This is an important distinction
When I’m talking to friends about a touchy subject (e.g., relationship), ask whether they want support or advice
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@tlgains you’ve asked about my personal growth stuff a few times. This is one of those situations that I absolutely would have misread if I had not learned/implemented what I have.
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Yep. And you can’t control that.
No, it absolutely doesn’t. Say what needs to be said. Literally all I’m saying is that as an adult, you know the difference between polite and rude. If you don’t, or somehow think that you can’t speak the truth without having manners and being polite, then we’re not going to understand each other.
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I’m pretty sure my stance is not crazy or ignorant. Doing exactly what you said 30 years ago was fine, but the listening party now decides what constitutes being “polite”.
As in, i can politely say “sir” at a gas station and get screamed at by a 6’4 biological male saying “ITS MA’AM!”.
So yeah, be traditionally polite, but it’s not you who determines if what you said is considered polite or not these days. That’s what I’m getting at.
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Yeah, but if something like that happens, you simply blink twice, silently declare “asshole!” to yourself, and move along with your happy life.
I live in a place that attracts tourists. Out to dinner with friends one night a grouchy old man who felt I was in his way asked me where I was from, and then speculated New Jersey, which was meant to be a huge insult. (Oh SNAP!) But like, lol. Who cares? Asshole. Not my problem. The owners of the restaurant are friends and my group was a mix of natives and transplants.
If I’m being pleasant and polite, an identified-gender mistake on my part is unintentional. Let someone shriek at me - I don’t care. Asshole. Not my problem.
It was a huge insult.
What? Those were fighting words.
Unfortunately, you can lose your job or get sued over these things.
You think I should have bitch-slapped the old man?
Hmm, maybe.
I could get raped. See my husband get hit by a car as we’re riding our bikes. Choke on steak at a swanky restaurant. Etc.
I try not to worry about statistically unlikely things. Or even statistically likely things, beyond healthy caution. I drive carefully in snow storms and do my best to honor people’s wishes re: pretty much everything that doesn’t take anything away from me or mine.
Beyond that, eh.
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I don’t think these are good analogies.
They are similarly in the category of “things I could worry about, but don’t.”
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Not everyone has that luxury.
Check your privilege!
…
Have a nice Saturday.
I’m sorry, but I’m missing your point. That I should view your poor behavior with a sigh and an eye-roll and move on with my happy life? That the eye-roll and silent “asshole” are unkind and I’ve come out in opposition to unkindness so what gives? Or that I’m displaying hypocrisy in saying I don’t react to people being assholes, but here I am, threatening you with @twojarslave’s ass-kicking?
Edit: Or that your gym behavior is similar to identity-policing, and so should get a pass?
Please clarify so I can either rebut or acknowledge my wrongdoings!
I was about to tag you in this thread!
I held the door opened for a person who drives a subaru, and I’m not sure what she identifies as but she has woman parts.
I even did a chivalrous little nod.
Guess what she did?
She politely walked through and up the steps. And we took turns holding doors for each other because we were both going to the same office.
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Eh nevermind. Have a good wednesday.
I saw your post in @Dani_Shugart’s log, but didn’t post there because of time constraints and also a broken finger (out of the splint now), but I think a distinction needs to be made between here and day-to-day, in-person, real-time life. This is a discussion board, which personally I cherish. I like to discuss, both with people with whom I agree and people with whom I don’t. I’m not the PC police, though in some cases I agree with them. The link you posted just above? Ludicrous (them, not you).
I debate not to defeat my opponents as much as to hone my own arguments and define my position. If my opponents get catty, I do, too, which is just good fun for me, since I’m ridiculously affable in RL. I have to be. I’m a mom (first), a wife (second), and a therapist (third). These all require a prioritization of others to one extent or another.
Here is where I can let other elements of my nature come out and play. Some of that has to do with fitness and nutrition. Some of it not.
Please don’t stop posting your views, however awful I may find some of them.
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I have so much respect for this.
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I will still move along happy with my life, but I respond in kind. And it will usually be a cutting biting response. Fuck people like that.
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Personally, imo, overweight people don’t upset me at all. I used to be overweight (260lbs at 16 and 5’9. zero muscle, zero lifting), I dropped 80lbs, and bulked back up over the years. I ate because it made me feel better and I had nothing driving me at that point.
I’m a freedom of will guy, your free to do whatever you want, I’m free to do whatever I want and I’m not going to dictate that for someone.
Now does it sadden me a bit, perhaps, but you have no idea what the person’s going through, maybe they just don’t have a positive influence in their life (yet). I’m friends with a bunch of out of shape, overweight highschool buddies, but I never once let that get in the way of having fun haha. Even though I’m obviously the most fit out of the group, and stick out like a sore thumb. I just look past that and go from the powerlifting guy to the chill guy lol.
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