[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:
6. Spanking your secretary.
Well, enough on spanking, you get the point.
Four pullups, laying on my ice bag. Sad. Doc
[/quote]
Yep, can’t spank the secretaries any more, heck, at our age, we have to be careful or they’ll spank us.
Seriously though, hope your pull improves and your recovery is good. Pull-ups and chin-ups are good for balance.
[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:
Greg Norman leading the British Open at age 53. This is inspiring, I dont care if you like or hate the guy. I used to like him but his choke in the Masters in 96 ended his career and my interest in him. But his return from retirement (and a 103 million divorce settlement) got me really fired up, so I had to lift. Back still achy but much better.
Cardio-20 min
Bench-6 sets of 10 (low weights today)
Assisted pullups
5 with 120
5 with 100
5 with 80
5 with 60
5 with bodyweight
Side laterals
6 sets, up to 10 x 35
ab machine
4 sets with whatever
Hel, thanks for inspiring me, but you got better things to do than worry about me and pullups. Doc[/quote]
I’d rather throw my balls than watch guys hit theirs. Good…back workout. Guess I’ll just forget about the pullup thing.
As the world turns here (soap opera). My t levels have been plummeting since I stopped the HRT, and I tried very hard to overcome it, using lots of “natural” t boosters and anti-estrogens. Was clearly not working, this past week the brain fog, lethargy, ED, and black dog all came roaring back. Felt as bad or worse than how I felt prior to HRT last year when my t level was 105.
I took my shot, and by the end of yesterday I could already feel my head clear and energy come back. It is a remarkable thing. I felt like working out again and got in a decent workout.
This morning I feel normal again. It is amazing that two days ago I truly felt like I would be glad if a car ran me over.
There is a part of me which hates this HRT, it somehow joins me with a steroid culture which I dislike greatly. I am eager for a cure for dysfunctional gonads, and they are trying stem cells experimentally to return testicle function to normal. This would be a dream, and it might be a reality in a couple years.
I have noticed that in this over 35 section there are basicaly two groups of folks. There are the old school lifters still pushing up heavy weights, and there are the HRT folks fine tuning adex, HCG and such who arent really serious powerlifters or olympic lifters.
I saw myself belonging, naturally, to the first group, but it appears I am “stuck” belonging to the latter. Being in “Group A” makes me feel like a happy dinosaur fighting father time, being in “Group B” makes me feel like a part of a troubled minority of men who are sadly neglected by the medical profession and have to fight to stay normal.
As I sit here typing, I feel a protest rising in my mind that says “dont give up, be a real lifter again.” This voice is gone when my t is gone. Now that it is coming back, that voice is also fighting against the other voices of family and coworkers who tell me I have no time or place lifting heavy and that to do so is a foolish selfish interest which detracts from my role now as resurrecting my family’s financial security and stability.
If I figure all this out, I will keep posting, because THAT would be an inspirational story. If I don’t, I will retire this thread. I’ll do my best. Doc
Doc,
You know I’m not the smartest tool in the shed. I readily admit squandering my education.
Nor am I a philosopher or a visionist. BUT I think this: Fuck the voices in your head, listen to your heart. If your heart is in it, the voices don’t matter. Hells bells, I’ll never go out and pancake a linebacker on a backside sweep play, but I sure want to train like I still can.
Now if my rant makes any semblance of sense then boy we both are in trouble!!!
You have reached the hearts and minds of many here. Most feel they have come to know you and pray for your future well being. Please hang in there Doc for those of us whom you have inspired and endeared.
[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:
If I figure all this out, I will keep posting, because THAT would be an inspirational story. If I don’t, I will retire this thread. I’ll do my best. Doc[/quote]
Keep posting even if you don’t figure it out.
If nothing else, it will serve as a warning to the rest of us. 
Seriously, you know that talking about it helps, but there is the off chance that something someone posts as a response might actually help you. I know I appreciate hearing about your trials as well as your triumphs. Of course we’d all like to hear about the latter but regardless, keep posting anyway.
Stu
[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:
I saw myself belonging, naturally, to the first group, but it appears I am “stuck” belonging to the latter. Being in “Group A” makes me feel like a happy dinosaur fighting father time, being in “Group B” makes me feel like a part of a troubled minority of men who are sadly neglected by the medical profession and have to fight to stay normal.
As I sit here typing, I feel a protest rising in my mind that says “dont give up, be a real lifter again.” This voice is gone when my t is gone.
Now that it is coming back, that voice is also fighting against the other voices of family and coworkers who tell me I have no time or place lifting heavy and that to do so is a foolish selfish interest which detracts from my role now as resurrecting my family’s financial security and stability.
If I figure all this out, I will keep posting, because THAT would be an inspirational story. If I don’t, I will retire this thread. I’ll do my best. Doc[/quote]
Honestly, having gone from nothing to a beginning lifter, one of the best things I did to resurrect my family’s financial security and our stability was begin to lift. Don’t underestimate the good it does you and those around you.
Most of the HRT guys are consumed about it because of just what a difference it makes. That gets in the way of their lifting, but if it doesn’t distract you, then you are a lifter who happens to currently use HRT, much like some people use lifting belts or straps.
Take the lifting as it comes. As long as you aren’t rushing things or hurting yourself, whatever makes you stronger makes you stronger.
But, from personal experience, you can chose to let bad things become who you are (e.g. some of the HRT posters, or some people who have gone through tragedy and it now defines them) or you can just let the bad things be things that happened, but that aren’t you.
I buried three kids doc. That was bad, but not as bad as it would have been if I had let that become who I was.
As long as the HRT is just something that has happened to you, it doesn’t define you, it just is, and passes beyond you. Since it works, go with it, be healed and clear.
Keep lifting, keep posting.
[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:
As the world turns here (soap opera). My t levels have been plummeting since I stopped the HRT, and I tried very hard to overcome it, using lots of “natural” t boosters and anti-estrogens.
Was clearly not working, this past week the brain fog, lethargy, ED, and black dog all came roaring back. Felt as bad or worse than how I felt prior to HRT last year when my t level was 105.
I took my shot, and by the end of yesterday I could already feel my head clear and energy come back. It is a remarkable thing. I felt like working out again and got in a decent workout.
This morning I feel normal again. It is amazing that two days ago I truly felt like I would be glad if a car ran me over.
There is a part of me which hates this HRT, it somehow joins me with a steroid culture which I dislike greatly. I am eager for a cure for dysfunctional gonads, and they are trying stem cells experimentally to return testicle function to normal. This would be a dream, and it might be a reality in a couple years.
I have noticed that in this over 35 section there are basicaly two groups of folks. There are the old school lifters still pushing up heavy weights, and there are the HRT folks fine tuning adex, HCG and such who arent really serious powerlifters or olympic lifters.
I saw myself belonging, naturally, to the first group, but it appears I am “stuck” belonging to the latter. Being in “Group A” makes me feel like a happy dinosaur fighting father time, being in “Group B” makes me feel like a part of a troubled minority of men who are sadly neglected by the medical profession and have to fight to stay normal.
As I sit here typing, I feel a protest rising in my mind that says “dont give up, be a real lifter again.” This voice is gone when my t is gone. Now that it is coming back, that voice is also fighting against the other voices of family and coworkers who tell me I have no time or place lifting heavy and that to do so is a foolish selfish interest which detracts from my role now as resurrecting my family’s financial security and stability.
If I figure all this out, I will keep posting, because THAT would be an inspirational story. If I don’t, I will retire this thread. I’ll do my best. Doc[/quote]
Not to piss you off, but…
So you’re gonna put on you’re robe and slippers, sit and watch guys hit little balls on TV, humidor of cigars next to the easy chair be a nice touch considering the avatar, and think about the good old days.
This will go a long way towards making you a joy to be around. Got to take some drugs to be normal now but don’t want to? So, when a patient says ,“I don’t wanna take my meds”, you say, “No problem, Norman, and say hello to Ms Bates for me.” I’m not making light of your condition but I just heard a couple of diabetics say, “and…”.
Looked it up in my official Rules of Life book and couldn’t find where it says you’re only allowed in one category, either. Not going to comment on your family’s financial security and stability. Not my place at all. Don’t know anything about Psychology/Psychiatry, either. But I’d be willing to bet at one time or another you’ve recommended someone find a “foolish selfish interest” which detracts from their problems.
This post isn’t completely devoid of self-interest. Lot of us will miss you if you leave. Besides, I’ll just keep posting updates til you go crazy, which you will, and come peeping in again. I never let go of the rope and I don’t plan on startin now.
One of the best lessons I’ve learned from this site is that there are guys who think like me, have worries like me, train like me and many who have supported me privately and publicly.
If I had not opened up and shared my thoughts, I wouldn’t have discovered these things and I’d still be under the impression that I’m alone and unique in my thoughts and in my struggles.
The training adds a balance to my life, it reduces my depression stages and this site and people like you, Stu, Hel, Barry etc are counted as my friends, whether you guys know it or not, or like it or not.
To reiterate Hel’s last sentence - I too will never let go of the rope when a friend is concerned - never!
As my family coat of arms says “Loyal Until Death”.
You’re not alone Doc.
All of these responses to my last post meant I lot to me. I guess when I post my deepest thoughts and the possibility I might just fade away, my real friends here get a little upset. I didnt intentionally “threaten to retire the thread” to draw responses, I just don’t feel good about myself if I’m posting multiple “misery” posts.
All of you make good points. First good point, training helps, no matter what. Second good point, I can’t let my problems define me. Third good point, if I post my challenges, sometimes I get feedback which actually can help me. And lastly, I need a better attitude about HRT, I can accept this without turning into a T-Nation “obsessive/fanatic” about it.
OH,yeah, hel. Hel…ah…yeah, I think I need to shut up about the “good old days.” Yeah I lifted some big numbers and had alot of fun doing it. But to be honest, they werent THAT spectacular, I came up short of my goals. So no more mention of them, period. Live in the now. Doc
[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:
All of these responses to my last post meant I lot to me. I guess when I post my deepest thoughts and the possibility I might just fade away, my real friends here get a little upset. I didnt intentionally “threaten to retire the thread” to draw responses, I just don’t feel good about myself if I’m posting multiple “misery” posts.
All of you make good points. First good point, training helps, no matter what. Second good point, I can’t let my problems define me. Third good point, if I post my challenges, sometimes I get feedback which actually can help me. And lastly, I need a better attitude about HRT, I can accept this without turning into a T-Nation “obsessive/fanatic” about it.
OH,yeah, hel. Hel…ah…yeah, I think I need to shut up about the “good old days.” Yeah I lifted some big numbers and had alot of fun doing it. But to be honest, they werent THAT spectacular, I came up short of my goals. So no more mention of them, period. Live in the now. Doc[/quote]
Well said, Doc. You put things so very eloquently. Even your deepest fears and thoughts. Personally I like to remember ’ the good old days’ but I temper those days with the brutal facts of today. Back to my “Stockdale Paradox” viewpoint. Plus I enjoy a Grateful Dead viewpoint as well. I paraphrase,“I’m going to hell in a bucket, but I’m damn sure going to enjoy the ride.”
Go to the gym. Lift heavy shit, and remember there aren’t going to be many there that lift like you.
Now I’m going to keep my mouth shut.
[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:
All of these responses to my last post meant I lot to me. I guess when I post my deepest thoughts and the possibility I might just fade away, my real friends here get a little upset. I didnt intentionally “threaten to retire the thread” to draw responses, I just don’t feel good about myself if I’m posting multiple “misery” posts.
All of you make good points. First good point, training helps, no matter what. Second good point, I can’t let my problems define me. Third good point, if I post my challenges, sometimes I get feedback which actually can help me. And lastly, I need a better attitude about HRT, I can accept this without turning into a T-Nation “obsessive/fanatic” about it.
OH,yeah, hel. Hel…ah…yeah, I think I need to shut up about the “good old days.” Yeah I lifted some big numbers and had alot of fun doing it. But to be honest, they werent THAT spectacular, I came up short of my goals. So no more mention of them, period. Live in the now. Doc[/quote]
dear doc - i have been reading this thread since i joined T-Nation only a bit over a year ago. i enjoy it very much. life lives here - lifting weights isn’t all that life is about. i can tell you are very much loved - makes me a bit jealous and hope that i can have a few such friends.
i believe goals are just something to shoot for. it’s how one gets there that matters. fall short, make it over - who cares - it’s the ride that counts - what i’ve learned about myself and those around me.
been in near heart failure 2x - it took my heart attacks to realize that i had spent way too much time living in the past or trying to be in a future that may not even come. yes, live in the now. be grateful for it - be grateful for even the pain of living sometimes - i find trying to be grateful for something - kinda sets things right just a bit.
and it is a true comfort to me that i know my weights are always waiting for me - right where i left them. i plan to have them cremated with me one day - they save my life, they save my sanity - gonna be a huge assed paper weight one that my kids won’t accidentally vaccuum up. yup.
thank you for sharing your life with those like me. may peace be in your every step dr. powerclean.
For the record and to clear up any misconceptions anyone posting here or PMing me may have. I do try to keep things light. No, I didn’t go to a traditional 4 (or more) year college like many here. 30 years in the military may have made me sound sarcastic, harsh or rude. Redneck? I was born in Los Angeles, went to a German school my first 4 years, a French school for the next 3, speak 5 languages fluently, have earned a Master’s degree and 2 Associates. I’ve been to all 7 continents and lost track of the number of countries.
No, I’m not a doctor but have saved more lives than you can or would want to imagine. Yes my family is from the south where I now live and drive a pick up truck. I’ve had problems in my life like everyone else. Never had to overcome personal adversity? 4 Purple Hearts. And finally, yes I choose to be just a mailman. Paid my dues. I wake up now in my own bed with no one shooting at me.
To finish this hijack off, I respect the hell out of Doc Powerclean and consider him one the people on this site I can relate too. We have very different backgrounds but I believe a similar outlook on lifting. While he may says he never reached his goals I envy his having competed in college and reached the level he did. He was my first “friend” here and when I come to this site his is the first thread I look for. Though I may sometimes sound less than sympathethic I think he usually understands where I’m coming from and on his thread he’s the one I’m posting to.
My apologyies to all for this. More than I usually like to tell. Having re-read it I sound like an egotistical whining bitch. Sorry as hell for stealing your thread, Doc.
WOW, time for some IMMEDIATE response.
J willy-i dont often comment on your posts but i always appreciate them. Keep em coming.
lil_azn-Wow, powerful post, not sure you want to be jealous of me but you got me thinking of how lucky I am to have these friends on t nation who really care about me.
And…
Hel.(AND EVERYONE ELSE) I did NOT take offense to your earlier post. I felt it was entirely appropriate and shook some of my aberrant thoughts right out of my head. I can’t believe people may have thought I was so thin skinned I couldnt appreciate your style or sentiments. I have tremendous respect for you: your lifting prowess, outlook and strength at our age is a constant inspiration to me that it CAN be done. I feel you are a brother in iron and a true friend, since your first post on T nation. Most of my real life friends have known me for several decades and talk to me the way you do, I like it cause its refreshing and has none of the super polished PC style that everyone I encounter in my daily working environment gives me. Dont apologize for shit!
And hey, everyone, I had a good day and a good workout! This thread rocks! Doc
Since I derailed your thread, Doc, thought I’d sent you this.
Bubba went to a psychiatrist. “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor.”
“I’ll sleep on it,” said Bubba.
Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?” asked the psychiatrist.
“Well eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!”
“Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain’t nobody under there now !!!”
bwahahaha, good one Hel.
[quote]hel320 wrote:
Since I derailed your thread, Doc, thought I’d sent you this.
Bubba went to a psychiatrist. “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor.”
“I’ll sleep on it,” said Bubba.
Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?” asked the psychiatrist.
“Well eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!”
“Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain’t nobody under there now !!!”
[/quote]
That’s the spirit. Never heard that one before. Ever hear this one?..
What's the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist?
A psychologist is someone who in trying to understand you is like a half-blind, half deaf man in a dark room who thinks there is a cat in the room but can't tell for sure.
A psychiatrist is a half blind half deaf man in a dark room who knows there is a cat in the room but cant catch the sucker to stick a pill up its ass.
Doc
[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:
That's the spirit. Never heard that one before. Ever hear this one?...
What's the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist?
A psychologist is someone who in trying to understand you is like a half-blind, half deaf man in a dark room who thinks there is a cat in the room but can't tell for sure.
A psychiatrist is a half blind half deaf man in a dark room who knows there is a cat in the room but cant catch the sucker to stick a pill up its ass.
Doc
[/quote]
Oh damn…what a picture…
Flew out of town for a few days to try to repair my broken family life…signs of hope flickering among the ashes. Gotta speak in tongues here…too much at stake to be putting details onine here. But I’ll let you guys know if I pull a winner out of this hat.
I do gotta tell you guys one thing, just as I shared a good moment with the wife, I said "you know, I think I just might be getting to understand what you want". And she batted her eyelashes and quickly replied back..."Well honey, you know, us women dont even know what we want, so quit trying!"
Analyze that! Doc
[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:
Flew out of town for a few days to try to repair my broken family life…signs of hope flickering among the ashes. Gotta speak in tongues here…too much at stake to be putting details on-line here. But I’ll let you guys know if I pull a winner out of this hat.
I do gotta tell you guys one thing, just as I shared a good moment with the wife, I said "you know, I think I just might be getting to understand what you want". And she batted her eyelashes and quickly replied back..."Well honey, you know, us women don't even know what we want, so quit trying!"
Analyze that! Doc[/quote]
Doc,
I’ve been wondering how you’ve been. I sure wish you well in repairing things with the family. It can be pretty hard, but over and over again I saw that it was worth it for people. Wish I could do something to help, but you’ve got my best wishes going.
You can send me a PM and I’ll send you a copy of a book I like (though I don’t know if it will help in your circumstances or not).
The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict by Arbinger Institute
If you were in town I’d just drop a copy off (I’ve got 2-3 around the house in my stack of books I give away), but with a mailing address I can have Amazon drop ship one to you. Takes about a week to arrive if you would like one.
I’m about to visit my in-laws myself, driving so we can make a lot of stops on the way (old friends, Yellowstone, etc.).