[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
What would you mean if you asked a girl if she was nice, smart, and sensual? And under what conditions would you ask this? lol
[/quote]
Under no conditions would I ask that. It seems to me an absurd question. I mean wtf is she gonna say? “No, I’m a dumb, frigid bitch.”[/quote]
Lol. I was gonna say something else, but you got it, lol.
OMG, wine tasting is a very drunken business. We came back here to my place and drank some more (red wine, because that’s what I had) while processing everyone’s lesbianism, except two of us were straight, so there was nothing to process.
However, my feeling is wasted. On a monday night. With my boss! Tomorrow may suck.
Headache this morning.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
OMG, wine tasting is a very drunken business. We came back here to my place and drank some more (red wine, because that’s what I had) while processing everyone’s lesbianism, except two of us were straight, so there was nothing to process.
However, my feeling is wasted. On a monday night. With my boss! Tomorrow may suck. [/quote]
POIDNH…
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
What would you mean if you asked a girl if she was nice, smart, and sensual? And under what conditions would you ask this? lol
[/quote]
Under no conditions would I ask that. It seems to me an absurd question. I mean wtf is she gonna say? “No, I’m a dumb, frigid bitch.”
I would probably just ask if she was a cuddler. I like girls like that, not gonna lie. And no I’m not giving anyone my “man card” for that statement. If you think it should be relinquished then take it if you can![/quote]
I think that probably asks what you (hypothetically) need to know. Are you physically affectionate? Check yes or no . Although my ex-husband was fairly affectionate and we touched a lot (hugs, watched TV mashed together) but he wasn’t interested in sex, or had a problem of some sort or something.
I love every bit of it. I want someone I can straddle after work for a full-body hug, have sex with soon thereafter or later - or earlier, it’s all fine - and then snuggle while we drift off to sleep and intermittently through the night. Plus curling up together for couch naps in the winter.
I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
ahaha
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]csulli wrote:
And even then I don’t need her to like it I just need her to consent to it ;P[/quote]
I know you were joking here but…the truth is often spoken in jest so…what a man needs is NOT a woman who doesn’t like it but consents because that is a recipe for disaster.
And Em, there does need to be some kind of “fishing out” in terms of sexual compatibility. I think when it comes to a second or third go-round in this life with a mate sex drive matching must be paramount.
When I became single a few years ago and tossed up a profile on a dating website I made sure this was mentioned in my profile. Here’s how I addressed it:
"…This attitude (that I mentioned previously in the profile) gives me a high sex drive and great stamina. I absolutely, positively love to please my partner. I so, so, so love to kiss - it’s the most sensual thing under the sun.
“I am very affectionate even outside of sex itself and I have to have the same from my woman. It’s just the way I’m wired and I can’t change. Touch me often and I’ll hold you forever.”
I’ve also mentioned during dates, when appropriate, “if you’re the type that’s comfortable with sex just once or twice a week, or less, I’m am not the guy you’re looking for.”
[/quote]
Push, I say on mine that I’m pretty affectionate and hope he will be, too. Originally I had physically affectionate, but then after peering at it for a bit through my pince-nez spectacles decided that it looked like I was advertising for casual sex. Also, there’s my work. To talk about my sexual desires explicitly seems unwise.
So that leaves me trying to suss it out, since now I’m seeking men who have the self-control to give me space. lol
AND, why did no one tell me that EVERY SINGLE GROWNUP in therapy is suicidal this time of year? CHUSHIN? Why didn’t you alert me? I thought last week was bad, but this week they’re going through 6-8 kleenex each. My shoulders are so tight I feel like they’re going to snap.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
^ that sounds awesome.
Also…
[/quote]
Yeah that’s cute. I wonder if anything will ever come between those two.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Push, I say on mine that I’m pretty affectionate and hope he will be, too. Originally I had physically affectionate, but then after peering at it for a bit through my pince-nez spectacles decided that it looked like I was advertising for casual sex. Also, there’s my work. To talk about my sexual desires explicitly seems unwise.
[/quote]
I think there is a way to do it without the casual sex advertisement worry. If you read what I wrote it surely doesn’t imply I’m all about lovin’ and leavin’ 'em. It just says if you’re truly interested in me be prepared to make sure the physical side of things is a primary component of the relationship. I’m not even remotely interested in being one of these guys who has to whine (legitimately) about a frigid wife no matter what her other qualities.
[/quote]
I guess I didn’t mean casual so much as just “WANT SEX, SEEKING SAME.” I think this is another one of those different-for-men things, because I have to be careful not to come off like I’m looking for someone to rescue me (the long term thing) and not to come off like I’m a song in the Jukebox of Pussy (tm TNation).
Maybe I should go with: “Nerdy librarian-type seeking to throw off glasses and tousle hair!”
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Push, I say on mine that I’m pretty affectionate and hope he will be, too. Originally I had physically affectionate, but then after peering at it for a bit through my pince-nez spectacles decided that it looked like I was advertising for casual sex. Also, there’s my work. To talk about my sexual desires explicitly seems unwise.
[/quote]
I think there is a way to do it without the casual sex advertisement worry. If you read what I wrote it surely doesn’t imply I’m all about lovin’ and leavin’ 'em. It just says if you’re truly interested in me be prepared to make sure the physical side of things is a primary component of the relationship. I’m not even remotely interested in being one of these guys who has to whine (legitimately) about a frigid wife no matter what her other qualities.
[/quote]
I guess I didn’t mean casual so much as just “WANT SEX, SEEKING SAME.” I think this is another one of those different-for-men things, because I have to be careful not to come off like I’m looking for someone to rescue me (the long term thing) and not to come off like I’m a song in the Jukebox of Pussy (tm TNation).
Maybe I should go with: “Nerdy librarian-type seeking to throw off glasses and tousle hair!”[/quote]
The thing you are looking for is " Casual dating".
An affair.
Now, if you are like “I am not that kind of girl” and on the other hand “ya, technically that about the level of intimacy I can handle right now and have my raging libidos needs met” you sort out the conflict.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Push, I say on mine that I’m pretty affectionate and hope he will be, too. Originally I had physically affectionate, but then after peering at it for a bit through my pince-nez spectacles decided that it looked like I was advertising for casual sex. Also, there’s my work. To talk about my sexual desires explicitly seems unwise.
[/quote]
I think there is a way to do it without the casual sex advertisement worry. If you read what I wrote it surely doesn’t imply I’m all about lovin’ and leavin’ 'em. It just says if you’re truly interested in me be prepared to make sure the physical side of things is a primary component of the relationship. I’m not even remotely interested in being one of these guys who has to whine (legitimately) about a frigid wife no matter what her other qualities.
[/quote]
I guess I didn’t mean casual so much as just “WANT SEX, SEEKING SAME.” I think this is another one of those different-for-men things, because I have to be careful not to come off like I’m looking for someone to rescue me (the long term thing) and not to come off like I’m a song in the Jukebox of Pussy (tm TNation).
Maybe I should go with: “Nerdy librarian-type seeking to throw off glasses and tousle hair!”[/quote]
The thing you are looking for is " Casual dating".
An affair.
Now, if you are like “I am not that kind of girl” and on the other hand “ya, technically that about the level of intimacy I can handle right now and have my raging libidos needs met” you sort out the conflict.
[/quote]
I’m not. I’m looking for a long term relationship, something forever. Dating is what I have to do to get there. I AM that kind of girl, very, but in a relationship that allows the other kinds of intimacy as well.
I want to fall in love. Not right away, of course, but I want to identify someone who has integrity, health (physical, financial, emotional), and a good sense of humor and who likes me very well also, and then settle into getting to know him well while having dates and sex and hikes and such. My life is pretty nice. I want someone who enhances it further - a best friend I get to sleep with every night, who makes me whimper in pleasure, to whom I can do the same, and who makes me feel safe because he’s strong, and whom I can make feel safe because I’m steadfast.
That’s all. Just that. Easy-peasy, right? lol
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Push, I say on mine that I’m pretty affectionate and hope he will be, too. Originally I had physically affectionate, but then after peering at it for a bit through my pince-nez spectacles decided that it looked like I was advertising for casual sex. Also, there’s my work. To talk about my sexual desires explicitly seems unwise.
[/quote]
I think there is a way to do it without the casual sex advertisement worry. If you read what I wrote it surely doesn’t imply I’m all about lovin’ and leavin’ 'em. It just says if you’re truly interested in me be prepared to make sure the physical side of things is a primary component of the relationship. I’m not even remotely interested in being one of these guys who has to whine (legitimately) about a frigid wife no matter what her other qualities.
[/quote]
I guess I didn’t mean casual so much as just “WANT SEX, SEEKING SAME.” I think this is another one of those different-for-men things, because I have to be careful not to come off like I’m looking for someone to rescue me (the long term thing) and not to come off like I’m a song in the Jukebox of Pussy (tm TNation).
Maybe I should go with: “Nerdy librarian-type seeking to throw off glasses and tousle hair!”[/quote]
The thing you are looking for is " Casual dating".
An affair.
Now, if you are like “I am not that kind of girl” and on the other hand “ya, technically that about the level of intimacy I can handle right now and have my raging libidos needs met” you sort out the conflict.
[/quote]
I’m not. I’m looking for a long term relationship, something forever. Dating is what I have to do to get there. I AM that kind of girl, very, but in a relationship that allows the other kinds of intimacy as well.
I want to fall in love. Not right away, of course, but I want to identify someone who has integrity, health (physical, financial, emotional), and a good sense of humor and who likes me very well also, and then settle into getting to know him well while having dates and sex and hikes and such. My life is pretty nice. I want someone who enhances it further - a best friend I get to sleep with every night, who makes me whimper in pleasure, to whom I can do the same, and who makes me feel safe because he’s strong, and whom I can make feel safe because I’m steadfast.
That’s all. Just that. Easy-peasy, right? lol[/quote]
Thats where I would swoop in with “Yeah girl, dont we all want that? But even though we know it can never be, do we have to be all lonely while we search for the right one?”
I wish I had a Barry White voice, because in that case, that would be a 100% perfect sell.
I can’t read all 20 pages…Emmy Q…didn’t you have some dude that was perfect for a while there?
An affair can blossom into a full relationship, assuming some discretion up front.
It shouldn’t really take much more than a single conversation to get a good idea of most of those things you’re looking for. By single conversation, I mean in person, or possibly on the phone… how well things correlate between what’s said, how it’s said, tone of voice and body language. I wouldn’t trust any sort of electronic communication for this.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with putting sex a little more upfront. It’s not like you’re saying that’s the only thing you want, and unless he’s emotionally immature (which should be easy to weed out), he should be capable of understanding that.
