Guys, I need some serious advice. I know I am going to get some real comedic responses but I would appreciate some serious ones too.
I am involved with this girl that I really care a lot about. When we first started dating she told me, even before we had sex, that she has never had an orgasm in her life. I couldn’t believe it since we are both in our late 20’s. She said that she has some sensation around her vagina but none at all inside. Of course I thought that if I just made some more “effort” then her past boyfriends I might be able to change that but it hasn’t turned out out that way. In the past I have never had this problem with other girls I have dated so I am not sure what to do about it. I think I am pretty attentive in bed and she seems to agree. I told her that I am willing to do anything that might help her enjoy sex more but she says that there is nothing else I can do. Its really tough because I really do care about her a lot but ourt sex life is infrequent and when we do have sex it is because she is trying to please me not because she really wants to for herself. I am sure you guys can tell how that can be unsatisfying.
She appears to be in good health in the medical sense of the term. The only thing remarkable about her situation at all is that she has been on the pill since before she started to have sex because she gets really bad cramps. I have heard that this can interfere with pleasure for women but I was wondering if there was anything else we could do. I would love to hear from any of the ladies out there. Any advice would be appreciated.
Yeah…the pill can effect her sex drive especially if she has been on it for some time. What pill is she on? Maybe it would help if she switched over to another? As far as pills go…one with low sexual side effects is Tri-Cyclen.
Another thing to keep in mind is that maybe she is trying too hard to get there. She may not be relaxed enough to be able to let herself feel and go with the flow (excuse the pun).
Another pointer would be to add to the foreplay time. Most women rarely get off from the actual act of intercourse. But some major pre-heating of the oven is definitely the way to go.
Best of luck!
The birth control can defenitely be an issue, however it could be related to “emotinal” issues…
…basically unlike men a female orgasim can have a lot more to do with emotional than physical stimulation, of course this can differ drastically between different women, but basically, some women just won’t orgasm unless they are totally in love or safe in a marraige or otherwise totally secure. This doesn’t mean that she doesnt care about you or the physical stimulation is non-existent, etc. it’s just an idea. But honestly, in a lot of girls an orgasm is more emotionally charged than physically. Just a thought… but keep in mind that the birth control can defenitely affect things, as well as other possible physical problems that her gynocoloogist might could spot…
…another suggestion. Don’t let it affect your confidence or dedication to the cause, stick it out for a while. It has nothing to do with you, and the last thing she needs to have on her mind is your confidence, show her again and again that you understand and are secure, give it time, and it’ll happen.
she needs to able to give herself an orgasm before you can ever hope to. There is very little you can do to make this happen if she isn’t in touch with her own body. Best of luck
Thanks guys. Please keep them coming. I think the type of pill she is on is called a generic Kariva. Does anyone know about this hormone combo in particular? Anyway I agree it could be emotional issues but I she has said that she has never had an orgasm in her life, even when alone, and she has been on the pill since before she ever had sex. Also she gets fully lubricated but just no intensly pleasurable feeling.
Aside from the pill being a potential problem. I think Magnus is onto something. It might sound weird but if she can’t even get herself off how is she going to be able to do it while with a partner? One of the first girls I ever slept with had this problem so I’d get her to play with herself and kiss on her gently all over while telling her how much it turned me on then while she was still at it I’d go down on her. After a few tries it worked and the sex was PGDG!
Good advice guys. I would def be willing to try it. Iron Maiden good thought but don’t worry we have both already played with the clitoris a good deal.
She needs to learn how to get herself off. A vibrator and practice might get her there. Some women will not orgasm from intercourse or at least not often. But she should be able to orgasm from the right physical and mental stimulation. But she needs to indulge in some self discovery. If she has real problems with sex drive it could be from the pill or other emotional layers. One byproduct of learning how to turn herself on and orgasm might be a higher sex drive. I’m sure your not, but don’t ignore the clitoris. Try to not make sex too stressful, keep it fun! Good luck!
Want to second the idea that it might be a mental thing. If she’s putting a lot of pressure on herself, it might not happen. This happens often.
However, the way you described it initially also leads me to suggest that she go see an OB/GYN to discuss the problem. I don’t think I’ve heard of a woman simply having no sensations on the inside and it being solely due to mental blocks or not knowing herself. Lessened sensations, or the inability to climax, yes – no sensations, no. Have her go talk to a doctor – and in the meantime, just be supportive, especially if you really love her.
I heard on a talk show where a girl can usually have more luck getting herself off for the first time by using flowing water. I believe they said to have her lay in the tub with her legs up in the air, under the faucet.
I had a girlfriend who initially had this problem, and letting my fingers do walking helped a lot. Use a light touch on the man in the boat while perfrming this.
These are all pretty good suggestions. Just remember not to come across as too “goal oriented” and put too much pressure on her. If you come home and say, “Put masturbating on your to-do list! And I’ll go out and buy a bunch of sex toys like the guys at T-Mag told me to!”, that won’t put her in the mood. Focus on making whatever you’re doing with her hot, and fun, not clinical or goal-oriented. Appreciate the journey as much as the destination, just like you do with weight lifting.
MVAC, these are all good suggestions. But please, get the girl to a doctor first. She might be suffering from endometriosis. If she’s getting bad cramps this might be the case. Endometriosis can also affect a woman’s sexual response and lead to infertility.
Endometriosis can start with a woman’s first period. Maybe she’s been suffering from this since she first started menstruating. If she is suffering from this condition she needs to get it treated or it will only get worse. I know, I’ve been there.
I’m with Magnus on this. If she can not satisfy herself, you have no hope of delivering the O.
As has been eluded, it may be a physical thing, but I’m more inclinded to think that there may a severe emotional thing going on here(abuse when she was a child maybe?).
two comments:
imho, women are much more complicated than men in this regard… dudes, yu can be hung like a grizzly bear, have the uncharted stamina, and swing upside down from a trapeze, but iff the girl is not mentally or emotionally into YOU, you will not be able to do anything for her.
second, imho, if a woman cannot give herself an orgasm(masterbation, ect) then it is doubful that you will be able to do it for her.
MVAC: yes see a doctor. Also, don’t give up on the clitoris just because it hasn’t worked before. That is key. Try using a finger or two to stimulate the G spot (anterior inner wall of vagina) while using your tongue on the clitoris. I also second what was said about the use of a vibrator. I know this sounds lame, but my hand gets pretty cramped from the angle when hitting the G spot. You can get vibrators that come with various attachments, one of them looking like a curved finger. Hits the spot nicely from what I can tell.
If you want to an internet search, lookup “anorgasmia.”
1.) Definately a mental/emotional thing or there may be some medical issues.
2.) Women are not extemely complicated organisms that people make them out to be. You just put them on that pedastal and see them that way(to whoever made that comment and I’m too lazy to press the go back button and see who did)
3.) Who cares? Get yours and go to bed. There are much better things in life to worry about.
3a) IOW, if you make it an issue it will become an issue. Don’t take responsibility for her problem. Just do what you know how to do and keep er…plugging away.