Can You Turn Extroverted?

Off Topic
41

Why does everyone have to live under a label?

“I’m an introvert.”
“I’m an extrovert.”

Saying you’re one or the other is nothing more than an excuse because it removes responsibility and choice from the equation. Like your entire life was predestined to you at birth because you were born one way or the other. Bullshit.

People can change. The reason they usually don’t is because lasting change takes a big 'ol pile of effort and a whole bunch of discomfort. Most people are either too weak-willed and lazy to get past either or they really just don’t want it enough.

42

[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
Why does everyone have to live under a label?

“I’m an introvert.”
“I’m an extrovert.”

Saying you’re one or the other is nothing more than an excuse because it removes responsibility and choice from the equation. Like your entire life was predestined to you at birth because you were born one way or the other. Bullshit.

People can change. The reason they usually don’t is because lasting change takes a big 'ol pile of effort and a whole bunch of discomfort. Most people are either too weak-willed and lazy to get past either or they really just don’t want it enough.[/quote]

Well that’s just a straight nature vs nurture debate, btu I think most would agree that we arrive at who we are through a combination of the two. I happen to believe that you are born with a natural inclination towards introversion or extroversion. I’m sure your childhood experiences play SOME role in determining where you fall on the spectrum - extremely introverted, somewhat introverted, neutral, somewhat extroverted, extremely extroverted - but I don’t think people just will themselves one way or another

43

[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
Why does everyone have to live under a label?

“I’m an introvert.”
“I’m an extrovert.”

Saying you’re one or the other is nothing more than an excuse because it removes responsibility and choice from the equation. Like your entire life was predestined to you at birth because you were born one way or the other. Bullshit.

People can change. The reason they usually don’t is because lasting change takes a big 'ol pile of effort and a whole bunch of discomfort. Most people are either too weak-willed and lazy to get past either or they really just don’t want it enough.[/quote]

did you read the posts?

44

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
The funny thing is that I’m sometimes given to jags of gregariousness during which I talk to anybody, anywhere about anything. It’s kind of fucked up and scary… for the other people.[/quote]

Me too. Let’s do something IPF together and scare the shit out of people.

45

[quote]FormerlyTexasGuy wrote:
FightinIrish26 wrote:
nowakc wrote:

The difficult path is to just flip the switch and start being friendly and talkative to everyone, all the time. Approach strangers randomly and initiate conversations, even if it’s about stupid shit like the weather. In this case you’ll have to deal with those people who don’t want to talk to you and might be rude, and get used to that rejection. However, you’ll make friends quick because of the sheer amount of people you talk to, eventually you will find someone who you have a lot in common with.

See, I don’t know where you’re from, but that’s just creepy, and might get you in trouble in NJ.

Making conversation sitting at a bus stop is one thing, but hunting for friends everywhere is something that people can see… and it’s fuckin creepy.

I’m also not much for approaching women randomly. I mean, maybe, if you’re in line at the store and you got something to talk about, or if you’re at a bar and they’re sitting next to you. But just walking up to a broad who’s at Shoprite and starting to talk is another thing that, unless you’re very, very good at it, is just fuckin creepy.

Jersy isn’t a war zone. Stop trying to act like you’ll get your ass kicked for any and everything in Jersy because it is just so hard.

People are people and you are either a big pussy or just draw trouble because you think you are a hard ass.

Smiling and being friendly is definitely the way to make friends. Not everyone will be your friend regardless of what you do, but creating a positive presence will make you a more popular person in general than not. And I’m not talking about jr. high clique popular either. Just a well liked person. In Jersey just the same as anywhere else. [/quote]

That’s not what I meant Money Shot.

In other parts of the country, especially the South, people will talk to you, smile, and be friendly even as they pass you on the street.

That type of demeanor doesn’t work when you’re in the NJ area because people are not friendly to those they don’t know. It’s a whole different thing.

So, when you pucker up like that, do the guys like it? Or do they hit you after sex anyway?

46

[quote]KBCThird wrote:
FightinIrish26 wrote:
KBCThird wrote:

The other point is that I think people commonly mistake being anti-social for being introverted, and there’s a difference between being misanthropic and being introverted. It’s very possible I misunderstand what you mean, but when you write “I’ll never be someone who genuinely likes people, but there is something to be said for getting out and being around people” it seems to me that you’re saying “hey, I can be a little bit of an introvert too, but I overcome it” and I dont think that’s what being an introvert is, that, to me, is more misanthropic than anything else.

Again, very possible that I misunderstood

Oh man I’m confused. That was one hell of a run on sentence. Are you calling me introverted or misanthropic? I’m probably a little of both. But I don’t know if you can be more outgoing by being a misanthrope than you would be if you were simply introverted. Is it possible to be a misanthrope but still have a shit ton of friends? I think I hate people as a whole, but individually they can be pretty decent. I start getting philosophical when it gets to this point.

hahaha

“I hate people, but I love Tom, Dick and Harry.”
-Jonathan Swift (may not be verbatim, he may’ve written ‘man’ for people, or something)

ok, lemme try one more time, then if that doesnt work at least I will have succeeded in confusing the both of us.

When you write:

“I’ll never be someone who genuinely likes people, but there is something to be said for getting out and being around people”

would it be accurate or inaccurate for me to paraphrase your feelings as:

“hey, I can be a little bit of an introvert too, but I overcome it”?

The reason I ask is that I think that what you are ACTUALLY feeling is misanthropy, but you’re confusing it with introversion. That’s not to say that you’re not introverted, just saying that you may be confusing one part of your nature with another part

…or I could jsut be splitting hairs and speaking out of my rear at this point. Dunno, I think it’s an interesting thought I have, but if I can’t articulate it, no point in discussing it I suppose.[/quote]

Haha. I don’t know. Maybe I just remember the shitty people, and that colors my perception of all people.

I used to work at a stone yard long ago, and you never remembered the 140 people you helped that were cool to you and tipped well, you only remembered the one douche who was a cunt and pissed you off.

Like I said before, it’s probably a little of both, but there’s no reason that you have to follow your natural tendencies if doing what you always do has led you to be unhappy. So misanthropic or introverted or whatever, it’s still something to overcome.

47

[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
Why does everyone have to live under a label?

“I’m an introvert.”
“I’m an extrovert.”

Saying you’re one or the other is nothing more than an excuse because it removes responsibility and choice from the equation. Like your entire life was predestined to you at birth because you were born one way or the other. Bullshit.

People can change. The reason they usually don’t is because lasting change takes a big 'ol pile of effort and a whole bunch of discomfort. Most people are either too weak-willed and lazy to get past either or they really just don’t want it enough.[/quote]

Good post.

48

I think Ouroboro_S and KBCThird made some good comments about being introverted.

If you’re looking for ways to improve conversational skills, I’d suggest googling the general topic of or checking out Amazon Local library/bookstore on how to make conversation.

The joining local organizations/sports clubs is a good idea as well.

Something I found to be invaluable was joining a speaking organization called “Toastmasters International”. You get a manual which has you highlighting different aspects of speaking (tone/vocal variety, etc) as well as different types of speeches (informative, story telling).

As a result I became a better conversationalist and gave me a boost at work as well because a lot of my co-workers were scared of public speaking.

I’m still an introvert, but it’s become easier to strike up a conversation, or at least hold one at a party. Like another poster said, people love to talk about themselves, so I’ll ask them some questions and let them carry the conversation.

49

I am naturally introverted, yet I chose a career that normally attracts extroverts. Work-wise I have no problem being an extrovert, but when it comes time to relax, I usually am alone or with my girlfriend.

However, when I’m out with friends or family, I turn on the extrovert switch. I do this mostly because I value their company and want them to have an exciting time. Nothing worse than spending time with boring people.

Just cater to your strengths, work on your weaknesses. For me, I’m good at using humor to break the ice, or just make people laugh when out for a good time. But I suck at keeping the momentum going, which is something I’m trying to work on.

50

[quote]miroku333 wrote:
Christine wrote:
Extroverts exhaust me. They get their energy by sucking it out of the introverts.

+1
[/quote]

+2

Jackals.

51

[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
KBCThird wrote:
FightinIrish26 wrote:
KBCThird wrote:

The other point is that I think people commonly mistake being anti-social for being introverted, and there’s a difference between being misanthropic and being introverted. It’s very possible I misunderstand what you mean, but when you write “I’ll never be someone who genuinely likes people, but there is something to be said for getting out and being around people” it seems to me that you’re saying “hey, I can be a little bit of an introvert too, but I overcome it” and I dont think that’s what being an introvert is, that, to me, is more misanthropic than anything else.

Again, very possible that I misunderstood

Oh man I’m confused. That was one hell of a run on sentence. Are you calling me introverted or misanthropic? I’m probably a little of both. But I don’t know if you can be more outgoing by being a misanthrope than you would be if you were simply introverted. Is it possible to be a misanthrope but still have a shit ton of friends? I think I hate people as a whole, but individually they can be pretty decent. I start getting philosophical when it gets to this point.

hahaha

“I hate people, but I love Tom, Dick and Harry.”
-Jonathan Swift (may not be verbatim, he may’ve written ‘man’ for people, or something)

ok, lemme try one more time, then if that doesnt work at least I will have succeeded in confusing the both of us.

When you write:

“I’ll never be someone who genuinely likes people, but there is something to be said for getting out and being around people”

would it be accurate or inaccurate for me to paraphrase your feelings as:

“hey, I can be a little bit of an introvert too, but I overcome it”?

The reason I ask is that I think that what you are ACTUALLY feeling is misanthropy, but you’re confusing it with introversion. That’s not to say that you’re not introverted, just saying that you may be confusing one part of your nature with another part

…or I could jsut be splitting hairs and speaking out of my rear at this point. Dunno, I think it’s an interesting thought I have, but if I can’t articulate it, no point in discussing it I suppose.

Haha. I don’t know. Maybe I just remember the shitty people, and that colors my perception of all people.

I used to work at a stone yard long ago, and you never remembered the 140 people you helped that were cool to you and tipped well, you only remembered the one douche who was a cunt and pissed you off.[/quote]

Defintely, I think it’s human nature, to an extent. The ones that dont focus on it as much tho are probably more optimistic

[quote]
Like I said before, it’s probably a little of both, but there’s no reason that you have to follow your natural tendencies if doing what you always do has led you to be unhappy. So misanthropic or introverted or whatever, it’s still something to overcome.[/quote]

Hmmm, I just don’t see that it’s something to overcome. Is is really someone’s introversion that’s depressing them, or a feeling imposed by society that one is not “supposed” to be introverted.

To put it another way, if you had a daughter who was a tomboy, didnt like dresses and dolls and frilly girly stuff, liked sports, or cars, or weights, or whatever girls aren’t “supposed” to like, is this something for her to overcome? Personally, I would say that it’s not.

52

[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
FormerlyTexasGuy wrote:
FightinIrish26 wrote:
nowakc wrote:

The difficult path is to just flip the switch and start being friendly and talkative to everyone, all the time. Approach strangers randomly and initiate conversations, even if it’s about stupid shit like the weather. In this case you’ll have to deal with those people who don’t want to talk to you and might be rude, and get used to that rejection. However, you’ll make friends quick because of the sheer amount of people you talk to, eventually you will find someone who you have a lot in common with.

See, I don’t know where you’re from, but that’s just creepy, and might get you in trouble in NJ.

Making conversation sitting at a bus stop is one thing, but hunting for friends everywhere is something that people can see… and it’s fuckin creepy.

I’m also not much for approaching women randomly. I mean, maybe, if you’re in line at the store and you got something to talk about, or if you’re at a bar and they’re sitting next to you. But just walking up to a broad who’s at Shoprite and starting to talk is another thing that, unless you’re very, very good at it, is just fuckin creepy.

Jersy isn’t a war zone. Stop trying to act like you’ll get your ass kicked for any and everything in Jersy because it is just so hard.

People are people and you are either a big pussy or just draw trouble because you think you are a hard ass.

Smiling and being friendly is definitely the way to make friends. Not everyone will be your friend regardless of what you do, but creating a positive presence will make you a more popular person in general than not. And I’m not talking about jr. high clique popular either. Just a well liked person. In Jersey just the same as anywhere else.

That’s not what I meant Money Shot.

In other parts of the country, especially the South, people will talk to you, smile, and be friendly even as they pass you on the street.

That type of demeanor doesn’t work when you’re in the NJ area because people are not friendly to those they don’t know. It’s a whole different thing.

So, when you pucker up like that, do the guys like it? Or do they hit you after sex anyway?[/quote]

You are pretty obsessed with my face. I find it odd you think of gay sex, unless of course you are gay and find me attractive.

In places like the south though, if you tried to cum on a dudes face unwillingly, you would be taken to a field and shot. Sorry Charlie, it’s different down here.

And you are still a big pussy acting like you are tough because you live in Jersey, assuming Jersey is a tough place. Which it’s not in many parts and is in others, just like any other city or even town.

I’ve been to Jersey and New York. While people are slightly different, common manners still hold true as friend winners. Your city isn’t tough and neither are you for living in it. Hell, New Orleans has the highest crime rate in the country and it is a southern city.

Anyways, back on topic and regardless of region, eye contact, a smile and confident introductions do win friends. Even if a person decides they don’t like you, they will respect you whether they show it or not.

Confidence in initiating a conversation has that effect on the human psyche.

Not that being extroverted necessarily requires positivity however.

53

[quote]KBCThird wrote:
Well that’s just a straight nature vs nurture debate, btu I think most would agree that we arrive at who we are through a combination of the two. I happen to believe that you are born with a natural inclination towards introversion or extroversion. I’m sure your childhood experiences play SOME role in determining where you fall on the spectrum - extremely introverted, somewhat introverted, neutral, somewhat extroverted, extremely extroverted - but I don’t think people just will themselves one way or another
[/quote]

It’s not nature vs. nurture for me. I say fuck em both. I lump my childhood right in there with my genes. My childhood was my parents’ responsibility. It’s on me now, and I’m not going to go through life thinking that I’m stuck being one way or the other because my dad didn’t hug me enough when I was 5. That just seems like another excuse to me.

I’m not denying that your experiences (and your genes, to an extent) shape who you are. That is almost definitely true. I’m just saying that, right now, you have no control over something that happened 5 minutes ago, let alone 10 years ago. So why limit yourself by saying “my dad yelled at me for talking in Sunday school so now I’m an introvert,” when you can just say “fuck it, I’m going to be how I WANT to be.”

So nature and nurture determine who you are RIGHT NOW. But YOU determine who you’re GOING TO BE tomorrow. That’s my point.

54

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
pinkponyz wrote:
ouroboro_s wrote:
As an extreme introvert myself, I’ll advise you to not try to change who you are. I was fairly unhappy in high school because I wanted to be one of those bubbly outgoing fun girls.

Your error was being unhappy about yourself, not trying to change who you were. You gotta be proud of yourself and self-confident, but there is nothing wrong in adapting and “improving” yourself.

Improving implies there’s a problem in the first place when there isn’t. All my efforts to be Reese Witherspoon resulted in being more like Christina Ricci in the Adams Family. It’s a good thing I like that :slight_smile:

Like the other poster mentioned, being introverted doesn’t mean being socially inept. I make an excellent impression and exude confidence when required. Generally people believe what I tell them and I’ve always done well at work. Client’s trust me. I just find it exhausting and prefer to work alone in a team of one.

The funny thing is that I’m sometimes given to jags of gregariousness during which I talk to anybody, anywhere about anything. It’s kind of fucked up and scary… for the other people.[/quote]

Everything you posted in this thread describes me to a T as well. Except for the whole thing about cats. I hate cats. But I did have one really special cat many years ago. I think he was retarded, he really grew on me. I really liked that cat. I miss that cat.

Anyway, I am pretty damn introverted, I am probably on a bit of the extreme side of it. The only times I am around other people is if I am in class, or at the market. I sometimes this it is a problem, I don’t have ANY friends and I am not exaggerating. I don’t have a single friend at all. I think this may be a problem, like it isn’t normal to not have a single friend.

There is some good advice in this thread, but much of it is lost on people like me. Dealing with people, interacting with them, talking to them, is such a CHORE sometimes and takes so much effort and energy, it’s like it isn’t even worth it sometimes. People can

I want to be different, I want to at least have a few friends that I can hang out with instead of spending my weekends alone in my apartment surfing the internet and eating nachos.

Maybe I should get a pet.

55

[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
KBCThird wrote:
Well that’s just a straight nature vs nurture debate, btu I think most would agree that we arrive at who we are through a combination of the two. I happen to believe that you are born with a natural inclination towards introversion or extroversion. I’m sure your childhood experiences play SOME role in determining where you fall on the spectrum - extremely introverted, somewhat introverted, neutral, somewhat extroverted, extremely extroverted - but I don’t think people just will themselves one way or another

It’s not nature vs. nurture for me. I say fuck em both. I lump my childhood right in there with my genes. My childhood was my parents’ responsibility. It’s on me now, and I’m not going to go through life thinking that I’m stuck being one way or the other because my dad didn’t hug me enough when I was 5. That just seems like another excuse to me.

I’m not denying that your experiences (and your genes, to an extent) shape who you are. That is almost definitely true. I’m just saying that, right now, you have no control over something that happened 5 minutes ago, let alone 10 years ago. So why limit yourself by saying “my dad yelled at me for talking in Sunday school so now I’m an introvert,” when you can just say “fuck it, I’m going to be how I WANT to be.”

So nature and nurture determine who you are RIGHT NOW. But YOU determine who you’re GOING TO BE tomorrow. That’s my point.[/quote]

Hmmmm, maybe I misunderstood your original post. Or maybe you misunderstood mine. Not sure, but I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing.

56

Admittedly, I only read the first page and then skimmed the rest.

Needless to say, it shocks me that there are so many introverts on these Forums. I would have believed the exact opposite.

For the record, I’m an extrovert - always have been. The idea that I could become an introvert is just as ridiculous as an introvert thinking they can become an extrovert.

You can’t change your wiring. You’ll simply come off as someone who pretends to be someone other than who they really are…

It’s easy to spot a phony. I’m sure most of you would agree with this statement.

57

[quote]FormerlyTexasGuy wrote:

You are pretty obsessed with my face. I find it odd you think of gay sex, unless of course you are gay and find me attractive.

In places like the south though, if you tried to cum on a dudes face unwillingly, you would be taken to a field and shot. Sorry Charlie, it’s different down here.

And you are still a big pussy acting like you are tough because you live in Jersey, assuming Jersey is a tough place. Which it’s not in many parts and is in others, just like any other city or even town.

I’ve been to Jersey and New York. While people are slightly different, common manners still hold true as friend winners. Your city isn’t tough and neither are you for living in it. Hell, New Orleans has the highest crime rate in the country and it is a southern city.

Anyways, back on topic and regardless of region, eye contact, a smile and confident introductions do win friends. Even if a person decides they don’t like you, they will respect you whether they show it or not.

Confidence in initiating a conversation has that effect on the human psyche.

Not that being extroverted necessarily requires positivity however. [/quote]

That’s OK nancy.

I get it if you don’t want to talk about it. I’m sure you’ll find your man some day. And then the both of you can make kissy faces for your avatar.

It’ll be like facebook or some shit.

58

Do you make that dumb face when you are giving presentations?

What agency do you work for? I’m going to ask them.

59

That last post was directed to Texas.

60

[quote]KBCThird wrote:
FightinIrish26 wrote:

Like I said before, it’s probably a little of both, but there’s no reason that you have to follow your natural tendencies if doing what you always do has led you to be unhappy. So misanthropic or introverted or whatever, it’s still something to overcome.

Hmmm, I just don’t see that it’s something to overcome. Is is really someone’s introversion that’s depressing them, or a feeling imposed by society that one is not “supposed” to be introverted.

To put it another way, if you had a daughter who was a tomboy, didnt like dresses and dolls and frilly girly stuff, liked sports, or cars, or weights, or whatever girls aren’t “supposed” to like, is this something for her to overcome? Personally, I would say that it’s not.[/quote]

I wouldn’t say so either, as long as they were happy. People judge others on so many other obvious things, such as looks, skin color, wealth, etc. that I think being introverted or extroverted doesn’t really hit the cards until you know someone. And if you know someone well enough to know whether or not they’re introverted or not, or who they’re shy around, or whatever, then you’re probably past the point of caring.

A girl who is a tomboy might be cool with what she does, but she also might not like that guys might not be attracted to her. So she might have to give a little in one part of her life in order to be happier in another. I think it comes with getting older- you either are content with what you are, and what you do, or you’re not and you change it.

It’s the people that aren’t happy, but don’t change anything to get to where they want to be that kind of bothers me.

You see it with fat people too- probably happy with their personality, but not so much with their fatness, which can lead to things spiraling downwards in other facets of their life. Part of it is sociological, but a better part of it has to do with dealing with inner demons.