[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Not to sound defensive, but I must have SOME game, or the weirdos wouldn’t be so taken with me. I think I may have a talent for kissing.
[/quote]
Come on, attracting men who want an ersatz-mommy is like only attracting sluts for men.
There are no bragging rights there.
So yeah you might have some.
Are you approachable?
Feminine?
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Not to sound defensive, but I must have SOME game, or the weirdos wouldn’t be so taken with me. I think I may have a talent for kissing.
[/quote]
Come on, attracting men who want an ersatz-mommy is like only attracting sluts for men.
There are no bragging rights there.
So yeah you might have some.
Are you approachable?
Feminine?
[/quote]
Yes, of course I’m approachable. Well - at work and around kids and friends I am. And on dates, apparently. But regardless, I was totally approachable tonight. I was looking right at the guy! I even remember what he looked like.
And I think I’m very feminine. I guess? I don’t know.
I probably need a more fitted coat if I’m going to flirt at the grocery store by sustaining eye contact while wearing it.
If it were me I’d look find a way to be stopped next to him, peer nosily into his basket, draw some conclusions about the guy based on it and then mock his purchases. 
But then I’ve had a long line of weirdos too.
For some reason my boyfriends have always been the argumentative type 
This thread has taken a fascinating turn.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
“I see you have Pringles there. Do you like them?”
Or maybe I should go right for the kill: “I have a talent for kissing. Are those Cheddar Cheese Pringles any good?”[/quote]
Either of those would probably work with 100% success.
Serious.
yep, this is where the dictum of “Men are simple” comes in to play.
Because men get approached so less often than women do, I think we’re much more receptive. It’s flattering and novel, what’s not to like about it?
[quote]debraD wrote:
If it were me I’d look find a way to be stopped next to him, peer nosily into his basket, draw some conclusions about the guy based on it and then mock his purchases. But then I’ve had a long line of weirdos too.
For some reason my boyfriends have always been the argumentative type ;)[/quote]
I was stopped next to him! He was right in front of me, but with our two carts between us. Your post reminded me of being at the beach and a little kid shouting from a balcony, “Hi! Hi! Hey mister! Hi!” which is a running joke in my family because we sort of identify with it.
Since the guy never looked my way at all, EVEN WHEN I GENEROUSLY PULLED BACK TO OFFER SPACE while he was messing with the card machine, I would have had to shout over our two baskets to mock his food (“Hi mister!”). And there was some stuff to mock or discuss. I don’t think there’s anything I can’t make conversation about.
But alas! I think the crowds may have been a problem. Also our checker was scary, she looked like the boss on Monsters, Inc.
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
So, um, the hunter guy texted tonight asking how I’m doing. I should just ignore it, right? There’s no need to reiterate “no thank you”?
[/quote]
You joking?[/quote]
No! I have no way of knowing, of course, but I get the distinct sense that he feels that he’s given me time to cool off, and has cooled off himself, because he was pretty upset when I said enough the second time. I think I was extremely unequivocal:
[quote]Jason,
I want you to stop contacting me. I ended things because it all seemed way too intense on your part for people who barely know each other, and now your anger and suggestions that I’m somehow cheating on you are freaking me out.
I’ve begun worrying that I may have a situation, in that you are way over the top. I would like some reassurance that you’re in control of yourself and I don’t have to worry about that. We saw each other for two weeks. This is not the breakup of a relationship.
I barely know you and you have accused me of using you and cheating on you. This has nothing to do with other men, there aren’t any, it has to do with that I don’t feel safe any longer and just want it to stop.
Emily[/quote]
I mean, that’s a pretty clear “no,” no?
I thought we might be done when he shot off that I obviously don’t want someone who’ll treat me well (nice guy fucked over again!).
But last night he texts “mmm, shrimp are good, how are you doing?” The shrimp refer back to conversations we’d had previously, in response to which he bought some frozen shrimp.
It certainly seems like it SHOULD be a joke. And yet.
I honestly find it more than a little worrying.
Edit: it has just occurred to me that “you joking?” could be about my question rather than his bizarre tenacity. In which case I guess . . . no. :/[/quote]
Em, yeah, I was referring to your question, but now I’m more concerned about this guy’s mental health.
I guess it’s possible that Skyz has hit on something re:interpretation, but your note seemed pretty clear to me.
As your older brother, allow me to suggest that you proceed with caution henceforth. [/quote]
If by “caution” you mean “paranoia” I am doing so. Beyond that I’m not sure how to achieve being careful.
I agree about my note. I would think that any rational man reading it would feel slightly threatened by ME, because it uses such escalated language. When my ex-boyfriend was in town last he emailed to say “I’ll be in [town] on Friday. Just letting you know in case you want to leave the state.” This is in response to an earlier trip and my “Maybe you have no desire to anyway, but just in case let me be clear that I do not wish to see you.”
Of course, that was because I didn’t want to fall sobbing into his arms, not because I was afraid, but he certainly heard it and reacted by offering what I think is standard male acknowledgement that a female has expressed some degree of worry. There was sarcasm, but also respect for my need for clear boundaries.
I am attempting to find a larger guy forthwith in order to, as Skyz suggests, send him over for a talk with the hunter, but my identified target wouldn’t cooperate.
You’re joking right?
The guy took you shooting, he probably carries or has a weapon close to him at all times. He probably has a sense of confidence about him attached to his weapons, so don’t attempt to intimidate him, you may not get the reaction you want.
Big and strong doesn’t always mean good protector or good judgement or even good fighting.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Not to sound defensive, but I must have SOME game, or the weirdos wouldn’t be so taken with me. I think I may have a talent for kissing.
[/quote]
Come on, attracting men who want an ersatz-mommy is like only attracting sluts for men.
There are no bragging rights there.
[/quote]
One more thing. Again, not to sound defensive (although obviously I am) but I don’t think I play a mommy role in relationships regardless of the maturity level of my men over time. That’s not my dynamic at all. I’m not domineering, and they’re not submissive.
The clingy thing was only one of the childish behaviors of the hunter guy, and it was a complete turn-off. But even so, I don’t think he’s looking for a mom, or would accept one. He’s very competent in terms of household things and work. House, cars, boats clean and well maintained, proficiency in cooking and quick cleanup, chivalrous. Just weird in addition to those things.
In my long term relationships my role would be more cheerleader/supporter and dreamer.
[quote]Severiano wrote:
You’re joking right?
The guy took you shooting, he probably carries or has a weapon close to him at all times. He probably has a sense of confidence about him attached to his weapons, so don’t attempt to intimidate him, you may not get the reaction you want.
Big and strong doesn’t always mean good protector or good judgement or even good fighting.[/quote]
I was joking!
No, I’m not looking to send strangers from the grocery store to confront the hunter. Especially the ones who won’t look at me!
I’m going to leave it be and hope for the best. I didn’t text back ultimately because it seemed odd to respond a day after his text.
I doubt I would ever become involved with someone who would consent to pursue conflict of this sort with another guy. Partly that’s age (everyone has a career and stuff to protect) and partly that’s me wanting a man who will handle a confrontation if it comes to him, but who won’t create one.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
You’re joking right?
The guy took you shooting, he probably carries or has a weapon close to him at all times. He probably has a sense of confidence about him attached to his weapons, so don’t attempt to intimidate him, you may not get the reaction you want.
Big and strong doesn’t always mean good protector or good judgement or even good fighting.[/quote]
I was joking!
No, I’m not looking to send strangers from the grocery store to confront the hunter. Especially the ones who won’t look at me!
I’m going to leave it be and hope for the best. I didn’t text back ultimately because it seemed odd to respond a day after his text.
I doubt I would ever become involved with someone who would consent to pursue conflict of this sort with another guy. Partly that’s age (everyone has a career and stuff to protect) and partly that’s me wanting a man who will handle a confrontation if it comes to him, but who won’t create one.[/quote]
Yeah, I thought it was quite strange for you to suggest it, but I’ve seen and heard plenty of stories about frightened people doing weird things to make themselves feel safe or be rid of a threat.
I think you have the right strategy, just ignore the dude.
[quote]Severiano wrote:
You’re joking right?
The guy took you shooting, he probably carries or has a weapon close to him at all times. He probably has a sense of confidence about him attached to his weapons, so don’t attempt to intimidate him, you may not get the reaction you want.
Big and strong doesn’t always mean good protector or good judgement or even good fighting.[/quote]
Well I did use a smiley face in the parenthetic statement. 
So I’d hoped that was taken as a light hearted joke.
Besides, I’ve never claimed to be very smart or stable.(but thats a topic for a whole other thread. quite the contrary more often than not:))
So, the grocery store!
I’m with Dr. P on this. That would be unexpected and pretty cool.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
You’re joking right?
The guy took you shooting, he probably carries or has a weapon close to him at all times. He probably has a sense of confidence about him attached to his weapons, so don’t attempt to intimidate him, you may not get the reaction you want.
Big and strong doesn’t always mean good protector or good judgement or even good fighting.[/quote]
Well I did use a smiley face in the parenthetic statement. So I’d hoped that was taken as a light hearted joke.
Besides, I’ve never claimed to be very smart or stable.(but thats a topic for a whole other thread. quite the contrary more often than not:))
So, the grocery store!
I’m with Dr. P on this. That would be unexpected and pretty cool.
[/quote]
“Mister! Mister! HI. I see you like Pringles. Have you ever tried real potato chips? Because they taste a lot better.”
I think you’re all setting me up to take the fall. lol
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
You’re joking right?
The guy took you shooting, he probably carries or has a weapon close to him at all times. He probably has a sense of confidence about him attached to his weapons, so don’t attempt to intimidate him, you may not get the reaction you want.
Big and strong doesn’t always mean good protector or good judgement or even good fighting.[/quote]
Well I did use a smiley face in the parenthetic statement. So I’d hoped that was taken as a light hearted joke.
Besides, I’ve never claimed to be very smart or stable.(but thats a topic for a whole other thread. quite the contrary more often than not:))
So, the grocery store!
I’m with Dr. P on this. That would be unexpected and pretty cool.
[/quote]
“Mister! Mister! HI. I see you like Pringles. Have you ever tried real potato chips? Because they taste a lot better.”
I think you’re all setting me up to take the fall. lol[/quote]
I would never…
Just not in the produce dept. That is a minefield of implications. Or the meat dept. Then there’s dairy. Oh geez.
Pierogies. Find a guy with pierogies in his cart. Coffee is a safe one too.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I don’t think everyone should process their feelings. Why? I only process my own if I feel they’re hindering my functioning in some way. My deal with men only came to the forefront because I’m dating with a distinct lack of cool. Prior to that I had no issue with men. I was married and didn’t flirt. It’s not like I ever cringed or cowered, I got along socially just fine with men and had no issue with it. Now I’ve noticed it’s a thing, so I’m figuring it out (actually I think I have it fully processed now).
Most of life requires little or no processing of feelings. Things like chronic illness, a child born with disabilities, unnatural death (let’s say your grandparent was driving a car and when it wrecked a piece of grandpa landed in your lap), abuse or abandonment by a parent, substance abuse in one’s self or close others - these may, depending on the person, have impacts beyond “sad” or “angry.”
I would say that the majority of people don’t need therapy, but I would say that almost all people need to learn to identify and verbalize their feelings if they plan to live well with others. Generally parents teach that, though not always. But some things can’t be verbalized to intimates because it’s too much, or they need to test it on a stranger first (coming out comes to mind).
Anyway. Talk to people or don’t! I have no strong feelings about that, but please don’t make it a matter of courage or fortitude to withstand something like the natural death of grandparents when most people manage this with little or no emotional strain:
“Nah, I can’t, my grandmother died and her funeral’s tomorrow. I’m gonna be with my family all day.”
“Oh, sorry to hear that, man.”
“Yeah. She was pretty old.”
I also experience traumatic stuff at work without seeming to need to process it with others. Honestly, when I leave work I’m usually focused on dinner regardless of the day’s horrors. No nightmares, and if I’ve cried specifically over work stuff I don’t remember it, though maybe I have, I don’t know. Many of my colleagues seem to have shit to process in meetings every single week. It irritates me, frankly. Maybe they’re in the wrong field?
That said, I’m way oversensitive to conflict at home and am a nightmare of talking in that context. But I’m talkative and extraverted, so that’s unsurprising. People I’m close to find it worrisome when I’m quiet for too long. (Like a toddler, lol.)[/quote]
Hey I get hungry after fucked up shit too! I also get a thirst for sweet iced tea, even though I rarely drink the stuff.
I go back to my taking a shit comment, in that I think I process my emotions like I digest my food, with little or no thought. Probably when I’m driving, or taking a shower. I do reflect on things sometimes but my thoughts are guided towards, “what should I do about this, if anything”, not “how do I feel about it,” because the feeling is already there, and I have the good luck to have grown into pretty well adjusted individual.
As far as your collegues being irritating, I think my collegues sensitivity is also their motivation to excell at their jobs, because they really want to help people. Except for the really panicky one, who was also extremely self centered. That strikes me as an odd combination, but anyway she quit so good riddance. My lack of sensitivity helps me to keep cool when things go to shit. But people have different strengths.
I think we agree, but have been arguing for the sake of argument, which is cool.
Like I just said, I’m not arrogant enough to think that not having to talk about things makes me better than anyone. On the other hand because I don’t talk, these days people make a case that there’s something wrong with me, hence my response to this thread. I’m repressed, I need to open up, whatever. I hear that shit a lot.
I do what works for me, and respect others who do what works for them. If they need help, I hope they get it. Like I said I don’t at all mind being the one who listens. Just because we may do things differently doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me or anything wrong with you.
[/quote]
Many of my colleagues seem to have shit to process in meetings every single week. It irritates me, frankly. Maybe they’re in the wrong field?
[/quote]
If these meetings are on the clock they might just be killing time to avoid having to do any real work. An old bastard I work with is the Jedi Master of that game. I used to think meetings and huddles were a massive waste, now I see the genius of them.
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
How many fights have you been in, csulli?
[/quote]
Haha like one. Nobody ever seems to want to fight me :([/quote]
They have probably heard of your wild dog exploits.
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
How many fights have you been in, csulli?
[/quote]
Haha like one. Nobody ever seems to want to fight me :([/quote]
Your doing it wrong
