Dating Game Tips

Hi Guys, I would love to have your opinions and some male perspective on this situation:
I’ve got a couple of girlfriends, sisters actually, who are having trouble getting dates. They are both blonde, slim, attractive,independent, well educated women.
One is an attorney, the other is an RN, so they have no money problems. Their ages are 30 and 32. They do the local singles scene, but they don’t get approached that much. When they do find a date, the guys seem to flake after a couple weeks. (although one sister seems to be doing better than the other). I have been out with them in a group, and I would have to say they come off as a little reserved, no hair playing, loud laughter and scanning the room. They don’t come as a “pair” but they do go places together. Is it tough to approach women like this? Any suggestions?

Damn, throw a dogg a bone! Send those girls my way. I’m down. They sound cool. But yes, it does sound like it is hard to be approached. It’s always hard for a guy to approach a girl no matter how many signs she’s throwing his way. And being with other friends only makes it harder. Then he has to talk to them all! Or be totally humiliated by them! That’s a tough thing to do. Just send them my way. We’ll take care of this situation Doggy Style.

What do you mean, “women like this?” Most guys find it hard to approach ANY woman for the first time. Let’s face it, no one likes to be rejected. On the flip side, not being rejected can be just as uncomfortable. A guy can feel pressure wanting to make a good impression, and not come off as dork or whatever. It’s awkward either way, from my experience. I would almost rather be told “no”, as that is the end of it. End of issue. Remember it is very difficult for most people to break out of their comfort zone. Approaching a woman you have never seen before can be a very intimidating task. Some guys are good at it, I sure as hell ain’t.

Your friends probably will not find the type of guy they are looking for in some club. Guys who have alot on the ball don’t have time to hang out in bars.

Hey, you girls aren’t in Tampa, are you?

It’s probably their personality.

Well, I’ll probably get flamed all to hell for this, but here are some random thoughts: (a)What women think is “attractive” is often not what men think is attractive. It’s the clothing model versus Playboy centerfold difference in perspective. (Of course, since you’re a T-Vixen, you probably have a more realistic idea about this than most.) (b) It might be a little more difficult to approach women who are together than if they’re single, but probably not that much. That’s probably not the problem. (c) From what you’ve written, it sounds like your sisters are very intelligent, well-educated, career-oriented types, and they do occassionally have guys coming up to them…it’s just that the guys don’t stick around. (Please don’t say “flake”, as though any guy who doesn’t like the situation he’s in and does something about it has some sort of personality flaw.) From my perspective, the most likely culprit is the vibe that maybe they’re giving off. Like, “Hey, I’ve got myself and career together, and I certainly am not one of those women who ‘needs’ a man. But if you measure up, I might be interested in dating you.” I found this attitude very prevalent when I was in the 30’s dating scene in the States. Well, the sad fact is that most guys (who are worth anything) get over trying to “prove” themselves to women about the same time they get out of being a teenager, or maybe a little later. So if you’re a guy in your 30’s and looking for a date or mate, you’re not going to respond very well to that sort of thing. Not to pick on your sisters or anything, it’s just the way American society has gone lately. (d) A lot of guys complain about the girlfriend-as-monetary-black-hole syndrome, but if I had to make a choice between supporting someone financially or dealing with the above attitude, I’d take the former any day.

Okay, my two cents’ worth. Feel free to call me a chauvanist pig or whatever. :slight_smile: Or, if you’d like to talk about it some more…

Well send me their number, ha ha… maybe the fact that they don’t seen obviously available is the problem, i’m assuming since you said they are reserved that they are a bit on the shy/quiet side. yes it is hard to connect with people like this until you know them better, maybe guys are running cause they are not opening up, you said they leave after a few weeks so i assume this is after 2-4 dates, a guy will most likely take a few dates to try to connect with a girl, hardly anyone is a write-off after one date, so maybe they need to be a bit more outgoing when they are out.
also if they are extremely attractive this can work against them- in my experience bombshell girls sometimes are rarely approached because guys are certainly they will get shot down.
all for now

The first thing I’ll say is that they need to get it outta their heads that it’s the ‘guy’ that has to do the approaches! They need to be willing to go up to guys. Otherwise, don’t hang in big groups, stay by themselves from time to time (much easier to appraoch a lone chick), and when they make eye contact with a guy they like the look of, smile just a little and hold that eye contact as long as it takes to say ‘I see you’… then look ‘down’. Learning about body language and human behaviour is also a big bonus. Oh, and the better shape they’re in and the more skin they show, the more guys will come up to them, that’s just the way it is… [shrug] Cheers, Mark

What’s up, A Girl? I just got home from the date and still in the dating frame of mind so I will give you my opinion of what could be happening. Sometimes guys can’t get a bit intimidated by women, especially if it is two of them together. It is not usually a good idea for us guys to approach a crowd of women, makes the chances of getting shot down rise by at least 20%. Also tell them to be a little more aggresive in getting a date, if you don’t flirt a little we have no idea if we are in the process of hookin up, or merely wasting our time as well as making a jackass of ourself. Oh yea, and be sure they aren’t in a gay bar. HAHAHA. Hope this helps your girls out a bit…if I were to see two fine ass ladies sittin on a stool all alone you bet your ass they would have to knock me off with a stick.

It may be due to the combination of them being so attractive and laid back that guys are nervous/intimidated to approach them. This may sound counter-intuitive, but with some women because they look good and carry themselves with a certain energy or poise, a guy looks at them with such awe that he does not approach. Because he sees them as being a goddess. It is much easier to approach a mildly attractive and playful woman than a goddess. It is as though when a guy sees the goddess he has to be perfect with what he says, how he behaves, etc. because she is perfect. But with the less attractive one he feels free cuz she is not his dream girl. Most guys appreciate the attractive and intelligent parts of a woman. So maybe your friends are simply missing the playful and let’s have fun attitude. Which I am sure they can do w/o the loud laughter and hair playing. It is also alright for them to approach guys that their interested in too. Just don’t use lines like “My name may not be Wilma Flinstone… but I can make your bedrock”

I’d ask your friends to try online chatrooms, they are not dens for pervs or cyber geeks. I’ve found people to be more open in chats and if one has a good personality thats a venue where it can shine. Hope this helps, outlaw.

Here is an exercise for them, do hire a bodyguard first LOL: let them practice to smile at every man that walks past them. That will do the trick. How are they in relations ? Only a wierdo obsessive guy will stay with frigid virgins. hope that sheds some light without being rude :slight_smile:

I think it’s definately harder to approach a group of girls. It’s like picking a fight with a gang (street gang, not a gang o’ babes), meaning it can be intimidating. How about the girls approaching a guy they like? Us guys do it all the time!

I think the advice of all the boys is right on.I’ve been seeing a real nice, down to earth type of girl. A mutual friend introduced us, when we went bike riding together. She’s the pretty, nice, independent type. However, nif he didn’t tell me what a great person she was, i would have thought she was aloof or disinterested. If these girls are shy, or not giving off a good vibe, they’ll come off as unaproachable.
Remember guys worry about rejection, so a little flirting will help. I personally like the strong, indendent type, but I want to know she likes me.

I have a friend of mine who the situation sounds similar. She is a doctor and blonde and has a great rack. Her and I go places all the time and she never picks up guys. I pickup girls every time I am out with her. It is very simple she doesn’t suffer fools well at all. Let’s face it the average IQ in America is 100, 80 is considered retarded. That being the case a person with an IQ of just 120 will think of the average person as retarded. Considering that 100 is average that means that there are many people below that as well. Translation they are probably trying to find their intellectual peer in a rave. Not a good plan. If they are really trying to meet mr right go to places that share a theme. Go to the museum and strike up conversation with the first guy they think is cute. The only thing bars are good for is practicing meeting people that and slutting around. The singles scene is a pathetic outdated mating ritual that has been proven ineffective for years. If you are looking for a fuck go to a club if you are looking for mr/mrs right start talking to people in the grocery store line at the bank, just be social something will strike your eye. As it was stated earlier no one likes to get rejected however it is necessary to try. If you are not getting rejected then you are not trying. It is a funny thing that people think they should be approached. Who said a woman cannot do the approaching what fucking century is this folks.

Being women with professional degrees they definitely should look for someone with equivalent educations. I find it hard to believe that the attorney has a hard time meeting men. The law profession is dominated by men and an atractive female lawyer would be a great catch to any single professional man. An RN should be meeting doctors and other similarly educated men in her job as well. The reason I stress meeting similarly educated men is that the differences in education will become hugely apparent over time. I have a MS and my wife only finished high school. Well, I did the college thing when we were married and she supported me. I’ll always be grateful for that, but the difference that having an education has made in our relationship is pretty big. Bottom line: stay our of bars and look for people at the gym or church or in a city athletic league or at work. Go to places where you like to be and look for men who share your interests.

After reading some of these posts, I can’t help but be impressed by the unconscious programming that goes on. Who ever said you had to be nervous to approach a beautiful woman? They are just like other women, no better, no less…just different packaging. Guys - if you approach a beautiful girl and she gives you the cold shoulder or the “I’m to good for you” routine: forget 'em. I’ll get off my soapbox to say this about your friends: beautiful, self-confident women will scare away those that have little belief in themselves. Being playful will definitely help, as this will help guys to relax and approach them. Here’s a weird little bit of flirtation science: Men typically need about 5 seconds of solid eye contact from a woman to feel that she is attracted to him-smiling helps! Neat, huh? Hey, maybe they should do approaching themselves!

won’t speak for other guys, but i always see plenty of beautiful girls when i go out, and i am always more likely to approach a beautiful girl who looks like she is having fun as opposed to one who looks bored or stuck up, usually the one who looks like she is having fun is fun, and the one who looks bored and stuck up, is boring and stuck up.

My guess is that the reason the guys are flaking out after two weeks is because one of two situations. 1. Their giving it up so fast that the guys get sick of it after two weeks.(you can only get so much from one girl)2. Their not giving the guys any play and if this is the case THEY NEED TO GET MORE SLUTY.Joel

I am going to give a total guy perspective, sorry. 1)Every guy flakes out? thats way to general to accept at face value. I have a girl-friend that says that and is now starting to realize that a) she is 1/2 to blame AND credit for every relationship and b) not all relationships work out and blame need not be assigned and c) what perception of a guy OR girl is and what they really are can be 2 very different things, and that is not necessarily bad. Haven’t you ever heard of “When I first met (him/her) I hated (him/her)”.
flirting is a two way street. If they want to be met they should make an effort to proactively meet people as well. It depends on the area of the country, but if they excuse themselves to restroom as they pass people do they at least nod? Want to be approached, be approachable and approach others, want to be interesting, be interested.
A Girl, you seem like a level headed and nice enough, when you hang out with them, do you introduce them to people that you know? Sparks either will fly or they won’t. That is bidirectional, too. Have these girls many friends? Is your friendship with them clouding a character flaw or 2? Everyone has them, I know mine. I know that there is a intimidation factor, but there also is a time preservation factor. If I see a girl that I am physically attracted to, but carries themselves as unapproachable, they will remain eye-candy. Where do they hunt? If there is dancing, do they refuse everyone? We men watch our “prey” before we strike.
what does trouble getting dates mean? never, once a month? I am not beign critical, but the best advice I can give is to relax and be proactive. If they ever see a guy that they think is attractive, approach once, success is good, failure is medicine to learn from.

Wow guys, this is great! I plan on printing this out and showing this to them. To answer a few questions, they have tried online dating and had some success with that, but apparently it is very time consuming, so that is kinda tough. the Atty has joined a running club recently and feels that may work out well. The RN works nocs so she has a tougher time. As far as dating people from work…not a good idea for office politics (atty), all the docs are married, and the residents have NO free time and its not a good idea for hosp politics. Chris, my guy says they are attractive,so does one of my MD friends. They have admitted to me they may be “too picky” but they don’t seem that bad to me. I don’t think they give off a vibe of a biological clock ticking, at this point they “just want someone steady to have fun and sleep with” They even tried that singles thing where everyone has a number, the women sit at tables, the guys go from table to table and they both converse for 6 min. At the end of the hr, they write down the numbers of the people they are interested in and the dating service matches them up. LOL! well these poor girls went on a night when there were way more women than men so it didn’t work out. A couple of you said it was hard to approach a group of women… I wanted to ask you guys what you would suggest, since most women just don’t go to the local hang out alone and if you go with a guy-friend you are less likely to be approached. By the way I have heard lots of women say “there’s nobody out there or, all the good ones are taken” I disagree with those statements, but I was wondering if guys say the same things to each other?