On Saturday I wanted to go see “No Country For Old Men”, so I strolled over to the local theater. Guess what? It’s not there until this Wednesday. This disheartened me. Well, I didn’t have much to do that day, so what to watch? The only “movie” playing at a reasonable time was…yep, you guessed it…
Beowulf.
For those unfamiliar with the story, Beowulf is basically a Norse mythological version of the Greek Hercules- a slayer of beasts and all-around hero. This Shrek-like cartoon begins with Beowulf and his merry men on their way to help a Danish king get rid of the beast Grendel, who is terrorizing the kings town and ruining their drinking hall. I mean, killing innocent people is one thing, but to interrupt the town from tying one one? Oh yeah, he’s gotta die. So the cartoon is about Beowulf killing that thing and the subsequent aftermatch. That’s about as detailed a description as I’m willing to give since the cartoon sucked ass in general.
I went in with the mindset that this cartoon would be a complete pile of shit, and I wasn’t disappointed. Beowulf kept acting like he scored a touchdown after slaying a beast, and they pulled some Austin Powers gags so you couldn’t see his cock and balls during the fight with Grendel.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m most annoyed with the fact that this was a bad cartoon and not a live-action film. I say this cartoon was bad because even though all the performances were supposedly from real people, their actions and expressions looked so “lifeless”, for lack of a better term. If Zemeckis was so dead-set on this not being live action, he should’ve kidnapped Pixar’s animators because they know how to depict emotion in this medium. Personally I think the filmmakers were too scared to use real actors for the stunts, and made it a cartoon instead.
I guess you could say the story itself wasn’t all that great either, since I’m nitpicking the cartoon-ness. Afterall, this review is coming from someone who loves “Cars”, “Ratatouille” and “Iron Giant” to name a few.
This is my recommendation for watching this movie. Only watch it on bootleg while doing something productive. In other words- it’s a complete waste of time.
[quote]Hagar wrote:
Even time I see Angelina Jolie in a movie I’m turned off. Especially after Mr and Mrs Smith. What a terrible movie. [/quote]
If there is a highlight to the film, it’s staring at the bumps on Angelina Jolie’s semi-painted breasts and trying to figure out whether or not they’re her real nipples.
[quote]Doug Adams wrote:
Hagar wrote:
Even time I see Angelina Jolie in a movie I’m turned off. Especially after Mr and Mrs Smith. What a terrible movie.
If there is a highlight to the film, it’s staring at the bumps on Angelina Jolie’s semi-painted breasts and trying to figure out whether or not they’re her real nipples.
[/quote]
Dude, she is naked in several movies. Just rent/buy Original Sin and stop pretending.
The digital animation bugged the crap out of me at the beginning, but after a while it only bugged me in facial close-ups. True, it’s not as good as Pixar, but I grew up on The Flintstones and The Jetsons, so this is high-art in comparison.
I loved the battle with the dragon; THIS is what Gandalf and the Balrog would have been doing if Peter Jackson could have figured out how to do it with Ian McKellen.
You confirmed what I was already thinking, cartoons are meant for children. On a side note I am very very excited about No Country for Old Men. And though, I hate lots of people and crowds, I will be in line this Wed. night for the movie. It looks like one of those rare great ones.
saw it last night, absolutly loved it. I had to read beowulf my first semester of university for english and they did an AMAZING job of converting the book to the big screen(the book is actually a huge poem)There were even points in the movie where i almost forgot it was CGI and though it was real. I recomend anyone go see this in theatre, one of the best movies ive seen this year
Yes, the animation style was jarring at first. Once I got into it, the animation was lots of fun. Story-wise: Is it a direct interpretation of the epic? No. But it was a fun version of the tale. Then again, I also like 13th Warrior, and own four different translations of Beowulf.
[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
Doug Adams wrote:
Hagar wrote:
Even time I see Angelina Jolie in a movie I’m turned off. Especially after Mr and Mrs Smith. What a terrible movie.
If there is a highlight to the film, it’s staring at the bumps on Angelina Jolie’s semi-painted breasts and trying to figure out whether or not they’re her real nipples.
Dude, she is naked in several movies. Just rent/buy Original Sin and stop pretending.[/quote]
Yes I know that thank you. Just trying to find something remotely positive to say about the film.
I thought it was good. I saw it in I-max 3d and sometimes just the visual impact of the movie was enough to entertain/amaze me.
It wasn’t like an amazing movie… but to complain about the unrealistic aspects of the movie is to forget that it is a mythical story.
My username had NOTHING to do with this movie. It’s even spelled differently. It is from The Matarese Circle, a Robert Ludlum spy thriller that would make a damn cool movie.
-Story:
decent story, ruined Beowulf more then I expected. 40 mins in, it changes the story completely.
-Acting/Characters:
Terrible. Looked like one guy was pulled off the streets and told to be a sniveling asshole. He sucked. Characters weren’t really set up well, Beowulf is supposed to be the hero, not the anti-hero. By the time Beowulf killed grendel, I wanted grendels mom to kill him.
-Animation was creepy and kinda retarded. Also, some parts of the 2D version were blurry, not out of focus but blurry. Also the framerate drops a few times and its VERY noticable. My friend who saw the 3D version says those parts there was some 3D, but overall said the 3D was really distracting.
-You can tell when it switched from real camera + animation to just true animation.
-bad atempts to keep penis out of the picture.
-“I AM BEOWULF” works once or twice, not 3 times in 5 minutes.
I had high hopes for this movie. It let me down. 2 out of 5 I would rate it.