Am I a Bitch?

orion · June 3, 2014, 11:21pm

[quote]pat wrote:

I wouldn’t do either. Like I said, I don’t get why people would want that, and I wouldn’t want to do that to another person. Dominate or humiliate, both are terrible things to do to another human being. I don’t get any kind of joy, sadistically or otherwise from hurting another person. It makes me happy to see others happy. I don’t want to hurt, dominate or humiliate another person. I do not like to see people suffer and I couldn’t stand it were it my hand that brought the suffering. [/quote]

I dont see how dominating a woman makes her suffer.

pat · June 4, 2014, 1:33pm

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

You’ll get that special one, don’t worry. And when you do, they tend to not go anywhere, ever. They keep being there whether you like it or not. You soon find out, they aren’t that special after all. They are gross and flawed like everybody else and that which endured you, will annoy the living shit out of you. This story repeats millions of times.

You think you want ‘the one’ now and be done. You don’t. Because once they are there, you’re stuck. You want to go out, do what you always did before, but now you can’t. This whole compromise thing has got you tied down. It’s the oldest story in the book next to prostitution.

This is one of the most depressing things I’ve ever read. : (
[/quote]

It’s not depressing, it’s the real world. If you think there is such thing as eternal bliss and happiness and walking on cloud 9 all the time, you are going to be married and divorce many times.

True love abandons the self and focuses on the other. True love endures. It means you do stuff you don’t like. It means that you trade the “wow” for yourself and you serve the other. True love sits in the ER for 12 hours because your in-law got sick. Compromise means you are giving something up constantly.

It really depends on whether you want to be married for 50 years, or you just need somebody to make you feel good about yourself for a little while. Til death do we part is a long time and it endures much. This is reality. It’s not depressing it’s the fact that the ‘ooo’ and the ‘aah’ eventually wanes. Let’s see what you think love is when you are with the same person for 7,300 days.
[/quote]

I had to get my calculator out - I believe I’ve put in the requisite 7,300 days. We divorced for reasons that were valid despite my willingness to focus on another. It was the right decision. I hope that I will be able now to choose someone more alike to myself and bring the joy and devotion to a good match that I did to a mismatch. I hope my ex will do the same (he’s not very joyous, but he’s got other good qualities).

I honestly believe that I sound more enthusiastic about a marriage that I left than one you call “true love.” I don’t mean to be critical, truly, but I stand by my “depressing.” Nothing you’ve written above makes me think otherwise.

[/quote]

You were married for 20 years? Dang, your older than I thought.
Hey I am not judging your past experience. I get it, sometimes there is no other alternative. Nobody deserves to be absolutely miserable the rest of their lives. Whatever happened, happened and I am sure you did not divorce willy-nilly.
All I am saying, is of all the things about relationships that can be, the biggest thing is hard work, every damn day. There are no days off. If you don’t put in the work, sacrifice, and put others ahead of yourself, you will be miserable.
Relationships are fun, in the beginning. That preps you to endure the rest of the ups and downs.
If you aren’t prepared to put in the work, don’t get married. Anybody who has been married for a long time will say the same things. It’s not easy it’s hard. But if you put the work in, it’s worth it. You are much happier in the end.
If you think I am wrong and relationships shouldn’t be that hard, your in for a big shock or a long painful ride.
If that sounds depressing, too bad. That’s the way it is. It’s the same for everybody. Nobody is better at it than anybody else. You don’t have the magic key to the magic door that will do it ‘different’ than you parents or anybody else.
You want a lasting relationship, be prepared to put in 100%, and sometimes you have to put in 150%, while your partner only puts in 50%.
Sure have your fun in the beginning. It’s always fun in the beginning.

pat · June 4, 2014, 1:40pm

[quote]brandon76 wrote:
@ Pat Garcia:

Definitely, but here is the thing… Men are much more logical than women. A + B = C. C = we are good and there are no issues. As soon as we think we know how women are feeling emotionally about us…i.e. liking the sensitive side, or wanting us to be more alpha, or whatever. We as guys trying to understand are so wrong more often than not. Just quit trying to fulfill expectations and live in the moment…and a bit into the future but not too far.

I also think women are each all so different and that may be why we can’t nail it. no pun. lol[/quote]

lol! I think ‘nailing it’ is all the understanding we need. The rest of the times we just furrow our brows in confusion, and say ‘ok’ and nod and smile.
I used to think I could explain anything to anybody if I just put forth the right logical argument…whoops! Then I find myself going ‘well …uh’, ‘no that’s not what I meant’, ‘uh…what!?’, ‘where the hell did you get that from what I said?’ Then I learned, nod and smile. If something makes absolutely no sense what so ever, just agree and it will be over soon enough. Then you can just ‘nail it’.

pat · June 4, 2014, 1:43pm

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:

I wouldn’t do either. Like I said, I don’t get why people would want that, and I wouldn’t want to do that to another person. Dominate or humiliate, both are terrible things to do to another human being. I don’t get any kind of joy, sadistically or otherwise from hurting another person. It makes me happy to see others happy. I don’t want to hurt, dominate or humiliate another person. I do not like to see people suffer and I couldn’t stand it were it my hand that brought the suffering. [/quote]

I dont see how dominating a woman makes her suffer. [/quote]

Then you know what your problem is. You’re always putting women down. Understand they are your equal and don’t need to be dominated ever. I mean that’s fine for role play in the bed room, but when the play time is over, it should end there.

orion · June 4, 2014, 7:49pm

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:

I wouldn’t do either. Like I said, I don’t get why people would want that, and I wouldn’t want to do that to another person. Dominate or humiliate, both are terrible things to do to another human being. I don’t get any kind of joy, sadistically or otherwise from hurting another person. It makes me happy to see others happy. I don’t want to hurt, dominate or humiliate another person. I do not like to see people suffer and I couldn’t stand it were it my hand that brought the suffering. [/quote]

I dont see how dominating a woman makes her suffer. [/quote]

Then you know what your problem is. You’re always putting women down. Understand they are your equal and don’t need to be dominated ever. I mean that’s fine for role play in the bed room, but when the play time is over, it should end there.[/quote]

But they want it, not only in the bedroom.

In fact, they crave it.

All of them, the healthy ones too.

Not only do I think, actually, I feel, that it is perfectly healthy for a woman to submit,I also feel that it is perfectly healthy for a man to enjoy taking her.

That was one of my big sticking points and now I wonder why I did it any other way, ever.

I mean, intellectually I know why I could not, but I can no longer understand why I felt so bad about it.

Also, there is your reason for “why do chicks dig jerks!?!” right there, they would rather submit to a man who takes what he wants than play best friends with someone who insists on “treating her as an equal”.

Finally, you cant “play that in the bedroom”. By doing so you compartmentalize your relationship with a woman, or parts of yourself, which is neither particularly mature or healthy and lacking integrity.

No such thing as an equal relationship, one always leads and it should be you.

brandon76 · June 4, 2014, 5:10pm

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:

I wouldn’t do either. Like I said, I don’t get why people would want that, and I wouldn’t want to do that to another person. Dominate or humiliate, both are terrible things to do to another human being. I don’t get any kind of joy, sadistically or otherwise from hurting another person. It makes me happy to see others happy. I don’t want to hurt, dominate or humiliate another person. I do not like to see people suffer and I couldn’t stand it were it my hand that brought the suffering. [/quote]

I dont see how dominating a woman makes her suffer. [/quote]

Then you know what your problem is. You’re always putting women down. Understand they are your equal and don’t need to be dominated ever. I mean that’s fine for role play in the bed room, but when the play time is over, it should end there.[/quote]

@Pat Garcia:

Another good point. I actually met someone who loves this “dominated” version and turns her on major. But it should and will end there. This should be fun. lol

EmilyQ · June 5, 2014, 10:41am

[quote]Chushin wrote: