I posted last year around my birthday, how my father had told me on my 30th birthday that his brother is a serial child rapist. On my 30th birthday. He’s known about it for a couple years and just never told me, always saying that my uncle was living down south now. He said "?I guess your 30th birthday may not be the best time to tell you, but hey, you had to find out sometime.
Yeah he really did everything you can possibly do to a woman, but to a bunch of 4 year old girls". On my 30th birthday. As I was just starting to eat dessert. My father’s girlfriend had asked my girlfriend at the time to leave the restaurant with her while she smoked a cigarette; I guess she knew he was going to tell me.
I was wondering how he was going to top that this year. So he’s been planning to come up this weekend (my birthday) for a couple weeks now, I was genuinely looking forward to it. So I get a call from him today, and I asked what time he thought he’d get here on Sunday. Here’s our exchange, pretty much verbatim:
Him: ‘I’m actually going to have to reschedule. [His girlfriend’s mother] is going to be going out of state for a few days. Her dad is still going to be down here. He really likes getting takeout from this restaurant at 4pm every day that doesn’t deliver. So I have to bring him his pizza’.
Me: ‘CantÃ?¢?Ã?¦can’t the guy wait for a couple hours’
Him: ‘no’. I didn’t say anything for about 30 seconds and he continuedÃ?¢?Ã?¦ ‘You know, he’s an older guy in his early 80s, and he wants what he wants when he wants it’.
Me: ‘So you can’t come up for my birthday because you have to bring your girlfriend’s father a pizza…Can’t you just come up earlier in the day?’
Him: ‘Yeah. Like I said he gets kind of cranky if he doesn’t get his pizza on time. I don’t really want to come up earlier and then do the pizza later, because I don’t want the pizza run to be hanging over my head while I’m in Boston, knowing I have to hurry back home to deliver it. So like I said, I’m not coming up’.
Me: That’s…that’s unfortunate. I guess I’ll talk to you later.
He also refused to just come up by himself while his girlfriend delivered the pizza, because he wants her to come up with him. I’m not a huge fan of her’s really; I’m polite to her, but he knows I’m not extremely keen on her. It seems like she uses him; but I digress.
The saddest part of this is that none of this is entirely surprising, he’s done hundreds of things like this over my lifetime, and especially over the last few years. I’m thinking I’m ready to just cut him out of my life; does that seem unreasonable, assuming that the story I’ve just related is pretty much commonplace with him?
I’ve tried explaining why things like this are upsetting to me/people but he just doesn’t get it. He literally sees no difference in importance between delivering pizza, and his only child’s birthday, and I really don’t want my relationship with him tainting my relationship with my kids I want someday or how they see the world either.
Not expecting a ton of replies, I’m just more irritated than anything and wanted to vent to cyberspace, as opposed to dumping anger on other loved ones