[quote]batman730 wrote:
I had a few pretty bad moments after my wife was diagnosed with a highly aggressive form of breast cancer around this time last year. She was 33 years old at the time and we were in the process of trying to conceive our second child (our daughter is 3 yrs old). Chemo (especially the super hardcore variety they gave her) makes the likelihood of any more children fairly remote, but not impossible. We had always planned on 3 kids. Adoption agencies usually won’t work with you in these situations as the statistical likelihood of recurrence (about 30% in the next 5 years in our case) is too high for them to feel comfortable placing a child in the home.
We have one beautiful child and I fully realize that many families never even get that. Nonetheless, I/we still experienced strong feelings of grief for the life we had thought we’d have and everything that goes along with that. You know what they say: Men plan. God laughs.[/quote]
Hows your wife now?
[/quote]
Thanks for asking.
She just finished radiation a few weeks ago which marks the conclusion of what amounts to 9 months of near continuous treatment (surgery, chemo, radiation). The worst part right now is the fatigue, which is still quite severe. That might sound somewhat inconsequential (and it is in the long run), but it’s tough to be that tired day in day out over such a protracted time frame. All the more so with a little one at home. I think many people fail to appreciate how demoralizing constant, extreme fatigue can be. I know I did.
She just joined a paddling group with other survivors, which marks her first return to physical activity. I’m very excited about that and she seems to be as well. Hopefully that will help get her energy levels on the upswing.
Regarding her illness, treatment all went according to plan so, for the time being, everything is good. First mammogram of the remaining breast came back clear, so that’s good news. It’s a lot of uncertainty to live with. We all live with uncertainty every day I know, but it’s a little different in her case, I think. Less theoretical somehow. All in all, she’s good though. She’s a tough lady.
Edited[/quote]
Good to hear, hope things continue to improve and stay that way.
A couple of weeks ago I had to bring my 10 year old rottweiler to the vet because he was having some serious issues. I just had this bad feeling that it wasn’t going to turn out well. I started crying as I sat waiting for the vet to call us into the examination room and my dog put his chin on my lap and just looked at me as though I was the one who needed comforting even though he was the one who was in physical pain. Turned out he had cancer and there was nothing they could do so I had to have him put down. I cried off and on for two days. I have had to make that call more than once and you would think that as you get older, and have experienced it already, it would get easier but it doesn’t.
The “men” who say that men don’t cry probably have nothing to cry about. That’s a shame.
I think it’s really a very individual thing. I’ve gotten eyes slightly wet at a very few movies over the last few years, but I wouldn’t say I’ve really cried since I was 18…so about 6 years ago. I’m just not that kind of person I guess. But I don’t see it as weakness when people do necessarily…I mean if people die, a close pet dies, your fiance cheats on you, someone close to you is struggling with hard drugs, etc etc, I can totally seeing someone crying about that, and I wouldn’t think that odd or stupid at all. I can’t see myself crying in most of those situations, but again, that’s just me.
A bunch of times since the end of Feb, we had to put my cat down that I’ve had since I was 13 (almost 26 now) He would always wake up in the morning when I was going to the gym at 5am and just be there and say hi, he’d always come say hi when I got home no matter what time it was… 5pm or 5am he was always there and now he’s just not and it fucks me up. I still can’t get over it, I love my other cat to death but it’s not the same.
[quote]hungry4more wrote:
I think it’s really a very individual thing. I’ve gotten eyes slightly wet at a very few movies over the last few years, but I wouldn’t say I’ve really cried since I was 18…so about 6 years ago. I’m just not that kind of person I guess. But I don’t see it as weakness when people do necessarily…I mean if people die, a close pet dies, your fiance cheats on you, someone close to you is struggling with hard drugs, etc etc, I can totally seeing someone crying about that, and I wouldn’t think that odd or stupid at all. I can’t see myself crying in most of those situations, but again, that’s just me. [/quote]
I also think there’s certainly a difference between people who don’t tend to cry (what you are describing) and people who won’t cry.
Crying is cultural, for men and women. Japan is one of the most chauvenistic cultures I know of, but go to any given wedding, graduation, school entrance or exit ceremony, honorary event, hell, important sporting event, and you’ll find twice as many MEN bawling their eyes out as you will women.
For the most part, I won’t cry in front of other people unless it’s a very important event, and even then, I tend to keep it under wraps. In private, however, I have NO problem expressing appropiate, cathartic grief. I’m also hyper-empathetic and intensely passionate, so if I’m watching a truly good movie (by myself), I tend to become emotionally invested to the point that I weep like a manic-depressive woman before her period.
Oh, and any movie where a pet, especially a dog, dies.
I will actually actively avoid movies where a pet dying is of the major themes. I don’t care how good Richard Gere is and what a beautiful story it is. I’d rather watch Event Horizon again than watch a movie about an awesome dog dying.
[quote]Cortes wrote:
Oh, and any movie where a pet, especially a dog, dies.
I will actually actively avoid movies where a pet dying is of the major themes. I don’t care how good Richard Gere is and what a beautiful story it is. I’d rather watch Event Horizon again than watch a movie about an awesome dog dying.
[quote]hungry4more wrote:
I think it’s really a very individual thing. I’ve gotten eyes slightly wet at a very few movies over the last few years, but I wouldn’t say I’ve really cried since I was 18…so about 6 years ago. I’m just not that kind of person I guess. But I don’t see it as weakness when people do necessarily…I mean if people die, a close pet dies, your fiance cheats on you, someone close to you is struggling with hard drugs, etc etc, I can totally seeing someone crying about that, and I wouldn’t think that odd or stupid at all. I can’t see myself crying in most of those situations, but again, that’s just me. [/quote]
If i didnt get my point across correctly before, well this pretty much sums it up.
[quote]Cortes wrote:
Oh, and any movie where a pet, especially a dog, dies.
I will actually actively avoid movies where a pet dying is of the major themes. I don’t care how good Richard Gere is and what a beautiful story it is. I’d rather watch Event Horizon again than watch a movie about an awesome dog dying.
Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far…[/quote]
Yeah, what is it with men and dogs. I’m the same.
If I had to cry on order I would use this. It never fails.
The last time i teared up… August 31st, 2012: I had a seizure at work, went to the ER(by myself, my wife and I were split up, and I didnt want to tell her just yet). after 6 hours of testing the doc came back and said i have a brain tumor, and that he would be back in an hour to tell my the type and then give his diagnosis. that was the longest hour of my 29 year old life. Especially considering brain cancer had killed my dad 6 years earlier
[quote]dshroy wrote:
The last time i teared up… August 31st, 2012: I had a seizure at work, went to the ER(by myself, my wife and I were split up, and I didnt want to tell her just yet). after 6 hours of testing the doc came back and said i have a brain tumor, and that he would be back in an hour to tell my the type and then give his diagnosis. that was the longest hour of my 29 year old life. Especially considering brain cancer had killed my dad 6 years earlier[/quote]
And?
[quote]Cortes wrote:
Oh, and any movie where a pet, especially a dog, dies.
I will actually actively avoid movies where a pet dying is of the major themes. I don’t care how good Richard Gere is and what a beautiful story it is. I’d rather watch Event Horizon again than watch a movie about an awesome dog dying.
[quote]dshroy wrote:
The last time i teared up… August 31st, 2012: I had a seizure at work, went to the ER(by myself, my wife and I were split up, and I didnt want to tell her just yet). after 6 hours of testing the doc came back and said i have a brain tumor, and that he would be back in an hour to tell my the type and then give his diagnosis. that was the longest hour of my 29 year old life. Especially considering brain cancer had killed my dad 6 years earlier[/quote]
And?
[/quote]
Now that I re-read what I wrote, I failed to mention the result. My bad. The doc came back, said it was NOT cancerous, but that I am lucky to be alive, considering I have had these blackout seizures for a while now, and I drive quite a bit. I had brain surgery at mayo clinic in november, and am on the road to recovery. I was cleared to start lifting again 6 weeks ago. : )
Oh and my wife and I were split up at the time, when i told her the news, she said she would take care of me. We are now back together. I also now have a sweet 10 inch scar on my head. God is Good.
