Gabby Reece on Being Submissive

Off Topic
121

Also, I think if it is overly apparent that one partner is submissive to the outside, there are probably some issues there that need to be resolved (ie an overly domineering partner, weak or broken willed submissive).

The submissive-dominant aspect of a relationship does not and probably should not be something that is projected to people outside of the relationship because it not something that is that prevalent in day to day life. It is just and understanding between the two and a mutual respect.

122

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]bpick86 wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
But for big decisions (should we move out, what neighborhood should we live in, etc.) I make the final decision, and she knows that.

And for the 100th time in this thread, that doesn’t mean I disregard her opinion. Her opinion, many times, is the main driver behind my decision. But sometimes I strongly disagree with something and that’s that.
[/quote]

This is 100% true in all relationships. No relationship is ultimately equal. Whichever one of you gets the final say on the big life decisions (and by final say I mean they ultimately make the call even if that call gives the submissive partner their way) is the dominant one. There will always be a dominant one in every relationship. [/quote]

Logically, this is the only possible reality. [/quote]

Not the case in my household. As has been said by a small number on things that are important to me I have final say, and vice versa for her. But since you all say this is impossible I guess we are doomed to failure.
[/quote]

Who gets to decide what is important to who? Does your wife get make all the decisions you deem unimportant to you or vice versa?

123

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Bottom line is, this subject had been discussed to death around these parts.
[/quote]

Ad nauseam. I think a solid half of the GAL threads eventually descend into the battle of the sexes.

Just the same talking points repeated over and over.

and over

and over

124

[quote]pushharder wrote:
A little tune for those “successful” marriages with a dominant wife and submissive husband:

[/quote]

This is how I see the institution of marriage

125

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

I am the bread winner in my family, but I’m not sure that encompasses what this is all about, does it? It goes beyond finances. Men are supposed to provide for their family. They have the responsibility to provide for their family and part of that responsibility is making the final call on life decisions. [/quote]

What are all these life decisions that can only be decided through use of a gender trump card?
[/quote]

I don’t use a gender trump card, this is the natural dynamic of our relationship.

But I think some people are confusing someone making the final call on something with someone vetoing the decision the “submissive” partner would make, and this is not the case.

For instance, she wanted a dog last year and I was opposed to the entire idea until we move out into a bigger house. I told her I didn’t like the idea, I told her I think we should wait. She went over all of her reasons why she wanted one, etc. I made the decision that we’d get a dog because it is what she wanted. I made the decision, but I made it in her favor because I know it was important to her.

126

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]bpick86 wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
But for big decisions (should we move out, what neighborhood should we live in, etc.) I make the final decision, and she knows that.

And for the 100th time in this thread, that doesn’t mean I disregard her opinion. Her opinion, many times, is the main driver behind my decision. But sometimes I strongly disagree with something and that’s that.
[/quote]

This is 100% true in all relationships. No relationship is ultimately equal. Whichever one of you gets the final say on the big life decisions (and by final say I mean they ultimately make the call even if that call gives the submissive partner their way) is the dominant one. There will always be a dominant one in every relationship. [/quote]

Logically, this is the only possible reality. [/quote]

Not the case in my household. As has been said by a small number on things that are important to me I have final say, and vice versa for her. But since you all say this is impossible I guess we are doomed to failure.
[/quote]

If you were to quantify each decision that is made by assigning it a value, and this is indeed what we do, albeit subconsciously, then one partner or the other, logically, must occupy the position of dominance. Perhaps that balance tips back and forth, but there is never going to be an equal share of power because one partner is always getting his, or her, way or making the final decision and tipping that balance back to himself or herself.

I’m not arguing that there are not relationships that are heavily weighted one way or the other nor that there are not those that do not stay closer to equal. I’m saying when there are two people, one of them MUST, logically, take the dominant role.

And I happen to have observed on a pretty grand scale that the happiest relationships always seem to be the ones where the leadership/provider/protector/decision making force is tipped more in favor of the male who has been biologically developed, programed, refined and rewarded over thousands upon thousands of years for just such behavior.

That doesn’t mean he clubs his woman over the head and drags her back to his cave to make his mam-wiches, either.

127

Question for our married members: Say there’s a tornado, like the one in Oklahoma yesterday, and your family needs to be evacuated from danger quickly. Who makes that decision and executes the evacuation procedures?

Be honest.

128

[quote]Cortes wrote:
That doesn’t mean he clubs his woman over the head and drags her back to his cave to make his mam-wiches, either.

[/quote]

Unfortunately, it’s not a perfect world. :slight_smile:

129

[quote]bpick86 wrote:
Also, I think if it is overly apparent that one partner is submissive to the outside, there are probably some issues there that need to be resolved (ie an overly domineering partner, weak or broken willed submissive).

The submissive-dominant aspect of a relationship does not and probably should not be something that is projected to people outside of the relationship because it not something that is that prevalent in day to day life. It is just and understanding between the two and a mutual respect.[/quote]

bpick bringing so much Truth to this thread.

130

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

For instance, she wanted a dog last year…

I made the decision that we’d get a dog…

Edit - just to clarify, the point of my dog story is that she got what she wanted but I’m the one making the final decision. Some of you may read that anecdote and think that she made the final decision because she got what she wanted, but that is not the case. [/quote]

Oh, ok.

131

[quote]Anonymity wrote:

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Bottom line is, this subject had been discussed to death around these parts.
[/quote]

Ad nauseam. I think a solid half of the GAL threads eventually descend into the battle of the sexes.

Just the same talking points repeated over and over.

and over

and over[/quote]

Hey man, I just came here for a break from PWI, lol!

132

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
That doesn’t mean he clubs his woman over the head and drags her back to his cave to make his mam-wiches, either.

[/quote]

Unfortunately, it’s not a perfect world. :)[/quote]

Dang progressives go and ruin everything.

133

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

For instance, she wanted a dog last year…

I made the decision that we’d get a dog…

Edit - just to clarify, the point of my dog story is that she got what she wanted but I’m the one making the final decision. Some of you may read that anecdote and think that she made the final decision because she got what she wanted, but that is not the case. [/quote]

Oh, ok.
[/quote]

Ok, so I see we’ve reached the root of our disagreement. You see someone who gets what they want as the dominant one (in at least that particular instance) while I think it’s the one making the final decision, regardless of the actual outcome.

Because trust me, I could have not gotten that dog and it was my final call to make.

134

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

I am the bread winner in my family, but I’m not sure that encompasses what this is all about, does it? It goes beyond finances. Men are supposed to provide for their family. They have the responsibility to provide for their family and part of that responsibility is making the final call on life decisions. [/quote]

What are all these life decisions that can only be decided through use of a gender trump card?
[/quote]

I don’t use a gender trump card, this is the natural dynamic of our relationship.

But I think some people are confusing someone making the final call on something with someone vetoing the decision the “submissive” partner would make, and this is not the case.

For instance, she wanted a dog last year and I was opposed to the entire idea until we move out into a bigger house. I told her I didn’t like the idea, I told her I think we should wait. She went over all of her reasons why she wanted one, etc. I made the decision that we’d get a dog because it is what she wanted. I made the decision, but I made it in her favor because I know it was important to her. [/quote]

I have attempted to explain this same thing 3 or 4 times in this thread. But your example is better than my blabbering.

135

[quote]bpick86 wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

I am the bread winner in my family, but I’m not sure that encompasses what this is all about, does it? It goes beyond finances. Men are supposed to provide for their family. They have the responsibility to provide for their family and part of that responsibility is making the final call on life decisions. [/quote]

What are all these life decisions that can only be decided through use of a gender trump card?
[/quote]

I don’t use a gender trump card, this is the natural dynamic of our relationship.

But I think some people are confusing someone making the final call on something with someone vetoing the decision the “submissive” partner would make, and this is not the case.

For instance, she wanted a dog last year and I was opposed to the entire idea until we move out into a bigger house. I told her I didn’t like the idea, I told her I think we should wait. She went over all of her reasons why she wanted one, etc. I made the decision that we’d get a dog because it is what she wanted. I made the decision, but I made it in her favor because I know it was important to her. [/quote]

I have attempted to explain this same thing 3 or 4 times in this thread. But your example is better than my blabbering.[/quote]

It appears to still be flying over the heads of some here.

(I’m talking to you Dr. Pangloss!)

136

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

For instance, she wanted a dog last year…

I made the decision that we’d get a dog…

Edit - just to clarify, the point of my dog story is that she got what she wanted but I’m the one making the final decision. Some of you may read that anecdote and think that she made the final decision because she got what she wanted, but that is not the case. [/quote]

Oh, ok.
[/quote]

Ok, so I see we’ve reached the root of our disagreement. You see someone who gets what they want as the dominant one (in at least that particular instance) while I think it’s the one making the final decision, regardless of the actual outcome.

Because trust me, I could have not gotten that dog and it was my final call to make. [/quote]

Just going by your post:

wife wants dog
Lanky does not want dog (at least not yet)
fmaily winds up with dog

Edit: Lest you think I’m ridiculing you, I’m not. This is exactly how relationship dynamics are supposed to work. From an outsiders perspective, it’s interesting that you think in terms of power and conflict, when in reality, your decision making seems much more equitable.

137

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

I am the bread winner in my family, but I’m not sure that encompasses what this is all about, does it? [/quote]

I definitely think this is a component to it.

I mean, if there was a serious disagreement on what house to buy, and she contributed 90% of household income, wouldn’t she have the final say?

Isn’t that to some extent, the reason men had such an incentive to work hard in previous generations? If you come in 12hours/day 6days/week to shovel coal at our factory you’ll be rewarded with a wife and kids who you will wield power over.

138

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

For instance, she wanted a dog last year…

I made the decision that we’d get a dog…

Edit - just to clarify, the point of my dog story is that she got what she wanted but I’m the one making the final decision. Some of you may read that anecdote and think that she made the final decision because she got what she wanted, but that is not the case. [/quote]

Oh, ok.
[/quote]

Ok, so I see we’ve reached the root of our disagreement. You see someone who gets what they want as the dominant one (in at least that particular instance) while I think it’s the one making the final decision, regardless of the actual outcome.

Because trust me, I could have not gotten that dog and it was my final call to make. [/quote]

Just going by your post:

wife wants dog
Lanky does not want dog (at least not yet)
fmaily winds up with dog

[/quote]

Lol, ok. You’re incapable of understanding that I had the option of deciding not to get a dog? We’re talking about dominant vs. submissive, my wife was basically lobbying me to buy the dog, which I decided to do.

Let’s switch it up a bit. Say it was my son lobbying me to get the dog, and I decide to buy the dog. Is my son now the dominant person in our relationship?

This goes beyond this particular instance, it is who is making the decisions and not necessarily what decisions are being made.

139

[quote]bpick86 wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

I am the bread winner in my family, but I’m not sure that encompasses what this is all about, does it? It goes beyond finances. Men are supposed to provide for their family. They have the responsibility to provide for their family and part of that responsibility is making the final call on life decisions. [/quote]

What are all these life decisions that can only be decided through use of a gender trump card?
[/quote]

I don’t use a gender trump card, this is the natural dynamic of our relationship.

But I think some people are confusing someone making the final call on something with someone vetoing the decision the “submissive” partner would make, and this is not the case.

For instance, she wanted a dog last year and I was opposed to the entire idea until we move out into a bigger house. I told her I didn’t like the idea, I told her I think we should wait. She went over all of her reasons why she wanted one, etc. I made the decision that we’d get a dog because it is what she wanted. I made the decision, but I made it in her favor because I know it was important to her. [/quote]

I have attempted to explain this same thing 3 or 4 times in this thread. But your example is better than my blabbering.[/quote]

You’ve written the words of a scholar and shown the patience of a saint. :slight_smile:

140

[quote]bpick86 wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]bpick86 wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
But for big decisions (should we move out, what neighborhood should we live in, etc.) I make the final decision, and she knows that.

And for the 100th time in this thread, that doesn’t mean I disregard her opinion. Her opinion, many times, is the main driver behind my decision. But sometimes I strongly disagree with something and that’s that.
[/quote]

This is 100% true in all relationships. No relationship is ultimately equal. Whichever one of you gets the final say on the big life decisions (and by final say I mean they ultimately make the call even if that call gives the submissive partner their way) is the dominant one. There will always be a dominant one in every relationship. [/quote]

Logically, this is the only possible reality. [/quote]

Not the case in my household. As has been said by a small number on things that are important to me I have final say, and vice versa for her. But since you all say this is impossible I guess we are doomed to failure.
[/quote]

Who gets to decide what is important to who? Does your wife get make all the decisions you deem unimportant to you or vice versa?[/quote]

We discuss it. Very few decisions are made in my household with out discussion. She or I may say I don’t care, or I trust your decision you decide.