[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
Maybe I’m just from another generation. I love my home, but if we had to relocate for my husband’s work, I’d be packing. Home is where the people I love are, even if that is Nowhere, North Dakota. [/quote]
I’ve driven through Nowhere, North Dakota. It is not somewhere you want to be.
Trust me.
I know.
[quote]Varqanir wrote:
[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
Maybe I’m just from another generation. I love my home, but if we had to relocate for my husband’s work, I’d be packing. Home is where the people I love are, even if that is Nowhere, North Dakota. [/quote]
I’ve driven through Nowhere, North Dakota. It is not somewhere you want to be.
Trust me.
I know. [/quote]
I guess it’s not really somewhere at all if it’s Nowhere, on a technicality at least.
[quote]Varqanir wrote:
[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
Maybe I’m just from another generation. I love my home, but if we had to relocate for my husband’s work, I’d be packing. Home is where the people I love are, even if that is Nowhere, North Dakota. [/quote]
I’ve driven through Nowhere, North Dakota. It is not somewhere you want to be.
Trust me.
I know. [/quote]
lol.
Maybe I sound like a jerk. I realize LoRez may have a job that he can’t easily relocate.
I just can’t imagine setting up my partner to be waiting for me to find someone better so I can dump him. That’s how I’d interpret “I don’t see a future with you”.
[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
This sounds like she’s been the love of your life for a lot of years. And when she relocates to start her practice, you aren’t going?[/quote]
I would, but she doesn’t want me to. I started networking out that way, job-wise, but she really just doesn’t want me to come. She “wants a change”.
Overconfidence that I can find someone else, maybe? I mean, my SMV is at an all-time high.
But really, daily life has been good. We’ve effectively been living together for a few years, and spending plenty of time together. We’ve been a pretty happy couple, both upon self-reflection, and in the view of mutual friends. There’s really been no good reason to give that up.
I spent a lot of time trying to work out what she finds “lacking” in me, and I’ve made a number of improvements. I don’t really feel like the time has been wasted.
That’s how I feel too. It’s not really a big deal for me to pick up and move, especially for her.
Really, I’m not sure entirely what it is she wants. I truly think she just needs some of her idealistic dreams shattered.
I’m curious how the next several months are going to play out for her, when she’s in a city where she doesn’t know anyone, doesn’t really know how to meet people in general (it’s really easy when you’re in school with peers), doesn’t really know what life is like outside of college/med school/residency (i.e., when you actually have to figure things out for yourself), doesn’t really understand the compromises you have to make in real life, etc. etc.
We’ll see.
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
… hey bitch love those DSL’s your supporting can you suck a brother real quick I have build up sperm ready to go? [/quote]
I sure hope that took some thought, and isn’t something that you’ve used before!
Ha ha ha! Good stuff, D.[/quote]
I knew hes never used that when he said “supporting”
[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
I dated this girl in high school for a year before my family moved…
She and I kept in touch …I went to college elsewhere, dated a few girls, but nothing serious.
A few years later, I ended up moving her way for a job. The first time I saw her again was at her wedding. She wanted to meet up for coffee a few weeks later, and then dinner, and then, etc.
Long story short, they divorced several months later. She moved to another city for her [medical] residency, I followed. We moved into the same apartment complex, different apartments.
…Of course, she’s moving halfway across the country next week and “doesn’t see a future with me”, so meh. She’s been saying that for the last 4 years.
At least things, today, right now, are good. She’ll be cooking dinner when I get home tonight, she’ll be sleeping in my bed tonight, and she’s missing me throughout the day.
Perfect, no, but good for now.[/quote]
This sounds like she’s been the love of your life for a lot of years. And when she relocates to start her practice, you aren’t going? I cannot imagine telling my man, “I don’t see a future with you.” If he said that to me, I’d take him at his word and start preparing to split. You aren’t married, but it sure sounds like it’s been serious for a long time. And why would I stay with someone who was telling me that sometime in the future, they are going to dump me?
Maybe I’m just from another generation. I love my home, but if we had to relocate for my husband’s work, I’d be packing. Home is where the people I love are, even if that is Nowhere, North Dakota. I’ve often told him that if he ever felt like he needed to make a change, I’d consider it an adventure and we’d go. I’m not that attached to my possessions. There would be no living apart. [/quote]
This is my attitude, too. People matter to me, the rest is insignificant. I don’t think you and I are particularly unique, I think many women feel this way. Changing gender roles just make it difficult to feel safe in expressing this, or acting on it.
LoRez, I wonder if she’s waiting for you to say “no, you’re not” or “not without me,” or something to that effect (“ME MAN, YOU MY WOMAN”)?
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
See, the funny thing is I feel like I mostly meet nice guys, rarely an asshole, and don’t generally have to worry that they respect me. Why wouldn’t they? I’m smart and nice and healthy and secure. I’m more concerned about meeting someone equally as smart and nice and healthy and secure, so I can respect him!
As for working HARD for his respect, no. I’m not looking for a guy so fucked up and issued that I have to work HARD to get to what should be a standard starting point. If he’s working too hard for my respect I’ll imagine he’s overcompensating for something.
[/quote]
As for working HARD for his respect, yes.
The automatic assumption is gone and for good reason.
[quote]
I answer the call. I relish the experience just as I do the big, greasy burgers and fries I have when I want them. I just maintain these pleasures within my preferred context.
Women like yourself usually are in long term committed relationships and they stay there. [/quote]
You answer the call but you are not ruled by it.
You also were not raised on a steady diet of you-go-girl-ism, encouraged to slut it up because it is empowering or to see men as disposable.
If you had been you would be ruled almost solely by your sexual instincts without being even aware of them.
Men have it easier in that regard, our instincts are more… direct.
Hard to bullshit yourself really, though some men seem to manage that effortlessly. [/quote]
Well, I was, actually. I was raised in a secular household. My mother left when I was 12, and was both a cheater and a feminist. She did what pleased her and I do what pleases me. Simple.
Also, the brave new world holds all sorts of happy young men and women who believe as I do. You just choose not to accept it. The difference is that I see your world, accept it as real, and reject it as not good enough for me. You see my world, and others of various ages who report the same, and reject it as false.
I can’t believe I forgot to mention this morning, but I spoke to my cousin last night, the one who shares your views (except she hates men whereas you hate women). She wants me to dump my boyfriend because he lost his job. He’s “not a man” now, apparently.[/quote]
Sorry to hear that, Em.
According to Orion, you should be out the door likety-split! ;-)[/quote]
Thanks! We have a rough row to hoe, because its stressful. He’s dancing with depression, which is reasonable. I don’t promise we’ll make it through, but it won’t be because he’s not a man. It would be that the stress creates tensions that bring our insecurities to the forefront. He feels like a loser, so retreats. Then I feel unwanted so I retreat, etc.
But we’re both hopeful that this will lead to good things. I’m an optimist by nature, so I’m assuming this is a lucky break of some sort. Except on that one day a month when optimism is less easy, then I assume his shitty karma is bringing me down, too. lol[/quote]
Oh man, job losses can be so tough.
From everything you’ve written here, it sounds like a good relationship, so I’ll be rooting for you guys.[/quote]
Thanks. It’ll be okay, one way or another. I think we’ll make it but if not, maybe it wasn’t meant to be. I’m trying to be very chill as we wait for things to play out in terms of where he’ll ultimately need to be and whether it will work for us as a couple. We both have others to think about. We’ve already had a couple of petty arguments blow up (three months of unemployment now), and although we’ve rectified things quickly - and with great relief - I can’t say that there won’t be a more final retreat into wounded pride on one or the other of our parts if stress remains high. It’s difficult to blend lives and families without the added pressure of job hunts and prospect of a move. So we’ll see. I sure do like him, though.
[quote]Chushin wrote:
I mean no offense, but it really sounds like even she doesn’t know what she wants, and as long you’re along for the ride, it’s going to be, well, not a very fun ride.[/quote]
She really doesn’t.
But I’m also not going to be waiting around for her. If/when she decides to do something different, we’ll go from there.
You are both going through some tough relationship stuff.
I think I speak for all of us when I say this.
Anytime you want to start up your own threads, we’ll be happy to give some unwanted advice that could mess you up forever.
That’s what Tfriends are for.
Aw, thanks. 
I think I’m okay for the moment. I did think at one point about starting a thread about dealing with things in a way that salves his pride, but never got around to it.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]Varqanir wrote:
[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
Maybe I’m just from another generation. I love my home, but if we had to relocate for my husband’s work, I’d be packing. Home is where the people I love are, even if that is Nowhere, North Dakota. [/quote]
I’ve driven through Nowhere, North Dakota. It is not somewhere you want to be.
Trust me.
I know. [/quote]
Snarqanir, ye be so clever it makes me toes tingle.
[/quote]
Thank ye kindly, Pushbeard, it’s just what I do.
Hey, I sent you an email last night, but it didn’t show up in my “sent” folder, and has vanished altogether. Did it reach you?
[quote]Kakarat wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Kakarat wrote:
Here I am, a hard science guy, wondering why interpersonal relationships must be so complicated. [/quote]
Because you expect things to be logical?
Which they are, just not on the surface?[/quote]
I’m 21, a product of the blue pill. Yes, it is logical but only upon a second glance.
Coughing up the blue pill I was spoon fed is I don’t want to say unpleasant, but it is an unfavorable feeling.
When I look beneath the surface of the relationships around me that fail and the few that succeed, there are definitely parallels with a lot of what you’ve been preaching.
FInding the medium, that I hope exists, seems complicated.
If you’re too attracted to a woman, you’ll need to force yourself to act a certain way to keep her attracted but you’ll eventually resent yourself and the relationship will fail.
If you’re not attracted enough, you’ll keep the woman’s attention but feel unsatisfied and eventually the relationship will fail.
Obviously, I’m speaking in a uniform manner about things that aren’t uniform, but I see no medium. Finding a fully compatible partner just seems too fairytaleish to even consider.
[/quote]
I think your happy “medium” is the attempt to fulfil blue pill fantasies with red pill theories.
The danger in that is that you might succeed… for a while.
It is just an enormous amount of work, and for what, an illusion.
Fortunately this phenomenon has been described by Rollo, so there:
