When Did You Last Cry and Why?

Off Topic
61

[quote]audiogarden1 wrote:

[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:

[quote]audiogarden1 wrote:
I think as you get older and take on more responsibility/have more life-experiences, you discover the uselessness of crying. Some people find it therapeutic, i feel only embarrassment if i cry, even if no one else is around. Its a sign of weakness, of breaking down and letting your emotions get the better of you, rather than being proactive about fixing whatever problem it is you are faced with.
[/quote]

That’s funny, I feel the EXACT opposite.

I was quite emotionally tough when I was younger, but as I’ve aged and taken on more responsibility I have become softer because I have so much more to lose now. I’ve been with my wife for 23 years and couldn’t imagine what I would do without her. This is why hearing about an elderly couple who have been together 50 years and one has just died will almost bring me to tears because I can put myself in that position and imagine how it must feel to lose someone who’s been with you nearly all your life.

That’s why I find the beginning of Up so hard to watch.

Why do you feel embarrassment when you cry and you are on your own? The last time I cried was July 2011 when my dog was put down. I did feel embarrassed because I didn’t want to cry in front of the vet, but if he wasn’t there I couldn’t have given two shits.[/quote]

You and I are in vastly different places in our lives, so itd be hard for either of us to convince eachother one way or the other.

And for the record, i think losing a life-partner, best friend or pet is a darn good excuse to cry.

In a situation like that, you are essentially helpless though, theres nothing left to do but to mourn. Its a lot more understandable to me.

But outside of those scenarios and aside from some other extreme moments in life, i have a hard time rationalizing crying. If life sucks and things arent going your way or you feel like youre hitting rock bottom or your gf of a couple years breaks up with you, you may cry. I would be embarrassed to do so though, because instead of crying there’s almost always something else i could be doing to better my situation and pull myself from whatever slump im faced with. I know all the E-shrinks will start telling me how im not comfortable in my masculinity or some shit but whatever.

Other than that, pain doesnt make me cry. Even when i was a little kid breaking bones and shit i never cried. Maybe i did when i was REALLY little, like 7 or 8, but otherwise ive found that i have no real desire to cry due to physical pain.

Crying from laughing so hard is the only time i cry and wouldnt feel embarrassed about it. I just dont see a reason or use for shedding tears otherwise. [/quote]

That’s totally cool. We’re all different. If you’re a cryer, then cry, if you’re not, then don’t. I’m not saying one is better than the other and it’s not like I go around sobbing all day from the slightest thing, it’s just I think it’s strange that men should still feel so ashamed for doing so.

It’s a bit like masturbation. 25+ years ago that was stigmatised too. When I was at school and college no-one would dare admit that they masturbated (Mind you I didn’t go to boarding school, from what I’ve heard circle jerking is on the curriculum) but times have changed and these days people have no qualms whatsoever about sharing publicly how often they knock one out, it’s become socially acceptable. But a man admitting to crying still gets strange looks.

62

[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:

[quote]audiogarden1 wrote:

[quote]FarmerBrett wrote:

[quote]audiogarden1 wrote:
I think as you get older and take on more responsibility/have more life-experiences, you discover the uselessness of crying. Some people find it therapeutic, i feel only embarrassment if i cry, even if no one else is around. Its a sign of weakness, of breaking down and letting your emotions get the better of you, rather than being proactive about fixing whatever problem it is you are faced with.
[/quote]

That’s funny, I feel the EXACT opposite.

I was quite emotionally tough when I was younger, but as I’ve aged and taken on more responsibility I have become softer because I have so much more to lose now. I’ve been with my wife for 23 years and couldn’t imagine what I would do without her. This is why hearing about an elderly couple who have been together 50 years and one has just died will almost bring me to tears because I can put myself in that position and imagine how it must feel to lose someone who’s been with you nearly all your life.

That’s why I find the beginning of Up so hard to watch.

Why do you feel embarrassment when you cry and you are on your own? The last time I cried was July 2011 when my dog was put down. I did feel embarrassed because I didn’t want to cry in front of the vet, but if he wasn’t there I couldn’t have given two shits.[/quote]

You and I are in vastly different places in our lives, so itd be hard for either of us to convince eachother one way or the other.

And for the record, i think losing a life-partner, best friend or pet is a darn good excuse to cry.

In a situation like that, you are essentially helpless though, theres nothing left to do but to mourn. Its a lot more understandable to me.

But outside of those scenarios and aside from some other extreme moments in life, i have a hard time rationalizing crying. If life sucks and things arent going your way or you feel like youre hitting rock bottom or your gf of a couple years breaks up with you, you may cry. I would be embarrassed to do so though, because instead of crying there’s almost always something else i could be doing to better my situation and pull myself from whatever slump im faced with. I know all the E-shrinks will start telling me how im not comfortable in my masculinity or some shit but whatever.

Other than that, pain doesnt make me cry. Even when i was a little kid breaking bones and shit i never cried. Maybe i did when i was REALLY little, like 7 or 8, but otherwise ive found that i have no real desire to cry due to physical pain.

Crying from laughing so hard is the only time i cry and wouldnt feel embarrassed about it. I just dont see a reason or use for shedding tears otherwise. [/quote]

That’s totally cool. We’re all different. If you’re a cryer, then cry, if you’re not, then don’t. I’m not saying one is better than the other and it’s not like I go around sobbing all day from the slightest thing, it’s just I think it’s strange that men should still feel so ashamed for doing so.

It’s a bit like masturbation. 25+ years ago that was stigmatised too. When I was at school and college no-one would dare admit that they masturbated (Mind you I didn’t go to boarding school, from what I’ve heard circle jerking is on the curriculum) but times have changed and these days people have no qualms whatsoever about sharing publicly how often they knock one out, it’s become socially acceptable. But a man admitting to crying still gets strange looks.[/quote]

If i felt ashamed every time i had a good tug id be on suicide watch.

63

When my ex dumped me unexpectedly while I was very sick after 10 years together. I couldn’t cry that day but when it finally started it didn’t stop for 3 days.

64

When my son was born this past January. It took about 27 hours from the time we first went to the hospital and I didn’t sleep much , I didn’t plan on crying but as soon as I held him I sobbed like a little girl.

65

I have an issue crying when my kitten died.

I also cried when my 3 children were born. Holding your child is a over whelming feeling.

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[quote]dmaddox wrote:
I have an issue crying when my kitten died.

I also cried when my 3 children were born. Holding your child is a over whelming feeling.[/quote]

Yeah, id imagine witnessing the birth of your child is pretty damn tear-jerking. My step-dad is a Navy special forces chief, one of the most respectable, toughest and coolest guys ive ever met, and the only time ive ever seen him cry was when my baby sister was born a couple years ago.

I cant blame you for the kitten either. I also cried when my last dog died. And that was a family dog. Now i have 2 of my own, that im even more attached to. Im sure therell be waterworks for them some 15 years down the road.

68

Just now. Violently. Mulitple times. I just finished watching Blue Valentine for the first time.

Holy shit.

I have to go stuff my soul back in my body now.

69

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Just now. Violently. Mulitple times. I just finished watching Blue Waffles for the first time.

Holy shit.

I have to go stuff my soul back in my body now.

[/quote]

Cortes, I fixed the name of the movie for you. hahahahaha

70

[quote]dmaddox wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Just now. Violently. Mulitple times. I just finished watching Blue Waffles for the first time.

Holy shit.

I have to go stuff my soul back in my body now.

[/quote]

Cortes, I fixed the name of the movie for you. hahahahaha[/quote]

I cried just now because I thought the same thing when I saw it.

71

I see crying as a necessary human act, an emotional purge for the build up of sorrow and emotional pain. When I was a very young child I was never allowed to cry, at least not around anyone else and over time I learnt how to suppress the feeling, mostly through fear and acknowledgement of the consequences, but I would have to fight it very, very hard every time.

I was this way until about thirteen years old when I had more time to myself and was left in the house alone a lot more than usual. I still never cry in front of my father out of habit, but crying semi-regularly makes me feel a lot better in general and I don’t have to deal with the mental torment of emotional repression. I’m a cryer that was never able to cry and for the longest time it took it’s toll on me. If you ever need to cry, cry.

72

[quote]dmaddox wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Just now. Violently. Mulitple times. I just finished watching Blue Waffles for the first time.

Holy shit.

I have to go stuff my soul back in my body now.

[/quote]

Cortes, I fixed the name of the movie for you. hahahahaha[/quote]

Nope. That one made me hungry. (0_o)b

73

[quote]Cortes wrote:

[quote]dmaddox wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
Just now. Violently. Mulitple times. I just finished watching Blue Waffles for the first time.

Holy shit.

I have to go stuff my soul back in my body now.

[/quote]

Cortes, I fixed the name of the movie for you. hahahahaha[/quote]

Nope. That one made me hungry. (0_o)b
[/quote]

If you can eat a blue waffle, you are not of this world. Back to the pits of hell with you demon.

74

[quote]Big Kahuna wrote:
I see crying as a necessary human act, an emotional purge for the build up of sorrow and emotional pain. When I was a very young child I was never allowed to cry, at least not around anyone else and over time I learnt how to suppress the feeling, mostly through fear and acknowledgement of the consequences, but I would have to fight it very, very hard every time.

I was this way until about thirteen years old when I had more time to myself and was left in the house alone a lot more than usual. I still never cry in front of my father out of habit, but crying semi-regularly makes me feel a lot better in general and I don’t have to deal with the mental torment of emotional repression. I’m a cryer that was never able to cry and for the longest time it took it’s toll on me. If you ever need to cry, cry.[/quote]

That always amazed me as to why men aren’t allowed to cry. I get it, manliness and all that. I notice these “roles” (or whatever you want to call them) are very strict in hispanic cultures (just to name one). Many of my hispanic friends have weird emotional passive-aggressive issues that they refuse to confront.

I agree with you, sometimes you need to cry something out and feel much better afterwards. I recently lost a great uncle 2 weeks ago and shed some tears over that. Previous to that, last year I moved away from a tight knit group of my lifelong friends and that was very difficult.

75

[quote]Ripsaw3689 wrote:

[quote]Big Kahuna wrote:
I see crying as a necessary human act, an emotional purge for the build up of sorrow and emotional pain. When I was a very young child I was never allowed to cry, at least not around anyone else and over time I learnt how to suppress the feeling, mostly through fear and acknowledgement of the consequences, but I would have to fight it very, very hard every time.

I was this way until about thirteen years old when I had more time to myself and was left in the house alone a lot more than usual. I still never cry in front of my father out of habit, but crying semi-regularly makes me feel a lot better in general and I don’t have to deal with the mental torment of emotional repression. I’m a cryer that was never able to cry and for the longest time it took it’s toll on me. If you ever need to cry, cry.[/quote]

That always amazed me as to why men aren’t allowed to cry. I get it, manliness and all that. I notice these “roles” (or whatever you want to call them) are very strict in hispanic cultures (just to name one). Many of my hispanic friends have weird emotional passive-aggressive issues that they refuse to confront.

I agree with you, sometimes you need to cry something out and feel much better afterwards. I recently lost a great uncle 2 weeks ago and shed some tears over that. Previous to that, last year I moved away from a tight knit group of my lifelong friends and that was very difficult. [/quote]

Yeah there is a hell of a lot of bullying that goes on in hispanic schools. In public schools the staff is not really up front enough to confront any of those responsible, and I’ve met some over time that abuse their power to bully in their own way, the younger the children the more I see that happen.

There’s a need to appear outwardly tough, which I assume is in every culture, but especially around here the Spanish populace likes to let the British know that they are immigrants here. I’m sure I would have been bullied ruthlessly at my time in Spanish public school had it not been for my older brother’s advice. If children break or show signs of weakness, they will be pounced on and ridiculed pretty quickly, I already knew how to deal with that stuff so it didn’t happen to me much in comparison, but I’ve seen kids that live so far away they need to take the bus, that walk home from school in the middle of the day just to avoid those kids when it gets too hard to cope with. I’d wager it took one of them two to three hours a day to walk all the way back, and he did this pretty regularly until his parents gave in and decided to move him to a different school.

It sounds strange, that I’m describing it almost like it’s prison, but when you’re in a run-down environment with official staff that don’t really care and children are left to be their vile and brutish selves, things like this happen.

76

Had tears in my eye when I first heard news of the bombing at the Boston marathon today.

I lived near Boston for four years and went to the city on a semi-regular basis. It’s an amazing city.

The fact that the people responsible did it on a day that is virtually a holiday in Boston and during an event that holds great meaning and significance for many people both upset me greatly and infuriated me. I personally find the timing intentional, and would be very surprised if this is not a case of domestic terrorism.

77

[quote]magick wrote:
Had tears in my eye when I first heard news of the bombing at the Boston marathon today.

I lived near Boston for four years and went to the city on a semi-regular basis. It’s an amazing city.

The fact that the people responsible did it on a day that is virtually a holiday in Boston and during an event that holds great meaning and significance for many people both upset me greatly and infuriated me. I personally find the timing intentional, and would be very surprised if this is not a case of domestic terrorism.[/quote]

DID ANYONE SEE THAT PICTURE OF THE DUDE WITH HIS LEGS BLOWN OFF??? FUCK

He wasnt even crying! Whats your excuse?!

78

I had a few pretty bad moments after my wife was diagnosed with a highly aggressive form of breast cancer around this time last year. She was 33 years old at the time and we were in the process of trying to conceive our second child (our daughter is 3 yrs old). Chemo (especially the super hardcore variety they gave her) makes the likelihood of any more children fairly remote, but not impossible. We had always planned on 3 kids. Adoption agencies usually won’t work with you in these situations as the statistical likelihood of recurrence (about 30% in the next 5 years in our case) is too high for them to feel comfortable placing a child in the home.

We have one beautiful child and I fully realize that many families never even get that. Nonetheless, I/we still experienced strong feelings of grief for the life we had thought we’d have and everything that goes along with that. You know what they say: Men plan. God laughs.

79

[quote]batman730 wrote:
I had a few pretty bad moments after my wife was diagnosed with a highly aggressive form of breast cancer around this time last year. She was 33 years old at the time and we were in the process of trying to conceive our second child (our daughter is 3 yrs old). Chemo (especially the super hardcore variety they gave her) makes the likelihood of any more children fairly remote, but not impossible. We had always planned on 3 kids. Adoption agencies usually won’t work with you in these situations as the statistical likelihood of recurrence (about 30% in the next 5 years in our case) is too high for them to feel comfortable placing a child in the home.

We have one beautiful child and I fully realize that many families never even get that. Nonetheless, I/we still experienced strong feelings of grief for the life we had thought we’d have and everything that goes along with that. You know what they say: Men plan. God laughs.[/quote]

Hows your wife now?

80

[quote]audiogarden1 wrote:

[quote]batman730 wrote:
I had a few pretty bad moments after my wife was diagnosed with a highly aggressive form of breast cancer around this time last year. She was 33 years old at the time and we were in the process of trying to conceive our second child (our daughter is 3 yrs old). Chemo (especially the super hardcore variety they gave her) makes the likelihood of any more children fairly remote, but not impossible. We had always planned on 3 kids. Adoption agencies usually won’t work with you in these situations as the statistical likelihood of recurrence (about 30% in the next 5 years in our case) is too high for them to feel comfortable placing a child in the home.

We have one beautiful child and I fully realize that many families never even get that. Nonetheless, I/we still experienced strong feelings of grief for the life we had thought we’d have and everything that goes along with that. You know what they say: Men plan. God laughs.[/quote]

Hows your wife now?
[/quote]

Thanks for asking.

She just finished radiation a few weeks ago which marks the conclusion of what amounts to 9 months of near continuous treatment (surgery, chemo, radiation). The worst part right now is the fatigue, which is still quite severe. That might sound somewhat inconsequential (and it is in the long run), but it’s tough to be that tired day in day out over such a protracted time frame. All the more so with a little one at home. I think many people fail to appreciate how demoralizing constant, extreme fatigue can be. I know I did.

She just joined a paddling group with other survivors, which marks her first return to physical activity. I’m very excited about that and she seems to be as well. Hopefully that will help get her energy levels on the upswing.

Regarding her illness, treatment all went according to plan so, for the time being, everything is good. First mammogram of the remaining breast came back clear, so that’s good news. It’s a lot of uncertainty to live with. We all live with uncertainty every day I know, but it’s a little different in her case, I think. Less theoretical somehow. All in all, she’s good though. She’s a tough lady.

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