Gabby Reece on Being Submissive

Off Topic
141

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
Lol, ok. You’re incapable of understanding that I had the option of deciding not to get a dog? We’re talking about dominant vs. submissive, my wife was basically lobbying me to buy the dog, which I decided to do.

Let’s switch it up a bit. Say it was my son lobbying me to get the dog, and I decide to buy the dog. Is my son now the dominant person in our relationship?

This goes beyond this particular instance, it is who is making the decisions and not necessarily what decisions are being made.

[/quote]

What I’m noticing is that many of us have moved beyond the ideas of domination and submission in our relationships, yet our nomenclature hasn’t caught up so we’re left defining actions according to some outdated, antiquated structure.

The fact is, you made a decision that benefited your family, made your wife and kids happy, and that was probably the right thing to do, yet feel the need to somehow justify it in terms that should be long discarded.

142

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Question for our married members: Say there’s a tornado, like the one in Oklahoma yesterday, and your family needs to be evacuated from danger quickly. Who makes that decision and executes the evacuation procedures?

Be honest. [/quote]

I do because she panics in such situations. She however makes more of the financial decisions, but we discuss it first.

143

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Question for our married members: Say there’s a tornado, like the one in Oklahoma yesterday, and your family needs to be evacuated from danger quickly. Who makes that decision and executes the evacuation procedures?

Be honest. [/quote]

I do. No doubt at all.

But, I’ll be damned if I can get her to swallow…

144

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Just going by your post:

wife wants dog
Lanky does not want dog (at least not yet)
fmaily winds up with dog

Edit: Lest you think I’m ridiculing you, I’m not. This is exactly how relationship dynamics are supposed to work. [/quote]
I do not disagree but hang on for the why.

See above for how I regard how visible the dominate-submissive relationship should be viewed from the outside.

This is not how either we view things. This is the image people get in their minds when the word submission is used. Submission does not have to mean slave/master relationship as is commonly assumed. Submission in this regard is more like General/Colonel.

Key word their being “your decision”. No one said that just because you are the dominant one you always get your way. Sometimes decisions made are strictly because your care for the other person and want them to be happy (ie the dog).

145

[quote]SteelyD wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Question for our married members: Say there’s a tornado, like the one in Oklahoma yesterday, and your family needs to be evacuated from danger quickly. Who makes that decision and executes the evacuation procedures?

Be honest. [/quote]

I do. No doubt at all.

But, I’ll be damned if I can get her to swallow…[/quote]

Mine will, but it is her decision.

146

[quote]SteelyD wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Question for our married members: Say there’s a tornado, like the one in Oklahoma yesterday, and your family needs to be evacuated from danger quickly. Who makes that decision and executes the evacuation procedures?

Be honest. [/quote]

I do. No doubt at all.

But, I’ll be damned if I can get her to swallow…[/quote]

Lol.

147

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
Lol, ok. You’re incapable of understanding that I had the option of deciding not to get a dog? We’re talking about dominant vs. submissive, my wife was basically lobbying me to buy the dog, which I decided to do.

Let’s switch it up a bit. Say it was my son lobbying me to get the dog, and I decide to buy the dog. Is my son now the dominant person in our relationship?

This goes beyond this particular instance, it is who is making the decisions and not necessarily what decisions are being made.

[/quote]

What I’m noticing is that many of us have moved beyond the ideas of domination and submission in our relationships, yet our nomenclature hasn’t caught up so we’re left defining actions according to some outdated, antiquated structure.

The fact is, you made a decision that benefited your family, made your wife and kids happy, and that was probably the right thing to do, yet feel the need to somehow justify it in terms that should be long discarded.

[/quote]

So your problem is with the terms themselves? If you have any better suggestions, I’m all ears. :slight_smile:

Like has been written, I think the terms dominant and submissive probably have some negative connotations that should be removed in the context with which we’re speaking. But given the current nomenclature, it’s the best we’ve got and, I think once we’ve removed those negative connotations, pretty accurate.

148

[quote]bpick86 wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Just going by your post:

wife wants dog
Lanky does not want dog (at least not yet)
fmaily winds up with dog

Edit: Lest you think I’m ridiculing you, I’m not. This is exactly how relationship dynamics are supposed to work. [/quote]
I do not disagree but hang on for the why.

See above for how I regard how visible the dominate-submissive relationship should be viewed from the outside.

This is not how either we view things. This is the image people get in their minds when the word submission is used. Submission does not have to mean slave/master relationship as is commonly assumed. Submission in this regard is more like General/Colonel.

Key word their being “your decision”. No one said that just because you are the dominant one you always get your way. Sometimes decisions made are strictly because your care for the other person and want them to be happy (ie the dog).[/quote]

I didn’t notice Pangloss’ edit at first, but even if I did, it’d be tough to construct a better response than above. So x2 on bpick.

149

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Question for our married members: Say there’s a tornado, like the one in Oklahoma yesterday, and your family needs to be evacuated from danger quickly. Who makes that decision and executes the evacuation procedures?

Be honest. [/quote]

I do because she panics in such situations. She however makes more of the financial decisions, but we discuss it first.
[/quote]

And if you had to quantify the two, which would be the more important decision?

I can go on. If an intruder breaks into the house, who is charged with protecting the family?

If someone is threatening your family with harm, which of you faces up to the situation? Her? Do you discuss it first?

I’m not being cute, I think you know me well enough to know that. I’m attempting to demonstrate that, when the shit hits the fan, the man is USUALLY the one whom both parties agree will be charged with the duty of rectifying or at least dealing with the situation.

Finances are home buying decisions are all well and good, but you show me which partner jumps in front of the rest of his family when a grizzly bear approaches and I’ll show you the final decision maker of that family.

150

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Question for our married members: Say there’s a tornado, like the one in Oklahoma yesterday, and your family needs to be evacuated from danger quickly. Who makes that decision and executes the evacuation procedures?

Be honest. [/quote]

I do because she panics in such situations. She however makes more of the financial decisions, but we discuss it first.
[/quote]

And if you had to quantify the two, which would be the more important decision?

I can go on. If an intruder breaks into the house, who is charged with protecting the family?

If someone is threatening your family with harm, which of you faces up to the situation? Her? Do you discuss it first?

I’m not being cute, I think you know me well enough to know that. I’m attempting to demonstrate that, when the shit hits the fan, the man is USUALLY the one whom both parties agree will be charged with the duty of rectifying or at least dealing with the situation.

Finances are home buying decisions are all well and good, but you show me which partner jumps in front of the rest of his family when a grizzly bear approaches and I’ll show you the final decision maker of that family.[/quote]

A slightly bigger than normal, angry, adult, male grizzly?

151

[quote]bpick86 wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Just going by your post:

wife wants dog
Lanky does not want dog (at least not yet)
fmaily winds up with dog

Edit: Lest you think I’m ridiculing you, I’m not. This is exactly how relationship dynamics are supposed to work. [/quote]
I do not disagree but hang on for the why.

See above for how I regard how visible the dominate-submissive relationship should be viewed from the outside.

This is not how either we view things. This is the image people get in their minds when the word submission is used. Submission does not have to mean slave/master relationship as is commonly assumed. Submission in this regard is more like General/Colonel.

Key word their being “your decision”. No one said that just because you are the dominant one you always get your way. Sometimes decisions made are strictly because your care for the other person and want them to be happy (ie the dog).[/quote]

This entire post was fantastic but the bolded part is my favorite part. Excellent simile.

152

[quote]Cortes wrote:
but you show me which partner jumps in front of the rest of his family when a grizzly bear approaches and I’ll show you the final decision maker of that family.[/quote]

So, in the end, it’s physical strength that determines who is the “final decision maker”?

Wouldn’t it be more likely that a situation that REQUIRES more physical strength would be handled by the male? I’m just not seeing how that determines that he is the final decision maker.

Are you saying that since you have greater physical strength, then no matter what your wife wants, the threat of physical domination is what makes you the final decision maker?

153

[quote]Anonymity wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Question for our married members: Say there’s a tornado, like the one in Oklahoma yesterday, and your family needs to be evacuated from danger quickly. Who makes that decision and executes the evacuation procedures?

Be honest. [/quote]

I do because she panics in such situations. She however makes more of the financial decisions, but we discuss it first.
[/quote]

And if you had to quantify the two, which would be the more important decision?

I can go on. If an intruder breaks into the house, who is charged with protecting the family?

If someone is threatening your family with harm, which of you faces up to the situation? Her? Do you discuss it first?

I’m not being cute, I think you know me well enough to know that. I’m attempting to demonstrate that, when the shit hits the fan, the man is USUALLY the one whom both parties agree will be charged with the duty of rectifying or at least dealing with the situation.

Finances are home buying decisions are all well and good, but you show me which partner jumps in front of the rest of his family when a grizzly bear approaches and I’ll show you the final decision maker of that family.[/quote]

A slightly bigger than normal, angry, adult, male grizzly?[/quote]

Haha, but of course.

Now, when the same bear faces off against 100 men, the bear will almost certainly win unless those men address their leadership problem post-haste.

Christopher Lambert said it best: There can be only one!

154

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]Anonymity wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Question for our married members: Say there’s a tornado, like the one in Oklahoma yesterday, and your family needs to be evacuated from danger quickly. Who makes that decision and executes the evacuation procedures?

Be honest. [/quote]

I do because she panics in such situations. She however makes more of the financial decisions, but we discuss it first.
[/quote]

And if you had to quantify the two, which would be the more important decision?

I can go on. If an intruder breaks into the house, who is charged with protecting the family?

If someone is threatening your family with harm, which of you faces up to the situation? Her? Do you discuss it first?

I’m not being cute, I think you know me well enough to know that. I’m attempting to demonstrate that, when the shit hits the fan, the man is USUALLY the one whom both parties agree will be charged with the duty of rectifying or at least dealing with the situation.

Finances are home buying decisions are all well and good, but you show me which partner jumps in front of the rest of his family when a grizzly bear approaches and I’ll show you the final decision maker of that family.[/quote]

A slightly bigger than normal, angry, adult, male grizzly?[/quote]

Haha, but of course.

Now, when the same bear faces off against 100 men, the bear will almost certainly win unless those men address their leadership problem post-haste.

Christopher Lambert said it best: There can be only one!
[/quote]

That’s what children are for, to throw to the bear so we can escape.

What you are describing is exceedingly rare. If this is how you define your relationship fine, but I don’t believe that is what the discussion is about. Does my wife defer to me when attacked by a cave bear? Yes, because I am bigger, stronger and calmer under pressure. Would I presume to tell her she can’t have a dog? Not on your life.

155

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

[quote]bpick86 wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Just going by your post:

wife wants dog
Lanky does not want dog (at least not yet)
fmaily winds up with dog

Edit: Lest you think I’m ridiculing you, I’m not. This is exactly how relationship dynamics are supposed to work. [/quote]
I do not disagree but hang on for the why.

See above for how I regard how visible the dominate-submissive relationship should be viewed from the outside.

This is not how either we view things. This is the image people get in their minds when the word submission is used. Submission does not have to mean slave/master relationship as is commonly assumed. Submission in this regard is more like General/Colonel.

Key word their being “your decision”. No one said that just because you are the dominant one you always get your way. Sometimes decisions made are strictly because your care for the other person and want them to be happy (ie the dog).[/quote]

I didn’t notice Pangloss’ edit at first, but even if I did, it’d be tough to construct a better response than above. So x2 on bpick.
[/quote]
Sorry for jumping in their for you but I am pretty sure we are on the same page so I went with it as my own argument.

157

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]Anonymity wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Question for our married members: Say there’s a tornado, like the one in Oklahoma yesterday, and your family needs to be evacuated from danger quickly. Who makes that decision and executes the evacuation procedures?

Be honest. [/quote]

I do because she panics in such situations. She however makes more of the financial decisions, but we discuss it first.
[/quote]

And if you had to quantify the two, which would be the more important decision?

I can go on. If an intruder breaks into the house, who is charged with protecting the family?

If someone is threatening your family with harm, which of you faces up to the situation? Her? Do you discuss it first?

I’m not being cute, I think you know me well enough to know that. I’m attempting to demonstrate that, when the shit hits the fan, the man is USUALLY the one whom both parties agree will be charged with the duty of rectifying or at least dealing with the situation.

Finances are home buying decisions are all well and good, but you show me which partner jumps in front of the rest of his family when a grizzly bear approaches and I’ll show you the final decision maker of that family.[/quote]

A slightly bigger than normal, angry, adult, male grizzly?[/quote]

Haha, but of course.

Now, when the same bear faces off against 100 men, the bear will almost certainly win unless those men address their leadership problem post-haste.

Christopher Lambert said it best: There can be only one!
[/quote]

That’s what children are for, to throw to the bear so we can escape.

What you are describing is exceedingly rare. If this is how you define your relationship fine, but I don’t believe that is what the discussion is about. Does my wife defer to me when attacked by a cave bear? Yes, because I am bigger, stronger and calmer under pressure. Would I presume to tell her she can’t have a dog? Not on your life.[/quote]

And most wouldn’t because we are supposed to love our wives as we love ourselves, and if given the opportunity to make them happy ,even if it goes against our personal preference, and without a serious reason not too, we will do what we can to make them such. Just because you make a decision that has solely for the benefit of your does not mean that you are not the decision maker, it just means that you are a decent husband.

159

[quote]SkyNett wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
but you show me which partner jumps in front of the rest of his family when a grizzly bear approaches and I’ll show you the final decision maker of that family.[/quote]

So, in the end, it’s physical strength that determines who is the “final decision maker”?

Wouldn’t it be more likely that a situation that REQUIRES more physical strength would be handled by the male? I’m just not seeing how that determines that he is the final decision maker.

Are you saying that since you have greater physical strength, then no matter what your wife wants, the threat of physical domination is what makes you the final decision maker? [/quote]

That’s part of it but it certainly does not encompass all of it. Strength is only one component of our innate biological differences, which are all connected. I will explain but it will have to be tomorrow. 3am here and my alarm clock is set for 7:30.

Ugh.

160

[quote]bpick86 wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]Anonymity wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Question for our married members: Say there’s a tornado, like the one in Oklahoma yesterday, and your family needs to be evacuated from danger quickly. Who makes that decision and executes the evacuation procedures?

Be honest. [/quote]

I do because she panics in such situations. She however makes more of the financial decisions, but we discuss it first.
[/quote]

And if you had to quantify the two, which would be the more important decision?

I can go on. If an intruder breaks into the house, who is charged with protecting the family?

If someone is threatening your family with harm, which of you faces up to the situation? Her? Do you discuss it first?

I’m not being cute, I think you know me well enough to know that. I’m attempting to demonstrate that, when the shit hits the fan, the man is USUALLY the one whom both parties agree will be charged with the duty of rectifying or at least dealing with the situation.

Finances are home buying decisions are all well and good, but you show me which partner jumps in front of the rest of his family when a grizzly bear approaches and I’ll show you the final decision maker of that family.[/quote]

A slightly bigger than normal, angry, adult, male grizzly?[/quote]

Haha, but of course.

Now, when the same bear faces off against 100 men, the bear will almost certainly win unless those men address their leadership problem post-haste.

Christopher Lambert said it best: There can be only one!
[/quote]

That’s what children are for, to throw to the bear so we can escape.

What you are describing is exceedingly rare. If this is how you define your relationship fine, but I don’t believe that is what the discussion is about. Does my wife defer to me when attacked by a cave bear? Yes, because I am bigger, stronger and calmer under pressure. Would I presume to tell her she can’t have a dog? Not on your life.[/quote]

And most wouldn’t because we are supposed to love our wives as we love ourselves, and if given the opportunity to make them happy ,even if it goes against our personal preference, and without a serious reason not too, we will do what we can to make them such. Just because you make a decision that has solely for the benefit of your does not mean that you are not the decision maker, it just means that you are a decent husband.[/quote]

I guess we will have to agree to disagree. First off, the bible means almost nothing to me except for some cool parables. Who am I to decide what she can or cannot do? I can voice my opinion or displeasure, but in the end I do not make decisions for her. We do come to a consensus nearly universally but I really can’t say that I am dominate over her.