It’s interesting to hear the different answers and perceptions. I just thought the idea of not sleeping in the same bed being a relegation to roommates needed a counterpoint.
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I used to think separate bedrooms was a great idea. You can make it look how you want, have a private space, keep all your dumb stuff wherever you want, ask “Your place or mine?”
I suggested this when I was engaged and she laughed.
Now I can’t sleep in our bed when she’s traveling, it’s too empty. I sleep on the couch or the hammock instead. On the flip side, I can work pretty late sometimes, and she is always awake because she can’t feel safe unless I’m there.
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We have a weighted blanket that is designed for air flow. I go boxers under that. My wife does pajamas, and a blanket on top of the weighted blanket. I also have a good sized fan at the foot of the bed that is mostly pointed at me.
I just can’t sleep if I am too hot.
It is how you ask. Instead of asking an open ended question of where do you want to eat, just start with a really bad option. “How about some White Castle for dinner”. Then she goes no, how about this place. Seems to work for me. BTW, I don’t hate White Castle, she does though.
If this is the steak burger place, it is amazing. Probably the best fast food burger I’ve had. In an out isn’t really close. Although the place I am thinking of is spelled Freddy’s.
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I agree, and actually looked for a pic that had a more aggressive cuddle on the part of the wife.
I don’t know, I offer solutions like a mofo, and both men and women seem to like it in therapy. Unless they don’t, in which case they quit me. That’s rare, though. We’re not there to meander endlessly through the nothing. I view therapy as either Monday morning’s review of Sunday’s big game (let’s rewind the game footage and see where the bumps were, then draw circles and arrows about what to do next time) or the classic closet to clean (we pull things out and assess their meaning, then decide whether they need to be kept or have become irrelevant, and then figure out what impact they have on behavior and work to fix that).
I also tend to get a lot of referrals for self-esteem, though that’s not always what’s given as the reason for therapy. That’s a different kind of work, less easy to describe.
I used to be more like this, though my husband travels for work, so I had to learn to sleep without another adult in the house. It’s better since we got the dog, though she’s deaf and ridiculously timid. Her breathing soothes me, and so does the fan I’ve insisted on since we got her.
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Oh, yeah, it’s just a made up name.
I have a couple of extra twin sized blankets on my side of our king sized bed because I like the weight and the warmth.
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Try Freddy’s steak burger if you get a chance. It is a great quality burger. I think they grind steak on location for the patties. I think it is mostly a mid West thing though (same as Culver’s which is good, but not as good as Freddy’s).
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When I’m camping I’ll keep a bottle in my sleeping bag for that reason.
Just don’t get it mixed up with the regular ones.
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One question I have for the group. Who here has a dramatic difference in body temperature after training? Especially lower body for me. I am like an oven in bed after squats or deadlifts. This becomes an issue for sleeping. I like it much colder after lower body workouts at bedtime.
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Maybe this is a difference between relationships and therapy then. It’s often that a woman will come to her SO complaining about XYZ and SO will say “well have you tried this [insert actual solution to problem]?” and the woman gets mad about it. The literal “It’s not about the nail” video I posted above.
Therapy is probably just a better conduit for solutions than relationships. I guess that makes sense though, emotional validation and all that.
This phrasing is funny - it reminds me of my wife. 
What more can you expect of a man wearing a faded mullet with an amish beard and cutoff tee though?
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Like a blast furnace. And the thermic effect of protein makes it much worse. Red meats in particular.
Convergence: My wife is a big snuggly blanket cuddler, and even she can’t tolerate it.
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And nose ring
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A funny thing that happens at my house is that I’ll say, for instance, that we need to run the self-clean on the oven, but it’s going to stink so I hesitate to do it. Then he’ll say that it’s going to stink because of xyzabc. And I’m like “I fucking KNOW, I just told YOU that it’s going to stink! I know why! That’s how I know it’s going to stink!”
It’s like he can’t help mansplaining. I think I’m very clear about questions vs statements, and typically if I want advice I have either a possible reaction or more than one and am choosing among them. “Should I confront the MD who bullied me at work, or just keep my head down?” And then he’s great.
I’m pretty good natured and also very capable of problem-solving, which I do for a living. So I don’t think I leave problems to molder while I fret uselessly. He’s an engineer, so his wheelhouse is very handy for me. I know when I want help, and I’m also quick to say “I can’t, I’m a girl” for things like bugs and other icky things. So this weird thing of mansplaining things I’ve just 'splained myself is odd. I don’t recall him not listening to me vent or trying to solve my real problems in a way that’s off-putting. My wheelhouse is so outside of his comfort zone, he doesn’t even try.
It’s just super odd. Burning question: I wonder if men just have to 'splain a certain amount of stuff to someone each day, and wives get whatever isn’t spent elsewhere?
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I think this can be explained by this:
We aren’t all the same (engineers), but this is typical with engineers from what I’ve seen.
Just me hypothesizing, but in general men have a desire to feel needed / useful. Explaining things may tick that box for some.
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I really like it when he gets rid of dead things in the yard and also when he pulls undigested blades of long grass out of the dog’s butt after she fails to fully excrete them. And he’s warm and snuggly, which is super handy. Plus being able to build/wire/plumb/fix anything.
But you’re probably right.
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This makes you a unicorn lol
ick
I think this comes out more from men to women, and were I to guess - it’s a psychologically evolved trait.
Confidence is attractive.
Leadership is attractive.
Intelligence is attractive.
I think we were selectively bred for these traits (among others), and we’re just inclined to display them - even if we don’t have them.
^100% “bro science”, but like for evolutionary psychology.
I cannot speak for every man but I think a chunk of men like to hear themselves speak, including me, and I’m not even an arrogant guy. I often announce things in my house that don’t need announcing.
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the mansplaining thing is one of the biggest sources of conflicts between mum and dad. It’s worse bc dad also has an MBA
Mum is also an engineer and can’t help “momsplaining” to little bro and I
I dont know if its the same, but in the example you gave, thats my way of agreeing.
My wife hears it as a “yeah, but…” implying that she’s wrong or something, but its intention is “and also…”.