Sorry to hear about the parvo patient. I lost a little guy years ago to parvo. 
And remember…
You are strong
You are beautiful
You are smart
You are independent
You know yourself (this is a biggie)
Not just anybody can handle a women like that! It is going to take someone as special as you are!
It you train hard and you train consistently (as you do) you will go through periods like this. It happens to everyone who has to work for a living and still train hard to meet their goals.
What drives me?
Never wanting to be weak victim and never being the “weak link” in my team.
When things are bad, I just realize how much worse life could be, like being strapped to a wheel chair. Don’t worry, you are too mentally strong to drown in a lake of depression. Just realize its a setback you will do whatever you need to conquer the problem.
CHICKEN!!! :D!!! Thank you !!! Sorry to hear about your experience with the nasty parvo 
This puppy at my work is going to make it though! The parvo puppy is CRAZY and doing fantastic. I enjoyed many kisses and cute puppy time during her stay as she improved-- I love being the parvo nurse, I really do! Its a terrible condition if you can’t afford treatment. Its EXPENSIVE to treat and definitely can be a death sentence no matter what, but its super rewarding when they make it. She did!
Thanks Idaho! I really appreciate your words too. I hope its a dull wave that will roll on by…as I type this I watched this video and got ALL SORTS of hyped up! What a cool freaking hobby lifting is!
LEMMMME AT EM!!! I can totally picture this set up at my parents house!! HA HA! If only…if only…
No more bellyachin. Or being in shock and thrown of by my thoughts or whatever. Its time for a plan! I don’t have one yet but I’ll make one --for training that is. I gotta remind myself how cool things are and what I have available to utilize.
There is so much for strongman to do, so many freaking toys for training with to get better at. Looking at this video gave me the idea to pick a competition that has the events posted online -NOT to compete in it, I have no interest in meets- and train to do those events.
Look at him rocking the frame!! I haven’t done the frame in so long for no real reason, just distracted! SO MUCH FUN to be had!!! AGAIN!
Today
warm up/ pull ups a set of 8
log press form the safeties up to 75# 5 x5
stone loads 108#x5, 140x5, 167x5, 205 x 3
tbar carries for time/distance 247# x total of 1,000 feet around 6 mins, total of 6 drop/re grips
fs 45x3, 135x3, 175x7 x 2 sets, 175x5, 200x3
NOTE TO SELF : Things I’d like to figure a good plan for- carry/load events. I am SLOW. I want to try my time. I honestly get embarrassed (stupidly!) when I sprint! I figured this out and have no reason to be. Total junior high girl-don’t-be-wierd-complex for that, it was a surprise to realize! HA !!!
Also I’d like to lift that 250# sand bag…its anchored to the floor for me. I wanna lift it. The next stone in wt ( 225) will be a new goal too.
I have no doubt you will get the 225 stone!
Thanks Chicken!!! Maybe in another year and that 225 will be mine… I do think if I can get more wt on the sand bag pick ups I can get confident for the stone. To get confident I need to talk myself down from hammstring phobias.
I am feeling it a ton in my hammies for the stones which makes sense in my mind. I guess. Hook grip dl’s make my hammies stretch a LOT. A scary lot as I have developed a phobia over my hammstrings shredding off my pelvis. My right torn hammy is just now 98% after 10 months. :{ Get it together Brutie!!!
This shit happens when I am rebuilding my sense of self confidence and worth, so I do know what its about. The fragile, scared, tentative shit is the lil devil talking shit to me ABOUT me on my shoulder ( internal negative stinkin thinkin!). We’re not allies anymore so he’s pissed and dragging his heels as I’m forcing him to leave my thoughts!
MOFO still has a ton to say. I used to listen and agree with him and talk shit about myself right along side him, but not anymore!!! I need to take my hammstrings back!!!
I haven’t filmed hook grips so I shall do that. I very well could be doing them wrong.
Today
stepmill x 27 mins
glute stuff
stuffed animal/ plush tire at 24 hour fitness 225 x 4 back and forths of unknown distance
I’ve plotted a plan for my lifts next week and beyond. COOL!
A current view of my angst. Sometimes I’m the the big busted chick of vengeance, others I’m Marilyn Monroe letting that bad shit take over my thoughts because its seductive and easy. Some times I’m the bad shit in the middle oblivious to how what I’m doing or what’s at stake!
And yes I am a fan of KMFDM- the old stuff.
Today I just wanted to mess with figuring out my dead lift. I had been feeling it a TON in my hammstrings for pulls and I know why now! I have been keeping my hips very high in my attempt to get a good straight back. I also hadn’t been bracing much at all.
Some of the dead lifts I remember doing
hook grip 45x3, 135x3, 185, 225, 255, 275, 305, 320
a few mixed grip to see if that looked better for form- it looked baout the same did up to 335 or 340 single on those
hook again with low wt- I was able to realy figure it out then for bracing but still have the high hips. 185x5, 225x5, 245x5, 265x2, 285x2, 305, 315
log clean once press for reps 67# x5, 77#x5, 87#x5, 67#x8, 77#x8, 87#x5, 67#x10
db benching 32.5’s -35#'s 3 x 10-12
some misc shoulder stuff
a few back extensions
People started filling up the turbo gym which is my que to get what I wanted done and leave. Not a big day at all but a useful one for the dead lift mystery. I think I have been pullin more hammy than I intended to.
Here’s some videos. I’m welcome to any eyes seeing stuff I do not. Maybe I"m doing fine and just am feeling weak lately- I am not sure. Maybe each one is different AHHHH!!! HA!
Today
db benching 30’s - 37.5’s 3 x 10
standing db oh press x 5 15’s up to 37.5’s
3 way shoulder’s 5 x 10
cable rows 5 x10
lat pull downs
step mill x 15 mins
Yesterday afternoon- 3 mile 30# wt’d vest walk- it was too nice to stay inside.
OH MY GOD do I wish I had a yard. Or at least it’d be great if that the field I used for a while would get finished up so I can use it again! Maybe by the summer I dunno. I have outside carry FEVER.
Apartment life is just dandy and all especially with my neighbor who burns food everyday- truly- and its stench comes through the walls into my apartment. Every day I come home to a stink of burning dirty pan or whatever the hell he has on fire in his place. Multiple times a day I know he’s “cooking” because it stinks and sometimes he even opens his door to air the place out so I smell it even MORE as it comes thorough my shut front door! He’s a lazy guy who can’t cook or clean his stove!
Yesterday I was not the only victim of his stinking cooking. The maintenance crew down stairs below his apartment ran around banging on doors looking for the source of a burning smell and I told them!I sold him out right away! It takes a lot for me to complain about stuff and this stench was enough. Now I’m an official nark and have been directed to email the office every time he stinks the place out. GOT IT! I over heard the apartment manager who had to go with the people to confront this wierdo asking hims what’s going on with the smell, “oh, just cooking some eggs”…great. Eggs and a bunch of melted garbage!
Now’s not the time to get pissed off and angry that apartment life is my lot for the far and foreseeable future…now I am just thankful it doesn’t SMELL in my place --YET.
Today
dead lifts 45x5, 135x5, 185, 225, 255x5 x 5 sets
fs 45x5, 135x5, 155x5, 175x5, 195x3
sand bag carries 150# x 320 feet, x 330 feet
ghr’s 5 x 10
zercher yoke walks empty x 4 walks of 50 feet
I did try the bigger bag. I got the 200 one ok but that 250 is going to be a feat. Too big of a jump for me. If I could try only carrying it ( not having to pick it off the ground), if it was set on a stool or something I would have a fraction of a chance to be able to carry it but the pick up from the floor? Its too heavy for sure. I doubt I’m allowed to empty any of the sand out since its the gym’s bag so we’ll see.
I’ll work to get better at the distance for now. I like the shape of that 150# a ton, so better at that then I’ll move up and do the 200# for longer distance. The 200 one is floppy since its not filled to capacity so its harder that way too.
ALLLLL amped up since its World’s Strongest Man going on Saturday and Sunday. Plenty of pirate youtube vids and Instagram lil tidbits on the strongman feeds to see things!
Today
warm ups /pull ups x 8
stone loads 108#x5, 140x5, 167x5, 205 x 3 or 4<–mp3 died! so the rest was quiet lifting :{
t bar carries 257# x 1,000 feet total, first 400 feet no drop, then a drop each 100 feet, then per 50 feet to regrip
sand bag carries 150# x 200 feet x 2 trips, 200# x 50 feet x 2 trips
zercher yoke walks empty x 50 feet, plus 40# x 2 trips of 50 feet
ran out of time
Not having my jams to lift to really throws me off! And makes me slow and a time waster apparently!
Today is going to be a LONG DAY. Work then another work lecture kinda thing until 7:30p. LONG LONG LONG DAY full of yawns.
Today
push ups - a set of 20
db benching 35’s 4 sets x 10
chest supported rows 25# plate on it x10, 35x10, 40x10, 45x10
started to lose my will to live( I hate upper body-- I know, I know)
dead lifts mixed grip 45x5, 135x3, 185x3, 225x27 touch and go
anderson zerchers 45x8, 90x8, 155x5, 205x5, 225x5 x 3 sets, wide stance 135x8 x 2 sets
step mill x 19 mins
A good antidepressant lifting day- not a lot of sense in it except to give me some zip. I can’t wait to do more sand bag carries!
I’m off to Home depot to buy sand and fill up mine all the way ( I have a 150# limit bag) so I can keep it in my car for sadness emergencies The weather is nice enough now…and I need to hug the shit out of something ( carry bodily) without it having the ability to fight me off or have social repercussions! Gimme some oxytocin release Mr. Sandbag!!!
Today
Pull ups 10
Log press from safeties baby log 35# x10, 55#x5, 75#x5, 80#x5, 85# x3 x 3 sets SS either pull ups 5, 5, 3,3,3
Farmers handle carries empty (43#)/hand x 50 feet, 153#/hand x50, 173#/hand x50 feet x 5 trips
Stone loads 108# x5, 140# x5
Sandbag carries 200# x150 feet ( might be a distance pr), 200# x50 feet, 200# x100 feet-- getting a new pick position going in hopes of upping my bag max since the heavier they get the longer they get
Ssb walking lunges bar plus #50 x100 feet
Clean grip walking lunges 65# x100 feet, 95# x100 feet
Swiss bar bench 35#x10, 55#x10, 75#x10, 85# x8 x 3 sets
Tried some duck walks! Ppfft!! 55# x100 feet
Ghrs 3 x10
A nice party lifting day! My butt and legs are already sore and I’m only ten minutes outta the gym!!!
Today
step mill x 20 ins, then for 3 mins of FAST step mill
glute stuff
World’s Strongest Man stuff down in the Philippines is great to watch! The lil bits here and there I’ve been able to find have been a nice sports fan moment for me. It made me realize I like watching the RIGHT sports.
It is May now and my self appointed inner timer has beeped on getting another dog. I know ti’d make me happy, I know I am a great owner…but I just can’t. I am not sure if this is a healthy or harmful way of thinking at this point in my life. The feeling I get thinking about it. And the WILD Free Bird Brutie thoughts.
This week I signed on another lease- my apartment complex decided to change my lease ending time to April instead of December and offered to keep me at the same rate until then. I took it of course because rent rates dependably go up every year big time in Denver. And I’m not in a position to move or be picky about my residence anyways. BUT. I don’t like …I feel I need to have nothing holding me down. Even a lease.
The surprise was the feeling I got right after I agreed with the office and hung up. The old Don’ t Tie Me Down feeling I had before I met my dog and had a happy contented home to come home to. My Mossimo is in heaven now, ts been almost a year and I’m still not ready for another dog even though I know it’ll make me happy and content. I just can’t get myself to do it.
I put Moss down because he had become aggressive to strangers to the point of it being a massive liability, He never bit anyone because I was vigilant about being responsible and I wouldn’t let him to go down like that, as dog who bit a person. But he could have. I was not going to let anyone be hurt my my responsibility either as a dog owner.
At the time last year I also knew it was limiting my own quality of life, and I wanted to be able to share more and be more available to people I care about. After the terrible experience I had with his cruciate surgery the year before I knew I had to do it. And I also was the only one who could get him to the point of training him to be safe enough to euthanize.
I’m not joking. I lived with him, loved him , gave him the best life I could all the while knowing the end game. I trained him to accept and be comfortable in a basket muzzle- it took 6 months to get him to the point where he was happy to wear it and I was comfortable placing it on him without my own panic rising. I had developed the year before I got Moss a traumatic stress reaction to dogs-any dog- attacking me.
A year or so before I met Moss my dog Cane Corso mix Nigel who I adopted as a full grown goofy 100# stray had attacked me. At the time I had lived with him for over a year and was able to do anything to this dog- as long as I was the one doing it.
Hands in his mouth, give him injections, he let me do it all. I was his “possession” in a way though and he was incredible aggressive toward anyone who was not me or my twin sister who he loved. Me and my twin were the only ones who could put a leash on this dog or anything at all. I still marvel that he liked her so much, when he had not met her more than ten time during the time I had him.
He did not show aggression to me…until he did without any warning that I could see. At this time I had tried to educate myself on signs of aggression as a way to handle him safely around others. I had done a extensive one on one training course with a trainer who worked with police apprehension dogs. We were doing well. I thought.
He was SO fast and quiet about it. He attacked - jumped on me, bit me in the face, breast, scalp, and bicep. He could have killed me easily. I was alone in my apartment at 4am and had to get my shit together, crate him, go to the ER to get stitches on each area, come back, get him out of the crate and taking him to my job to be put down.
It was one of the most terrifying events in my life. He didn’t even realize he had attacked me, right after the fact he acted like nothing had happened. Wagging his tail and wanting to follow me around and wanting affection in my apartment. When I saw my skull in the mirror and the subq fat leaking out of my arm and breast it hit me how bad it could have been.
This was my saving grace that let me safely put him down because he was oblivious to any attack happening–I had no other choice and I was the only one who was going to be able to even have a chance at touching him. He acted normally and after I go home from the ER a few hours later happy to see me.
I was able to load him up in my car, all the while totally scared shitless, with my dad outside the apartment door - he would have attacked my dad I already was certain of. Thinking about that makes me feel so terrible, that my dad was there just in case he heard me screaming in my apartment and was going to try and help me vs a incredibly aggressive animal who could kill him just as easy too. I’m not being dramatic either! I’ll never put anyone in that sitauion again but I had no choice at the time. My responsibility’s are managed by me, and I never will do that again.
With Nigel I was able to get him to the car and to my job at the vet clinic. It was my day off and my coworker- who has since passed away- saw my face and my stitches everywhere and knew exactly why I was there. This isn’t “proper” protocol to put a dog down but I did it.
I was able to give him a lethal dose of IM sedative- he let me without an issue even though I was so so terrified- that was enough to stop his heart once it got into his system and I walked him around my work parking lot until he was too ldrugged to move on his own. It took about 5 minutes. Him dragging his feet, being unable to support his head…I LOVED THIS DOG. He was my companion in a very lonely time, he helped me in my life before he hurt me.
I muzzled him, picked him up and carried him to the morgue. I held off his vein for a coworker give him euthanasia solution to finish the job. He growled still, drugged so much that he was barely breathing as I was carrying him in my arms when he realized another person was by us.
After Nigel’s attack I had a major depressive episode. I also was afraid of dogs. I was afraid of puppies- I would get visions/visuals of dogs attacking me. My heart would race, I had nightmares, I was afraid of getting out of bed and had a hell of a time going to work. I’d call out. I’d sleep for 18 hours on the weekends.
After Moss’s surgery, when he reacted SO BAD and aggressively…I knew I had to put him down too. I wasn’t going to let anyone get hurt by him. I am so lucky Nigel only hurt ME. I loved Mossimo WAY more then my other dog. Having Mossimo in my life helped me get over some other serious stuff that I had never addressed, made me feel happy and content, proud, and safe…gave me so much…UGHHH!!!. …they break your heart those dogs! I’m glad I was able to send him out right.
I trained him to use the basket muzzle, though I got visions of him attacking me when I woudl simply put it on his face (my fears/phoibias) and my heart would race and my hands woudl shake really hard. The day I picked to do it I started doping him up 24 hours before, preloading the trazadone, po domitor in his system. Mossimo was able to walk out of my apartmetn , drugged, sluggish, and basket muzzled. I laoded him into my car liek we alwyas used to do when he wasn’t lame and we’d go eveyrwhere together. We walked into my work and into the confort room. My coworkeds gave him more sedation IM, then more doses about 40 minutes later becuas eit wasn’t enough. I sat with him alone int eh room wiht me, and his muzzle on as he slowly became sedate enought for anyone to touch him. And I seid goodbye to my bets friend.
I came home afterwards. I had only todl the coworker that helped me put him down my plans the day before. I called and texted a few people to tell them the news. I cleaned my house until midnight. I had a similar reaction when I put Moss down, being super sad. I also had some stuff in my personal life came to play out how they did. I’m trying to think of putting him down as a sign of bravery and responsibility, and a risk I took to better my future. Not the future I had in mind at the time since that didn’t last but still a fresh start even with a broken heart.
SO. I sit here and think how perhaps Free Bird Brutie is a good place to be. Being open to new things coming that I can jump into whole hardheartedly is a gift in a way. Being free…or being lonely…whatever you want to shade it as. 
My heart has urned its scars! And my face as well!
This breaks my heart. I can’t imagine how hard that was for you. And yes, it showed great responsibility. Everybody wants to give animals human attributes, that is wonderful. But the fact is, not all humans are good people. They do terrible things. I believe it can be the same with animals. They are not all good dogs. No particular breed, just individual personalities. Just like people.
We always want to see the good in everything, and sometimes it’s just not there. Living in fear is not living. Not with a man who beats you, or a dog that may do the same. Sure, after it’s over they are all sorry like nothing ever happened, but it did happen, and that is etched in your mind forever.
Most of the time, if we will be patient, the universe will bring us what we need, when we need it. Hang in there, and keep believing!
