I’ve googled a couple different things trying to come up with an article or names or SOMETHING here for more information, and apparently theres a lot of suicide stuff associated with facebook. I’ll end up asking my prof for more details.
oh and nads- i <3 you.
“intelligence isn’t what you know, it’s what you google.”- my buddy Malcolm
so, here’s the wiki- Suicide of Megan Meier - Wikipedia
so it looks like she might not have been charged? oh well. doesn’t really change my rant all that much.
in the spirit of transparency, i did not lift today.
i had a dr appt i’d forgotten about yesterday. could not fall asleep for shit again last night, tried an experiment without some of the stuff i’d been taking to fall asleep. was up till abt 430. woke up 34 min before i had to be there, and i live abt 30 min away. got there at 0858 for a 0900 appt. WINNING!
yearly girly appt, and-
we talked about jason, hes awesome.
we talked abt quitting smoking and how ive kinda started again. she offered me an rx for wellbutrin or chantix, i politely declined both. i don’t like the idea of taking an antidepressant and fucking with my brain chemistry if im not legitimately in “need” of the meds.
we talked about my lifting supps. i like that she doesn’t cringe or lecture. i should prolly still have my thyroid checked.
we talked about my bw and how im technically overweight, but she assured me i look amazing and have nothing to worry about.
we talked about my not sleeping… after cutting stimulants all but coffee in the am, not lifting in the pm, and taking melatonin… she offered me meds to sleep. in the antidepressant family, she said, even tho she said she knows i dont like em. she offered old school stuff, elavil and/or desyrel.
jesus fucking christ. those are definitely 2 meds i dont legitimately need, theyre not antidepressants (more like antipsychotics, but thats bickering) and i’d really like to not have to claim them on a job app if ive already said i have no mental health issues.
left with no rx’s and a lot of frustration, but a clean bill of health.
I WILL be asleep by midnight tonight. and that is a good thing.
i think the story goes…
they sent antidepressants to soldiers in vietnam as a preventative measure for depression… and they found them sending back their cigarette rations. thus the link between certain medications that were initially FDA approved as antidepressants and reduced smoking intake was established. so now some medications (that were originally marketed as anti-depressants) are marketed primarily as stop smoking aids. older generation anti-psychotics used to be called ‘minor tranquilizers’ because of the sedative side-effects (though it might be that they are effective for quietening down delusional patients precisely because of their sedative properties). older generation anti-psychotics are often prescribed for their sleep assistive properties since a lot of the highly effective more recent discoveries (like benzo’s) are a little too effective and highly addictive…
(edit - oh. just realized you said older anti-depressants for sleep assistance. weird… i should look into that (have an academic interest in psychiatric medications))
so… it isn’t at all uncommon (especially in america) for people to be taking anti-depressants as stop smoking aids (nothing to do with depression) and older generation anti-psychotics as sleep aids or over-arousal aids (nothing to do with psychosis).
you probably know more about this than me, though…
that being said… i understand your reluctance to fuck with your brain chemistry. i used to take such stuff and i think i’m basically better off without it. worry a bit about what it might have done to me, truth be told… and doctors do like to push their prescriptions… it is kinda what they do…
good luck with the stopping of smoking. i’m fighting that battle, too. good luck with sleep, too. i have some problems sometimes… but fortunately my schedule is flexible enough for me to be able to have a really good crash once per week that keeps me sane.
sleep problems are the worst!
Has it always been like this?
Sleep problems seriously suck. I’ve been all over the place lately. Up early one day. Up late the next. Not fun.
And I’m totally jealous of you having an awesome doctor. I like mine. He seems to tolerate my squirming, anxiety, and fear of needles pretty well. But he seems to think hormonal bc has a bunch of awesome health benefits…
I’m definitely with you on the meds - I won’t fuck with my brain chemistry or my hormones. There are other ways to quit smoking - will power, nicotine replacement, hypnotherapy. I used patches - that worked for me. That and sheer bloody-mindedness.
Sleep is a bit harder. I always sleep fantastically well after doing something that involves adrenaline (like a visit to a theme park) but on normal days it can be hard to go to sleep on occassion. Physical activity definitely helps. I know when I’m stressed it’s hard to turn off my mind, so I’d look at ways at tackling stress or other problems rather than trying to medicate yourself into a coma (which I know you’re against).
Okay…I had to do some serious digging through fat babies, suicidal teens and psychotropics, but I finally got to your last training posts. Nice meet numbers. You’re getting beasty strong. If I wasn’t so giddy about olympic lifting, I might be inclined to work on my bench, so you don’t steal benchtastic away from me.
lex- all smiles for you, woman. I’m looking for that day i can shut down, shut out, and be a total piece of shit by sleeping all day.
MIM- no, not always, or the body count would definitely be higher. i think it started in march? didnt think much of it at first so i havent been keeping track. pretty sure i just need to be hit in the head with a frying pan. concussions are fun, amirite? works in cartoons.
bg- reality is still subjective, even for some MD’s. needles? really? that a joke?
cal- i’d WAY rather take advantage of a pipe than those sleep meds. its not that i have a problem with drugs (i love them, actually), i have a problem with the missuse and abuse. in this instance, i happen to think my doc was off base. but i like her and i’ll keep her.
tackling stress or other probs… ok. gonna need more shovels and a new blade for the saw.
my body is a temple… so what if it’s solomon’s?
sb- you snuck in there on me!! i like that about you. 
We’ll always have Hookerface Barbell and you’ll always be Benchtastic. assuming we were training similarly, you’d still be benching 30 more lbs than me. now that i think about it, i haven’t mp’d in awhile…
you forgot the squirrels.
Alright, i did it.
I went to the gym.
simple shit, quicklikebunneh.
superset 3x10
stiff leg db dl
db swing
bw hyper
then some lying leg curls. dont wanna admit weight and i didnt count reps on these, each “set” was <10 and i dont like that i had just a 25lb plate on there. (god knows the rust on the machine might weigh that)
and 1 uneventful set in the roman chair. sigh.
lots of stretching and stuffs.
feel like a cherry 's been popped.
this might seem incredibly oversimplified but what is the last activity you do an hour before bed? I find the PC and reading a good book keeps me up whereas watching a boring documentary sends me straight off to sleepy land. Hence recently I have tried to get into the habit of closing my laptop earlier.
Back in the game. Awesome.
My google research showed that the bitch mom was indicted on federal charges. Woman Indicted in MySpace Suicide Case - The New York Times
She was convicted of three misdemeanors–must have been lesser included offenses-- but then the judge set the verdict aside.
n- i’ve tried sex, books, movies, meditation, housecleaning, homework, petting the cat (not a euphemism), and prolly a couple other things that arent the computer.
im starting to think that this is like losing my appetite last fall. its just gonna be a bitch till it goes away.
nads- your google skills > my google skills.
#'s in response to my post in bre’s log-
neck- 14.75"
shoulders-44’
bust- 39.5"
natural waist- 29.5" ← i need to poop, apparently.
hips- 39"
butt- 41.5"
thigh- unflexed- @ 8 inches above knee 23", at thickest- 27"
calf- flexed- ego made me flex it- 15"
bw 170, ht 5’ 7&3/4"
Okay, going back to the rant on Page 22…I was insulted every day of my childhood by people at my babysitter’s (went to a “babysitter/daycare” from 5 mos to 12 yrs). Also insulted every day of my life at school. Thought about suicide practically every day, only tried it once and it was very passive (sitting in the middle of a street with only my house on it…who would drive on it besides my parents?). Never told my parents about the insults and bullying because I had friends who outweighed the negatives. Also, I just KNEW that I was going to be AWESOME when I grew up and the bullies were going to be shit. Well, I didn’t turn out that awesome but the bullies did end up being shit. Besides, I could NEVER do that to my parents. Parents should NOT outlive their children and since my parents could never have anymore kids (they were 40 when they had me), NO WAY was I going to devastate them that way. Life, in the moment, can be shit, it can seem like the end of the world, but that’s THAT moment…in the next moment life can be awesome. You grow up, school ends, and you move away. I wish more people would see that and live that.
And your training is awesome.
It’s a good thing I have my library card. Cause I’m totally checking you out…
greeny- i’ll share my oxygen with you, gladly. not surprised you took the high road. (oh, im pun-ny) and fwiw, i think you’re awesome.
bg- ya i know. i like it.
2nd warning abt e-numbers.
i dont want this shit in my compound- we’re supposed to be better than that.
[quote]buckeye girl wrote:
It’s a good thing I have my library card. Cause I’m totally checking you out…[/quote]
Those ads didn’t last that long…the ones in your avi. But I know people were complaining because apparently the butt in that pic is not butt-a-licious enough. It’s not like Claire’s or Deb’s or any of the other full-yet-awesome asses on here.
[quote]CBear84 wrote:
2nd warning abt e-numbers.
i dont want this shit in my compound- we’re supposed to be better than that.
[/quote]
gawddamnit. I had a pic for this…who broke the image uploader?
Better than that?! If we don’t lie about our numbers and execute lifts with shitty form, how else will we be respected by the t-men? We need to show them that we’re on their level and worthy of their respect somehow. I mean, T&A will only get us girls so far…