I like noise and chatter, but on my terms (e.g., ideas, podcast, video playing in the background). Noise imposed on me (e.g., kids, construction…) is different though.
I don’t understand the appeal of just “sitting with feelings” or processing the past, unless it’s to come up with a plan to improve
Typically thats the goal. Lifes stressors and traumatic events or situations can have lasting effects that hold people back long after they’ve occured.
Ideally, after someone rectifies the conflict or processes the emotions, there is some improvement in their emotional state that allows them to think and act without the impedance that those things can create.
For me, meditation allows me to recognize when subconscious thoughts begin to become conscious and incite me to act on them. If I recognize the thought arising, I can watch it rather than following it.
Thoughts become intentions, intentions become actions, actions have consequences. Being mindful shortcuts this process.
Hmm, no, it was a man. Same thing, though, just mindfulness. Don’t rush through, savor the moment, don’t wish away pieces of your life.
I do see that in you - more than in many people, from what odd, limited interaction I observe here on the boards. I applaud you for trying to change it. I think many men view conflict in this way, and it’s frustrating. My husband is very easy-going in most ways, but once he feels we’re in a fight of any sort, his goal becomes that I lose. It’s like the him that loves me and snuggles me and does sweet, funny things for me disappears and is replaced by a cold stranger. It’s unnerving!
You’d think, but I was driven out of a book club in 2021. I’d been working from home and was under-socialized and had been searching for a book club for years (I’m rural) and just came in way too hot. I have a lot of energy, and can sort of blow people’s hair back when I’m enthusiastic. It’s also possible that the thing was posted to facebook as a public page with meeting dates and times, and shouldn’t have been - maybe they didn’t want new members, bouncing with joy or otherwise. ~shrug~ They read broccoli-type books, all consciousness-raising and good for you. Not really my thing anyway, so fuck 'em. But it’s made me more careful to kind of harness myself a bit. I swear I didn’t sniff any butts, haha.
This is something @The_Myth and I have come to more than once, but regarding different topics - I don’t feel any deficit in this regard. I’m not sure what I’d develop - I can feel the air, my chair, the floor, and can focus in chaos (my four children are less than five years apart, and I’ve worked in an office that opened onto the waiting room for children’s services - and kept my door open while doing paperwork).
My job is to observe people, weigh statements for deeper meaning, and assess for patterns while maintaining my side of a conversation. We laugh, and then I say, “you know, we’re laughing, but this is not the first time this has come up…”
I don’t think these are ying and yang for me. I think maybe I misspoke yesterday, and have been thinking about this (I read your post yesterday but didn’t have the energy to respond). I said “I like chaos and chatter and laughter more than I like peace” but I actually view my mind more as a cozy, lived-in home, where peace is found without effort among the books and throw blankets and to-do lists. I just love living there, for the most part, and don’t see the benefit of making changes to it in this manner. I also spend a great deal of time outside, where calm and quiet are abundant.
I go back to something I came to with @The_Myth, which is that I think some of us have things as factory settings that other people have to install aftermarket. I do have a meditation app and I occasionally use it. Mostly I continue the subscription for use at work, because many of my clients need to be told that there is such a thing as a relaxation response (“the Relaxation Response is a natural innate protective mechanism which allows us to turn off harmful effects from stress through changes that decrease heart rate, lower metabolism, decrease rate of breathing, and in this way being the body back into a healthier balance”) and shown what very basic meditation is. I also talk about mindfulness because not everyone has the ability to be in the here and now, or even the awareness that you can focus yourself to it.
From my perspective, the goal is to stop avoiding them and do what’s needed to accept and manage them (the needed changes). Beyond that sitting in feelings seems super tedious to me. Sitting in any state of in-my-head-and-breathing for great lengths of time (for me that’s more than 10 minutes or so, lol) would be intense tedium.
Although I regularly do this outside - just forest bathing. But companionably, because the dog and husband are there. Which I would call intimacy more than finding peace. I bring peace into the woods with me most days. But, you know - a talkative, cheerful peace rather than a quiet, contemplative peace.
Exactly.
Again, I commend you for working on this stuff. I wish for you contentedness.
Andrew Weil MD recommends 478 breathing for anxiety:
I appreciate the commendation. I sometimes feel like a fraud when I receive approbation for making an effort to not be an asshole - “I am so proud of you for not killing people.” However, considering where I was, I am learning to accept recognition of the changes I have made.
Forest bathing - stealing it.
June 9
Weight 145.9 (!)
Disappointing weekend here, training-wise. Got set up to lift on Friday but something was wrong with my bicep for no reason whatsoever. So okay, don’t want to make it worse, so figured I’d push the workout to Saturday and got on the treadmill. Had my physical, which went well, of course, but got a shingles shot, which messed me up on Saturday, though bicep was feeling good. We were going to go for a hike in the morning but I fell back asleep and remained that way until 1:30, which is unheard of for me. So yesterday was a rest day. Bicep a little funky today after I reached for something on the kitchen counter last night, but hopefully I’ll be able to do at least some lifting today.
Friday 40 minutes TM, some running, some LISS. Got heart rate up, got sweaty, got steps in. Went clothes shopping after physical - good stuff. Still feeling very pleased with myself.
June 9
Managed most of a full body workout - skipped some stuff I thought put tweaked bicep at risk. Went okay, though, all in all. 10 min cardio WU, 5 min CD.
Feeling really lazy today. Trying not to react to drop in weight by eating like a starving asshole.
Editing to add a 3 mile hike.
Something is wrong with Buttons - she has a cough and is having trouble walking. We take her to the vet at 10:30. I’m frightened. Husband cried himself to sleep last night. That alarmed me, too. Fuck.
best wishes
Sending healing thoughts.
I hope she feels better soon.
Sending lots of hugs, prayers and positive vibes to Buttons and you!
Thanks, all.
So it may be pneumonia, which is what we’re treating, but her liver - which we’ve known is going to be an issue at some point - is also significantly enlarged. So hopefully the two different antibiotics will help the cough, fever, and weakness…if not, then this stuff is just secondary to end-stage liver cancer. So we’ll hope she fluffs back up over the next couple of days.
I’m really sorry to see this, and I hope she gets better.
Thank you! She’s had a fever, but feels maybe cooler this morning.
Husband is out of town, which sucks, but he’s only 3 hours away, which could be worse. It’s going to be a long day at work, worrying.
June 12
Weight 147.9
40 min treadmill w/ sprints. Felt good.
June 11, 20 min treadmill - dog care didn’t allow time.
Missed my 10k steps both yesterday and Monday. Dog seems to be perking up, though (on two kinds of antibiotics), so hopefully things will return to normal.
Nothing worse than a sick dog. The worry, the care. I hope your K9 gets better soon!
Happy to hear Buttons is feeling a little better.
Friday, June 14
Weight 149.1
Average calories: 1600
Steps: 9833 (Two low days while the dog was sick. But the low days, at around 7K, used to be my norm, so there’s that at least.)
Wednesday 40 minutes TM with run sprints.
Thursday 40 minutes TM with KB swings worked in.
Dog is slowly returning to herself. She walked the entire yard yesterday, first time this week (2.5 acre square).
Lots of great updates here, go Buttons!
