeah, I wasn’t really complaining. Just felt like you were agreeing WITH but not talking TO me.

Maybe I just wanted some attention?

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
And anyway, when is the last time (except right now) you’ve shared your feelings so we could all process them with you?
[/quote]

For sure.

I’m an exceptionally open and sharing person in real life – your lesbian friends would definitely love me – but fairly well-defended on the internet. To quote a friend about me, “You’re an analog guy in a digital world.”

I’m sure that after Skyz and I meet up in February he’ll vouch for my openness. You should join us. [/quote]

Where are you meeting?

Anyway, I can speak directly to you now, because I’m now nodding along to everything KAS says. Although I’m not sure I’ve ever spoken directly to KAS. Have I, Chushin? (lol)

I think we may be having another lesbian party soon. You should come to it. Don’t worry about bringing any wine; we drunkenly bought plenty the night of the wine tasting. It was like Christmas morning, opening the case two of us split to see what we bought.

[orion]

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

I guess I just have to hope I’m lucky enough to encounter people with scruples. But you know, if not, it’s not the end of the world. Eventually you identify them, feel a brief surge of disgust, then move along and forget about them. Which is ultimately much sadder for the player than the playee.[/quote]

Oh please, you have this notion that you need to trick women into have casual sex.