Am I Crazy???

[quote]Duke wrote:
Watching John Wayne movies is a great way to spend time, I have an extensive collection myself and over my 43 years, I’ve found much to be admired and inspired by from the Duke.
One of the many things said about him in his biography’s was along the lines of…

… He wasn’t perfect and made a lot of mistakes and bad decisions along the way, but you know what, it never stopped him from trying to be a better man, every day…

I like that. No matter how many mistakes I make, I have to keep trying to be a better man every day, and be smart enough to know that when I fail, tomorrow will come around & it’ll be hoping I’ve learned something from today.

What makes you say you’re “officially” broke Doc?

[/quote]
Duke, it never dawned on me that you’re t nation name could have been named in honor of THE DUKE. That’s pretty cool, because even though I got sick of being force fed John Wayne movies as a kid, I respected the guy as one hell of a man. The way he fought lung cancer, the way he lived by strong principles, there was a lot to admire. Even left leaning Hollywood loved him til the very end.

 I probably am opening my big mouth too much already about my personal problems. I, like many, am losing my shirt in Florida real estate. My whole retirement plan was based on Florida real estate, and it went POOF! up in a cloud of smoke. Gone. All of it. It is a far bigger problem than my joint pains and my lousy front squat. So is my marriage, going down the tubes mostly as a result. But, I dont imagine this is proper stuff for a T-Nation thread.

 There, that's it, I just have to start over. I'm not the first, and I won't be the last. No crying for me, even though my doc called and told me my Estradiol was 155, only about 130 points higher than it should be. She has the medicine I need to fix this (Adex)-she had it all along, (THAT pisses me off.) With Estrogen this high, I'm acting and feeling like a vagina, so forgive me everybody. I might not be able to stop the tears...oh God that's lame.  Doc

I don’t know if it’s any solace, but I’ve been in those shoes in every respect. Starting over in my fifties, estrogen tears, the whole shebang.

Tomorrow’s another day, Doc and as long as you keep going, you keep going. Life’s a bumpy road and that’s just the way it is.

Not familiar with the Florida real estate thing but as a property investor here in Aus, I’d be keen to hear what the caper is. Can I assume it’s the Sub-Prime mortgage crisis? If so, how has this affected you and your investments?

Anything is a valid discussion for T-Nation, as we’re all T-Men and I doubt anyone who’s read your thread here, will have any objection to it, in fact, I reckon we’d like to hear more. You never know when you’re helping someone else by talking about your own probs.

[quote]Duke wrote:
Not familiar with the Florida real estate thing but as a property investor here in Aus, I’d be keen to hear what the caper is. Can I assume it’s the Sub-Prime mortgage crisis? If so, how has this affected you and your investments?

Anything is a valid discussion for T-Nation, as we’re all T-Men and I doubt anyone who’s read your thread here, will have any objection to it, in fact, I reckon we’d like to hear more.[/quote]

Duke, one of my dreams and goals in life, for some reason, was to live on the ocean in Florida. Florida oceanfront homes have started at about a million dollars for the past ten or fifteen years. I put my life savings into a down payment to get one, feeling confident since everyone I talked to, CPA's, realtors, investors, rich patients, EVERYONE said it was the best investment I could make. Foolproof, they called it, and bound to double or triple in value over time. 

Well, it grew in value, but it was a house with problems which is why I got it for less than surrounding houses worth a lot more. I continued to put everything I earned extra into it, adding a floor, making it top of the line, and figuring we'd live in it for ten years or so and then sell it, making a million or two dollars profit.

 It could have been a solid plan. I had the house under contract, in 2004 for $2.1 million dollars, which would have netted me a cool million. Hurricanes were coming, and three days before closing the buyers weasled out, claiming they wanted a mold inspection. They had already had it inspected, this was a bogus way to walk. The hurricane, a cat 2, came and damaged it, but I and a loyal group of friends frantically spent 14 straight days, 20 hour days, repairing it back to almost good as new. But before we could even try to remake the deal, a second hurricane, Jeanne, cat 3, came and this time basically destroyed the house to rubble.

 I then went into frantic insurance fight mode, was a FEMA victim like the Katrina folks, getting screwed around with no place to live. We lived in moldy leaky shacks for over a year. Insurance paid for only half the reconstruction, and I spent another $500,000, all borrowed, to repair the house even better than before the two hurricanes. The day it was finished, I got it appraised by two appraisers, both giving me the same figure. $3.2 million dollars!!! I thought I was rich, secure, and the smartest damn guy on the planet for not giving up on the house, like many had told me to do since it was nearly condemned by the city.

Then, as a result of hurricane fear, excessive bad mortgages, war, and who knows what else, all of a sudden I couldn't even get a buyer to look at the house. Drop the price, 2.8. Nobody, drop it again, 2.4. Nobody. Meanwhile, my swollen mortgage gets increased by 50% by insurance rates tripling. Drop the price to 1.9. Nobody. Drop it to 1.6, just break even and walk away. Nobody. This is a 6000 sq ft luxury mansion on prime Florida oceanfront. Not a single LOOKER, in a year.

Now we're into desperation mode, trying what's called a short sale, meaning selling it at a loss, with the bank writing off part of the note. Had one buyer, he didnt come to closing, another, same, another, same, and then finally this past week the fourth one did the same damn thing.

The real estate market is so bad in Florida that luxury homes have lost half their value or more, and in general there are few to no sales going on.

  So now I can no longer afford the monthly payment and insurance, and the house is unsellable at any price. I have to foreclose and then go bankrupt. I found out that if I only foreclosed, the IRS would tax me for the "phantom income", the difference between the bank write off price and the original note, meaning I would still owe several hundred thousand dollars after giving up my home for nothing. It is the ultimate no-win situation, and it is particularly painful considering it was, at one moment in time, the culmination of my life's financial planning for a good retirement. I'm broke, Duke. That's what broke is. No money, no options, and a broken spirit.

Fuck, I hate writing all this. It sounds like whining to me, and I really hate whiners. But I think, just maybe, I started this thread because I knew I needed somewhere to vent, somewhere to lay it on the line. This is very unnatural for me to do this, I am usually an extremely private man, and the problems my extended family have faced puts this problem to shame. My uncle died in the Holocaust, my brother died in Nam AFTER the fighting was over, my Mom and Dad went through three wars and started a new life in America with nothing. So I should probably just SHUT THE FUCK UP and deal with it. I am living in Costa Rica because it was the only place I could afford to live once I realized where all of this was heading.

My lifting comeback, to be honest guys, is fueled more by the stress and uncertainty of my life than my little testosterone injections. Sorry, you HRT guys, but HRT can only go so far. Maybe I need this victory, this victory over my disabilities and aging body, to give me the strength to fight the battles I face in my personal life. My body hurts like hell still every morning, but that pain comes nowhere near the pain in my mind and heart. I believe I have the strength to overcome all of this, but I have recently found out that my wife of twenty years no longer does. I will fight this one on my own. Sad story, sorry if it brings any of you down. I never intended to share this part, and I'm really not sure I should have, but I'm like a bottle ready to explode. I guess I needed to tell it.                                                 Doc

Firstly Doc, allow me to say that’s imperative that you share your story, I implore you to share what’s going on with the rest of us. As I said, you may not realise how much you’re helping someone else by sharing your pain and your story and I know for a fact that there’s a few fella’s reading this thread that have big hearts.

I know it’s hard for me to have any kind of perspective on the issues you’re undergoing so please take what I say here with that in mind…
If the Florida real estate market has been running at $1m+ for the past 10-15 years for ocean front property, then it stands to reason that the demand for that kind of lifestyle was high at some point. The reasons behind this demand - lifestyle, beach, ocean, views, shopping etc I assume are all still there so the underlying cause of the drop in values is the recent hurricane activity and the damage it caused.

The damage is repairable so that leaves the fear of future hurricanes as the downward driver of prices (I know I’m assuming a lot here). The prices remaining at $1m+ for well over a decade suggest that this weather extreme isn’t a constant fear, or at least wasn’t prevalent in the 2 decades prior.

I reckon there’s one thing you can count on with humans - we have a very short memory and as such, the fear of hurricanes and the memory of what’s happened would diminish exponentially over the next X number of years and thereby folks will start seeing the value in this currently undervalued real estate market.

You have a number of things working against you right now, personally and financially so it’s a shit of place to be, but is there any way possible that you could hold onto this property? Obviously $1.6 million is a huge price in real estate and you’re at the middle to top end of the market, my experience is that if you were to hold onto this type of thing, all things going well for a while, the incremental rise in prices as things recover will be worth far more to you in the longer term.

Think of it this way, if you could manage to hold on and things started to turn around in the market, ever so slightly, a 3.5% to 5% increase in value in each year, which isn’t much, would net you $50,000 to $80,000 in capital growth value each year. All of which you miss out on if you sell. I’ve got no idea what your mortgage is worth but I’ll have a stab at $25,000 per annum, that’d leave you with a net gain of $25,000 to $55,000 per annum if things begin to recover.
You’ve no doubt made many exhaustive enquiries and attempts to fix things financially but if the bank was willing to negotiate a longer payment period in exchange for reduced payments instead of losing money on a “short sale”, then maybe you could scrape by until things began to sort themselves out. I know a guy over here who’s 80 and has obtained a loan over 30 years, now that’s optimism from the bank isn’t it… anything is possible sometimes; you just have to ask the right people and be lucky and don’t take “no” as your final answer. There’s a lot more I could say about it but without having a great knowledge of the whole situation I could be just annoying the piss out of you here, if so, sorry, but you get my drift.

I constantly hear people investing their money at a ‘great return’ of 8 to 10% p/a. If I had half a million I could live on that okay without any drama’s, but my own investigation, persistence, self education, and just plain stubbornness has me getting 45% return annually. But no bastard will tell you that this can be done. Of course there’s a risk involved, but you have to take risks in life sometimes don’t you. All I’m suggesting here is that you may have choices and options that you don’t know about. Keep talking, keep asking, keep trying and maybe you might find out that one piece of info that saves the day for you.

Hope I haven’t bored or offended you here Doc, I’m assuming a lot - but please elaborate and share your issues, for our sakes, not just yours.

Before anyone flames me for being a pussy for that last post, please remember that at the moment, with an Estradiol level of 155, I AM a pussy. I’m practically lactating.
I’ll straighten up, I promise. I can’t wait to lift tomorrow, I’m going to move mountains. Doc

Duke, I always appreciate your thoughts. I passed the point of no return on that house over a year ago-havent been able to afford a mortgage payment since then, just getting by in C.R. A dear friend of mine, who once had a net worth of 6 million, tried to save me by buying into half the house, but now he’s also facing bankruptcy because he has FIVE Florida luxury homes including half of mine. I just have to start over, that’s all.

There’ll be no flames here.

155?!?!

Well, looking forward to reading about tomorrow, Doc.

Lots of people have started over at our age. Winston Churchill, Colonel Sanders and Julia Childs were basically washed up at age 65 and gained success afterwards.

With your abilities and the knowledge you’ve gained from this experience, you’ll bounce back stronger. Here’s what Donald Trump said when he was facing his real estate crisis: “Anyone who thinks my story is anywhere near over is sadly mistaken.”

Stu

Doc,

That was quite a story. You’ll come back and stronger than ever.

I worked at a start up company from 1995 to 2003. We went public 2000 and I made lots of money (i.e., stock). The only thing is that I kept the stock and it became worthless by 2003 (we closed the doors). Bottom line: I ended up with AMT taxes and that’s about it. So financially the whole senario cost me money as I had to pay taxes on the ‘value’ of the stock when we went public but ultimately that stock was completely worthless.

The sad part is that at one point I almost bought a beach house by cashing out part of my stock portofolio. I didn’t do it because I was sure the stock would continue to increase in value far greater than real estate. Was I wrong! I could work for the next 10 or 15 years and I’ll never make what I had for that short period of time. If only, oh well…

Right now we have 1 child in college and another getting ready to go in a couple of years. And we basically have no money to pay for their colleges. Mrs. Carlsbad has return to the workforce to help out.

Carlsbad

Everyone wondering what the hell Dr. PC is up to today? Well, I had to blow off some steam in the morning with this 290 (133kg) power clean in my front yard. Missed 300 four times, all close but I’m a real head case right now. I’m now off to my gym with my son, gonna see what damage I can do there.

Doc, it takes balls to open up yourself to us so you’re not a bearded clam. May I suggest “There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem” by Dr. Wayne Dyer. For what it’s worth, you’re in my prayers.
Quote time:
If you take responsibility for yourself you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams.
Les Brown
Have a great weekend and you know you can call anytime.

Doc,
Good power clean. Pulling that high with so little squat I see you going a lot higher when you really swing under the bar. How often do you do light, explosive cleans? Every 3rd bench day I do nothing but low weight as fast as I can. Helps with my heavy days and keeps me from getting stale.
By the way, great yell. Must come from your old throwing days.

[quote]hel320 wrote:
Doc,
Good power clean. Pulling that high with so little squat I see you going a lot higher when you really swing under the bar. How often do you do light, explosive cleans? Every 3rd bench day I do nothing but low weight as fast as I can. Helps with my heavy days and keeps me from getting stale.
By the way, great yell. Must come from your old throwing days.
[/quote]
Great comments. First, you cracked me up about the yelling, yes, I learned to be a great yeller from throwing. I used to yell when I used a driver on the golf course, that didn’t go over too well. lol
Today I had to do max singles in damn near everything I could think of because I am so pissed at my life situation. After my pc’s (btw I just missed 300 four times) I went to the gym, did 300 in the bench (it flew up, maybe had 315 in me), did 470 in the deadlift, and a ton of other shit with dumbells and machines. A five hour workout. I’m so physically toast I feel wonderfully numb, even mentally, which is a blessing.
After a day or two rest I am going to get serious with a periodized program for my OL with lots more volume, lots more technique work, and lots more work on my quickness. Strengthwise your only as good as your weakest link, and my two weak links right now are my front squat and my jerk. Both of those are in part weak spots because of injury issues (damn, you can see my left shoulder several inches lower on the power clean if you look). But as a whole, my body is continuing to improve and to heal, so I am encouraged by today’s lifts, three comeback PR’s.
As far as my life’s problems-I was too busy lifting today to think or worry about them. Cop out maybe, but I just had to mentally escape. I solved one problem, I got the Arimidex which should help me with my temporary transgender issue (estradiol off the charts).
I did have one good talk with the wife-we agreed we need now to be more focused on problem solving and less caught up in who did what wrong, that really is mostly counterproductive.
I still have no clue how I’m gonna get out of my hole, but I’m a pretty strong guy inside and out and I should be able to find a way. And Barry, I got a whole library of self help books, even wrote one myself. Maybe I need to read my own book first. I want to thank everyone immensely, I got many wonderful PM’s last night and many encouraging posts lately as well on the thread. Doc

For whatever it’s worth…things in this universe happen for a reason, although I’m sure some stuff is haphazard coincidence. You will emerge from your situation, scarred in many ways, BUT you WILL PREVAIL! “…that which does not kill us, makes us stronger!” Doc, you will learn some lessons, you will stop dwelling in the past and LIVE in the present. You have the power to make choices; choices that will effect your future, hopefully in many positive facets…you’re obviously NOT a quitter, or you would have done so many times in the past. It is easy to pick the path of least resistance; persevere through those paths which weigh us down like Atlas holding the world on his shoulders & when we finally lose that monkey on our backs, BREATHE A SIGH OF RELIEF! Train hard & hang in there!

[quote]barryjenkins00 wrote:
Doc, it takes balls to open up yourself to us so you’re not a bearded clam. May I suggest “There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem” by Dr. Wayne Dyer. For what it’s worth, you’re in my prayers.
Quote time:
If you take responsibility for yourself you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams.
Les Brown
Have a great weekend and you know you can call anytime.[/quote]

I couldn’t agree more with this post. I keep coming back to this thread and the reason is that Doc has balls opening himself up like he has.

Doc, thank you for this thread.

Carlsbad

Carlsbad and QT, as I get up this morning, my body is stiff and aching like an 80 year old. My wife is “flipping out” on me because while I was lifting for five hours yesterday, she was busy talking with the wrong people and has now turned aggressively against me in full divorce mode.
Maybe I’m brave to open up my life like this, maybe stupid. Actually, I have come to rely on this thread as a coping mechanism lately in the face of so much stress and personal chaos. Whatever risks I take in exposing my identity online, or whatever, seem small considering I have very little to lose right now. I’m at rock bottom with everything except my lifts. And my new friends on T-Nation, like you two.
I will find a way out of this quagmire, but it might get even a little worse before it gets better. Doc

Doc,

I’m very sorry to hear about this latest news. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Carlsbad

Holy Crap Doc…I feel for ya…hang in there.
You will survive.

You know, I have some advantages, being a shrink and having helped people get out of terrible spots in life. Of course its different when it’s YOU.
The money thing I’ll figure out somehow, with the help of accountants, lawyers and working my ass off, and maybe a small loan from a friend of mine, and I’ll survive it.
Gettting divorced, this is a curve ball from hell. Didn’t see it coming, I’m one of THOSE guys. Any advice you guys have on this one…I’m listening. This is such a private thing, PM me. I don’t think I want this thread turning into a “T-Nation guy going through divorce” saga. It’s hard to imagine I started this thread just a few months ago and at the time I had some concerns about my life situation, but it all seemed totally manageable and I certainly never dreamt I’d be sitting here posting what I’m posting on an internet forum about T-men.
I have a lot more fun talking about my lifting comeback, both the good and the bad of it, you know. I am proud of what I’ve accomplished in five months, even though I did so much more in college. Did you notice I mentioned I just missed power cleaning 300 in two different posts? Either early dementia, or just pride and confusion mixed together. Doc