real question of the day -
does love have anything to do with having a few fuckbuddies?
~answer - no~
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
So to discuss it further, if you have kids(age unrelated I guess) and one of you cheats, is it better to stay together for the kids or divorce? And I guess lets say the kids are 16 and younger. Even now that I have a son, that is a tricky one for me.[/quote]
the answer is yes, stay for the kids - that way, everyone wins~
(forchristsake!)[/quote]
LOL!!!
[quote]Edgy wrote:
real question of the day -
does love have anything to do with having a few fuckbuddies?
~answer - no~[/quote]
Are you talking to yourself again Ed?
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
So to discuss it further, if you have kids(age unrelated I guess) and one of you cheats, is it better to stay together for the kids or divorce? And I guess lets say the kids are 16 and younger. Even now that I have a son, that is a tricky one for me.[/quote]
the answer is yes, stay for the kids - that way, everyone wins~
(forchristsake!)[/quote]
I agree with you and Derek. Im sure it would suck major ass to come home to a spouse you have little to no respect or compassion for anymore but I would hate for my son to have to go through something like a divorce.
I think there is a statistic out there that says children of divorced parents 3-4x more likely to go through a divorce themselves. Dont quote me but Im pretty positve.
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
So to discuss it further, if you have kids(age unrelated I guess) and one of you cheats, is it better to stay together for the kids or divorce? And I guess lets say the kids are 16 and younger. Even now that I have a son, that is a tricky one for me.[/quote]
the answer is yes, stay for the kids - that way, everyone wins~
(forchristsake!)[/quote]
I agree with you and Derek. Im sure it would suck major ass to come home to a spouse you have little to no respect or compassion for anymore but I would hate for my son to have to go through something like a divorce.
I think there is a statistic out there that says children of divorced parents 3-4x more likely to go through a divorce themselves. Dont quote me but Im pretty positve.[/quote]
You are safe my friend, even though you lost all that weight and are all skinny now, she still loves you.
[quote]print wrote:
[quote]The Other Titan wrote:
Holy shit, wow. I think now would be a good time to point out to you that I’m single and very much heterosexual. Oh fuck, there was that threesome I had once but that definitely didn’t count as a bisexual experience, I didn’t touch the other guy, I swear I didnt. I don’t swing that way. CALL ME!
[/quote]
.[/quote]
LOL! That was good.
[quote]Airtruth wrote:
[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:
[quote]Airtruth wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]Airtruth wrote:
So how do married guys deal with the gorgeous women that seem like they’re perfect for you? Do you do the roledex?[/quote]
Okay dont understand this question.
Are you asking how do married men manage their affairs with gorgeous women? [/quote]
How do they stay faithful, for a life time when that one girl walks by that is just incredible, and you want a taste.[/quote]
I’m not a man but I’ll answer you from my perspective. If I encounter a really attractive guy, I just imagine that he probably has chlamydia. No, but in all seriousness, some reasons that I stay faithful to my husband include: It is super hurtful; I would be absolutely guilt-ridden; I would feel a total loss of integrity; I took a vow; I am the worst liar and would inevitably get caught; I may get stoned to death. Okay, probably not the latter, but many years ago it would have been a very real possibility.
I think people are more apt to have an affair when some “need” in their relationship is not being met. If I were to find myself interested in someone else, I would take a hard look at my marriage and try to figure out what’s lacking. [/quote]
Well I haven’t been married, but I like to keep my word and vows. Even in a relationship I don’t want to hurt the person but sometimes when I’m talking to another female I forget I’m in a relationship. Not as I have no memory, just it’s not something I’m thinking about at the moment. Long as I’m out and it’s something where I have to call back or come back and talk to her then I’m good, but if there’s no break for me to stop and think I can easily get caught up. I just hope if I do get married that wouldn’t happen.[/quote]
I think that there is always going to be that temptation. I guess it’s just a matter of try to avoid getting too caught up with it. You can ask yourself, “Is this a conversation I would be having with this girl, if my girlfriend was here?”
[quote]Airtruth wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]Airtruth wrote:
So how do married guys deal with the gorgeous women that seem like they’re perfect for you? Do you do the roledex?[/quote]
Okay dont understand this question.
Are you asking how do married men manage their affairs with gorgeous women? [/quote]
How do they stay faithful, for a life time when that one girl walks by that is just incredible, and you want a taste.[/quote]
- Wouldn’t want to hurt my wife.
- Wouldn’t want to lose my family.
- I have no interest in sex wearing a condom and I would be afraid to have sex with a hookup who didn’t insist on a condom. Deep huh.
- I guess integrity doesn’t quite make the list.
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
So to discuss it further, if you have kids(age unrelated I guess) and one of you cheats, is it better to stay together for the kids or divorce? And I guess lets say the kids are 16 and younger. Even now that I have a son, that is a tricky one for me.[/quote]
I don’t think children should be the deciding factor on this one. I think the couple has to decide whether or not it makes sense for them to stay together or go separate ways. If two people can’t stand to live under the same roof, chances are that is going to have a profoundly negative impact on their children. Kids are incredibly perceptive… I specialize in working with children and they are generally well aware of the dynamics between their parents - good or bad.
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
So to discuss it further, if you have kids(age unrelated I guess) and one of you cheats, is it better to stay together for the kids or divorce? And I guess lets say the kids are 16 and younger. Even now that I have a son, that is a tricky one for me.[/quote]
the answer is yes, stay for the kids - that way, everyone wins~
(forchristsake!)[/quote]
I agree with you and Derek. Im sure it would suck major ass to come home to a spouse you have little to no respect or compassion for anymore but I would hate for my son to have to go through something like a divorce.
I think there is a statistic out there that says children of divorced parents 3-4x more likely to go through a divorce themselves. Dont quote me but Im pretty positve.[/quote]
You are safe my friend, even though you lost all that weight and are all skinny now, she still loves you. [/quote]
To seal the deal, I just need to start doing Crossfit 
[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:
[quote]theBeth wrote:
…when you found out someone you had been with for at least a year was cheating on you? Has this happened to anyone? How did you deal with the situation? Did you confront them?[/quote]
Beth, I hope you’re finally getting over that guy.
I’m super late to this party but I feel inclined to contribute my Jerry Springer nightmare.
I was in a relationship with this guy from about 2004-2007. Before making my “discovery”, I would have said that he was the ideal boyfriend.
One day I was having trouble with my computer so I went on his laptop. He had left his e-mail inbox open and when I went to log him out, I noticed that I didn’t recognize the username. The username was unbelievably provocative. I’m far from being a snoop but with the handle he was using, I really couldn’t resist perusing the e-mails.
Apparently, he had been communicating with men from all over the country since 2002. The correspondence was completely sexual in nature (graphic details including photos) and revolved around setting up encounters while away on business. I can’t even convey how sick I felt. I was actually thinking that it was all a nightmare.
When he got home from work that night I did confront him. Initially, he looked like a deer in headlights and fervently denied everything. When confronted with evidence he did start to come clean. He claimed that he “only” met up with two of the guys while away at his surgical conferences. He didn’t understand why I found the whole thing so upsetting, after all it wasn’t like he was having sex with other women. He was also very proud to highlight that he made it a point to let these guys know that he had a girlfriend and that it would be nothing more than a hook up. Gee, thanks for the consolation, buddy…
I obviously ended the relationship after learning about those little trysts. I was super devastated about the whole thing… I moved over 100 miles to get away from this man and wouldn’t you know, as a quirk of fate would have it, we’re now neighbors… go figure, right? If cosmic retribution is real, I clearly did something very crappy to deserve that!!!
That is a long post.
[/quote]
That’s brutal. I tend to think gay sex has to be the biggest turn off for a woman. I can’t imagine that any fairly normal woman would want to be with a man who has been with another man.
You must have been terrified that you might have contracted aids.
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
So to discuss it further, if you have kids(age unrelated I guess) and one of you cheats, is it better to stay together for the kids or divorce? And I guess lets say the kids are 16 and younger. Even now that I have a son, that is a tricky one for me.[/quote]
the answer is yes, stay for the kids - that way, everyone wins~
(forchristsake!)[/quote]
I agree with you and Derek. Im sure it would suck major ass to come home to a spouse you have little to no respect or compassion for anymore but I would hate for my son to have to go through something like a divorce.
I think there is a statistic out there that says children of divorced parents 3-4x more likely to go through a divorce themselves. Dont quote me but Im pretty positve.[/quote]
You are safe my friend, even though you lost all that weight and are all skinny now, she still loves you. [/quote]
To seal the deal, I just need to start doing Crossfit :)[/quote]
ahahhaahahhahahahahahahahaahahah
You arent man enough…Packers fan
[quote]Airtruth wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]Airtruth wrote:
So how do married guys deal with the gorgeous women that seem like they’re perfect for you? Do you do the roledex?[/quote]
Okay dont understand this question.
Are you asking how do married men manage their affairs with gorgeous women? [/quote]
How do they stay faithful, for a life time when that one girl walks by that is just incredible, and you want a taste.[/quote]
I’ve found that what “tempts” me is often something I’m just not getting from my current relationship. Once I’ve identified that “need”/want, I’ve found it’s worth it to just find a way to get that from my current relationship.
The few times I’ve ended a relationship to pursue something, I realized later what I’d given up. While the new girl gave me something the old girl didn’t, the new girl also didn’t give me what the old girl did.
I think a lot of people underestimate their own influence in a relationship. If there’s something you’re not getting, you can often find a way to get it. Assuming it’s a healthy relationship, and both partners are willing to do things for the other, it’s sometimes only just a matter of asking.
Now, as far as the appeal of novelty, there’s always porn and strip clubs. And there are ways to have and use both in a healthy relationship.
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]farmerson12 wrote:
So to discuss it further, if you have kids(age unrelated I guess) and one of you cheats, is it better to stay together for the kids or divorce? And I guess lets say the kids are 16 and younger. Even now that I have a son, that is a tricky one for me.[/quote]
the answer is yes, stay for the kids - that way, everyone wins~
(forchristsake!)[/quote]
I agree with you and Derek. Im sure it would suck major ass to come home to a spouse you have little to no respect or compassion for anymore but I would hate for my son to have to go through something like a divorce.
I think there is a statistic out there that says children of divorced parents 3-4x more likely to go through a divorce themselves. Dont quote me but Im pretty positve.[/quote]
You are safe my friend, even though you lost all that weight and are all skinny now, she still loves you. [/quote]
To seal the deal, I just need to start doing Crossfit :)[/quote]
fwiw?
my parents stayed together through a rocky marriage, and all 4 of us kids have at least one divorce~
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]Edgy wrote:
real question of the day -
does love have anything to do with having a few fuckbuddies?
~answer - no~[/quote]
Are you talking to yourself again Ed?[/quote]
you know that its tru, you can love your sweet little wifey and still bang the shit out of that hot little waitress at T-Bone Toms~
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:
…If two people can’t stand to live under the same roof, chances are that is going to have a profoundly negative impact on their children. Kids are incredibly perceptive… I specialize in working with children and they are generally well aware of the dynamics between their parents - good or bad. [/quote]
This is a common line but I’m not fully convinced that it necessitates divorce.
I could argue that keeping the marriage intact in spite of…spite between the parents would still be more beneficial for the kids overall AND generally speaking.
Again, this line of “We’re splitting up for the children” is oftentimes just an excuse for weak or lazy or obstinate people pulling the plug.
Divorce is deeply injurious to children but the injury isn’t manifested much of the time until years later.[/quote]
I have seen this first hand in my life. So I agree divorce is not always the answer.
[quote]Edgy wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]Edgy wrote:
real question of the day -
does love have anything to do with having a few fuckbuddies?
~answer - no~[/quote]
Are you talking to yourself again Ed?[/quote]
you know that its tru, you can love your sweet little wifey and still bang the shit out of that hot little waitress at T-Bone Toms~[/quote]
Lol, no sir, I am retired from the game. I got all I need with the little latina.
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:
[quote]theBeth wrote:
…when you found out someone you had been with for at least a year was cheating on you? Has this happened to anyone? How did you deal with the situation? Did you confront them?[/quote]
Beth, I hope you’re finally getting over that guy.
I’m super late to this party but I feel inclined to contribute my Jerry Springer nightmare.
I was in a relationship with this guy from about 2004-2007. Before making my “discovery”, I would have said that he was the ideal boyfriend.
One day I was having trouble with my computer so I went on his laptop. He had left his e-mail inbox open and when I went to log him out, I noticed that I didn’t recognize the username. The username was unbelievably provocative. I’m far from being a snoop but with the handle he was using, I really couldn’t resist perusing the e-mails.
Apparently, he had been communicating with men from all over the country since 2002. The correspondence was completely sexual in nature (graphic details including photos) and revolved around setting up encounters while away on business. I can’t even convey how sick I felt. I was actually thinking that it was all a nightmare.
When he got home from work that night I did confront him. Initially, he looked like a deer in headlights and fervently denied everything. When confronted with evidence he did start to come clean. He claimed that he “only” met up with two of the guys while away at his surgical conferences. He didn’t understand why I found the whole thing so upsetting, after all it wasn’t like he was having sex with other women. He was also very proud to highlight that he made it a point to let these guys know that he had a girlfriend and that it would be nothing more than a hook up. Gee, thanks for the consolation, buddy…
I obviously ended the relationship after learning about those little trysts. I was super devastated about the whole thing… I moved over 100 miles to get away from this man and wouldn’t you know, as a quirk of fate would have it, we’re now neighbors… go figure, right? If cosmic retribution is real, I clearly did something very crappy to deserve that!!!
That is a long post.
[/quote]
That’s brutal. I tend to think gay sex has to be the biggest turn off for a woman. I can’t imagine that any fairly normal woman would want to be with a man who has been with another man.
You must have been terrified that you might have contracted aids.[/quote]
Yes, I was very concerned but he’s a surgeon and wouldn’t be able to practice if he had HIV or any type of communicable disease; at least then, I don’t know if the laws have changed. In the last year we were together, he cut himself with a sharp that had been used on someone that had HIV and Hep C and he was immediately put on the cocktail and antibiotics. He was tested many times after the incident and the hospital required a copy of the negative results in order for him to continue practicing.
I was still paranoid though and got tested for everything under the sun and had a complete blood workup at 3 months, 6 months, and again after a year. Insurance hardly covered any of it so I got stuck paying hundreds of dollars. It was definitely worth it though for peace of mind sake.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:
…If two people can’t stand to live under the same roof, chances are that is going to have a profoundly negative impact on their children. Kids are incredibly perceptive… I specialize in working with children and they are generally well aware of the dynamics between their parents - good or bad. [/quote]
This is a common line but I’m not fully convinced that it necessitates divorce.
I could argue that keeping the marriage intact in spite of…spite between the parents would still be more beneficial for the kids overall AND generally speaking.
Again, this line of “We’re splitting up for the children” is oftentimes just an excuse for weak or lazy or obstinate people pulling the plug.
Divorce is deeply injurious to children but the injury isn’t manifested much of the time until years later.[/quote]
I don’t think I was necessarily implying that divorce is always the right answer. I think children can get injured either way. Overcoming something like infidelity in a marriage is very difficult but certainly not impossible. If a couple can overcome a challenge like that it can often make them stronger. Or, maybe that is just a line I feed to couples when they come in for counseling. Hmm, either way, I guess I’m starting to believe it.