Help, My Wife Listens to Kate Harding

Nutrition
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She has a $2500 custom DUI drysuit (SCUBA) that doesn’t fit at the moment. That’s a big issue, and she’s trying to get it to fit. It’s a goal for her because we both dive. She just doesn’t know how to lose weight (aside from starvation), and won’t listen to me. All I ‘know’ is what works for ME, not for her. Not that she’s had any success with her own plan.

If I cook a low-carb meal, she has cereal afterward. When I plan the menu for the week, she wants nights for pasta, tikka masala with rice and naan, steak and veggies… with bread. Always starch. And since diet is 85% of the battle, there’s no progress.

I could start dumping HOT-ROX Extreme into the salad dressing: “raspberry vinaigrette!”

Seriously, if I could just get rid of the daily affirmation that it’s OK to be obese that would be a big start.

62

[quote]synthetic wrote:
How is that any different than going on in the Velocity diet? It could also be seen as unhealthy, and you’re trusting someone on the internet who’s not a doctor (AFAIK).

I’m not defending KH, she’s toxic and has to be stopped. But I’m trying to come up with an argument to shut her down. I also don’t see how spamming her comments will help much, but have fun.[/quote]

The V-Diet is 30 days of craziness followed by a transition into healthy eating. What this fat whore is advocating is a lifetime of unhealthiness.

I think that’s plenty different.

63

[quote]Bill Roberts wrote:
I had a friend-only female friend who was like this. She was into “feminist” crap and considered it a feminist point of view to deem any expectation of fat loss to be demeaning to women and a true virtue to be pleased with whatever large weight and size one was at.

This psychology is not one that any person other than the one thinking it is going to have much luck changing.

The only suggestion I have is in the direction of limiting further damage.

This is actually a tremendously useful and I think important principle for everyone, men as well as women, and fat-prone kids as well as almost any adult.

Draw a line in the sand that will not be crossed on clothes size, particularly pants size.

Read that line as being in gigantic bold letters. If everything else about diet and exercise is lost from memory, keep that one.

When you see some huge-ass guy wearing size 50 pants, how did this happen?

It happened because there was a day when the largest size he ever wore was 48, but they were getting a little tight and he decided, I’m perfectly willing to wear size 50. And he went and bought some 50’s (or his spouse did and he chose to wear them.)

Now, he was still wearing 48’s the day they were bought. If they were a little tight, all it would have taken is a few DAYS of dieting to get them proper-fitting again. But no, he decided that wearing size 50 was the way to go.

The same is true for guys wearing size 36 (where they really are not big enough framed to wear that in lean condition), 11 year old boys wearing men’s size 34, etc.

The ONLY way they got this fat was because of a decision that, yup, let’s buy some yet-bigger pants.

Refuse to do that, and you won’t get fatter than that. It is a guaranteed method.

And for fat-prone people, buying the bigger clothes when in fact the current size can still (barely) be fit into is a guarantee of of growing yet fatter into the new clothes.

So for example if your wife is wearing a size 18, if she can get with the program that a size 20 should never be bought – size 18 is enough, 20 is too much – at least that will end the yet-further fat-ification.

It actually would go easier if you yourself had a little bit of an issue with fat and employed this method yourself and frequently mentioned how well it works.

Now of course, people will say that this makes perfect sense but then fail to follow through. For example, my ex-fiancee’s son is a fat kid who really would have found it simple enough to not be particularly fat. The first few years, she never really listened to me that, for example, a 9 year-old really should not be wearing a size 14 “Husky” (read: size 14 Fat) and for sure she should draw the line at the current 12 “Husky” for the next couple of years, etc. She sounded like she finally was seeing the light when he was wearing size 34 at age 11, but no… she went and bought him yet bigger pants so he was enabled to reach well over 200 lb prior to his 13th birthday.

So I’m not saying that even given the undoubted truth of this principle, people will necessarily follow through, but on the other hand back when I advised a lot of people on diet, many said this single simple thing was the best thing anyone ever told them. So it can help; actually not just help but absolutely guarantee not getting worse than a given point. (And that point can be tightened up with time if desired.) It just depends on whether the person has any self-willingness at all, or actually downright prefers being fat, or prefers, probably subconsciously, for their child to be fat (where relevant).

[/quote]

Awesome post.

64

[quote]Bill Roberts wrote:
I had a friend-only female friend who was like this. She was into “feminist” crap and considered it a feminist point of view to deem any expectation of fat loss to be demeaning to women and a true virtue to be pleased with whatever large weight and size one was at.

This psychology is not one that any person other than the one thinking it is going to have much luck changing.

The only suggestion I have is in the direction of limiting further damage.

This is actually a tremendously useful and I think important principle for everyone, men as well as women, and fat-prone kids as well as almost any adult.

Draw a line in the sand that will not be crossed on clothes size, particularly pants size.

Read that line as being in gigantic bold letters. If everything else about diet and exercise is lost from memory, keep that one.

When you see some huge-ass guy wearing size 50 pants, how did this happen?

It happened because there was a day when the largest size he ever wore was 48, but they were getting a little tight and he decided, I’m perfectly willing to wear size 50. And he went and bought some 50’s (or his spouse did and he chose to wear them.)

Now, he was still wearing 48’s the day they were bought. If they were a little tight, all it would have taken is a few DAYS of dieting to get them proper-fitting again. But no, he decided that wearing size 50 was the way to go.

The same is true for guys wearing size 36 (where they really are not big enough framed to wear that in lean condition), 11 year old boys wearing men’s size 34, etc.

The ONLY way they got this fat was because of a decision that, yup, let’s buy some yet-bigger pants.

Refuse to do that, and you won’t get fatter than that. It is a guaranteed method.

And for fat-prone people, buying the bigger clothes when in fact the current size can still (barely) be fit into is a guarantee of of growing yet fatter into the new clothes.

So for example if your wife is wearing a size 18, if she can get with the program that a size 20 should never be bought – size 18 is enough, 20 is too much – at least that will end the yet-further fat-ification.

It actually would go easier if you yourself had a little bit of an issue with fat and employed this method yourself and frequently mentioned how well it works.

Now of course, people will say that this makes perfect sense but then fail to follow through. For example, my ex-fiancee’s son is a fat kid who really would have found it simple enough to not be particularly fat. The first few years, she never really listened to me that, for example, a 9 year-old really should not be wearing a size 14 “Husky” (read: size 14 Fat) and for sure she should draw the line at the current 12 “Husky” for the next couple of years, etc. She sounded like she finally was seeing the light when he was wearing size 34 at age 11, but no… she went and bought him yet bigger pants so he was enabled to reach well over 200 lb prior to his 13th birthday.

So I’m not saying that even given the undoubted truth of this principle, people will necessarily follow through, but on the other hand back when I advised a lot of people on diet, many said this single simple thing was the best thing anyone ever told them. So it can help; actually not just help but absolutely guarantee not getting worse than a given point. (And that point can be tightened up with time if desired.) It just depends on whether the person has any self-willingness at all, or actually downright prefers being fat, or prefers, probably subconsciously, for their child to be fat (where relevant).

[/quote]

HA, I’m doing the EXACT opposite, and buying my clothes(Just Shirts Obviously) a little too big so I’m motivated to grow as much muscle as possible to fill them out. And i will never let myself get sloppy fat.

65

For men, shirts are not as big a deal. For most men I recommend only limiting the pants size. But the thread was mostly about fat women, so I didn’t limit consideration to men-only.

For fat women, the blouse size (and for that matter, band measurement) blows right up along with everything else. A woman who is wearing some large blouse size now but decides, when it starts getting tight, that she’s going to buy the next yet-bigger size is on the road to getting yet fatter and fatter and fatter as these sizes keep going up and up and up due to willingness to buy them and to be those sizes, while the woman who draws the line on blouse size will never get significantly fatter than the point where the fit of the limit-size is starting to bother her.

As to why I said “most men”: There are some men who “wear the same size pants as in high school” who are incredibly fat, have no more upper body muscle than they did in high school, but require huge shirts to accomodate the fat. For these men, drawing the line on shirt size is necessary while pant size alone, due to their genetics, doesn’t sufficiently hold the line on fatness.

If you are not one of these, then drawing a line on pant size is sufficient.

And trust me, if you start buying bigger and bigger pants, despite the intent to not becoming sloppy fat, you will become fat. No one, except the idiots who like to wear their pants halfway down their ass – which by the way originates from a prison style of gays indicating being “open for business,” but that’s another subject – buys pants that are bigger than what fits well. So buying a size bigger than one ought to be means getting fatter than one ought to be. Never buying pants bigger than one ought to be or, if presently fatter than that, bigger than one currently is guarantees (with typical genetics) not getting substantially bigger than that. It really is that simple.

66

[quote]synthetic wrote:
Draw a line in the sand that will not be crossed on clothes size, particularly pants size.

She has a $2500 custom DUI drysuit (SCUBA) that doesn’t fit at the moment. That’s a big issue, and she’s trying to get it to fit. It’s a goal for her because we both dive. She just doesn’t know how to lose weight (aside from starvation), and won’t listen to me. All I ‘know’ is what works for ME, not for her. Not that she’s had any success with her own plan.

If I cook a low-carb meal, she has cereal afterward. When I plan the menu for the week, she wants nights for pasta, tikka masala with rice and naan, steak and veggies… with bread. Always starch. And since diet is 85% of the battle, there’s no progress.

I could start dumping HOT-ROX Extreme into the salad dressing: “raspberry vinaigrette!”

Seriously, if I could just get rid of the daily affirmation that it’s OK to be obese that would be a big start. [/quote]

Synthetic, tell your wife what worked for me. Maybe it will help that it comes from a female. When I was overweight, carbs (and portion size) were my Achilles heel as well. When I started eating according to John Berardi’s 7 Habits - ALL of them - the weight started coming off. I also lifted heavy weight using compound lifts & practiced krav maga. As long as she has around 90% compliance with the 7 habits, she’ll be golden. I also used two rounds of HOT-ROX, at the middle & at the end of my weight loss. It took a little less than one year to lose 35 pounds & going from about 29% bodyfat to about 19%.

If your wife has any questions she can PM me & I’ll be happy to help. I won’t laugh or judge her. Unless she complains about you wanting her to be healthy, then I’ll have to be frank about my opinions on Miss Harding and her ilk. But I won’t be rude to your wife under any circumstances. Just an offer, if you think it might help.

67

[quote]Bill Roberts wrote:
No one, except the idiots who like to wear their pants halfway down their ass – which by the way originates from a prison style of gays indicating being “open for business,” but that’s another subject[/quote]

Do you have a link for this? I’d like to email a few friends of mine.

68

Does she still want to be married to you? It kind of seems as if she has drawn a line in the sand, not about pants or blouse size, but about values and compromise.

She does not value your opinion or herself right now and she’s looking for something that makes her feel “fine” with herself. The food and the rhetoric are filling some kind of emotional and mental void.

She also doesn’t seem like she wants to compromise. That is just looking for a fight or looking for someone to walk away, no middle ground.

You better ask her where her head is at because right now it isn’t on you or your marriage.

69

[quote]Makavali wrote:
Bill Roberts wrote:
No one, except the idiots who like to wear their pants halfway down their ass – which by the way originates from a prison style of gays indicating being “open for business,” but that’s another subject

Do you have a link for this? I’d like to email a few friends of mine.[/quote]

I’d never tried researching it till you asked: it turns out there are both links saying it’s true and others saying it’s not. I should have, and ordinarily would have but failed this time as it was only a side point, researched it before posting it.

So I should have said, “may originate from…”

It is agreed that it originated from prison style. The only dispute is whether it was favored by gays.

Personally, regardless of sites saying it’s not true that within prisons it was the gays that started it, I think it makes too much sense. There’s no question that ordinarily it is done deliberately, while the argument Snopes makes against that the prisoners just couldn’t get correct size pants so they just couldn’t help wearing their pants halfway down their ass makes exceedingly little sense. Nor does it make much sense that straight prisoners would come up with the idea of displaying their ass in prison and desire to do so anymore than they would care for bending over in the shower. It just doesn’t make sense that the first guys to do it in prison were straight.

I see no guarantee that Snopes has to be right in every judgment they make, and on this one their opinion seems a lot more “politically correct” than it seems based on proof (no proof against is offered) or anything that makes a trace of sense. But neither, apparently, is it proven true.

70

[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:

Does she still want to be married to you? It kind of seems as if she has drawn a line in the sand, not about pants or blouse size, but about values and compromise.

She does not value your opinion or herself right now and she’s looking for something that makes her feel “fine” with herself. The food and the rhetoric are filling some kind of emotional and mental void.

She also doesn’t seem like she wants to compromise. That is just looking for a fight or looking for someone to walk away, no middle ground.

You better ask her where her head is at because right now it isn’t on you or your marriage.

[/quote]
Oh, I don’t know, it’s not an unreasonable view that marriage should not be about the other person’s weight and fatness.

For that matter – now as a woman you may not agree, but I think it’s true – prior to marriage I believe many women deliberately try to see just how annoying they can make their behavior without driving a man away, as sort of a test. The same thing could be going on here for all any outside person can know. It may not be disinterest, but a misguided concept that the husband accepting the wife being fat is proof of true love, while being critical of it is supposedly proof of shallowness and lack of love. Could be; whether it is or not it would seem hard to me for an outside person either to rule out or to establish as being so.

71

[quote]Bill Roberts wrote:
I’d never tried researching it till you asked: it turns out there are both links saying it’s true and others saying it’s not.

So I should have said, “may originate from…”

It is agreed that it originated from prison style.

Personally, regardless of sites saying it’s not true that within prisons it was the gays that did it, I think it makes too much sense. There’s no question that ordinarily it is done deliberately, while the argument Snopes makes against that the prisoners just couldn’t get correct size pants so they just couldn’t help wearing their pants halfway down their ass makes exceedingly little sense.[/quote]

Link? Please? I beg you.

Some of my friends really do need to pull their pants up. Nobody wants to see what they had for breakfast.

72

Googling

pants prison gay

or pants prison gay - Google Search

will turn up a bunch of links both claiming and disputing.

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[quote]Bill Roberts wrote:
OctoberGirl wrote:

Does she still want to be married to you? It kind of seems as if she has drawn a line in the sand, not about pants or blouse size, but about values and compromise.

She does not value your opinion or herself right now and she’s looking for something that makes her feel “fine” with herself. The food and the rhetoric are filling some kind of emotional and mental void.

She also doesn’t seem like she wants to compromise. That is just looking for a fight or looking for someone to walk away, no middle ground.

You better ask her where her head is at because right now it isn’t on you or your marriage.

Oh, I don’t know, it’s not an unreasonable view that marriage should not be about the other person’s weight and fatness.

For that matter – now as a woman you may not agree, but I think it’s true – prior to marriage I believe many women deliberately try to see just how annoying they can make their behavior without driving a man away, as sort of a test. The same thing could be going on here for all any outside person can know. It may not be disinterest, but a misguided concept that the husband accepting the wife being fat is proof of true love, while being critical of it is supposedly proof of shallowness and lack of love. Could be; whether it is or not it would seem hard to me for an outside person either to rule out or to establish as being so.

[/quote]

what kind of women are you dating or married to that do that testing thing?

It is true that I don’t know what is in his wife’s head, but it is true that she is ignoring his input on their relationship.

He’s got to find out where her head is in all this change.

Maybe she’s just gotten lazy so she’s looking for someone on her side of things, maybe she wants a change of life, maybe she is testing him, I don’t know. But hopefully by talking to her he can find out.

If the OP does find out, if she does make the change for a healthier lifestyle, it could be a great thing they could do together.

74

Well, it could be just naturally having some annoying behaviors. It is only a theory that some women have a purpose, conscious or not, in relationships to “test” whether they can get away with annoying behaviors. I can’t prove it.

For example, I think the general reason for, when this is the case, always being late and making a man wait is often or maybe even generally such a test. I don’t really believe it’s inability to be on time nor do I believe, if the occasion were meeting up with a girlfriend, the lateness would be as bad.

But that is truly getting off the subject. I meant it only as a possibility in this sort of situation: there’s at least a chance, I think, that a given woman who has gotten herself fat will view how a man responds to this as a test. Differing opinions on whether that is possible may be equally or even more valid than the suggestion is.

75

Here is an article that TC wrote about this

that and My Fantasy Girl

OP you might want to read them.

76

my observations-
your wife is bored and unhappy with her life… not necessarily with you though
-she reads a venomous blog reguarly thats mainly reinforces negativety, if it were funny or informative or positive then thats normal. also she craves carbs… chime in here Bill… carbs release serotonin… serotonin makes you happy??
therefore my theory is people who crave carbs are unhappy.

you are most likely whipped and your relationship is massively out of balance
and maybe in bad shape
-if your wife does not want to put in any effort to make you more happy than that is pretty selfish and inconsiderate

you wont leave your wife
so you better find a way to improve this situation

77

[quote]Makavali wrote:
Divorce the bitch.[/quote]

Quoted for truth.

78

[quote]LS87 wrote:
also she craves carbs… chime in here Bill… carbs release serotonin… serotonin makes you happy??
therefore my theory is people who crave carbs are unhappy.

[/quote]

Carbs provide a hit of serotonin and so can be addictive for that reason. Whether only people that are unhappy crave that, I don’t know but it doesn’t seem limited to them.

It has been reported that women average lower serotonin levels than men, so maybe that is a contributing reason to the addiction of some women to carbohydrates.

It is true that close to 100% of the time one sees a fat woman at the buffet, one can correctly bet she will load and I mean load the plate with carbs.

It’s been claimed that for women, increased protein can reduce serotonin. I don’t know if it’s true, have not really looked into it, have just seen it claimed. But if so then pushing a woman towards higher protein, as we would tend to think helpful, could exacerbate the situation rather than help.

Tryptophan, preferably taken at a time when protein is not being consumed, could possibly help if there’s a serotonin problem. So could 5-hydroxytryptophan and S-adenosyl methionine (SAMe). The tryptophan and or 5-HT can be taken at night to help sleep, also, but if taken in the day don’t cause drowsiness.

There’s a reasonable chance this could help.

Or for dietary tips, believe it or not Women’s Week (sold at the supermarket checkout counters) almost always has good advice in the weekly feature nutrition article. The claims are outrageous – lose 19 lb in 21 days and that sort of thing from changes likely to only offer another say 3 lb in 21 days – but the advice is generally sound and, coming from a magazine for women, may be better received than from other sources.

79

[quote]Bill Roberts wrote:
LS87 wrote:
also she craves carbs… chime in here Bill… carbs release serotonin… serotonin makes you happy??
therefore my theory is people who crave carbs are unhappy.

Carbs provide a hit of serotonin and so can be addictive for that reason. Whether only people that are unhappy crave that, I don’t know but it doesn’t seem limited to them.

It has been reported that women average lower serotonin levels than men, so maybe that is a contributing reason to the addiction of some women to carbohydrates.

It is true that close to 100% of the time one sees a fat woman at the buffet, one can correctly bet she will load and I mean load the plate with carbs.

[/quote]

what else could replace the serotonin? Chocolate right?

that or sex isnt it? soooo maybe he needs to start taking some more for the team

I have no clue

80

I added a couple more possibilities to the post for what might help with the serotonin.