Help me Increase Subcutaneous Water

This is going to be a little strange to most people here but I actually want to increase my subcutaneous water level. I need to look really bad/small/bloated/fat for a picture for a weight loss contest (obviously the before picture). The pics will be taken this coming Sunday, January 11th.

Obviously, actually getting fat would be the best way to look fat, and I have done that… I’ve spent a month and a half or so gaining about 20 pounds of pure fat by not working out and gorging myself. It’s been quite fun eating tons of shit over the course of the last month or so, but it’s about time to start to lose the weight and take the before pic.

Besides just gaining weight, I was wondering if there is a best method to attain a fat, small, and soft look. I figure one of the best ways to do this is to increase subcutaneous water by eating more salt around 2-3 days prior to the contest and a ton of salt and water the day of the pic.

I’m open to other suggestions and specific recommendations. FYI I’m going to wear really tight shorts so that my gut hangs over a little bit (well it’s not much of a gut, but it looks pretty convincing when I’m bloated). Any other ideas?

In addition to looking bloated, I want to look small, so I was thinking about doing a low carb diet for 4-5 days so I can lose muscular size. Of course I will lose some overall size and weight from doing this, but the contest is merely determined by before and after photos, so I’m not too concerned with things that will affect scale weight…

Please let me know if you guys can think of anything else. Thanks.

BT

youve obviously put a lot of thought in, best of luck.

it would probably pay to put effort into the taking of the photos too, i dont know how much control of that you have?

lighting will be superimportant most probably, if you do have control of the conditions yourself… on the wackier side, if you have any tan lines or similar that are created by bulk or shape maybe you could blur them with foundation or something? then again, that sounds ridiculous, but hey.

I would stop training, use a flash when you take your before photo and NO flash with a single light source for your after photo. Maybe even wear tighter jeans or shorts in the before photo. I would also be eating lots of microwaved buttered popcorn. lol. Works for me. Lots of carbs and fats, low in protein and high in sodium. Just what you’re looking for. I wouldn’t low carb, I would supersaturate yourself with carbs. I suggest popcorn. lol.

You doing Berardi’s Lean Eating/Body Transformation Competition? That’s a slightly underhanded way to try to win some cash, if so…

Beer and wings friday night. If you react poorly to wheat, corn, or some other grain, that mixed with fat will do a nice number in addition to the sugars and salt Bushy recommended. And I mean butter, and high omega 6, you might want to stop fish oil a few days before (like now) as well as any other anti inflammitory supps. Forget sleep, drink coffee, lots, eat all food in one or two large meals, anything to raise cortisol and reduce insulin sensitivity.

Thanks to everyone for the replies. I take it that low carb is not the way to go.

[quote]@BBB:[/quote] Thanks for the response.

Can you give me any specifics and or lead me to helpful info?
– How many grams of salt and sugar and when? See below.
– How many days in advance should I decrease my water intake and to what amount?
– Any way to manipulate sweating to trick my body to hold onto more water, or should I avoid sweating altogether?

Thanks for the suggestions about dbol. I have dianabol on hand but it’s against contest rules to take steroids, so I will not be doing so :confused: plus

[quote]@ Everyone:[/quote] [b]How does this look to everyone:

Friday: salt everything and eat lots of total food, overall carb intake including sugars high to fill glycogen stores; lots of coffee to make me pee (body will think it’s in a draught)

Saturday (a.k.a bring on the draught and salt): same but reduce water to ~30 oz; 10 grams (is this too much??) of sea salt (encapsulated), split in 3 doses, 6 shots of vodka at night and 3 or more cans of pie filling (as much as tolerable)

Sunday (Day of weigh in and pic): 10 grams of sea salt (encapsulated) split in 3 doses (if tolerable). Lowest tolerable water intake.
–RIGHT BEFORE THE PIC IS TAKEN (4:00 PM - pic is at 4:50 I think): Panda Express (which is right next to my gym) with a shit ton of soy sauce on everything. No beverage during the meal (to avoid the sudden rush of liquid releasing the subcutaneous water… and when the meal is done, down as much soda as possible at the very last minute to bloat my stomach… carry the soda into the gym. Once done eating, walk into the gym, go to locker room and put on tight shorts with a belt underneath the shorts (concealed) and cinched very tight so that my “gut” hangs over as much as possible., and then down more of the soda[/b]

[quote]@ Peter Orban:[/quote] Why no fish oil? The weigh-in is this Sunday, so only last minute tactics will work. Will reduced insulin sensitivity and or reduced inflammation really make that much of a difference at this point? I’m already “fat.” Also the same with regards to cortisol raising tactics: Why would I want to raise cortisol at this point? Again, I’m already fat, so does cortisol help a person to retain water?

I hope you put this much effort into actually getting in shape.

[quote]ChrisKing wrote:
I hope you put this much effort into actually getting in shape.[/quote]

Haha thanks. I believe I will put in plenty of effort. I’m going to win the contest. I’m going to have the prize money is my pocket at the end of this.

[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:
I would say that you might as well avoid putting on unnecessary fat, only to have to take it off later.

So lots (600g plus) of jelly babies and snickers with some crisps (for the sodium), would IMO be better than a crapload of saturated fat (wings, pasties, etc) that will need to be removed pronto, after attaching it to your love handles.

Look, if you want to actually be as fat and smooth as possible, the recipie is simple; eat 2 large 4 cheese pizzas with garlic bread and 2 chocolate desserts with extra double cream. You MUST consume at least 4 units of alcohol with this , due to the fat-sparing properties of ethanol. Since it takes about 4 hours to metabolise 4 units, then you have 4 hours where your body simply cannot metabolise the carbs and fat (because it must prioritise alcohol metabolism, since alcohol is a toxin), leading to optimum fat storage physiology.

BBB[/quote]

Thanks BBB. I’ll ditch the vodka shots. Also, I hear you on not adding unnecessary fat.

What effect if any do simple sugars have on subcutaneous water? Or do they just increase muscle glycogen leading to a puffy look?

Aside from high carb intake (and salt/water manipulation), I’ll most likely keep my calories reasonable in the 3 days leading to the event. Then right before the event, I’ll eat a shit ton, so that my tummy sticks out like a mo-fo.

Other than these modifications I’ll go with the plan above so it will now look like this:

Friday: salt everything, high overall carb intake including sugars high to fill glycogen stores, but keep calories at maintenance; lots of coffee to make me pee (body will think it’s in a drought)

Saturday (a.k.a bring on the drought and salt): same but reduce water to ~30 oz; 10 grams (is this too much??) of sea salt (encapsulated), split in 3 doses, 3 or more cans of pie filling (as much as tolerable, although I’m still up in the air about this because doing so will drastically increase muscle glycogen making me look not only fat but “buff” to boot.

Sunday (Day of weigh in and pic): Coffee throughout the day. 10 grams of sea salt (encapsulated) split in 3 doses (if tolerable). Lowest tolerable water intake.
–RIGHT BEFORE THE PIC IS TAKEN (4:00 PM - pic is at 4:50 I think): Panda Express (which is right next to my gym) with a shit ton of soy sauce on everything. No beverage during the meal (to avoid the sudden rush of liquid releasing the subcutaneous water… and when the meal is done, down as much soda as possible at the very last minute to bloat my stomach… carry the soda into the gym. Once done eating, walk into the gym, go to locker room and put on tight shorts with a belt underneath the shorts (concealed) and cinched very tight so that my “gut” hangs over as much as possible., and then down more of the soda.

Thanks for any additional input.

BT

Just so you know, I’ll be printing all this out as incentive for me to kick your ass in this competition.

[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:

Look, if you want to actually be as fat and smooth as possible, the recipie is simple; eat 2 large 4 cheese pizzas with garlic bread and 2 chocolate desserts with extra double cream. You MUST consume at least 4 units of alcohol with this
BBB[/quote]

You gotta be kidding me BBB, i’m in the middle of a cut and this post is the worst thing i’ve could ever read (damn fucking cravings).

To the OP, on xmas i noticed that when i ate a bunch of meat and drank some beers(just did it this day) my waist size increased like 1.5", seriously, so you could try gorging a few hours before the photos, the bloated feeling will also make you feel and look like a real fatty.

LOL

[quote]BulletproofTiger wrote:

–RIGHT BEFORE THE PIC IS TAKEN (4:00 PM - pic is at 4:50 I think): Panda Express (which is right next to my gym) with a shit ton of soy sauce on everything. No beverage during the meal (to avoid the sudden rush of liquid releasing the subcutaneous water… and when the meal is done, down as much soda as possible at the very last minute to bloat my stomach… carry the soda into the gym. Once done eating, walk into the gym, go to locker room and put on tight shorts with a belt underneath the shorts (concealed) and cinched very tight so that my “gut” hangs over as much as possible., and then down more of the soda.

Thanks for any additional input.

BT[/quote]

Make sure you have the most miserable face you can make in the before photos. Make sure it looks like it hurts to live. Then in the after photos, make it appear as if you just ran through the entire Dallas Cowboy’s Cheerleading squad.

[quote]samdan wrote:
Just so you know, I’ll be printing all this out as incentive for me to kick your ass in this competition.[/quote]

Whatever you say fatty.

slouch your shoulders and stick your belly out.

lol

Sun is Jan 10th :wink:

just wanted to make sure you meet your deadline

^^^ Done and done

^Thanks JF. I guess I had the dates mixed up, but yeah. the weigh in/pic is scheduled for Sunday (the 10th), whereas the contest “officially” starts on Monday the 11th.

BTW – we’re out of eggs.