Knowledge without experience is nothing.
I have a big strong ego! Iām also humbler than pretty much everybody.
If we were having a humility contest Id kick all of your asses.
Directly? Wow.
Seriously laughed out loud at this.
Thanks!
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Yeah, I figured you probably havenāt run into too many people who can use āhumblerā like I did.
Or like humblocity. Of or pertaining to the content of humbleness in ones being .
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Experience without intelligence is nothing.
Sure, why not?
Did you ever end up buying the ticket and taking the ride like you were thinking about a few years ago?
I donāt recall the trip you are referencing, but likely not. I was living in fear, lol.
You were thinking about taking a different kind of trip up thread. I was curious if there was any connection between that and the Eastern mysticism youāre now practicing.
Buy the ticket, take the ride is a paraphrasing of a famous Hunter Thompson quote to describe the experience of LSD.
āNo sympathy for the devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the rideā¦and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, wellā¦maybe chalk it up to forced consciousness expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten.ā
Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Ah, yes, of course. Itās a bit of a story and definitely influenced the current POV of mine. I did buy the ticket.
I met god, lol - she is a short brown woman with a bad attitude.
I wonder if I should expand?
Iād be curious to hear about it your experience with it as a mature adult.
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See, that is what I learned. I wasnāt mature, wasnāt an adult.
I think it needs some contemplation, and there might be an article or something in there. One of the things that has happened is that I have become creative again, and writing is an outlet for me.
They say there are no bad trips. I think there are bad trips, mine certainly was not enjoyable, but the overall effect was good.
There is so much to this story that a post may not do it justice, but I will work on something brief today and post it later.
Thanks for asking!
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I would also be interested in hearing about it, should you feel inclined to share.
In August of 2022 I had reached bottom and was desperate for relief. I had read about psychedelics for mental health, had watched quite a few documentaries. I understood that having a trip sitter was important, as was setting, but I did not have the patience. So I ordered mushrooms online ā several grams.
I had cPTSD, PTSD, anxiety, depression, and a raging addiction to alcohol. I always knew I was trying to fill some hole in my life but could not find a way other than Michelob Utras to mitigate the existential angst. I had overcome a pretty healthy cocaine habit, but was in serious pain emotionally.
I was smart enough to not go heroic on my first dose ā I took just over a gram in tea. Other than getting the yawns, and a slight sense of heightened awareness of colors and light, I felt nothing. Maybe it was because I had about ten beers on board, I donāt know.
Two weeks later, I made tea out of 2.5 grams ā borderline heroic, nothing crazy. I slammed it, chewed the debris, and waited for what I thought would be nothing.
I was wrong.
I was alone in a five bedroom house, and it came up fast. I quickly moved to my bedroom and the visuals hit, the walls dripping and breathing, the patterns vibrating, and I had to lay down. It came up so fast it scared me. I curled up in the fetal position and checked the clock so that I would know when it was over, four hours.
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, ha ha ha ha laughed the plant medicine. Vibrant colors in the shape of anemones kept growing and collapsing, purple, green, yellow. I realized my whole body was clenched, jaw, arms, legs, tight like a tiger.
Breathe, bro, just breathe.
I checked the clock ā it had been two minutesā¦
Rinse and repeat, for what seemed like hours ā check the clock ā another two minutes.
Finally a short, round and brown woman came to me and pointed out some uncomfortable truths in a decidedly harsh manner. I felt like she had hit me upside my head with a fying pan.
The truth was, is, that I am a selfish, impatient, immature asshole, living a victimās life and blaming others for my problems.
Yes, I had been physically, emotionally, and sexually abused as a child. But I was/am an adult now and it is my responsibility to take control of my life.
To adult.
But this message didnāt come with the normally attached shame and guilt. It was just fact.
I realized the clench state I was in was the way I had been living my life ā tense, in fear, waiting for the next attack.
So, bad trip, good trip?
Things did not change overnight. I had been searching for answers for a long time, and I got the answers ā but it took, is taking, a long time to integrate those answers and to change the habits of fifty years.
I believe microdosing helps ā develops new neural pathways facilitating changes in behavior.
I believe journaling helps. As does lifting, yoga, meditation.
I have not bought a ticket since then, other than an occasional microdose, but I do plan on taking another journey. Perhaps DMT this time.
I am sure there will be judgement. But my ego is in check, and IDGAF.
I am not always equanimous. I still react when I shouldnāt, still struggle with emotional regulation, but Vipassana meditation, yoga, and lifting are all helping me to level and control my emotions. Iām not perfect, not even good, but I am better, and getting better.
So, good trip, bad trip?
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Productive trip.
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Says the forager, lol.
Meet me in Oregon some day, we will forage.
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Iāve never picked those kind!
I did do a massive dose of shrooms at a Greatful Dead show though, about an ounce.
Not for any existential insight though. Just trippin!
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Self introspection can be interesting for sure. It requires an ability to set aside what you believe and really dig, which is hard.
At some point I plan to visit a South American Shaman guided ayuhausca trip. Iāve dabbled with a couple of drugs over the years but for recreation enhancement, curious to see how introspection can be augmented too.
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It sounds like a pretty good trip. You got something out of it, without feeling any shame or guilt.
I used to eat mushrooms occasionally with my friends back in my younger days. It seemed like when people had bad trips, it was because they felt a lot of those negative emotions.
If you skipped those, thatās good!
It sounds like it was intense at first, and thatās pretty normal. I get the clenched up, kinda nauseous, hugging myself feeling too. But it usually doesnāt last long.