This is too damn long of a story in the making, I’ll try to sum it up bc thoughts from other ppl aside from myself would help a lot, I think. It’s long, but to whomever reads it and gives any advice it would help me a lot… Thanks ahead of time
[Edited slightly bc I wasn’t clear in all this when typing, thanks for those that already responded]
We have been dating for 3 1/2 years now, it’s serious, and I want to marry this girl.
about 2 years into it we broke up. I was a “hot shot” at the gym, had a ton a friends, and girls hitting on me. I never did anything, but she broke it off bc she claimed I was trying to cheat on her… There’s more to all this, but these are the bullet points and I’ll be happy to clarify anything else…
We lived together when we broke up, and I had no warning for any of this, so we still lived together for a month or so after we broke up. That sucked.
She made a rule that I can’t bring anyone in the house, and that was fine. She went home that weekend for about a week and fucked some guy without protection, and we had sex later. She didn’t tell me and I got the clap (my ass still itches to this day from the meds fucking w my system).
After this I didnt talk w her for a while except for the fact that she had my dog, a rotty, that is breed restricted and I couldn’t keep him. He’s prob why we are together today in a way.
I never slept w anyone bc I didn’t have insurance and it took a long time to get meds to fix me, and that’s not me (it’s also a small, small town and word gets around).
Anyway, later on we get back together, this was maybe october. Things are ok, she has trust issues bc she swore I’d cheat on her (insecurity issues since childhood that we’ve been working on). She also starting working out hardcore when we broke up and got in really, really good shape (which I was bitter about then bc I worked so hard to get her to start).
Since then the only real issues we’ve had have been on my side (vs me helping her with everything from eating disorders to a rape way before our relationship, it was really hard to deal w at times). I dropped out of college for the time being, not sure when or how financially I can finish it. I work a stupid job at sbux in the meantime. It turns out my nerve pain in 1 foot is way worse now and it’s gone to both feet, but the main issue w it is that my boss is an idiot.
The schedule it so bad I feel as tired as when I used to landscape 60hrs/wk in the summer. I work 35hrs in the ac now. Also, turns out my younger brother who has a kid just turned it over to my mom- I can’t explain how terrible that is and how awful our childhood was.
Of all these, my dad going to jail (it seems likely, and all out of nowhere. He got into bad habits after a good friend was murdered and he happen to get caught) and my schooling are the biggest stressors, both are out of my hands, too. Even the school part, it has something to do w financial aid and course restrictions.
Also, my future goals in life revolve around being some sort of trainer or strength coach. I have put that on pause w my stress, and also in the worst shape I’ve been in since she’s known me. She is making $20/hr plus OT, is in the best shape of her life.
So now to the main parts that I’m really stressed about.
When she gave me the std it scared me (once again, this was when we were broken up, but lived w her), bc she had no idea what she had and put me at risk, and never checked herself in between. Turns out, during the darkest time of our breakup she was fucking some guy, this is what it’s all about.
Around April her best friend died, prob drunk driving, but still a sad time for her. This girl helped her through the breakup, so as little as I liked her that meant a lot. About 2 weeks after that we all got together- we as in her group of friends, that we always hang out w, that I was introduced to after the breakup (sucks bc all mine graduated and are no longer in town/the state) and she was blackout drunk.
She was talking in the kitchen w this guy named Mario for almost an hour. I was in the next room and could see them, just thought it was odd. When we got home I was sobering up then couldn’t sleep, no reason really. She got a text from him around 3:30 and the wording really threw me off. I was drunk and connecting things, and decided to go WAY back in her fb and figure out what all had happened when we broke up.
She had fucked some other guy as well. So what, we were broken up, even tho I was living in the house then. I was 99% sure that he was a friend of the group, bc she wouldn’t be that much of an ass to let him be in the actual group. I confronted her, about Mario, and that I trusted she wouldn’t do that to me, but that she needed to tell me if the guy came around and that I didn’t want to be put in a bad situation and end up fighting this guy (a lot of the ppl in the group say things out of line fairly often).
I was not doing well about this all, bc she lied to me and I felt gross shaking the dudes hand if I ever did. Also, slightly insecure, which normally I’ve never cared about this w other girls, but I did w her.
The details were blurry on the second time I snooped. I was prob drunk and feeling insecure, also bc she had friends coming in town and I told her I didn’t want to go out w them and be in a bad situation.
We talked about it a few times here and there. I was feeling fine.
Since she got a smart phone she has been kinda off w it, like pulling it away almost, even though I could always check her phone. I was drunk and she kept doing it, prob nothing behind it.
This time around I found out who it was back when we were broken up. Her friend Mario. Someone who is bigger than me, better looking, more charismatic and someone everyone loves.
I also found out she was trying to see where things went w him back then, even tho she claimed she wanted to see if we could work things out. She claims they didn’t work and that’s why she’s w me, and I’ll give her that. He’s a main person in the group, and I feel disgusted by it all. Also, that he tried to fuck her when her friend passed, while we were together this time, behind my back and she never said anything to me. Of all things, that made me lose a lot of trust in her. Also, that she had deleted text w him and her convos w him on fb.
She can have whatever she wants. She’s beautiful and sexy, getting paid well straight out of college, has her goals lined up and I’m basically the opposite.
I’ve been having dreams of her leaving him, or them fucking behind my back, and visualizing her having such a good time fucking him bc she’s talked several times about how fit and in shape he is. I can’t have sex w her currently, I feel pathetic and small. To reiterate, I’ve never felt insecure like this, I just didn’t give a shit. Her lying to me about this, even when confronted is scaring the shit out of me. She says she never going to do it again, and we’ve talked about other things mentioned too.
I just feel so vulnerable, and weak, and disgusting. I’m worried she’ll leave me whenever she finds something better. I know I need to get my shit together, and it will happen, but I’m worried she will get fed up too soon, even tho she says she’s in this for the long run.
Any ideas, guys? I’ve been bugging out, and it sucks.
Once again, she didn’t cheat on me, but lied about who it was in the past, and never told me that later, when we were back together, that he tried to fuck her when she was vulnerable after her friend died.
