Let's Process Our Feelings

Off Topic
361

[quote]silverblood wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]silverblood wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]silverblood wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]silverblood wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]GeneticSynergy9 wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
I’m going to derail this for a moment to show off what I consider to be the latest and greatest is toothpaste tube-squeezing technology, the Tube Wringer. Not only does it squeeze the toothpaste to the top of the tube, but it crimps the tube as it goes. This serves 2 purposes. First, it gets every little bit of precious paste out. And second, it prevents blowback when someone squeezes the tube too forcefully.

No messy, rolled up tube. No split sides, and no waste.[/quote]

And where does one get such a device?[/quote]

http://www.tubewringer.com/products.php[/quote]
looks like a stocking stuffer to me[/quote]

You and I are NOT exchanging gifts this year, silverblood.
[/quote]
WAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
it fits with this years top books, “Fifty Shades of Crest”[/quote]

It’s too bad! Torture your toothpaste all you want, I’LL have no part in it![/quote]

it’s physically aggressive gentle persuasion.[/quote]

The feminists call that RAPE, buddy! I’m notifying them about this.
[/quote]

you’re really giving me feelings of inadequency accusing me of raping a toothpaste tube! [/quote]

I find toothpaste tubes extremely responsive to a light, caressing touch. Right in the middle, where they like it best. I have never failed to reach a satisfying conclusion in this manner.

362

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:
So is he like your beta-orbiter-emotional-sponge* now haha!?

*trademark orion[/quote]

That’s probably a fair description at this point, but we’re that for each other. On the other hand when I was head over heels with Tim for two years the ex and I were still slowly building a friendship out of the ruins of our marriage. I don’t think “beta orbiter” really holds up well into adulthood, where things become more complex than “girl wants to have safe backup while looking for bad boy.” The lack of passion was on his side, so you could possibly call me the beta orbiter through our marriage. The ever faithful side-kick while he tried to figure out what he wanted. [/quote]

That’s one of the issues I’ve also had with that general worldview. It just seems like a simplistic and naive model. Not just the “beta orbiter” concept, but several other pieces too.

However, it has left me wondering exactly how much one should even spread their ability to emotionally invest in others. As much as I’ve liked to think it’s not, it is a finite resource, and there’s only so much you can be there for someone while also being there for someone else.

An ex-girlfriend and I had this conversation off and on over several years, and she often used the concept of being “emotionally available” to describe it. When she and I started dating, she cut off contact a few other guys so that she could fully invest in our relationship; this was her reasoning, not mine, but it’s stuck with me.

Likewise I’ve had friends that have been so involved with taking care of their family, that they’ve had trouble sustaining relationships. It’s as if they’re too invested in their family that the new girl just doesn’t get enough of it.

And coming back a bit to where I started.

I have seen it as a genuine problem where younger guys become too emotionally invested in a girl too quickly, only to end up hurt and bitter. I can speculate as for why this is (e.g., not having a good “frame”), but it does seem that being an emotional slut causes as much problems for young guys as being a sexual slut does for young girls.

Maybe I’m conflating some concepts here, but it all seems like the same thing to me right now… which is really just trying to figure out: “I care about you, but I’m not sure how much time and energy I should really give you”.

363

I’m still mulling over this:

[quote]Chushin wrote:
Your relationship has given you concerning signs along the way, you are not married, you had no inappropriate physical contact with this woman, and things haven’t even progressed to “emotional cheating.”

An argument could be made that NOT being open to “looking around” some before committing to your current for life would be unfair to both her and yourself.
[/quote]

and this:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I agree with everyone that your relationship with your current girlfriend has sounded rocky for some time. It seems like you say “it’s not that bad” more than anyone should at your age, with no kids or joint property to make that a valid statement. I think you should get out, not because you’ve found your old friend, but because “not that bad” is not that good. If things go somewhere with the friend, great! If not, that’s okay.

Either with the friend or without, you need to find someone toward whom you can feel mutually enthusiastic love.[/quote]

They weren’t glossed over.

I have enough insight to know that I’m rejecting/rebelling against it, but not enough to make sense of why, or really even ‘what’.

364

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]silverblood wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]silverblood wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]silverblood wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]silverblood wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]GeneticSynergy9 wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
I’m going to derail this for a moment to show off what I consider to be the latest and greatest is toothpaste tube-squeezing technology, the Tube Wringer. Not only does it squeeze the toothpaste to the top of the tube, but it crimps the tube as it goes. This serves 2 purposes. First, it gets every little bit of precious paste out. And second, it prevents blowback when someone squeezes the tube too forcefully.

No messy, rolled up tube. No split sides, and no waste.[/quote]

And where does one get such a device?[/quote]

http://www.tubewringer.com/products.php[/quote]
looks like a stocking stuffer to me[/quote]

You and I are NOT exchanging gifts this year, silverblood.
[/quote]
WAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
it fits with this years top books, “Fifty Shades of Crest”[/quote]

It’s too bad! Torture your toothpaste all you want, I’LL have no part in it![/quote]

it’s physically aggressive gentle persuasion.[/quote]

The feminists call that RAPE, buddy! I’m notifying them about this.
[/quote]

you’re really giving me feelings of inadequency accusing me of raping a toothpaste tube! [/quote]

I find toothpaste tubes extremely responsive to a light, caressing touch. Right in the middle, where they like it best. I have never failed to reach a satisfying conclusion in this manner.[/quote]

I’ll try my best to follow your advice. you are, after all, a trained professional

366

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:
So is he like your beta-orbiter-emotional-sponge* now haha!?

*trademark orion[/quote]

That’s probably a fair description at this point, but we’re that for each other. On the other hand when I was head over heels with Tim for two years the ex and I were still slowly building a friendship out of the ruins of our marriage. I don’t think “beta orbiter” really holds up well into adulthood, where things become more complex than “girl wants to have safe backup while looking for bad boy.” The lack of passion was on his side, so you could possibly call me the beta orbiter through our marriage. The ever faithful side-kick while he tried to figure out what he wanted. [/quote]

That’s one of the issues I’ve also had with that general worldview. It just seems like a simplistic and naive model. Not just the “beta orbiter” concept, but several other pieces too.

However, it has left me wondering exactly how much one should even spread their ability to emotionally invest in others. As much as I’ve liked to think it’s not, it is a finite resource, and there’s only so much you can be there for someone while also being there for someone else.

An ex-girlfriend and I had this conversation off and on over several years, and she often used the concept of being “emotionally available” to describe it. When she and I started dating, she cut off contact a few other guys so that she could fully invest in our relationship; this was her reasoning, not mine, but it’s stuck with me.

Likewise I’ve had friends that have been so involved with taking care of their family, that they’ve had trouble sustaining relationships. It’s as if they’re too invested in their family that the new girl just doesn’t get enough of it.

And coming back a bit to where I started.

I have seen it as a genuine problem where younger guys become too emotionally invested in a girl too quickly, only to end up hurt and bitter. I can speculate as for why this is (e.g., not having a good “frame”), but it does seem that being an emotional slut causes as much problems for young guys as being a sexual slut does for young girls.

Maybe I’m conflating some concepts here, but it all seems like the same thing to me right now… which is really just trying to figure out: “I care about you, but I’m not sure how much time and energy I should really give you”.[/quote]

LoRez, I’ve been thinking a lot about this because I think we’re drawn to similar qualities. However, I’ve got a cold and started my period and have all of my clients jammed into this latter part of the week, so yesterday I worked 11 hours processing feelings. . . while meanwhile finding an Advil or tampon requires this epic hunt through poorly marked boxes (came across my baseball mitt in one marked “bathroom and desk stuff,” wtf. I was looking for feminine hygiene. But it wasn’t there! lol

I do want to get back to it, though. Don’t let me forget.

368

Wait, was the baseball mitt a replacement for the advil, or the tampon? Not so sure about the soaking qualities of leather baseball mitt’s. I hear they are kinda bulky lol.

369

[quote]Severiano wrote:
Wait, was the baseball mitt a replacement for the advil, or the tampon? Not so sure about the soaking qualities of leather baseball mitt’s. I hear they are kinda bulky lol. [/quote]

I’m just trying to catch a break, okay?!

Chushin, yes, caught up in the move, working long hours to compensate for time off, the holiday, etc. Pretty happy altogether, though.

OH! And guess what I got invited to today? A wine tasting thing! And guess by whom? A lesbian! (A committed one, this is a group thing with other non-lesbians, not a romantic invitation).

All of my dreams are coming true, nearly!

371

Did I mention that my best friend was with me to be trained on the new electronic medical records program on my first day, which she hadn’t been using, and I mentioned our lesbian wine party? And then later she said “you know [our boss!] is a lesbian, right?” Hahahaha, NO, I did not! Zero pings of the gaydar, she’s young, very cute, wears feminine/trendy clothes. But anyway! That’s who invited me to the wine tasting.

I’m excited! We’re all leaving work early to do it, is another nice thing about it. “I’m sorry, suffering-from-depression person, I can’t see you then. I have to go drinking with my boss and coworkers.”

373

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:
Wait, was the baseball mitt a replacement for the advil, or the tampon? Not so sure about the soaking qualities of leather baseball mitt’s. I hear they are kinda bulky lol. [/quote]

I’m just trying to catch a break, okay?!

Chushin, yes, caught up in the move, working long hours to compensate for time off, the holiday, etc. Pretty happy altogether, though.

OH! And guess what I got invited to today? A wine tasting thing! And guess by whom? A lesbian! (A committed one, this is a group thing with other non-lesbians, not a romantic invitation).

All of my dreams are coming true, nearly!

[/quote]

I dunno. If I were a lesbian that would be a pretty good strategy to loosen someone up. Ply you with wine, talk shit about men in general, then talk shit about men in particular and before you know it that crew cut and those tiny guns in that loose tanktop is looking mighty fine. Well, that’s the way it goes in my head lol.

374

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:
Wait, was the baseball mitt a replacement for the advil, or the tampon? Not so sure about the soaking qualities of leather baseball mitt’s. I hear they are kinda bulky lol. [/quote]

I’m just trying to catch a break, okay?!

Chushin, yes, caught up in the move, working long hours to compensate for time off, the holiday, etc. Pretty happy altogether, though.

OH! And guess what I got invited to today? A wine tasting thing! And guess by whom? A lesbian! (A committed one, this is a group thing with other non-lesbians, not a romantic invitation).

All of my dreams are coming true, nearly!

[/quote]

I dunno. If I were a lesbian that would be a pretty good strategy to loosen someone up. Ply you with wine, talk shit about men in general, then talk shit about men in particular and before you know it that crew cut and those tiny guns in that loose tanktop is looking mighty fine. Well, that’s the way it goes in my head lol.
[/quote]

I’ll talk about men with my friends, but they’re all pretty much like me, so it’s more trying to understand what things mean. In all seriousness, I blame my best friend for prolonging my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I remember the last time, she said, “But I like him, Emily. You like him, too!” And of course, I did, so much, so I went back in for another round. On the other hand, she blames me for forcing her to sleep with a really sweet former Olympian. I felt she wasn’t giving him a chance. So finally she slept with him, and in the morning threw up. Also my fault, according to her. I never said she had to sleep with him, though! But she said it was implied. lol I’ve also been on her now-boyfriend’s side in some of their upsets.

I and my friends support relationships. One of the reasons I’m talking about it here. My close friends all have edgy senses of humor and use bad language, they’re smart and irreverent. . . but they’re also accepting and forgiving, loyal and sweet. I’m a social worker, which is a “strengths based” and “systems oriented” counseling discipline. And that’s me and my friends to the core. We look for and find the good, and when there’s bad we look around for where the larger system (relationship, family, community) is breaking down.

So my pals and I don’t talk shit as much as we talk about fixing, and we also tend be sympathetic, so the hurt breakups/rejections/fights are causing the guys we’re involved with is often a talking point, with the clearer headed saying “NO, do NOT call to see if he’s okay.” Guilt, uncertainty, responsibility.

But not at wine tastings. And the above would not be how we spend group time at all. We’re grownups. Although I think as a 20-year-old I had better things to talk about than “yeah, men suck, man!” It’s no different than the women/girls who proclaim “omg, women are such catty bitches!” Pot; kettle.

Anyway, what was the point?

I should get more coffee.

375

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

I should get more coffee.[/quote]

I was at JC Penny’s Monday night getting family Christmas pictures taken (which I absolutely hated) and in a fit of boredom started wandering around the kitchenware department.

Thats when I saw it- A red cuisinart coffee maker.

376

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

I should get more coffee.[/quote]

I was at JC Penny’s Monday night getting family Christmas pictures taken (which I absolutely hated) and in a fit of boredom started wandering around the kitchenware department.

Thats when I saw it- A red cuisinart coffee maker.
[/quote]

I’ve seen that, too! But it’s more expensive than the stainless one, which is what I have. I’m pretty outraged by it (they know we crave red and will do nearly anything to get it) and thought about starting a protest about it, but didn’t have time because I had to get the new coffee maker set up and clock set and etc.

377

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

I should get more coffee.[/quote]

I was at JC Penny’s Monday night getting family Christmas pictures taken (which I absolutely hated) and in a fit of boredom started wandering around the kitchenware department.

Thats when I saw it- A red cuisinart coffee maker.
[/quote]

I’ve seen that, too! But it’s more expensive than the stainless one, which is what I have. I’m pretty outraged by it (they know we crave red and will do nearly anything to get it) and thought about starting a protest about it, but didn’t have time because I had to get the new coffee maker set up and clock set and etc.

[/quote]

I understand. The coffee maker is the hinge pin of my house. When I moved from my last place into this one my wife did an intuitively smart thing that surprised the heck out of me. Our old one was occupied in the house we were leaving so she shot ahead of us and grabbed a cheap one at wal-mart. When we arrived with the trucks and started unloading everything Viola! fresh coffee and snacks already prepared to keep everybody going.

378

All this coffee talk makes me sad I ruined my kettle a couple weeks ago. I left it on the stove, but forgot to close the lid, so it boiled dry, overheated, and the lid melted clean off.

I haven’t had coffee since.

379

[quote]LoRez wrote:
All this coffee talk makes me sad I ruined my kettle a couple weeks ago. I left it on the stove, but forgot to close the lid, so it boiled dry, overheated, and the lid melted clean off.

I haven’t had coffee since.[/quote]

My god. Have you no stores where you live? I would have been there the day it happened, replacing.