Haha, you’re welcome, but it’s not flattery. It’s simply what I see as the truth. When I say “allow me to disagree with you” I mean internally. Of course externally you have no choice, but what I’m looking for is the integrity to hear information that contradicts your assumptions without the need to defend (internally) in order to be “right,” because of course right is only right if it’s fair and true. Allow me to disagree with you while you consider my position.
I mean, they’re not perfect. And I don’t know if the people I know condone knee-jerk hostility uniformly. I talk about it to some people, others not. I don’t tightly control my social circle, I’m just more inclined to grow closer to people alike to me than not. I like people who are enthusiastic about their families and their jobs and who don’t shit-talk others, whether their husbands or Trump - whom I don’t like, but let’s talk about his lack of integrity, not his hair or speculation that he’s wearing a diaper. Same thing husbands. Though I have a friend who is (right now) “incandescent with rage” because her husband has just contracted covid when she has cancer and was discharged from the hospital post-op yesterday. “All I wanted was to wake up and have a cup of real goddamn tea and instead I have been up for hours dealing with this bullshit and haven’t eaten or had tea.” It’s completely unreasonable, but in the next sentence she acknowledges that he’s been amazing through all of this.
We’re all saying “Bill, that fucker,” but I’m sure I’m not the only one in the group (basically a shared diary that six of us have been in together for years and years, my Estrogen Nation) who is hoping that someone bring her a tea soon, and one for Bill, too, who’s a good guy, so we can end this sad chapter of rage. I don’t think he meant to get covid at the hospital, dutifully sitting by his wife’s bedside and texting us updates. I suspect this is something they’ll laugh about later.
Bill texted me Friday night (for me to share with others) that she “made it thru surgery” and all of us were like, “Jesus, was that a worry?! That she’d die??” And another friend said “my hope is that one day friend will laugh with us about Bill’s bare bones message.”
I like to think that everyone is doing their best not to be assholes.
I work with young men, as well. TNation has been an incredible help to me in working with boys and men. But it’s really all the same, male/female. Boundaries. The idea that “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent” (Eleanor Roosevelt), and that any feeling can be subbed for "inferior: (guilty, responsible, crazy). Communication skills. Calming strategies. And most of all, a clear idea of where you’re trying to get from here so that you don’t just wander in circles. Some of these things the manosphere is good about teaching. The problem is that, as the early feminists did to men, they paint all women with the same brush. We are not all representative of the worst of our gender.
TL:DR I have covid and am all hopped up on sudafed and fever, which makes me chatty and spacey.
