What is 'Cheating'?

Off Topic
41

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

if a man spends his paycheck on gambling, drinking and hobbies, leaves his family destitute monetarily and emotionally, yet does not have relationships on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

i am having a hard time figuring this out.

nowhere in the marriage vows is there a reference to remaining sexually faithful, just love,honor,cherish, sickness and in health, death do us part kinda stuff.

the unspoken marriage contract, at least in the west, does expect fidelity, but is that how it is supposed to be? Historically, there were liberties given to both sides in a relationship, maybe it’s time revisit this experience?

anyway, i need your thoughts, cause i am either on to something here, or way off base, and discussing this relationship quandary with a bunch of weight lifting meat heads may clear this up.

thanks![/quote]

Edgy, you forgot the part where you say “my friend wants to know”
[/quote]

oooh, yeah - thanks little Edgie

42

[quote]AliveAgain36 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

if a man spends his paycheck on gambling, drinking and hobbies, leaves his family destitute monetarily and emotionally, yet does not have relationships on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

thanks![/quote]

Uh, both are bad but the first one is cheating. Neither of the above two are recommended, but 1 is cheating, and 2 is not. If you think you’re ‘on to something’, you’re not. Combine 1A with 2B and you’re on to something
 A healthy and happy relationship / marriage. [/quote]

so, forsaking your family both financially and emotionally is acceptable, but having a person on the side is most horrible?

i cant get that

43

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
okay,

is beating off to porn considered cheating then?

if not, why?[/quote]

I would say that it can be. It all boils down to what you and your spouse have determined (hopefully before marriage) what the boundaries are.

If your wife is 100% against self pleasure, you know this before you say “I do,” she considers it cheating, and you agree to it. Then yes, I’d say that’s cheating.

If your spouse is cool with it, then no I’d say it’s not.

Basically the same goes with sex outside of marriage. If your wife is like, “Look I like sex two times a week and I know you like it four times, so go find some strange twice a week, that’s okay with me.” Then you fucking two other chicks a week seems okay to me. [/quote]

i am quite sure that none of the men, or women for that matter discussed self pleasure rules prior to getting married.

and to your next point
what if the agreement is implied rather than stated? does that count?

44

[quote]theBeth wrote:
My question is, why agree to something you know you won’t stick to? [/quote]

agreement made while in your 20’s may change after 20 some odd years of marriage, do you agree?

45

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

[/quote]

Yes, a man takes a vow to be faithful.

[/quote]

are you married? I dont remember taking a vow to be sexually faithful, do you remember taking that vow?
[/quote]

It’s in the ‘conract’ “deal” somewhere. You just didn’t read the fine print.

If it wasn’t then a whole lot of divorce rulings should be overturned. Adultery is a factor that can have a judge rule in favor for one party in a divorce.

What you are asking is if it’s ok to committ adultery if you provide everything else for your wife that she needs, and keep it on the downlow. Uhhh, no it’s not ok to do this.

46

[quote]Edgy wrote:
okay,

is beating off to porn considered cheating then?

if not, why?[/quote]

Do you hide it or does your spouse know about it, and is okay with it?

47

I think this boils down to the fact that in most of the world, a marriage implies exclusive sexual access. So, unless this part is explicitly waived by your significant other, you are presumed to have agreed to not have sex with anyone you are not married to, which in our lame western culture narrows your choices down to one person. Having sex with anyone else is the definition of cheating, and that’s all there is to it, no ifs buts or maybes. The rest of the details outlined in the OP are other forms of being a good husband and father.

It is in theory possible to be an otherwise good husband even if you have someone on the side, but having someone on the side is still cheating. Much like one can be an otherwise good lifter with poor squat ROM.

48

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]AliveAgain36 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

if a man spends his paycheck on gambling, drinking and hobbies, leaves his family destitute monetarily and emotionally, yet does not have relationships on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

thanks![/quote]

Uh, both are bad but the first one is cheating. Neither of the above two are recommended, but 1 is cheating, and 2 is not. If you think you’re ‘on to something’, you’re not. Combine 1A with 2B and you’re on to something
 A healthy and happy relationship / marriage. [/quote]

so, forsaking your family both financially and emotionally is acceptable, but having a person on the side is most horrible?

i cant get that
[/quote]

No, he’s saying the first part of paragraph A along with the second part of paragraph B, so he’s saying be responsible and faithful for a happy healthy marriage.

I agree.

Edgy, what would happen if you told your wife how you’re feeling right now. Not in a threatening way, but more like “I don’t know what to do, am I never going to enjoy sex again? Eventually find myself cheating?” Might that open a conversation about her piece in maintaining a happy, healthy marriage?

49

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]doogie wrote:
My vows had a “forsaking all others” clause.[/quote]

i had to chew on this a while.

forsaking all others


this has so many meanings, and goes back to my original comments regarding what is cheating and what is not.

help me understand your context, Doogie - my friend~[/quote]
Dont fuck other people, period.

You want to fuck other people sell half your shit, cause your wife is going to take it in the divorce

50

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]doogie wrote:
My vows had a “forsaking all others” clause.[/quote]

i had to chew on this a while.

forsaking all others


this has so many meanings, and goes back to my original comments regarding what is cheating and what is not.

help me understand your context, Doogie - my friend~[/quote]
Dont fuck other people, period.

You want to fuck other people sell half your shit, cause your wife is going to take it in the divorce[/quote]

Offtopic, but wouldn’t that lead to the wife getting half of the remaining half of his shit, i.e. quarter of the original, and half the money he made selling half his shit?

I suppose you could limit the damage by selling stuff to a friend your wife doesn’t know at a deflated rate with an agreement that you’ll buy all of it back after the divorce is settled. Worst case scenario, though, is that the judge awards the wife damages for attempting to stiff her by selling your stuff, and this friend you hadn’t introduced to your wife then stiffs you by not selling the stuff back to you.

51

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]AliveAgain36 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

if a man spends his paycheck on gambling, drinking and hobbies, leaves his family destitute monetarily and emotionally, yet does not have relationships on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

thanks![/quote]

Uh, both are bad but the first one is cheating. Neither of the above two are recommended, but 1 is cheating, and 2 is not. If you think you’re ‘on to something’, you’re not. Combine 1A with 2B and you’re on to something
 A healthy and happy relationship / marriage. [/quote]

so, forsaking your family both financially and emotionally is acceptable, but having a person on the side is most horrible?

i cant get that
[/quote]

No, he’s saying the first part of paragraph A along with the second part of paragraph B, so he’s saying be responsible and faithful for a happy healthy marriage.

I agree.

Edgy, what would happen if you told your wife how you’re feeling right now. Not in a threatening way, but more like “I don’t know what to do, am I never going to enjoy sex again? Eventually find myself cheating?” Might that open a conversation about her piece in maintaining a happy, healthy marriage?

[/quote]

Yep - thanks Em.

52

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]theBeth wrote:
My question is, why agree to something you know you won’t stick to? [/quote]

agreement made while in your 20’s may change after 20 some odd years of marriage, do you agree?[/quote]

My point exactly. so why do it, why marry? You are certain to be different people after 20 years.

And Bi women aren’t always down with threesomes. There are women who do it because they know their man likes it and then there are the women who are into other women because they truly dig them.

I think that prostitution should be legal so guys can go get their shit out of the way and be real with the women they actually love.

53

[quote]theBeth wrote:

I think that prostitution should be legal so guys can go get their shit out of the way and be real with the women they actually love.[/quote]

Yup.

54

Sounds like you want to cheat sexually on your wife and are looking for others to tell you it’s ok.

It isn’t my business or anyone else’s to tell you what you should find to be right or wrong based on your own values, morals and ethics. Make your own decisions and accept the consequences because there will be for either the action or lack of(pun not intended). There will be consequences, and when they come you will face them alone, so make the decision in the same way.

55

[quote]Edgy wrote:

the unspoken marriage contract, at least in the west, does expect fidelity, but is that how it is supposed to be? Historically, there were liberties given to both sides in a relationship, maybe it’s time revisit this experience?

anyway, i need your thoughts, cause i am either on to something here, or way off base, and discussing this relationship quandary with a bunch of weight lifting meat heads may clear this up.

thanks![/quote]

Ye Olde divorce ended with the wife either dying or being imprisoned (wasn’t Henry the eighth a poor judge of character?). My old testament is rusty, but God never demanded that Adam and Eve were married. The institution of marriage is fundamentally more legal than religious. I’m not anti-marriage, but I do believe that many people get stuck in loveless marriages due to the cost of getting out of what’s basically a legally binding contract.

56

Edgy if you’re gonna do this just call a spade a spade and cheat on your wife. Playing mental gymnastics to redefine marriage such that you don’t consider it cheating isn’t gonna make a damn bit of difference, because everyone else in the world is still gonna call it cheating.

I don’t think you should do it though. A man’s word is all he has.

57

Edgy, lets quit beating around the bush. Have you actually talked to your wife about this stuff? If so, what did the conversation go like? If not, why the hell not?

58

[quote]on edge wrote:
Edgy, lets quit beating around the bush. Have you actually talked to your wife about this stuff? If so, what did the conversation go like? If not, why the hell not?

[/quote]

Yes, that’s my question, too, but phrased in 30 words or less. :slight_smile:

59

Yer edgy. Whats the deal?

Have you heard of hotwifing?

tweet

60

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
okay,

is beating off to porn considered cheating then?

if not, why?[/quote]

I would say that it can be. It all boils down to what you and your spouse have determined (hopefully before marriage) what the boundaries are.

If your wife is 100% against self pleasure, you know this before you say “I do,” she considers it cheating, and you agree to it. Then yes, I’d say that’s cheating.

If your spouse is cool with it, then no I’d say it’s not.

Basically the same goes with sex outside of marriage. If your wife is like, “Look I like sex two times a week and I know you like it four times, so go find some strange twice a week, that’s okay with me.” Then you fucking two other chicks a week seems okay to me. [/quote]

i am quite sure that none of the men, or women for that matter discussed self pleasure rules prior to getting married.

and to your next point
what if the agreement is implied rather than stated? does that count?
[/quote]

I think most do at least on some level especially in todays day and age.

I don’t think it matters if it’s implied vs. explicitly stated, but you can always clarify if you aren’t sure.