From Monday?:
Anything pulling usually gets grouped with pushing, but I gave it its own day because I don’t pull heavy that frequently.
Racks pulls:
225x10
225x10
225x10
315x3
315x3
Back had enough.
Trap bar:
135x6
135x6
135x6
135x6
135x6
Hypers, no weight:
x10
x5
x10
x5
BB RDLS, super set with hamstring machine (whichever one. They all usually work the same thing)
135x5
Machine: 50x10
135x5
Machine: 50x10
135x5
Machine: 40x20
Today was pretty good.
Squat:
315x1
315x1
315x1
315x1
315x1
315x1
315x1
315x1
315x1
315x1
Should I have worked higher volume with 275ish? Probably.
But the weight just shot up doing these singles and I felt great. Soooooo….
I am going to be mildly stubborn and work on adding to each set. Will I keep it 10 sets? Probably.
RDLs
135x10
135x10
135x10
Push-ups
x10
x10
x10
x10
Strict press:
100x4
100x4
100x4
Realized the error of my ways so cut the pressing short. Shoulder was not happy.
DB rows:
35s
x12
x12
x12
x12
So I’ve been gone for a bit.
Everything kinda went to shit.
Tim passed. Everyone in the house drifted.
My relationship with my mom fell apart, she kicked us out, and my husband slept with someone.
The last bit…I honestly am not that upset about because I did the same thing some handful of years ago (just never mentioned it here.)
We spent a great deal of time talking about it. Better yet we spent a while talking about WHAT triggers those tendencies towards being unfaithful.
We’re literally having to start over. And I feel as though I’ve lost mostly everything. We were separated for a bit, and being away from eachother wasn’t helping either of us.
We’re currently at my dads, and just trying to get financially stable again.
Haven’t spoken to my mom whatsoever. Ultimately I will always love my mom. I just don’t wish to talk to her at the moment.
Idk. I just…I don’t have any anger. I just don’t. My husband forgave me for my shortcomings, and as a wife I completely understand what it means to be in his shoes now as well.
We’re currently doing counseling a married couple as well.
None of this shit is easy, but it’s worth it. Marriage only works if we’re both wanting it to work.
All in all we’re okay. Quite run down, but we’re okay. Building up trust again takes time.
Wishing you the best cybertron!
Likewise. Hang in there. Things will get better.
Sending you lots of hugs and prayers!!!
Update: Doing better with me and Hubby.
In hindsight, I understand why stuff doesn’t work out in situations like these. But we both just wanna forgive and move forward.
Quite frankly, I’m happy we’ve made it this far. Do I like what happened? No. Does it bother me still? Yeah, but I am keenly aware that people do people shit. Humans do human shit. And it’s time like these that forgiveness becomes something much more than an idea. It’s a bit of a “speacial” situation since we both did the exact same thing to one another. Just at different points in time. So it’s a definitely a “Can’t point the finger because you BOTH fucked up.” It’s a perfect opportunity to understand, and to really get closer and to bring up everything we’ve spent a decent amount time trying to suppress.
I’m glad my husband has also dropped the tiptoeing thing with me and a lot of people around him. He’s owned up to shit, and he’s stopped beating himself up about it.
I’ve done shit, I stopped tiptoeing, and I’ve also spent a good deal of time not beating myself up about it anymore.
We do counseling together about twice a week. It’s good to just sit in a room, talk shit out with a third and completely neutral person in the room, and then go home, reflect, and focus on stuff we just didn’t do, or never felt it was worth it. Both with each other and with ourselves.
Our counselor noted this, Cheating is a symptom of something else. Anything in a marriage that can threaten it in regards to either partners observable behavior, is a symptom. What’s causing this particular symptom? Same with abusive marriages. Same with marriages that are co-dependent, involve alcohol or drug use, marriages that are cold and love-less. WHAT causes or caused it? Trauma is always a big one and it takes on so many forms.
Things we’ve both tried to fix with many disordered behavior patterns waaaaay before we even met eachother.
That’s the stuff I care about. Fix the root, you fix the symptoms.
Sometimes shit things have to happen to us for that catalyst to finally spark and just help us get to those places. Wherever they are, whatever they look like. I’m just glad I still have my best friend with me and we’re doing it together.
This is probably the one thing I don’t I’ve ever talked to you guys about. But y’all get it anyways.
Linking the latest thread I started. Bit of a divide amongst opinions, but hopefully it’ll become a decent spot for folks to express themselves.
Life Update:
So I managed to catch Covid. Symptoms started Wednesday for me and I had some gnarly chills whilst being in a full on sweater and jeans at work. Left early.
Fever spiked up to 103, and I had the worst headache ever, along with body and muscle cramps from head to toe. The scar tissue that has formed from lower back injury was immediately affected and I felt like I had herniated my lower back all over again.
Broke the fever in the same night, and the back pain subsides quite suddenly. Thursday I had a massive headache and body pains still. Slightest movement, faintest sound, or a hint of light had me in excruciating pain.
Hubby bought me an at home kit that afternoon. Tested positive bright as day. Let my work know and any of my friends who had close contact with me since then just to ensure their safety.
Today the headache completely subsided along with the muscle spasms, aches, and pains.
My previous shoulder injury is wildly tighter than usual, but other than that Ive mostly returned to normal. Managed to drop 7lbs within the span of three days, but I’m quite impressed with how well my body managed to get through everything.
Bit of sinus pressure as well. Can’t go anywhere until next Tuesday so Ive just been tending to myself in the room, and hubby just helps me whenever. I take turns and wait until everyone goes to their rooms to wander out and eat and use the bathroom and make sure I don’t touch anything too much, and wash my hands and sanitize. Hubby took all the boosters so he seems to be doing okay being in close contact with me. Granted he’s quarantined with me anyways lol.
I’m still kinda “ehh” about dropping that much weight that quickly. Have no idea how that’ll affect my training once I ease back into it, but that’s part of the process.
Training update: (prior to getting sick)
I’d say nothing has changed too much out of the ordinary. I am getting stronger slowly as I have usually been.
Only thing that’s a bit new more me is I implement a lot of rowing. I’m having to work out the kinks a bit considering how my shoulder posture isn’t the best, and I’m working with a past shoulder injury. But all in all going well.
I will however give myself a pat on the back for completing my longstanding goal of squatting 225lbs for 25 reps. Since I don’t test my 1rms that much anymore, I decided to use my volume focused work to my advantage. Given my last PR, the 225 for 25, puts me at 412-415lbs. If I can manage the 400+ range maybe 1-3 mores times within the year I can work on heavier volume ranges. Considering 225 feels amazing nowadays, 250-275 working ranges will definitely be in the bag. Not that I don’t use those ranges, but the flow and adaptation isn’t fully there in terms of strength just yet.
Bench and deadlift are still cruising along. I do more push variations than anything else. And with pulling I just stick to a 5/3/1 setup if it’s heavy deadlift day. If it ain’t broke. Any other pulling movements I tend to vary, but I’ll keep the volume moderately high. Same with push or bench.
Oh! To note:
I will also be making it a goal to post more photos in my log. I realize I don’t post photos pretty much at all.
But this is definitely something that will help in the long run, and something to work in terms of how I view my body, and those underlying dismorphic thoughts/perspectives.
Here’s some legs, to start this off (this was last week before I got sick)
Hey, just caught up after much too long. A lot going on. I feel for you and wish the best.
Incredible strength!
Thanks hun! Always nice seeing you pop in!
Was wanting to try the 10,000 kettlebell swings challenge. Finished first day and…I hate it. Lol
https://www.t-nation.com/training/10000-swing-kettlebell-workout/
However, I’m wanting to see how I respond to it, and Ive never used a 35lbs kettlebell in the history of never.
Im very sore and sleepy but other than that feeling okay.
Its a great way to shake things up. And if you stick with it, it gets easier. A lot easier!
Unlike burpees or BSS, which never get easier.
Going into week two of the 10,000 kettle bell swing challenge. I substituted the push movement for push ups. My shoulder is hella irritated, but other than that moving right along.
Wheee! Finished the 10,000 kettle bell swing challenge. I quite liked it! Down only 4-6 lbs, but look noticeably trimmer.
Followed program closely with only substituting push movements. I will get photos up within the next handful of days permitting I don’t forget.
Enjoyed the simple layout as well.
I’ve been avoiding logging because of a pretty major issue involving my mental and emotional health.
Sunday was the first time I up and left the gym in tears. Mid workout. Hubby had tagged along with me and it was quite late. I was tired, and everything was hurting. And I was upset about the progress I feel I am not making. I couldn’t do a single pull up and I just broke down.
I’ve felt better a bit, but it’s caused everything else around me to collapse by way of productivity. I’ve closed both books for patients, and clientele concerning therapy and for nail appointments. I still work at Costco and While I’ve picked up me regular 35 hour work weeks, I absolutely hate working there and I’m always overwhelmed.
My husband and I are living at my dads due to family issues that just erupted after my brother passed. We’re in the process of saving to move to a much better and comfortable apartment life, but it’s very hard for us right now. Paying off tuition, saving for moving expenses, and trying to juggle work, and my own endeavors as well as his has left me so drained as of late.
But what’s bothering me the most right now is that my depression has become completely unhinged. While I haven’t backtracked into disordered eating I am absolutely disgusted with myself. My body image is extremely warped, I’m self conscious in bed, I avoid mirrors at all costs, and it’s just smothering me.
As a result I am beating myself up in the gym and on the bike trails to the point where I’m honestly hurting myself. Im juggling between my usual powerlifts, conditioning, and introducing CrossFit/gymnastic elements. I’ve scheduled chiropractic work as a means to deal with mobility issues, as well as investing in joint health and things like that.
I just see success everywhere and I feel like I should be there as well. In both my career/business ventures, and in the gym. I know I’ve come a long way, but I cannot seem to break this cycle of witnessing others be it in real life or online and just berating myself because I feel like I’m failing. Most of my life has always been this slow, creep towards…well idk. That’s just it. I don’t know.
But I think what truly hurts the most is how mean I am to myself. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say this, but I’ve always been one adjective away from describing the feelings I have toward myself as hatred, for such a long time. I don’t really voice this, but it’s painfully true. It’s not that I don’t know how, but I’ve never had success with learning to love myself, because I feel I don’t deserve it. Plainly put.
I realize I am associating success with happiness. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating it, but I am viewing it as a source. For me at least, that’s not beneficial. I can be happy in spite of whatever. But looking a certain way, fitting into whatever standards of beauty, making a certain amount of money, manifesting whatever fantasies I have in my head, being this amount of strong, and fit, and high functioning is something I’ve always…always torn myself apart over. And it’s to the point I feel as though I’m a hypocrite because I sit there and tell other people to love and be patient with themselves, and yet I’d sometimes rather die than do that exact same thing for myself.
I’ve had this cycle of saying, “well if I look like this I’ll be happy, if I make this amount of money I’ll be happy, if I prayed more, I’ll be happier, if I can move this amount of weight I’ll be happy, if I can get back to the sports I played in middle and high school I’ll be happy, if I put on this much makeup, or cut my hair, or dressed like this, or was creative and artistic, or more intelligent, or prettier, or studied more…I’ll just be happier.”
And bless my sweet husband. I know it’s painful watching your partner just tear themselves down and not really be able to do much but just be around. But I always try to communicate whatever it is even if I’m just crying while trying to talk. He’s always helped in that way. Even if I’m reluctant because I feel I’m being too emotionally exhausting. But I realize that if he’s always asking, it means he’s willing to sit in the difficult times with me.
I’ve been completely shut down as a result of this though. I function from day to day, do whatever, at least decently, but I’m still very much just sad and overwhelmed, and the one person who I feel I constantly lose to, is myself. And I think now, I got all of the things that I was hiding behind out of the way, or the things I used to cope with these emotions, and it’s the actual raw mental and emotional feelings that I now fully understand are rooted so deeply.
