Men and Women, Women and Men

[EmilyQ]

This came up in the Burning Questions thread. I’m not sure where the conversation started, but here’s where I offer my take on mansplaining, and the conversation that followed was a really good one. I came away from it with the line “we’re in violent agreement,” which I use regularly with my husband, and maybe even occasionally with others. “Sounds like we’re in violent agreement, then!” (Credit for that to @T3hPwnisher.) It continues to happen regularly, but I’m much less frustrated now. I also fully acknowledge that I like to 'splain things, too. What I like about my job is that I get to do it all day long, for pay.

@EmilyQ

@Andrewgen_Receptors

It’s often that a woman will come to her SO complaining about XYZ and SO will say “well have you tried this [insert actual solution to problem]?” and the woman gets mad about it.

A funny thing that happens at my house is that I’ll say, for instance, that we need to run the self-clean on the oven, but it’s going to stink so I hesitate to do it. Then he’ll say that it’s going to stink because of xyzabc. And I’m like “I fucking KNOW, I just told YOU that it’s going to stink! I know why! That’s how I know it’s going to stink!”

It’s like he can’t help mansplaining. I think I’m very clear about questions vs statements, and typically if I want advice I have either a possible reaction or more than one and am choosing among them. “Should I confront the MD who bullied me at work, or just keep my head down?” And then he’s great.

I’m pretty good natured and also very capable of problem-solving, which I do for a living. So I don’t think I leave problems to molder while I fret uselessly. He’s an engineer, so his wheelhouse is very handy for me. I know when I want help, and I’m also quick to say “I can’t, I’m a girl” for things like bugs and other icky things. So this weird thing of mansplaining things I’ve just 'splained myself is odd. I don’t recall him not listening to me vent or trying to solve my real problems in a way that’s off-putting. My wheelhouse is so outside of his comfort zone, he doesn’t even try.

It’s just super odd. Burning question: I wonder if men just have to 'splain a certain amount of stuff to someone each day, and wives get whatever isn’t spent elsewhere?