This ^^^^
You need to train your body to get out of that state. I mentioned to you before that it’s not going to be “easy” but you need to give your body time to transition to something new.
Gaining weight isn’t the end of the world and it’s not permanent… your body will be thanking you!
Most of us look at ourselves thinking that we look like crap and we’re always looking for ways to improve our physique (even when we are in excellent condition!) my point is that you keep saying you’re fat but that’s not reality… you need to get out of your comfort zone and make some changes even if you don’t like what you see on the scale.