Let's Process Our Feelings

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401

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I have GOT to find time to process my feelings, and LoRez’s. So, it’s time for online dating. And now I’m developing a thing for a guy in Iraq, whom I accidentally winked at and then, when he responded, politely said something along the lines of “if you weren’t so far away I’d ask you out” (by which I meant his local home, I didn’t know about Iraq). Next thing I know we’re talking every day and I’m sort of crazy about him and it’s not practical.

But there are others, too. I’ve been out twice. The phrase “jukebox of pussy” keeps ringing in my ears (thanks, people of TNation for all the visuals I will NEVER GET OVER) but I haven’t found that to be an issue; it seems the same to me in that regard as someone I meet traditionally.

Anyway. Iraq. WTF. But I asked what he does for fun and you know what he said? “There’s a gym here.” ~swoon~

But it would seem that the bold approach IS effective. Even if inadvertent. “I like your groceries,” is my plan for next time I identify a target at the grocery store. [/quote]

LOL.

Your life is like a Woody Allen movie. :-)[/quote]

I don’t want it to be! I want it to be like a Frank Capra movie, all cheerful hometowns and happy endings.

[/quote]

As would Woody’s main character!

But are you sure that’s what you really want?[/quote]

I’m POSITIVE.

402

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
So, it’s time for online dating. And now I’m developing a thing for a guy in Iraq, whom I accidentally winked at and then, when he responded, politely said something along the lines of “if you weren’t so far away I’d ask you out” (by which I meant his local home, I didn’t know about Iraq). Next thing I know we’re talking every day and I’m sort of crazy about him and it’s not practical.[/quote]

That’s good you’re having fun.

Although, from personal experience, what works at a distance rarely seems to work in person (and sometimes vice versa). There was this girl I had awesome online chemistry with, chatting for several weeks. She actually moved in and lived with me for about 3 weeks, and it was clear on the first day that it wasn’t going to work. We tried, but to no avail. (In hindsight, that was a completely stupid thing to do, but eh)

There’s something about online relationships that makes them fun and easy. And I think they’re good for that reason in particular… but they’re very different from the real thing.

On the other hand, my cousin met his wife online when he was in Iraq, and they actually spent a good amount of their quality time playing World of Warcraft together. From what I can tell it’s been a successful marriage. So maybe it’s an age/experience thing too.[/quote]

http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/26/buffers/[/quote]

I’ve had the awesome LDR that was impossible when we were local to each other, but that was when I was in my teens and early 20s and back and forth between my parents.

That’s not of interest to me now. But I don’t know. I’m going to pursue other options while enjoying the correspondence with Iraq and see what happens. My only real worry is that I attach so easily, and once I do everyone else fades. And then what? :-/

But on the other hand, I know I like him for all the right reasons, at least to the limited extent that can be determined in writing and photos. Still, I do a great deal of communicating in writing and know all sorts of people from my online wanderings (women friends) and I think I’m able to suss out basic personality/lifestyle stuff.

I will say, however, that my girlfriends are asking the same question; is his unavailability the attraction. But I don’t think so. [/quote]

You do guys who are girls in disguise or who are too far away to matter.

Draw your won conclusions…

Edit, no wont change because “won” is interesting.

403

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I made coffee today.

I figured that was important to share. I made it past the roadblock of “I have no kettle” with “ok, I’ll just use a pot” even though that was surprisingly difficult for me to do from a conceptual/principle standpoint.

I feel like shopping for a kettle is such a massive undertaking, since I don’t want something that’s going to fail on me in the future. Plastic parts for anything but handles seems like a horrible design flaw. Because I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s ever boiled a kettle dry.[/quote]

You’ve grown so much as a person since the last kettle, though. I feel like you could have plastic parts and it be okay if need be. I think perhaps we could draw a nice analogy to your love life here, where your desire for certainty paralyzes you.

There’s a line in the song Free Will that I like a lot (it’s Rush or Yes, I can never remember which): “If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.”

So, so true.[/quote]

Why have plastic parts when I can do better? Except better commands a higher price, one I’m not willing to pay. But seriously, there’s an All Clad kettle for $150.

So that really leaves me with two (okay, three) choices. I can put out right now and spring for something much better than what I had, but coming down with a bad case of remorse at the cost. Or I can just learn to get by without. Or, the reluctant third choice, to just get something comparable to what I had, regularly wondering if maybe I should have taken the chance on something better.

404

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I made coffee today.

I figured that was important to share. I made it past the roadblock of “I have no kettle” with “ok, I’ll just use a pot” even though that was surprisingly difficult for me to do from a conceptual/principle standpoint.

I feel like shopping for a kettle is such a massive undertaking, since I don’t want something that’s going to fail on me in the future. Plastic parts for anything but handles seems like a horrible design flaw. Because I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s ever boiled a kettle dry.[/quote]

You’ve grown so much as a person since the last kettle, though. I feel like you could have plastic parts and it be okay if need be. I think perhaps we could draw a nice analogy to your love life here, where your desire for certainty paralyzes you.

There’s a line in the song Free Will that I like a lot (it’s Rush or Yes, I can never remember which): “If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.”

So, so true.[/quote]

Why have plastic parts when I can do better? Except better commands a higher price, one I’m not willing to pay. But seriously, there’s an All Clad kettle for $150.

So that really leaves me with two (okay, three) choices. I can put out right now and spring for something much better than what I had, but coming down with a bad case of remorse at the cost. Or I can just learn to get by without. Or, the reluctant third choice, to just get something comparable to what I had, regularly wondering if maybe I should have taken the chance on something better.[/quote]

That is one beautiful kettle. I don’t see how you could ever regret going for it.

405

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I made coffee today.

I figured that was important to share. I made it past the roadblock of “I have no kettle” with “ok, I’ll just use a pot” even though that was surprisingly difficult for me to do from a conceptual/principle standpoint.

I feel like shopping for a kettle is such a massive undertaking, since I don’t want something that’s going to fail on me in the future. Plastic parts for anything but handles seems like a horrible design flaw. Because I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s ever boiled a kettle dry.[/quote]

You’ve grown so much as a person since the last kettle, though. I feel like you could have plastic parts and it be okay if need be. I think perhaps we could draw a nice analogy to your love life here, where your desire for certainty paralyzes you.

There’s a line in the song Free Will that I like a lot (it’s Rush or Yes, I can never remember which): “If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.”

So, so true.[/quote]

Why have plastic parts when I can do better? Except better commands a higher price, one I’m not willing to pay. But seriously, there’s an All Clad kettle for $150.

So that really leaves me with two (okay, three) choices. I can put out right now and spring for something much better than what I had, but coming down with a bad case of remorse at the cost. Or I can just learn to get by without. Or, the reluctant third choice, to just get something comparable to what I had, regularly wondering if maybe I should have taken the chance on something better.[/quote]

If you ever wonder how women feel about men, it is probably close to how you feel about coffee kettles.

406

There is a decent possibility that I am an emotional infant. I don’t really feel very much of anything. The only two really strong emotions that I have ever felt have been anger and pride. Other people talking about their emotions actually annoys me because the whole time they are talking about all their insecurities or sadness I just want to tell them to suck it up. I have lost two grandparents in the past year and a half, and I was sad for both, but it is not an emotion that I feel with any real strength.

Anyone else feel similar?

407

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
So, it’s time for online dating. And now I’m developing a thing for a guy in Iraq, whom I accidentally winked at and then, when he responded, politely said something along the lines of “if you weren’t so far away I’d ask you out” (by which I meant his local home, I didn’t know about Iraq). Next thing I know we’re talking every day and I’m sort of crazy about him and it’s not practical.[/quote]

That’s good you’re having fun.

Although, from personal experience, what works at a distance rarely seems to work in person (and sometimes vice versa). There was this girl I had awesome online chemistry with, chatting for several weeks. She actually moved in and lived with me for about 3 weeks, and it was clear on the first day that it wasn’t going to work. We tried, but to no avail. (In hindsight, that was a completely stupid thing to do, but eh)

There’s something about online relationships that makes them fun and easy. And I think they’re good for that reason in particular… but they’re very different from the real thing.

On the other hand, my cousin met his wife online when he was in Iraq, and they actually spent a good amount of their quality time playing World of Warcraft together. From what I can tell it’s been a successful marriage. So maybe it’s an age/experience thing too.[/quote]

http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/26/buffers/[/quote]

I’ve had the awesome LDR that was impossible when we were local to each other, but that was when I was in my teens and early 20s and back and forth between my parents.

That’s not of interest to me now. But I don’t know. I’m going to pursue other options while enjoying the correspondence with Iraq and see what happens. My only real worry is that I attach so easily, and once I do everyone else fades. And then what? :-/

But on the other hand, I know I like him for all the right reasons, at least to the limited extent that can be determined in writing and photos. Still, I do a great deal of communicating in writing and know all sorts of people from my online wanderings (women friends) and I think I’m able to suss out basic personality/lifestyle stuff.

I will say, however, that my girlfriends are asking the same question; is his unavailability the attraction. But I don’t think so. [/quote]

You do guys who are girls in disguise or who are too far away to matter.

Draw your won conclusions…

Edit, no wont change because “won” is interesting.[/quote]

My last guy (except for the hunter, who just fucking texted me a winky face after weeks of blessed silence) broke his father’s leg and cheated on me extensively, apparently. I hardly think that qualifies as “girl” behavior. I know I certainly don’t act like that!

So, non. Rejected.

And I didn’t seek out a guy in Iraq, and in fact when I thought he contacted me was doing a polite brush-off because it’s too far even locally. Except because he thought I initiated contact (which I did, but didn’t realize) my extra-nice brush off sounded like more flirting. I have no reason to believe he was looking for a long distance thing, either (when Stateside).

So, non. Rejected.

408

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
So, it’s time for online dating. And now I’m developing a thing for a guy in Iraq, whom I accidentally winked at and then, when he responded, politely said something along the lines of “if you weren’t so far away I’d ask you out” (by which I meant his local home, I didn’t know about Iraq). Next thing I know we’re talking every day and I’m sort of crazy about him and it’s not practical.[/quote]

That’s good you’re having fun.

Although, from personal experience, what works at a distance rarely seems to work in person (and sometimes vice versa). There was this girl I had awesome online chemistry with, chatting for several weeks. She actually moved in and lived with me for about 3 weeks, and it was clear on the first day that it wasn’t going to work. We tried, but to no avail. (In hindsight, that was a completely stupid thing to do, but eh)

There’s something about online relationships that makes them fun and easy. And I think they’re good for that reason in particular… but they’re very different from the real thing.

On the other hand, my cousin met his wife online when he was in Iraq, and they actually spent a good amount of their quality time playing World of Warcraft together. From what I can tell it’s been a successful marriage. So maybe it’s an age/experience thing too.[/quote]

http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/26/buffers/[/quote]

I’ve had the awesome LDR that was impossible when we were local to each other, but that was when I was in my teens and early 20s and back and forth between my parents.

That’s not of interest to me now. But I don’t know. I’m going to pursue other options while enjoying the correspondence with Iraq and see what happens. My only real worry is that I attach so easily, and once I do everyone else fades. And then what? :-/

But on the other hand, I know I like him for all the right reasons, at least to the limited extent that can be determined in writing and photos. Still, I do a great deal of communicating in writing and know all sorts of people from my online wanderings (women friends) and I think I’m able to suss out basic personality/lifestyle stuff.

I will say, however, that my girlfriends are asking the same question; is his unavailability the attraction. But I don’t think so. [/quote]

You do guys who are girls in disguise or who are too far away to matter.

Draw your won conclusions…

Edit, no wont change because “won” is interesting.[/quote]

My last guy (except for the hunter, who just fucking texted me a winky face after weeks of blessed silence) broke his father’s leg and cheated on me extensively, apparently. I hardly think that qualifies as “girl” behavior. I know I certainly don’t act like that!

So, non. Rejected.

And I didn’t seek out a guy in Iraq, and in fact when I thought he contacted me was doing a polite brush-off because it’s too far even locally. Except because he thought I initiated contact (which I did, but didn’t realize) my extra-nice brush off sounded like more flirting. I have no reason to believe he was looking for a long distance thing, either (when Stateside).

So, non. Rejected.

[/quote]

You are describing how they are not the right one.

Not how they misteriously became part of your life…

409

Mebbe you want the wrong ones…

411

[quote]jbpick86 wrote:
There is a decent possibility that I am an emotional infant. I don’t really feel very much of anything. The only two really strong emotions that I have ever felt have been anger and pride. Other people talking about their emotions actually annoys me because the whole time they are talking about all their insecurities or sadness I just want to tell them to suck it up. I have lost two grandparents in the past year and a half, and I was sad for both, but it is not an emotion that I feel with any real strength.

Anyone else feel similar?[/quote]

I think Uncle Gabby does.

412

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I made coffee today.

I figured that was important to share. I made it past the roadblock of “I have no kettle” with “ok, I’ll just use a pot” even though that was surprisingly difficult for me to do from a conceptual/principle standpoint.

I feel like shopping for a kettle is such a massive undertaking, since I don’t want something that’s going to fail on me in the future. Plastic parts for anything but handles seems like a horrible design flaw. Because I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s ever boiled a kettle dry.[/quote]

You’ve grown so much as a person since the last kettle, though. I feel like you could have plastic parts and it be okay if need be. I think perhaps we could draw a nice analogy to your love life here, where your desire for certainty paralyzes you.

There’s a line in the song Free Will that I like a lot (it’s Rush or Yes, I can never remember which): “If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.”

So, so true.[/quote]

Why have plastic parts when I can do better? Except better commands a higher price, one I’m not willing to pay. But seriously, there’s an All Clad kettle for $150.

So that really leaves me with two (okay, three) choices. I can put out right now and spring for something much better than what I had, but coming down with a bad case of remorse at the cost. Or I can just learn to get by without. Or, the reluctant third choice, to just get something comparable to what I had, regularly wondering if maybe I should have taken the chance on something better.[/quote]

Buyers remorse only lasts a couple days at most, but enjoying the use of a well made item lasts for years.

Get the good one.

414

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

(except for the hunter, who just fucking texted me a winky face after weeks of blessed silence)

[/quote]

Man, that is one disturbed dude.

I think you dodged a bullet; at least so far.[/quote]

Ack. So keep ignoring or say “leave me alone”? (“Please leave me alone”? “Leave me alone or else”?)

Don’t I have enough problems without this? (Yes! I do.)

415

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

(except for the hunter, who just fucking texted me a winky face after weeks of blessed silence)

[/quote]

Man, that is one disturbed dude.

I think you dodged a bullet; at least so far.[/quote]

Ack. Soâ?¦keep ignoring or say “leave me alone”? (“Please leave me alone”? “Leave me alone or else”?)

Don’t I have enough problems without this? (Yes! I do.)[/quote]

Try “Fuck off”

Or the more polite “Get lost”

You would be doing him a favor.

416

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

(except for the hunter, who just fucking texted me a winky face after weeks of blessed silence)

[/quote]

Man, that is one disturbed dude.

I think you dodged a bullet; at least so far.[/quote]

Ack. SoÃ?¢?Ã?¦keep ignoring or say “leave me alone”? (“Please leave me alone”? “Leave me alone or else”?)

Don’t I have enough problems without this? (Yes! I do.)[/quote]

What was I thinking!?!

Send him this:

http://betapedia.com/

It is the cure all for anything Beta…

417

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

(except for the hunter, who just fucking texted me a winky face after weeks of blessed silence)

[/quote]

Man, that is one disturbed dude.

I think you dodged a bullet; at least so far.[/quote]

Ack. So keep ignoring or say “leave me alone”? (“Please leave me alone”? “Leave me alone or else”?)

Don’t I have enough problems without this? (Yes! I do.)[/quote]

Try “Fuck off”

Or the more polite “Get lost”

You would be doing him a favor.[/quote]

I’m afraid to antagonize him.

I wish he’d just go away. I wish he didn’t know where I work. :frowning:

418

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I made coffee today.

I figured that was important to share. I made it past the roadblock of “I have no kettle” with “ok, I’ll just use a pot” even though that was surprisingly difficult for me to do from a conceptual/principle standpoint.

I feel like shopping for a kettle is such a massive undertaking, since I don’t want something that’s going to fail on me in the future. Plastic parts for anything but handles seems like a horrible design flaw. Because I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s ever boiled a kettle dry.[/quote]

You’ve grown so much as a person since the last kettle, though. I feel like you could have plastic parts and it be okay if need be. I think perhaps we could draw a nice analogy to your love life here, where your desire for certainty paralyzes you.

There’s a line in the song Free Will that I like a lot (it’s Rush or Yes, I can never remember which): “If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.”

So, so true.[/quote]

Why have plastic parts when I can do better? Except better commands a higher price, one I’m not willing to pay. But seriously, there’s an All Clad kettle for $150.

So that really leaves me with two (okay, three) choices. I can put out right now and spring for something much better than what I had, but coming down with a bad case of remorse at the cost. Or I can just learn to get by without. Or, the reluctant third choice, to just get something comparable to what I had, regularly wondering if maybe I should have taken the chance on something better.[/quote]

Buyers remorse only lasts a couple days at most, but enjoying the use of a well made item lasts for years.

Get the good one.
[/quote]

I agree.

419

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

(except for the hunter, who just fucking texted me a winky face after weeks of blessed silence)

[/quote]

Man, that is one disturbed dude.

I think you dodged a bullet; at least so far.[/quote]

Ack. So keep ignoring or say “leave me alone”? (“Please leave me alone”? “Leave me alone or else”?)

Don’t I have enough problems without this? (Yes! I do.)[/quote]

Try “Fuck off”

Or the more polite “Get lost”

You would be doing him a favor.[/quote]

I’m afraid to antagonize him.

I wish he’d just go away. I wish he didn’t know where I work. :([/quote]

Antagonizing is king of the idea…

Dont let him Beta Orbit You…

That is just wrong…

Wrong I say…

420

One Freudian after another…