Worried I’ll Be Denied HRT

Pharma / TRT Testosterone Replacement
1

Hey probably not the best look to post about hoping to get HRT and possibly any tips/good doctors I can rely on ti be understanding, I’ll try to keep it fairly concise as I can be a little talkative even when I’m not on nootropics/stims.

I’m male, 33 and while I don’t display moooost signs of low T( and thus feel I’m about to throw away $400 when I’m currently unemployed, studying to be a classical artist, just bare basic supplements and gym equipment isn’t cheap. To make matters worse I’m putting up deadlifts and oly lifts that are tearing my deck up so I guess that’s another $50/mo even tho i wanna do most my stuff at home, not around goofy strangers.

So, here’s my situation: I’m in California, the east bay. I’m 33, 6’3”, fairly certain I’m under 5% body fat but doing the best I can(whole stocks of butter on a piece of toast are a staple of my diet…… i drank a large carton of half and half today which is another 1000cal or so high in fat, protein and cholestetol). Despite how I eat, I’m rail thin and can’t seem to gain. I don’t think the scale borrowed today wAds accurate but probably not far off, it read 132lbs and change☠️

I feel my drive/ambition is alright, when I’m passionate about something I feel i have to be arguably the best…. The next Michelangelo or Bernini, a welterweight that hits harder than Wilderb with the footwork and grace of Mayweather. Libido is so-so, before recently breaking up with my fiancé she’d constantly cpmplain that I never felt like sex but it was sorta just the work, and i was an extreeeme slcoholic, as in wake up and slam a brew, get to an ER for Ativan or have a seizure. So, still what I’d call average libido. Sometimes very egotistical because I’m convinced I’m a fairly bright and people seem to like me, tell me I’m a great guy and all but I have what the people talking about this new meeting trend call mouthbreather face…… janky, weak jaw/chin. I do seem naturally gifted to some degree in RFD/great ratio of typeII:typeI fibers and im holding onto that with all my might so I’ve only on rare occasion spent more rime under tension than say 30sec but regardless, I should be gaining at least some fat, 5000cal a day isn’t even enough to maintain if I bust out the big boy stims for a single dose. I would say my mood is ok, I’m very rarely depressed but verrrry stressed lately as the girl I thought I’d one day marry and have kids with left me due to my alcoholism(just before I finally figured it out it seems, 3’weeksl w/o a drink and I have no desire for one) not to mention my dad who literally provides a beautiful life for my whole family and won’t receive retirement benefits as he runs a small biz has come down with type 2 diabetes, coronary heart disease and bladder cancer in the last year despite being veerrrrrry health conscious 99% of the time. Im also self conscious of how people feel about me, I want to be liked, seen as generous and polite, respectable which I think is great and all but maybe a little less than masculine.

In short, can someone just tell me what I can do to damn near ensure I get a scrip? I’m not trying to get over in the sports I’m getting back into, just feel like even when I have some natural gifts(long levers, very explosive) they’re overshadowed by my not being able to put on weight and so I can’t consistently up load in any kind of lifting, I feel capped at a decent but not sub 10s 100m and when sparring tankier guys they can walk tough my 1-2 right to their face and in close I get wailed on(or used to? Think in my time away from the boxing gym it finally clicked one day, while shadow boxing I found myself turning into punched and transferring weight and have even gotten a quicker and fluid). Please brothers, don’t know I’m not ancient but I’m almost sure i must have low T. Show me the way and I’ll owe you big and I’m a genie. If i have to resort to ordering from random sketchy sites and getting ripped off I’ll probably have to go without anxiety medication I rely on not to mention supplements, being able to get to the atelier I study at but I’ve wanted to be a great athlete since I was a kid💯

2

TRT isn’t a panacea, it doesn’t compensate for less favorable genetics. Most cases of low-T, men are overweight, some can be quite lean and even muscular but just feel like their out of gas. You don’t seem to fit these descriptions.

You said you recently broke up with your fiancé, maybe you knew it was coming subconsciously and therefore libido declined because you were no longer into this women.

When married couples get a divorce, when they meet someone new, the hunt is on and their libidos increase and after a time the libido declines again if you’re with the same person long term. The hunt is over, new experience is now too common experience and the honeymoon phase is long gone and it’s the same old experience over and over again.

Unmarried single men who sleep around, changing women frequently have the highest libidos and also testosterone because they’re constantly on the hunt.

Can you rule out all of these below?

Things that affect libido:

  • High blood pressure
  • Diabetes
  • Poor sleep
  • Medications
  • Stress/depression
  • Low testosterone
  • Infections
  • High prolactin
  • Low thyroid hormones
  • Alcohol & drugs
  • Surgery
  • Heart disease
  • High cholesterol
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No I can’t, but I just feel like …. Even if my T levels are at an acceptable level, I see all these people who can put on muscle so easily talking about getting HRT and even stacking with bad ass stuff like trenbolone or dianabol. It feels unfair, I’d be thrilled with even just something like 4-andro I think but I don’t wanna wind up soending what little $ I have and getting burnt with some herbal nonsense🤪 I apologise I haven’t fully read the rules so I’m guessing full on sourcing isn’t allowed but if it is, I’m happy to pay a more than ‘market value’ for legit, reliable gear…. I feel like I just need a good cycle or 2 of something mild to get up to a decent weight without feeling like I’m gonna throw up all day from stuffing so much food down my throat. The androgenic effects would be nice too as while i appreciate I look young I feel like my face just isn’t real mature/filled out yet and I can’t grow much of a beard…., it’s like puberty skipped a few steps.

Let’s just throw the whole ‘you might have perfect t levels’ scenario out the window, what can I do to try to ensure my t is horrifically low? I assume I want to be sleep deprived, deficient in zinc and magnesium, maybe altogether starving/malnourished when I show up for testing ?

4

Sleep deprivation is probably going to affect your testosterone levels more than anything. If I were you, you need to get an accurate baseline, not some artificially induced suppressed baseline.

5

Sounds like what you wanna do is just blast steroids. There is no reason for TRT for you. Just buy UG steroids and go wild anytime. Will also be much cheaper.

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But…. Maybe I’m just not very bright but I can’t find a source I trust with my money, or possibly worse. I’d be fine with underground shit, I take pretty good care of myself and would certainly be careful not to go wild or underdon it on an AI/PCT. I just don’t know where to buy. I guess there’s the chance I’ll eventually meet someone who will have soooomething at the local 24 hour but like, I just lost 20lbs of solid, fast twitch gold standard ultra premium muscle. My strength is coming back but maybe more from neural adaptations as i was 138lbs about 6 months ago, ate all day for about 4 months while in rehab and came out at 155. Today the scale said 132 and I’ve been eating like :crazy_face: for a few days now. Literally over 20 lbs gone in just like 2 weeks and I say all muscle as I’ve been well under 10%bf for as long as I can recall. A shot of my abs got like 16zillion views on TikTok the other day, I couldn’t believe how shredded i look. Look, if someone will given me a fairly reliable source for test or some other serious strength/bulking anabolic(could be prohormone…. Just not done lame SARM or like ecsysterone……) I’ll do leave the HRT to people who really need it. If it’s not breaking rules, just drop a pm and I’ll even assure you I’ll be responsible I just want to get back to a decent weight where I can start boxing again. With sparring, you can’t always find someone your size and even tho my reach should be a huge advantage, some 150lb 5’4” tank could walk up and go off on me. I apologize it seems like I’m ranting but I see other people do even like 4 week cycles of tren and test and it’s like they go from ‘burly normal guy’ to ‘Olympian superhuman’ the next time I see them. I want just a taste of that, just want to get my cycle or 2 in and experience what it’s like to see consistent, noticeable gains. I mentioned I was decent in the 100m but even there I was sort of just a natural and as I learned technique, more from the internet and drills than from training, I got good. I can get soooome strength/speed gains but size? My gains in size are a joke and it’s so uncomfortable to eat like this I always wind up giving up before anyone else even notices the ‘gains’. Oh and to add insult to injury people don’t know who’ve blasted like crazy say I’m lucky to have this ridiculous metabolism. Please, someone, anyone, if there’s any way you can sort of just steer me to a safe reliable source, I’d be eternally grateful! :pleading_face:
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I’m serously this stupidly skinny while eating like 5000*cal a day and unfortunately I have trouble sleeping more than 6 hours(I think more sleep would help?), I’ve tried pretty much everything on the market and the only rx for sleep that doesn’t have nasty side effects for me=benzos.

7

You are not eating 5000 a day. You need to eat more.

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8

5,000 calories of what though? Are you /really/ sure you’re eating that daily.and not on some days, with questionable food choices? If toast and butter is your staple…that provides a strong hint

Have you ever had your T4/T3 tested (thyroid)…that may explain it.
Or in general, before jumping on steroids or TRT (they’ll ask for said tests)…be useful to see what your actual baseline is. Otherwise, you are throwing stuff at your body without knowing what the problem is. That generally doesn’t end well.

9

From what you wrote above, it sounds like you already are all of those things.

You’re malnourished, addicted to alcohol/benzos/stimulants and don’t know how to eat or train. Your ‘shredded abs’ are the equivalent of “big tits on a fat chick”. And now you want to do a cycle of steroids to completely fuck up whatever you have left of your dying endocrine system.

You need to get your shit together.

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Actually if OP wants to die young, he has his shit together

The fact that his father wound up with severe heart disease should concern OP as perhaps those genetics has been passed down unto him… unless he doesn’t care… but it seems like he does

A stint in rehab (as opposed to defining yourself as cured) either inpatient or outpatient care is probably a good avenue to pursue at this point in time. Without counselling, psychological support etc the risk of relapse from highly addictive substances like alcohol or benzodiazepines is extremely high.

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11

You need to focus on your mental health first to get your brain/mindset right before finding some new way to self-medicate your issues. Focus on the root cause of why you need substances to soothe whatever pain it is you have. Confront the root cause.

I wish you the best. Please get help.

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Fail. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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Am I the only one who is going to ask… WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT A PICTURE OF??! It looks like a gnarly looking worm or the surface of a weird planet! Jesus christ.
To the OP, dude, the last thing you need to be worrying about is getting “jacked” or even touching AAS. You need to get clean off of alcohol, benzos, and whatever else you’re taking and also make an appointment with a good psychiatrist.
Your Stream-of-consciousness typing style is exhausting and indicative of some strong ADD/OCD and other problems going on. Simply taking steroids will not magically make your life better. And I agree with other posters, you are NOT eating 5,000 calories or more a day…calories from spaghetti and meatballs, chicken parm, lasagna, roast and potatoes, salmon, cheeseburgers, etc…somone eating 5k calories a day from foods such as that would have an impossible time NOT putting on weight.
So, go use the money you would have spent on steroids to instead book yourself an appointment with a psychiatrist.

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14

Hilarious bro! That was literally the first thought I had when I began reading his soliloquy/novel!

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Yeah, the OP clearly has some underlying issues. He’s about the last guy that needs hormone altering drugs.

This right here. Spot on.

And spot on again.

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Paragraph breaks go a long way on here.

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Alright well I can take the criticism and Ill admit I haven’t been tracking calories but like, yesterday I woke up and threw a scoop of whey and a bunch of cream in a coffee…. Within a few hours I’d downed the whole thing of cream, around 1000calories(sonething like 32 servings@34cal each). I’d also downed some creatine and multivitamins and had a bowl of cereal and 2 tangerines.

Then I took some preworkout which maaaay have been dumb as this preworkout has 300mg caffeine. I am trying to get back into boxing so after what I’d think is a fairly typical dynamic warmup, i shadow boxed for a min, I know I don’t have much muscle but I really like that what I do have seems to be predominantly fast twitch so i pretty much never do anything that takes more than a minute like, the day before I was literally running 5x5yd shuttle runs. Maybe I’m overthinking things or mistaken but seems like research suggests that type IIx and type I fibers can be trained to express themselves more in line with type IIa but like once type IIx fibres have trended toward lower power output they couldn’t go all the way back? That maybe part of my issue as well, you see as I never really worked with loads usually prescribed for hypertrophy….

I’m kind of using more like my 3RM in the big compound lifts, a lil lighter for the Olympic lifts because it feels ‘right’ when the bar just goes up easy and I figure I’m a beginner so I should see major adaptations to basically anything. So yesterday I snatched first, just like maybe 8 singles with with just under what I cAn 1RM. Then I floor pressed as I don’t have a bench, getting one this week. Can go to 24 hr fitness but obv I’m a lil self conscious being such a scrawny mfer. I could 1rm 155 on bench at this weight as a teen but I didn’t dare so o did a measly 95lbs, but got more reps than expected. Would guess around 8 and still had another in the tank, took a rest and repeated twice so 3 sets of 8 I’ll say. Then I did clap push ups even tho they’re so similar and it felt like i was throwing the bar on floor press anyway, some study i saw recently affirmed that bench press correlates w/ power developed in a cross so I did 2 sets of like 6 clap push ups. I guess I could’ve done more if I’d done them first but bodyweight stuff seems kinda shrug. So then I did some rows with like 65 ? Again I’m not sure of my 1RM on everything yet, I’ve just barely started working out again, tho some things felt ok…, like on the day prior I’d decided to just try using some agility tests such as the aforementioned shuttle run and 3 cone drill before deadlifting heavy singles…, I also broad jumped. I’m scared of doing anything light and developing ‘sarcoplasmic’ hypertrophy and possibly losing the ‘athleticism’ I have, I mean I’m super weak I realise…, but at the same time, people seem alien when I see them try to do something quick and a explosive it’s lien they’re in slow motion whereas I just sorta have more ‘pop’ in everything I do. I want to be bigger, i definitely want to be stronger but I treasure what little ‘speed strength’ I have.

I’m guessing you’re all gonna pile on and tell me to figure out proper 1rms for the power lifts, then calculate like 80% for whatever like 5rm and do 5/3/1.,…, anyauay dorry my adhd meds made me go day off topic but I had line 4 pretty decent meals yesterday, including post workout shake+1 drumstick ice creams, a bowl of xereal and 2 nature valley bars. Not 1000cal but cmon, I’m eating tons of junk food+tons of whey protein, butter, cream……, also tons of dark chocolate which should add up to quite a few calories as a ‘serving’ of even bitter like 95% cacao bars are like 200cal. Also maybe I wasn’t clear but I haven’t drank in weeks now and I’m very happy about that, haven’t had one run in with police and I think all my caSes have been dropped. I am only occasionally overtakinfg adhd and anxiety meds but not nearly as bad as before. It only bothers me as during a horrible like 8 day binge on Adderall I somehow lost like 20lbs

19

Your diet sucks!! Maybe put some real food in your body and not just sugar and caffeine.

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Ok, I counted calories faaairly accurately and while some was junk food(200 from a drumstick ice cream before because I’m still waiting on a shipment of dextrose and for some reason we don’t keep sugar here, was postbworkout w a shake and 2 bowls of cerea and some yogurt totallling ~1000calories). I’ll take your guys advice as maybe my activity level is higher than I thought and makes more of a difference than I’d believed, I used examine.cop and an article claimed outside of the top and bottom 5%ers, basal metabolic rate differs by ahout 1/3, with slower metabolisers using spending a measly 1600cal a day and those on the upper end like 2200(please don’t flip out on me if numbers are off, it’s been like 24 hours since looking at the paper). It did however say that even what I’d call barely doing anything all day(staying busy but never being out of breath) would tack on another 600cal or so for the average. I see that it was pretty hard for me to break 4000cal(I estimate 4200, including what you guys seem biased against, things like chocolate bars to throw an extra 400+cal at myself without feeling so full it hurts). I admit my diet sucks or it did, this morning I’ve had a large bowl of cereal, 170g serving of Greek yogurt, 120 cal from a protein shake more just to stop possible catsbolism as I fell asleep early n meant to eat right before bed, 190cal from a granola bar, about 600 cal from dark chocolate and I’m finally having some coffee but will try to cut back on the stimulants as I know it sounds stupid of me to complain about not gainijg while I throw grams of caffeine and meth and shut in my system. I’ll try to get more ‘real food’ in my diet but Iunno, I was always happy to cook for my fiancé but I have a hard time pulling out a pan, letting it get hot, etc to make some eggs and then have to clean up the mess…. So I wind up with cereal and try to at least up the protein:sugars ratio with some yogurt. If any one could gimme a link, I’m sure you guys have done an article on it before but like, I’m having trouble getting in 5 meals a day spaced 3+hrs apart but still getting 8hrs of sleep and I can’t usually get more than maybe 700cal in a meal without bullsjit liek eating pure butter or candy :crazy_face:

21

Your posts are making my head spin. Can you gather your thoughts in a concise manner and each thought could be a separate paragraph? I can barely get through this long winded collection of random info.

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