[quote]LoRez wrote:
“If you continue to contact me I’ll take further action. Lose my number.”
That was a very effective message I received once. I’m not going to elaborate on context, except to say that I never contacted her since. As a message, it’s short and sweet and if not verbatim, something very close to it should work in your case.
[/quote]
Sometimes Mom can be so mean.
[quote]orion wrote:
Slightly creepy…
You cut deep, I give you that…
[/quote]
Only from a misogyny standpoint, not looking in windows creepy
[quote]Testy1 wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
Slightly creepy…
You cut deep, I give you that…
[/quote]
Only from a misogyny standpoint, not looking in windows creepy[/quote]
Well I thought that was hateful which is not creepy because it lacks an underhanded quality.
Its not like I try to lure you in and then try to cop a feel ya know?
Plus, while I flirt with misogyny quite a bit I am more sexist than anything.
Those two dont go well together.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Testy1 wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
Slightly creepy…
You cut deep, I give you that…
[/quote]
Only from a misogyny standpoint, not looking in windows creepy[/quote]
Well I thought that was hateful which is not creepy because it lacks an underhanded quality.
Its not like I try to lure you in and then try to cop a feel ya know?
Plus, while I flirt with misogyny quite a bit I am more sexist than anything.
Those two dont go well together. [/quote]
But do you type with one hand and fap with the other?
[quote]theBeth wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Testy1 wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
Slightly creepy…
You cut deep, I give you that…
[/quote]
Only from a misogyny standpoint, not looking in windows creepy[/quote]
Well I thought that was hateful which is not creepy because it lacks an underhanded quality.
Its not like I try to lure you in and then try to cop a feel ya know?
Plus, while I flirt with misogyny quite a bit I am more sexist than anything.
Those two dont go well together. [/quote]
But do you type with one hand and fap with the other?[/quote]
No, because my right hand is my mouse hand.
Otherwise I totally would.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Testy1 wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
Slightly creepy…
You cut deep, I give you that…
[/quote]
Only from a misogyny standpoint, not looking in windows creepy[/quote]
Well I thought that was hateful which is not creepy because it lacks an underhanded quality.
Its not like I try to lure you in and then try to cop a feel ya know?
Plus, while I flirt with misogyny quite a bit I am more sexist than anything.
Those two dont go well together. [/quote]
I really must do better with my terminology. My apologies.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
You’ve grown so much as a person since the last kettle, though. I feel like you could have plastic parts and it be okay if need be. I think perhaps we could draw a nice analogy to your love life here, where your desire for certainty paralyzes you.
There’s a line in the song Free Will that I like a lot (it’s Rush or Yes, I can never remember which): “If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.”
So, so true.[/quote]
Why have plastic parts when I can do better? Except better commands a higher price, one I’m not willing to pay. But seriously, there’s an All Clad kettle for $150.
So that really leaves me with two (okay, three) choices. I can put out right now and spring for something much better than what I had, but coming down with a bad case of remorse at the cost. Or I can just learn to get by without. Or, the reluctant third choice, to just get something comparable to what I had, regularly wondering if maybe I should have taken the chance on something better.[/quote]
Buyers remorse only lasts a couple days at most, but enjoying the use of a well made item lasts for years.
Get the good one.
[/quote]
I really don’t feel that strongly about kettles; just drawing parallels for the fun of it.
The only time I’ve regretted owning a well made item is when it failed on me unexpectedly. Like the cap on this kettle melting off. (Or the girl who spontaneously went crazy.)
So I evaluate the failure and revise my standards. Then I upgrade and don’t regret it at all.[/quote]
The cap on the all clad pictured or a different one?
Fun fact- The All Clad factory is about 10 miles away. Twice a year they sell all of the scratch and dent stuff for like $10.00-$20.00 per item. Most of the time it’s like a minor cosmetic imperfection or loose rivet. A friend of mine goes there every year and gets a couple of items. If you bought the kitchen ware he has amassed retail it would easily be about 20K.
[quote]Testy1 wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Testy1 wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
Slightly creepy…
You cut deep, I give you that…
[/quote]
Only from a misogyny standpoint, not looking in windows creepy[/quote]
Well I thought that was hateful which is not creepy because it lacks an underhanded quality.
Its not like I try to lure you in and then try to cop a feel ya know?
Plus, while I flirt with misogyny quite a bit I am more sexist than anything.
Those two dont go well together. [/quote]
I really must do better with my terminology. My apologies.
[/quote]
What are you apologizing for?
I see what I am writing, I happen to type it.
While I believe it to be true, it is not necessarily out of “How to make friends and influence people”.
You could have posted:
“Call it what you want but yer still a dick!”
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
I really don’t feel that strongly about kettles; just drawing parallels for the fun of it.
The only time I’ve regretted owning a well made item is when it failed on me unexpectedly. Like the cap on this kettle melting off. (Or the girl who spontaneously went crazy.)
So I evaluate the failure and revise my standards. Then I upgrade and don’t regret it at all.[/quote]
The cap on the all clad pictured or a different one?
Fun fact- The All Clad factory is about 10 miles away. Twice a year they sell all of the scratch and dent stuff for like $10.00-$20.00 per item. Most of the time it’s like a minor cosmetic imperfection or loose rivet. A friend of mine goes there every year and gets a couple of items. If you bought the kitchen ware he has amassed retail it would easily be about 20K.
[/quote]
Nah, not on the All Clad (that would take some serious work to melt that off accidentally). A lot of kettles seem to have their cap attached by means of a plastic of some sort. I realize it keeps your thumb from burning… but apparently it can melt clean off.
That’s pretty neat about the All Clad scratch and dent; it’s great stuff, just pricey.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]red04 wrote:
I would send him a very escalated message, including words like harassment and ‘legal action.’ I know you’ve let him know you wish not to be contacted by him, but he apparently doesn’t understand the seriousness with which you mean that.
“I am not playing a game with you. I consider your continued attempts of contacting me to be harassment. Stop immediately so I do not have to consider legal forms of action. Do not respond to this message, do something else with your life.”
Now I’m not the psychology expert here obviously, but it would seem to me that someone who could be antagonized by this sort of message is already a threat anyway, and thus one should not be afraid to send the message in the first place.[/quote]
I think you’re probably right, and yet I probably will do nothing because I’m wimpy that way. I see the text and my instinct is to run and throw the phone in the trash to make it stop. (I don’t, of course, because I love my phone.)
If it happens again, though, I will. Definitely. [/quote]
I wasn’t sure at first, but considering your instinctive reaction, I guess harassment is right.
Something like “leave me alone” or even “please leave me alone” was appropriate before, but I’m in agreement with red04 that a very escalated response is necessary now. I probably wouldn’t even wait until he tried to contact you again, but that’s up to you.
“If you continue to contact me I’ll take further action. Lose my number.”
That was a very effective message I received once. I’m not going to elaborate on context, except to say that I never contacted her since. As a message, it’s short and sweet and if not verbatim, something very close to it should work in your case.
On a side note, I do find it quite fascinating how strongly you were attracted to him in the beginning, and how strongly you’ve pushed him away at the end. Same guy, and nothing changed about who he is, simply that his choice of words and actions, and their timing, were enough to evoke both responses in you.
Maybe you see the parallels between this and many of the ‘game’ discussions.[/quote]
I like that response, LoRez. It’s perfect actually. I don’t know whether he’s harassing me or it’s just his continued overactive bent. I have no idea what a winky face is supposed to represent. The last time I heard from him was on Thanksgiving, so actually only a couple of weeks, but it was only “happy thanksgiving.”
Your question is a fair one. I know that I was questioning the enthusiasm of his pursuit before deciding he was sexy (am now taking Chushin’s ovulation theory much more seriously than I did at the time), but his behavior changed and escalated on week two, after I got a little closer and his fantasy of us as a couple really took root. Conflict began. I wouldn’t Facebook friend him; FB is not my thing, so I limit it to close friends and family. People whose cat pics I actually don’t mind seeing. “We’re not there yet” prompted jealousy. I don’t mind a little well-controlled jealousy in a guy but saying I didn’t want to bring a man into my extended family life until I felt that it was likely to be a long term thing upset him.
What drew me to him was his body and sort of outdoorsy good health, along with thinking that much of what he said was tongue-in-cheek when it wasn’t. I also didn’t know until we got closer that he’s mad at a lot of people. I’m not mad at anybody and am seeking the same.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Testy1 wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Testy1 wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
Slightly creepy…
You cut deep, I give you that…
[/quote]
Only from a misogyny standpoint, not looking in windows creepy[/quote]
Well I thought that was hateful which is not creepy because it lacks an underhanded quality.
Its not like I try to lure you in and then try to cop a feel ya know?
Plus, while I flirt with misogyny quite a bit I am more sexist than anything.
Those two dont go well together. [/quote]
I really must do better with my terminology. My apologies.
[/quote]
What are you apologizing for?
I see what I am writing, I happen to type it.
While I believe it to be true, it is not necessarily out of “How to make friends and influence people”.
You could have posted:
“Call it what you want but yer still a dick!” [/quote]
Because you are correct, creepy is not really the right word. More along the lines of assholeish, but in a familiar comforting way.
Best friend came over yesterday and we killed a bottle of wine and a block of cheese and processed our feelings. She agrees with me that unavailability is not a draw for me, and also is jealous that I have bodybuilders in my computer and she doesn’t, but as I pointed out I have invited her again and again to work out and she won’t even do 10 pound dumbbells (I gave her some!) so that’s that. No assholeish misogynists for her!
I know I’ve mentioned the site in the past, but I guess last night was the first time she realized that I’m communicating here to the extent I am. I think it was when I mentioned LoRez’s response to the hunter guy and said that apparently he’s received such a message himself and it was effective. She was like ~blink blink blink~ “you talked about that on a bodybuilding website?” Um, yes? And have been for like seven years now?
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Best friend came over yesterday and we killed a bottle of wine and a block of cheese and processed our feelings. She agrees with me that unavailability is not a draw for me, and also is jealous that I have bodybuilders in my computer and she doesn’t, but as I pointed out I have invited her again and again to work out and she won’t even do 10 pound dumbbells (I gave her some!) so that’s that. No assholeish misogynists for her!
[/quote]
That is sad.
No woman should be without one.
I am afraid to ask, what kind of cheese?
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Best friend came over yesterday and we killed a bottle of wine and a block of cheese and processed our feelings. She agrees with me that unavailability is not a draw for me, and also is jealous that I have bodybuilders in my computer and she doesn’t, but as I pointed out I have invited her again and again to work out and she won’t even do 10 pound dumbbells (I gave her some!) so that’s that. No assholeish misogynists for her!
[/quote]
That is sad.
No woman should be without one.
I am afraid to ask, what kind of cheese?[/quote]
Colby jack. That’s what was in my fridge.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]csulli wrote:
So is he like your beta-orbiter-emotional-sponge* now haha!?
*trademark orion[/quote]
That’s probably a fair description at this point, but we’re that for each other. On the other hand when I was head over heels with Tim for two years the ex and I were still slowly building a friendship out of the ruins of our marriage. I don’t think “beta orbiter” really holds up well into adulthood, where things become more complex than “girl wants to have safe backup while looking for bad boy.” The lack of passion was on his side, so you could possibly call me the beta orbiter through our marriage. The ever faithful side-kick while he tried to figure out what he wanted. [/quote]
That’s one of the issues I’ve also had with that general worldview. It just seems like a simplistic and naive model. Not just the “beta orbiter” concept, but several other pieces too.
However, it has left me wondering exactly how much one should even spread their ability to emotionally invest in others. As much as I’ve liked to think it’s not, it is a finite resource, and there’s only so much you can be there for someone while also being there for someone else.
An ex-girlfriend and I had this conversation off and on over several years, and she often used the concept of being “emotionally available” to describe it. When she and I started dating, she cut off contact a few other guys so that she could fully invest in our relationship; this was her reasoning, not mine, but it’s stuck with me.
Likewise I’ve had friends that have been so involved with taking care of their family, that they’ve had trouble sustaining relationships. It’s as if they’re too invested in their family that the new girl just doesn’t get enough of it.
And coming back a bit to where I started.
I have seen it as a genuine problem where younger guys become too emotionally invested in a girl too quickly, only to end up hurt and bitter. I can speculate as for why this is (e.g., not having a good “frame”), but it does seem that being an emotional slut causes as much problems for young guys as being a sexual slut does for young girls.
Maybe I’m conflating some concepts here, but it all seems like the same thing to me right now… which is really just trying to figure out: “I care about you, but I’m not sure how much time and energy I should really give you”.[/quote]
LoRez, I’ve been thinking a lot about this because I think we’re drawn to similar qualities. However, I’ve got a cold and started my period and have all of my clients jammed into this latter part of the week, so yesterday I worked 11 hours processing feelings. . . while meanwhile finding an Advil or tampon requires this epic hunt through poorly marked boxes (came across my baseball mitt in one marked “bathroom and desk stuff,” wtf. I was looking for feminine hygiene. But it wasn’t there! lol
I do want to get back to it, though. Don’t let me forget.[/quote]
I don’t remember what was the thing I was going to get back to, but I thought it interesting when I read in another thread that school for you was 10:1 male, while mine was exactly the opposite. I wonder if that’s why we seem to share some common stupidities, though neither of us lacks intelligence.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Best friend came over yesterday and we killed a bottle of wine and a block of cheese and processed our feelings. She agrees with me that unavailability is not a draw for me, and also is jealous that I have bodybuilders in my computer and she doesn’t, but as I pointed out I have invited her again and again to work out and she won’t even do 10 pound dumbbells (I gave her some!) so that’s that. No assholeish misogynists for her!
[/quote]
That is sad.
No woman should be without one.
I am afraid to ask, what kind of cheese?[/quote]
Colby jack. That’s what was in my fridge.
[/quote]
If I googled that correctly that is some sort of Brie.
Not bad.
But you dont frame this right.
For millions of Asians you basically enjoy rotten milk and are the culinary version of a gasthly pervert.
So you found a guilty pleasure, on the cheap!!!
So obviously, you need jump in head first, with cheeses that are even forbidden in some countries, femme fatale that you are…
Cheeses with nuts, fungi, overripe, goats, sheep, cows…
And when you are done doing that, you can try to match them with wine.
Sophisticated lesbianry does not come easy.
And to think my friend could have all this, if only she would lift.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]red04 wrote:
I would send him a very escalated message, including words like harassment and ‘legal action.’ I know you’ve let him know you wish not to be contacted by him, but he apparently doesn’t understand the seriousness with which you mean that.
“I am not playing a game with you. I consider your continued attempts of contacting me to be harassment. Stop immediately so I do not have to consider legal forms of action. Do not respond to this message, do something else with your life.”
Now I’m not the psychology expert here obviously, but it would seem to me that someone who could be antagonized by this sort of message is already a threat anyway, and thus one should not be afraid to send the message in the first place.[/quote]
I think you’re probably right, and yet I probably will do nothing because I’m wimpy that way. I see the text and my instinct is to run and throw the phone in the trash to make it stop. (I don’t, of course, because I love my phone.)
If it happens again, though, I will. Definitely. [/quote]
I wasn’t sure at first, but considering your instinctive reaction, I guess harassment is right.
Something like “leave me alone” or even “please leave me alone” was appropriate before, but I’m in agreement with red04 that a very escalated response is necessary now. I probably wouldn’t even wait until he tried to contact you again, but that’s up to you.
“If you continue to contact me I’ll take further action. Lose my number.”
That was a very effective message I received once. I’m not going to elaborate on context, except to say that I never contacted her since. As a message, it’s short and sweet and if not verbatim, something very close to it should work in your case.
On a side note, I do find it quite fascinating how strongly you were attracted to him in the beginning, and how strongly you’ve pushed him away at the end. Same guy, and nothing changed about who he is, simply that his choice of words and actions, and their timing, were enough to evoke both responses in you.
Maybe you see the parallels between this and many of the ‘game’ discussions.[/quote]
I like that response, LoRez. It’s perfect actually. I don’t know whether he’s harassing me or it’s just his continued overactive bent. I have no idea what a winky face is supposed to represent. The last time I heard from him was on Thanksgiving, so actually only a couple of weeks, but it was only “happy thanksgiving.”
Your question is a fair one. I know that I was questioning the enthusiasm of his pursuit before deciding he was sexy (am now taking Chushin’s ovulation theory much more seriously than I did at the time), but his behavior changed and escalated on week two, after I got a little closer and his fantasy of us as a couple really took root. Conflict began. I wouldn’t Facebook friend him; FB is not my thing, so I limit it to close friends and family. People whose cat pics I actually don’t mind seeing. “We’re not there yet” prompted jealousy. I don’t mind a little well-controlled jealousy in a guy but saying I didn’t want to bring a man into my extended family life until I felt that it was likely to be a long term thing upset him.
What drew me to him was his body and sort of outdoorsy good health, along with thinking that much of what he said was tongue-in-cheek when it wasn’t. I also didn’t know until we got closer that he’s mad at a lot of people. I’m not mad at anybody and am seeking the same. [/quote]
I haven’t been following all of this but can’t you just block his number? You already moved so what’s the problem?