How to Grow a Network of Strong, Masculine, Successful Men

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Everyone should read @Andrewgen_Receptors I’m sorry for my delay in following up - and I appreciate him taking on a difficult topic.

This is a scatter brained post because my kid has a doctor’s appointment and clients are being non-stop today.

My over analyzed approach to building masculine networks is usually some version of this.
Establish authority - am I a student or a mentor?
Identify needs - what builds me and what do they want to give?
Build rapport - are they a maintainer, organizer, or catalyst?
Pull a Benjamin Franklin and ask for a favor - sounds cynical but men need to feel needed.
Provide a mutually beneficial goal - Become a partner and be better afterwards.

I think that as lifters we are bigger than the normal population, so we don’t need to be intimidating, it just happens, so a safter and encouraging approach works better.

As far as the boat thing, that’s a corrosive network. John Milton had a perfect definition of “Idolatry” - worshipping the image over the substance. Just showing off isn’t healthy. Build, explore, conquer, you don’t need to nurse an image/hustle culture/fake it till you make it when you’re solid.

Honestly, the only thing adults should care about is just do what you say you will. If you can’t, tell me.

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More thoughts;

This is my list of daily activities to accomplish;

Rising early
Physical exercise
A meditation or mindfulness practice
Reading/consuming informative content
Healthy breakfast
Goal setting/ planning the day (night prior)
Personal hygiene routine
Networking with associates
Time spent with family/investing in kids
Reviewing financials and market research
Prioritize important tasks
Avoid digital distractions
Continuous learning and skill development
Visualization and affirmations
Quiet time for thinking and creativity
Practice acts of gratitude

When I put myself out there with a new acquaintance, I talk about these, and how they respond is usually a pretty quick indication if I want them to be a part of my network.

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@Andrewgen_Receptors I think all of us would be interested to share the somethings that people could learn from us. Maybe tell us what specifically we could pass along?

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This is hard to ask as a general question without knowing more about everyone and what we all do, but if i were to start anywhere…

  • What is the 1 piece of advice/lesson you wish you learned earlier?
  • What traits or actions do you attribute your biggests successes to?
  • What was/is one of your biggest business failures and what could you have done to prevent this?
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This is surprisingly effective for getting people to be fond of you. I read about it in a book I forget the name of, an ex-FBI interrogator from what I remember. Asking for a favor does many things. Most importantly, as you pointed out, it makes the man feel needed and capable. This creates positive feelings associated with you which builds connection and trust. It seems so simple but ever since learning about it I never shy away from asking for small bits of help. When you put it into practice you notice the impact immediately.

This can happen anywhere in life. Recently with a wrist injury it’s been awkward moving a barbell that’s been left standing upright in the rack holes into position on the J-Hooks to squat. Rather than stubbornly doing it myself, casually asking for help creates positive interactions and opens up potential future dialog.

I used to think it was a good thing not to rely on other people but well, imagine a bit of role reversal. It can be about absolutely anything. You love music, a guy you know loves music too, you know of a band but don’t know what album to start with to perhaps get into them. Figure it out yourself or look up some stuff online. Standard. But no, how about you ask that guy? Or how about that guy comes and asks you? You know how great you’d feel as a man to hold that value to someone. Think about if someone comes and asks you for form tips on an exercise they see you doing… this shit innately pumps us. As men we were meant to share resources and information with our tribe in order to survive and progress. These basic things are still deep within us.

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You caught me on a talkative day, so I’ll start, this is all business related since that seems to be the focus.

  • What is the 1 piece of advice/lesson you wish you learned earlier?

I wish I had learned about entrepreneurship earlier and had a model for that. It took me until my late 20’s to make that jump.

My family was heavily involved in the military and the church, so transitioning out of those environments was a big mental shift when everything is provided, you’re told where to move, and the jobs are secure.

The language of finance, not to be scared of banks, how to pitch ideas, understand the investor mindset, etc. Sunk-cost fallacy. That if you’re not making money while you sleep you’ll always be working.

  • What traits or actions do you attribute your biggests successes to?

People skills, communication, and creativity.

Just being able to be calm and focused has been huge. I’ve always liked teaching people and that has lead to several promotions. There’s a saying (and I’m paraphrasing) that if you read it, you remember 5%, if you say it, you remember 15%, but if you teach someone else, you remember 90%. Plus if you don’t train someone else to replace you, you’ll always be stuck where you are.

I’m an English major and it is seen as a frivolous degree, but it’s been immensely helpful being able to write clearly, form a concept, and understanding the people around me.

You don’t need to be artist-level creative, but being able to understand a system, add insight and value, imagine successes, and predict potential pitfalls is huge. The world is always changing, so look forward.

  • What was/is one of your biggest business failures and what could you have done to prevent this?

I stuck with terrible jobs too long. Trying to push through, thinking it would get better. One restaurant I worked at the chef would yell at the staff to provide discipline (and half of the problems he made himself to cause a scene). He flipped me off once and I put his finger back in his hand, said “We don’t do that,” and walked back to my station. He never talked to me again and I quit a few weeks later.

The other was a HNW individual who tried to trick staff into mistakes. It was a private chef contract and he thought he owned slaves. The kind of guy who knew the cost of everything but not the value. Stay away from those people.

I could have avoided it by not thinking what I thought I was supposed to do was actually the right thing. No matter what organization you work for or own, everyone is a human. In the kitchen, the most important person gets to choose the music. It’s not me as a Chef. It’s the dishwasher. Listened to a lot of maharachi music.

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My old buddy and I built a solid, successful business with a great reputation on exactly this.

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*long term planning and creating structure. I started off in self-employment very early and had a very run and gun mentality at first. It was all balls and sweat. I should have been laying more solid foundational pieces and processes instead, which I had to go back and fix. A mix of “getting it” not to be confused with Instagram “hustle culture” and foundational basics is definitely necessary early on, but don’t build straw houses chasing quick success.

  • Perseverance is the trait I would put on the pedestal. You tap in to a lot of traits as you go if you’re really pushing personal growth for greater success, some you didn’t even know you had, but perseverance is the glue keeping it all on track. Assuming you know what you want, and aren’t still finding your path. Once your path is lined out, or you’ve at least defined points A and B, think of a track and field track as the journey. You’re going to run your planned course, and it’s the hurdle event. Except you can’t see the hurdles every time, and they’re placed irregularly and haphazardly. You just trust your instincts and experience to avoid as many as you can and get up and keep running when you can’t.

  • Being a boss vs a leader early on is a regret. I burned out some good people who also deserved better. I always trained, taught and mentored but had no problem assigning menial tasks out of scope and unintentionally demoralized staff by holding myself to different standards than employees while in the office. This isn’t to say I don’t enjoy my ownership and take days out of the office or whatever at times, but when I’m in the office I work, I’m on time, I match expected dress code and hold myself to the same expectations they are held to in general. I don’t cruise in late in comfy clothes, take a long lunch or randomly leave early and delegate what I didn’t do but had slated for myself. I quickly learned that people who follow you because they want to are much better employees than people you treat like wage slaves. And they’re happier. They don’t go home feeling like a 2nd tier citizen.

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This is great advice. I’ve always heard that people don’t quit jobs, they quit bosses.

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I recommend anyone in a leadership role, especially with the power to shape processes and culture, to read John C. Maxwell books. He’s a very lead from the front and by example guy. He does have some religious twists here and there but isn’t preachy.

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I wish we had a private messaging system for conversations like this. Moving conversation over to a thread that seems more fitting.

@blshaw @Bauber @Njord how did you make your first million?

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Yeah makes more sense to move it here. When I was in college my goal was to be a millionaire by age 30. I don’t mean net worth either, I mean liquid. Obviously net worth will get you there a lot faster if you count your home / long term assets etc. I wanted to have $1M “in the bank” or rather a portfolio as would be the better option learned later in life.

I was always a ‘saver’ and started working at age 14. I mean a real job where I earned a real pay check that was taxable, not some baby sitting bullshit I called a job. I scooped shit at a dog kennel for $3.65/hr for a couple years to save up for my first car. At 16, I left and worked at the Vet Clinic down the road for double the pay due to my experience handling dogs. My love for money grew and I while I originally wanted to be a veterinarian, they didn’t make enough money for my taste or the education required.

Enter college, I went into engineering. I excelled, number one in my class, but still I didn’t see the money in it outside of patenting something of your own that of course was marketable with traction. My roomates father worked with a large contractor/developer and explained to me that was where the real money was.

I started working out of college for the second largest CM firm in Florida. I did that for only 2 years before I got my license and went out on my own. I always thought I was smarter and more capable than the average dude so I took risks because I figured if someone could do it, I could.

My company started out the first year with a gross revenue of about 475k ~2007. We grew each year until about 2011 even through the housing crisis and market down turn of 08. In 2011 we hit a wall that took 1-2 years to recoup. But we did and our revenue continued to increase from 2011-2013. At that point I we decided to expand a bit and we took on some national level clients. I also hired a broker at that point to manage my portfolio as I had a few hundred thousand.

From 2013-2018 our revenues continued to grow modestly and I saved over half my income. I hit my first 1M in portfolio size that year (2018). I was 36 so nowhere near my goal of doing it by 30. However, in 2018 my business started to explode. Our revenues grew almost 3x in just 1-2 more years and have stayed there consistently without further expansion.

I won’t go into what I have but lets say more than a few million in the market. Our revenues the last 3-5 years are about 25M at the company. I smile to think about that first year’s 475k.

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In direct sales. I’m a pretty simple guy who just figured out how to align myself with something I’m good at.

In a nutshell, I graduated from college (in Texas) to a job in the oil&gas industry. It was a six figure job off the bat with upward potential but I remember sitting in an airport one day, thinking about how fucking long I would have to work and save to retire and got bummed out.

I connected with a childhood friend who had graduated with honors from the McCombs business school at UT and was shocked to find out he had turned down significant consulting opportunities to sell supplemental insurance door to door (think Aflac but for individuals, not companies). He explained it to me and after consideration I joined him.

It was a brutal initial year as it was totally hand to mouth. Straight commission, no benefits, no draw advances. But you were vested in your commissions and would get paid every month when they paid their bill. Over time my accounts grew and money was coming in. I got back to six figures and had time to breathe. In this model you can literally do whatever you want. No clocking in or out, just you and your commissionable accounts. So I took a hiatus to explore the insurance industry at large and look at other models and products.

I learned that I was severely underpaid and had an extremely hard knock role. I passed over buying in to State Farm/Allstate et cetera and joined a life insurance IMO (insurance marketing organization) who used marketing to find prospects, paid much better and also offered vesting schedules where applicable (cash based policies and annuities). I did well here, still had my commissions from the door to door stuff coming in and was continuing to build a bigger, better paying “book of business”.

I was put in regional management and realized I could just do everything myself without sacrificing a commission cut to an IMO, so I leased an office, obtained contracts direct from carriers, hired a policy services lady (secretary) and kept doing it. I got to my first million (in the bank) at this time. I then hired more sales people, built a team with a sales manager and opened more offices in other cities. We are currently a full service brokerage with a focus on life and annuities, including corporate policies like key man or continuation insurance which are typically cash based (residual income for me) if done right, and carry longevity as they’re built in to the legalese of business plans.

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Mine is a little different as it really has nothing to do with my current ventures.

When I was in high school I played football / baseball. But, I always hung out with the “nerdy” kids as they were who I fit in with better socially.

I read scifi / fantasy and played a lot of MMO’s and video games in my free time.

Well one was Diablo 2. At one point I was running 40-50 bots farming items via an automated script I wrote and selling the items on my website for STUPID money at the height. Some of the more rare digital items would go for $100’s of dollars.

Off of that venture I made roughly $500K over a 4 years. I took the bulk of that money and invested it into land I thought was promising. In my early 20’s I sold a parcel of the land for 50X what I paid for it as a new highway / school was going there. I made a few million after taxes off that.

Branched into more real estate, trucking, commercial spraying, fiber optic / gas line running crews. Getting into railroad reclamation now.

Went through law school while doing all of this too.

Now, I am pulling back some on the work front to manage and lead the direction while enjoying my children while they are young.

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That is quite amazing and so damn cool.

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