A buddy of mine and I were talking the other day about what we wish “normal people” knew about us. I typed it up and sent it to him. Maybe this should go into “Get a Life” but I thought more in this forum could relate. Flame away.
10 Rules for Dealing with a Big Man
If you are under 230 pounds or don�??t routinely lift, don�??t kid yourself. This isn�??t about you. This isn�??t for your long term friends who remember when you were normal. They�??ll treat you like they always did. This isn�??t for your family. Mom changed your diaper. She doesn�??t care what you want. Here are 10 rules for casual friends, friends of friends, co-workers and the general public for dealing with big men.
We are not your test of manhood. If we are at a club, we don�??t want to fight you. If you are feeling rangy, find some other small guy who is looking for a fight. It is a lose-lose situation for us. If we win the fight, we will be accused of being bullies and the cops will take us to jail. If we do get angry and let loose the demon, someone is getting hurt very badly. We don�??t need you as a headache.
We are not showing off when we wear certain clothes. In fact, most of us believe that if you have to wear a tank top for people to know you are working out, you aint big enough. What is wrong with us wearing tank top on the beach, working in the yard, etc.? If other people can do it why can�??t we? Also understand that clothes aren�??t made to fit us. They are too big in some areas and too small in others. A XXL shirt is made for people with a 50-54 inch chest, but manufacturers routinely make those shirts for people that have bellies to match that. For us to be comfortable, we have to wear shirts that end up looking like we are wearing tarps, or have a shirt that tends to highlight our size. Finally, we don�??t necessarily wear cool jeans. We have to find jeans that will accommodate our thighs. There aren�??t that many out there.
We are not your bodyguard. Just because you are hanging out with us, it doesn�??t give you a license to be a jerk. The guys who usually do this are friends of friends. They will introduce you as their bodyguard or say something like �??Who is going to mess with us? We have big boy.�?? If you do this, we probably will let you get your ass stomped and laugh while it happens. We aren�??t anyone�??s bitch.
We don�??t care what you used to do or who you knew and what they did. Who cares if you say you used to bench 400 pounds in 1978. First off, unless you have proof that is BS. We know what it takes to do that. You mean to tell me that after all that effort, you let yourself go that bad? Second, we don�??t care what your friend does or did. We aren�??t competing with your friend and stop trying to make yourself feel good by tearing us down. Men of iron understand the effort and applaud the progress of others. You are just a hanger on. Shut up.
Don�??t ask us for training advice. You are not willing to do the work to get big and no, there is no magic bullet. Here is all you need to know �?? lift heavy, eat clean and work hard. These are three things you aren�??t willing to do. Oh and no, we don�??t use steroids. Just because you aren�??t willing to put the effort in, doesn�??t mean we aren�??t.
Ladies, most of us are shy and insecure. That�??s why we got into the iron game in the first place. You scare us. Most of us are not narscistic beasts. We are probably too scared to talk to you so come over and say hi. You just might find that we are the nicest, gentlest giants. Besides, if you were to walk down a dark alley, who would you rather walk down it with?
We are not stupid muscle heads. Every true big man I have ever met has been college educated. We have other interests as well. You will find that most of us are very introspective. Iron has a tendency to break a man down. Training just happens to be our hobby and passion. Some people play golf. Some people garden. Some people are obsessed with watching sports. We train. We train for different reasons. Some of us train to look good. Some train to be better at their jobs. I train to be the Alpha Male �?? the biggest and baddest wherever I go. I train to slay the dragon (thanks TC), just in case he wants to come.
Don�??t ask us to help you move just because we are big. If you are a good friend and need help, we will help you.
If you invite us to over for dinner or take us out to eat, understand that we are big men with big appetites. An 8 oz steak just aint going to cut it. We can get a little embarrassed with the amount of chow we can put away. We also hate leaving hungry. If you are cooking for us, plan on three times what the normal person would eat. A 290 pound man is twice the size of a normal human. We have twice the appetite. You also need to plan on us wanting seconds. Remember that we are training hard using up a lot of energy. We need a lot of energy to replace that which we used up. If you are buying us dinner, order an appetizer and suggest something with a large portion of food. That will give us permission to order what we want and we won�??t be embarrassed if our food is eight dollars more than yours. Also, don�??t order from the lunch menu. The portions are too small but we get embarrassed if you order from it and we don�??t.
Ladies, it is okay if you touch our arms, chest, etc. We know why you are doing it. We know you have probably never felt anything remotely close to it and are curious. Really, its okay, we like it.
Haha I love this, good work! Although I’m only 200 I’m working on it though!
On a side note someone asked me to help move them this sat. She’s hot and the maid of honor in our wedding so I said yes. This will be like the 20th person I helped move this year.
Plan on the big guy not wanting to fight and pray it stays that way when you start shit with him. If your lucky enough to not fight, you’ll look better to all the little boys and girls.
Tell all girls around you he’s on steroids, is wearing and extra smedium shirt and has a little peter. Then mention soon as his gnc membership runs out, he will shrink but his thing won’t grow.
DO NOT INTRODUCE YOUR BIG FRIEND. People will try to avoid conflict. Instead tell a joke, then laugh outrageously loud and pat your big friend on the back so that everybody can see. Then proceed to throw spit balls at everybody in the room.
“Shut up, Don’t hate, I could bench 405 before steroids. What are you going to do Hit me? f’ckin bully. SECURITY!!!”
It’s all genetic anyway.
Here we go with the shy thing again. Ladies don’t believe that I used to use that in the 9th grade.
He’s using lines I used in 9th grade, how bright do you think he is? Besides he played D1 college ball which means he got cracked in the head by other 400lb guys how smart would you be?
haha this post is great number 2 strikes as the most related to me as my mom thinks ive just gotten fat when my pants dont fit around the thighs even though its my squat and dead thats gone up a whole bunch thats caused it lol
also i do have a friend that is a dick alot and he expects us (me and my other friend both of us over 6 2 and 250) to back him up but its chill cuz he back us up when we dont feel like doing something he is a pretty tough kid no doubt.
If you invite us to over for dinner or take us out to eat, understand that we are big men with big appetites. An 8 oz steak just aint going to cut it. We can get a little embarrassed with the amount of chow we can put away. We also hate leaving hungry. If you are cooking for us, plan on three times what the normal person would eat. A 290 pound man is twice the size of a normal human. We have twice the appetite. You also need to plan on us wanting seconds. Remember that we are training hard using up a lot of energy. We need a lot of energy to replace that which we used up. If you are buying us dinner, order an appetizer and suggest something with a large portion of food. That will give us permission to order what we want and we won�??t be embarrassed if our food is eight dollars more than yours. Also, don�??t order from the lunch menu. The portions are too small but we get embarrassed if you order from it and we don�??t.
[/quote]
No shit. More than a few times, I’ve had to swing through Wendy’s right after dinner.
This shit is so true man, I get so sick of people thinking they can talk shit to anyone just because Im around them. Like Im supposed to protect them. Same goes with people asking for advice, they will never take it.
And my all time favorite that you wrote is when people compare their cousins, cousins, friends boyfriend to you. Like because they know someone who may or may not be as big or as strong as you they have to let you know that you aren’t special.
There are also the friends who you arent really friends with that always seem to be getting in fights. They for some reason think they can call you up and expect you to throw down and help him fight off some guys so he doesn’t get beat up, or something along those lines.
This is great! I picture you guys sitting around in a circle crying and saying how used and dirty you feel because people that hang around you talk schmidt when you are around and you get asked, 'do you play ball?"…
[quote]JGerman wrote:
This is great! I picture you guys sitting around in a circle crying and saying how used and dirty you feel because people that hang around you talk schmidt when you are around and you get asked, 'do you play ball?"…
as you were…[/quote]
Occupation: Gym Manager
Weight: 186
Height: 5 10
Body fat %: too much 14.5%
Years Training: over 12
[quote]Mega Newb wrote:
And my all time favorite that you wrote is when people compare their cousins, cousins, friends boyfriend to you. Like because they know someone who may or may not be as big or as strong as you they have to let you know that you aren’t special.
[/quote]
Amen Mega Newb.
I’m not the biggest or strongest dude but I easily move more weight than the typical guy ever does. That’s annoying and weak as shit when people do that
“…yeah well down at school I saw the freaking football team lifting dude, they’re thick man! They’re bigger/stronger than you. Well, I’m just saying Doug”
Whatever. Bottom line, YOU are still a pussy. You can only control you.
[quote]hoosegow wrote:
If we win the fight, we will be accused of being bullies and the cops will take us to jail. If we do get angry and let loose the demon, someone is getting hurt very badly.
[/quote]
What about the other side of “if?” Which leads me to a quote I once heard: just because a man is big, it doesn’t mean he’s tough and just because he’s tough, it doesn’t mean he can fight.
Great post man! Entertaining, true, and sometimes funny.
While I maybe only 185, 5’ 9", (shut up, I’m 15 and can only train 5 months out of the year because of sports haha) I’m still trying to become the “big guy.”
The only thing I disagree on, is 1). Because if some guy is talking trash to me, I’m going to rip his heart out and feed it to my dog.
[quote]TheSolution wrote:
Great post man! Entertaining, true, and sometimes funny.
While I maybe only 185, 5’ 9", (shut up, I’m 15 and can only train 5 months out of the year because of sports haha) I’m still trying to become the “big guy.”
The only thing I disagree on, is 1). Because if some guy is talking trash to me, I’m going to rip his heart out and feed it to my dog.[/quote]
Dude. By your own admission, you’re 15. Stop trying to act like a hard ass.
I’m working on it though!