And my favorite one I did for an EDM collab
This was the reference picture I used from the EDM group Ganja White Knight.
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Welcome back amiga!!! I added that song to the list!
I really liked the dos equis nails. Wifey loved the Rolling Stones and Christmas nails.
Holy Shit those PRs btw!
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Thanks bud!!! Thanks for dropping in too! Always good to hear from ya and wifey 
I’ve got a few more songs, but I’ll just curate them into a playlist and link it for ya.
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LOG # 603-615
Mostly two bouts of conditioning every other day.
PPL two days a week.
Conditioning consists of whatever I do in my garage.
Body weight
Loaded Carry
Tire flips
Complexes
Swimming
Jump rope
Or trail riding
I don’t shoot for any specific goals just get moving and break a sweat.
PPL days are my heavy-ish numbers, but the big lifts rarely go over 75% of my capacity.
Squats rarely go over 225, bench 135, and deads 200ish. Volume is my focus so I work on moving that weight many times over while honing in form, and increasing work capacity.
Burner sets
Rest pause
Negatives
Run the rack
Back off sets
I use all those set ups as seen fit, and just fine tune it as I go.
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Haven’t been doing much just regular stuff
Saturday night my brother died of a drug overdose. I haven’t cried. Idk if I should be crying or what. I feel a wide range of emotions and just many memories replaying in my head. I guess my brain is reminding me of reality and all I can tell myself every odd moment is “Your brother is dead you know?”
“Yeah. He sure is.”
All I wanted was his black and red Jordan jacket. I’ve been wearing it a lot the last couple of days. Smells just like him. I saw his body at the funeral home, and he was much like a rock. Cold, hard. I got close to give him a kiss and could smell that heavy iron blood smell mixed with the preservation chemicals and had an anxiety attack. Had to go outside. I still have that smell in memory.
We don’t know exactly what happened to him. He wasn’t around a good group of people, and no one did anything as far as calling an ambulance. They stole all the jewelry he had on him. Authorities found him unresponsive in his car behind a cabaret not even a mile from our house.
My brother died and I deep down had been holding onto a lot of anger I had towards him. I was angry I never got closer than I wanted. I was angry he put mom and dad through so much. I was angry that he didn’t fully understand me as his little sister. I was angry that he was in and out prison so much throughout most of my life. I was angry that he couldn’t beat his addiction. And then…He died. And whatever anger I had just vanished. I tried so hard to get close to him. He was around, but when he was, outside looking in, you’d think two strangers were trying to get to know each other when we interacted.
My mom, dad, and I all hugged each other yesterday. And I told them that I will be there for them. I will take care of them, and that I am strong enough for both myself and my brother.
Much like myself, my brother had an addiction to alcohol and hard drugs. I’m not addicted to drugs or alcohol, but you guys all know my struggle. Some of us do not win our battles. My brother didn’t win, but he fought. Like Paul said “I have fought a good fight” 2 Timothy 4:7. That verse rings hard in my head considering my brother’s name is Timothy.
However I am still here out of the two children my parents had. And I refuse to lose. And I will be strong where my brother couldn’t.
I don’t have much energy to do anything. I guess we all grieve differently. I don’t move fast much, and eventually return to my room. I do something for maybe 30 mins and lay down. I am glad that I have learned to feel how I am feeling. It all comes in waves, but I am present for it all.
But even more, we all felt terrible because amidst the hope he would stay out of prison and try to get better, none of us remembered to say “good job”, for the small bits of effort we did see him doing. He was out of prison for almost exactly a month this time, but he was trying again. We always welcomed Tim home with open arms, but we also told him that these were his choices. And they were. We eventually told him that his life is his own. We love him, but he has to get it together around us. And he respected that when we came over.
And as I lay here that’s something that I keep focusing on more than anything else. If someone is doing a good job…say so. If I see myself doing a good job…be kind to myself. If someone is trying, support them, encourage them. When they fall, that’s okay.
And I wanted to let you guys know, whatever it is y’all are doing….You’re doing great 
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Sorry for your lost cybertron.
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Im really sorry to here about this. My heart goes out to you & your family.
I remember you relating some stories to me about him a few years ago, as I’ve had my own battles with substance abuse, violence, incarceration, and all the things that drive it. It really does give me grief to hear about somebody losing their life to addiction and especially the immediate circumstance surrounding it. Like losing a kindred spirit.
I hope you can find peace and comfort some day with him and your memories of him.
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I’m also so very sorry to hear this. Take good care of yourself!
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I’m sorry to hear about you and your family’s loss. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” In my life, I’ve found part of the mourning process is dealing with the negative things about a person and my relationship with them. It’s not always easy, but Jesus promises he’ll comfort us.
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At this moment i feel quite angry with myself. Maybe if I answered a missed call, or called him, or kept asking to hang out, or bought him a soda or something.
But then I think…I couldn’t make him want to spend time with me.
You’re very right about Christ being that peace that just can’t be rivaled. I know it’s all around me and my family. Keeping us close and bringing about a gentle spirit when we interact with each other.
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You remind me of him quite a bit sometimes. That’s not a bad thing though, or well…I should say I don’t say that to mean anything bad.
I think my brother felt like life would be meaningless, or he wouldn’t be himself if he let go of these worldly pursuits. I think being still within himself scared him a lot.
I’m doing…okay I guess you could say. Out of everyone I was the only one who was comfortable keeping something of his right off the bat.
I know it’s easy to focus on my own feelings
About him more than I should, but I don’t doubt he loved me. He voiced it a lot, he voiced that he was proud of my accomplishments. It wasn’t like we hated each other, but it was like…we spoke different languages and just never got the chance to understand each other deeper and make it known.
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Update:
Amidst all the healing and other life stressors I’ve been doing okay. I don’t really care to go into detail because y’all already know the deal, y’all know how I feel about it…yada yada.
So instead I’ll just go into detail on my training. Firstly…I’m getting worse and worse at logging lol.
Second… I’ve been doing good with my overall body image issues. My psychotherapist and I have been doing a lot deep emotional work. Some days suck, some don’t.
Somewhere I mentioned that I shifted my training goals. Welp…you can take the lady away from strength training, but you can’t take the strength training out of the lady.
Since my last PR I don’t feel prompted to test a new one, but my working sets have increased by a lot.
On average my working sets usually lie in the 275-295 range for squats. Ideally I’d like a 300lb working set range. But we’ll get there when we get there.
My benching never changes. Pulled something a couple of years ago, and just haven’t fully come back from it. I fully accept not moving heavier bench numbers after my latest PR. 135 is a-okay. OHP is doing good though. Haven’t tested an RM but don’t feel the need to either.
Deads are completely stuck at 315. 1-2 RM. and to be fair I fully accept that too. After that disc herniated, I’m honestly thankful I can even still move 315 like I can. I’m fully recovered, but my back just can’t anymore. And I’ll respect whatever wishes my back commands.
My squats are my babies though. They’re just here for the ride and I’m totally down with that. Could I see the likes of something approaching 500lbs? Yes. But I won’t put the cart before horse on this one. I’m here for the journey.
My work capacity is mildly ridiculous right now. Strength train 3 days, 2-a-days the other remaining days. I sprinkle in off days as I see fit. If I wake up feeling like I got in a fight, it’s rest day, AND I push carts at my job 5 days a week.
This was a very sudden change in my training (only 2-ish months in), but I understand how much food it takes to sustain this. Jumped from 179-197. It looks like my legs absorbed everything though. Everything went to the legs. I’m FINALLY sporting 30” quads, and I can now cross that goal off of my list.
I can no longer fit my usual pants, but can fit my usual shirts just fine.
Yes. I fully still fight my disordered self on both my body and food. But as of late, it doesn’t drain me, nor do I go home crying or feeling defeated. If I feel an episode coming or am straight in the midst of one, I fight through it. For joy comes in the morning.
For once, my mind feels just as strong as my body is. That’s what I’ve been fighting for all these years.
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Todays song. Because it’s not Cyber if there’s no EDM lol
Fighting this voice in my head all afternoon.
I’m pretty sure the scale triggered it (which I haven’t stepped on in ages), but I’m mildly disgusted with my body at the moment.
Been avoiding the mirror at all costs.
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Feeling a lot better today. Did some self care, and thought over certain things that had me in that mental state yesterday. Still overall feeling good. Work went by so fast, and I challenged myself to push a string of 25 shopping carts. Piece…of…cake lol
Today and yesterday’s session weren’t out of the ordinary.
I do however, have to split up PPL. Legs one day, push and pull the next. Rotate back and forth.
Managed a 295lb working set for squats yesterday, and did hip rehab today/tonight just to get that groove feeling better.
Work sets stay in the 2-3 rep area, and I’m working towards 5 sets in total for now. Should be a good goal to progress towards. If I move smoothly that lets me know I can add weight.
Have programmed power cleans into my training as well. They may or may not replace OHP for a while. Thinking more towards yes. OHP irritates my back injury, so I won’t totally throw it out, but it’ll definitely stay as an ancillary movement.
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Im sorry for tge loss if your brother, and sorry i didn’t see this months ago.
Im absolutely floored by your strength! Looking forward to engaging on your log more when i have time to type.
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Wow, I’ve been gone for a while, and I see I missed some tough times in your life. I’m sorry for your loss, but it looks like you know what you need to do for yourself, mourning and recovery-wise. I obviously can’t know exactly what you’re going through, but I can definitely empathize. Don’t let the self-recrimination or 'what-if’s get you down, you did what you could. You’re strong, but you also know how to let yourself be vulnerable within yourself, and that’s its own different kind of strength. I know you’ll be okay.
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Thanks guys! I really appreciate the kind words
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LOG #….idk anymore lol
Power Cleans:
65x5
65x5
65x5
85x5
85x5
100x1
100x1
100x1
Shoulders had enough after that. Soreness wasn’t there come afternoon, and I didn’t feel that familiar pinch.
Squat:
135x10 (slow neg)
135x10 (slow con.)
135x10 (slow neg.)
225x6 (2 second hold)
225x6 (2 second hold)
225x6 (2 second hold)
295x3
295x3
295x3
295x3
Attempt: 315x5 (form not quite there. Not strong enough. Turned into singles. Not what I’m going for.)
Diamond push-ups
x7
x7
x7
x7
x7
Stair master: glute focus
Banded. Cross feet over eachother. One step is 4 seconds. Repeat.
Next 300 or so steps we’re just tempo changing from somewhat fast to somewhat slow. Use my butt to straighten out body. So on and so forth.
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