What is 'Cheating'?

Off Topic
21

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?
[/quote]

Yes, a man takes a vow to be faithful.

No, it is not cheating. It is just as bad, imo, but not cheating.

I’m pretty sure faithful is in there somewhere. Even if it isn’t, it still falls under honor. How can you honor your spouse if you are going behind their back? This goes for a lot of things, not just sex.

If that’s what you and your wife want to do, go for it. I think that’s 100% up to the two married.

[quote]
anyway, i need your thoughts, cause i am either on to something here, or way off base, and discussing this relationship quandary with a bunch of weight lifting meat heads may clear this up.

thanks![/quote]

It sounds to me like you want to refer to extramarital activities as cheating when they aren’t necessarily the same thing. I don’t see a problem with an “open” marriage, but then again I don’t see that as cheating.

22

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?
[/quote]
Yes

No

[quote]
i am having a hard time figuring this out.

nowhere in the marriage vows is there a reference to remaining sexually faithful, just love,honor,cherish, sickness and in health, death do us part kinda stuff.

the unspoken marriage contract, at least in the west, does expect fidelity, but is that how it is supposed to be? Historically, there were liberties given to both sides in a relationship, maybe it’s time revisit this experience?

anyway, i need your thoughts, cause i am either on to something here, or way off base, and discussing this relationship quandary with a bunch of weight lifting meat heads may clear this up.

thanks![/quote]

It’s not complicated.[/quote]

altho i usually appreciate your well thought views on some issues, Pat - this time you have left simplistic judgemental responses, without any explanation.

this is not what i expect out of you~

23

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

[/quote]

Yes, a man takes a vow to be faithful.

[/quote]

are you married? I dont remember taking a vow to be sexually faithful, do you remember taking that vow?

24

In a Truly Committed relationship you should be able to talk to your spouse, openly, about this burning question.

If it is Truly Committed this conversation may draw you closer. Open communication between you and our spouse. It can dispel curiosity, fears, tension. While it can strengthen security,trust,and an intense deep set love that may make your decision for you.

You spouse is your spouse for a reason. You saw potential in a long term relationship with someone who, can add a reasonable amount of comfort that you receive as well as give. You committed to that comfort and they committed to yours as well. Ask your self Would another woman/man in the relationship add to that comfort? Or would it create life devastating drama!

Remember it is not just a You anymore. It is a we by your act of commitment. Your actions affect the we.

This potential question you have now, should be spoken with the mate you committed to.

25

So what’s really the deal here? Are you plowing fair maidens on the side and want to find a loophole in your marriage contract for this or are you into sharing your hot viking wife or what?

26

I think it is an individual thing that each couple has to work out.

If the wife is cool with you having multiple partners, and you feel faithful to her; I don’t think that is cheating.

If she would feel betrayed if you had other partners, I would call that cheating.

27

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

[/quote]

Yes, a man takes a vow to be faithful.

[/quote]

are you married? I dont remember taking a vow to be sexually faithful, do you remember taking that vow?
[/quote]

I am. It was almost 7 years ago. I can’t remember everything that was said. I don’t think the words “sexually faithful” were ever used. Like I said, I think faithful was, but if not I still think it falls under honor. It’s the catch all for a marriage…

28

[quote]Edgy wrote:
okay,

is beating off to porn considered cheating then?

if not, why?[/quote]

As for this Question; Porn can be used as a potentially bad thing when kept hidden from your spouse. Or if your spouse has hang ups about it. It may be that they have there own fears or jealousy issues that apply here? Who knows, unless that’s right, we are back to communicate with your spouse. You can help dispel those emotions while drawing closer to her, getting to know her even more then you thought. What if there is a cat waiting to get free under that emotion?
Ask her what turns her on have her show you < yes in the pron form > share the pron. And beat off right in front of her.

Believe me it can make your love life hot!

29

[quote]csulli wrote:
So what’s really the deal here? Are you plowing fair maidens on the side and want to find a loophole in your marriage contract for this or are you into sharing your hot viking wife or what?[/quote]

see? this is a fair question - as fair maidens succumb to age and taking things for granted, their drive is such that it is a fair question as to farm out those most trivial of relationship actions. this is favorable to divorce for security reasons.

30

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:
Romantic emotional or physical intimacy with anyone other than your spouse is cheating and the end of the relationship for me. I’m not good with open relationships.[/quote]

This is how I feel, too. [/quote]

Yup this goes for me as well.

31

[quote]TenashusReslushn wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
okay,

is beating off to porn considered cheating then?

if not, why?[/quote]

As for this Question; Porn can be used as a potentially bad thing when kept hidden from your spouse. Or if your spouse has hang ups about it. It may be that they have there own fears or jealousy issues that apply here? Who knows, unless that’s right, we are back to communicate with your spouse. You can help dispel those emotions while drawing closer to her, getting to know her even more then you thought. What if there is a cat waiting to get free under that emotion?
Ask her what turns her on have her show you < yes in the pron form > share the pron. And beat off right in front of her.

Believe me it can make your love life hot! [/quote]

although i appreciate the world you live in Ms Shoes, this is not the world in which most of us reside…

32

[quote]zecarlo wrote:
Getting caught. [/quote]

You will always get caught. It’s a matter of time, but a certainty nonetheless.

33

Man, I just think it comes down to honesty. If you feel the other person would not be cool with whatever actions you take for a Personnel benefit/satisfaction. It’s cheating. Even if it is for the good of all

34

[quote]Edgy wrote:
okay,

is beating off to porn considered cheating then?

if not, why?[/quote]

I would say that it can be. It all boils down to what you and your spouse have determined (hopefully before marriage) what the boundaries are.

If your wife is 100% against self pleasure, you know this before you say “I do,” she considers it cheating, and you agree to it. Then yes, I’d say that’s cheating.

If your spouse is cool with it, then no I’d say it’s not.

Basically the same goes with sex outside of marriage. If your wife is like, “Look I like sex two times a week and I know you like it four times, so go find some strange twice a week, that’s okay with me.” Then you fucking two other chicks a week seems okay to me.

35

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

[/quote]

Yes, a man takes a vow to be faithful.

[/quote]

are you married? I dont remember taking a vow to be sexually faithful, do you remember taking that vow?
[/quote]

I am. It was almost 7 years ago. I can’t remember everything that was said. I don’t think the words “sexually faithful” were ever used. Like I said, I think faithful was, but if not I still think it falls under honor. It’s the catch all for a marriage…[/quote]
love, honor and obey - i get that.

but i dont think this applies - can you describe how honor fits into the idea of having a side relationship? really, i think you may be on to something, but there are some gaps~

37

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

[/quote]

Yes, a man takes a vow to be faithful.

[/quote]

are you married? I dont remember taking a vow to be sexually faithful, do you remember taking that vow?
[/quote]

I am. It was almost 7 years ago. I can’t remember everything that was said. I don’t think the words “sexually faithful” were ever used. Like I said, I think faithful was, but if not I still think it falls under honor. It’s the catch all for a marriage…[/quote]
love, honor and obey - i get that.

but i dont think this applies - can you describe how honor fits into the idea of having a side relationship? really, i think you may be on to something, but there are some gaps~
[/quote]

Sure.

First, to me, honor is an empty shell without integrity. Integrity, to me, is doing what you know is right, no matter who is watching or what the consequences are. That said, in this context, honor is to act with the utmost integrity in matters involving your significant other. Which, again to me, means honoring your spouse is to do what you know is right, in both your and her eyes, even when she is not looking.

If you have sex outside your marriage, knowing to your spouse this is cheating, you are not honoring your vow to the marriage or to her.

38

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

if a man spends his paycheck on gambling, drinking and hobbies, leaves his family destitute monetarily and emotionally, yet does not have relationships on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

thanks![/quote]

Uh, both are bad but the first one is cheating. Neither of the above two are recommended, but 1 is cheating, and 2 is not. If you think you’re ‘on to something’, you’re not. Combine 1A with 2B and you’re on to something… A healthy and happy relationship / marriage.

39

[quote]doogie wrote:
My vows had a “forsaking all others” clause.[/quote]

i had to chew on this a while.

forsaking all others…

this has so many meanings, and goes back to my original comments regarding what is cheating and what is not.

help me understand your context, Doogie - my friend~

40

[quote]Edgy wrote:
in a relationship, if a man brings home his full paycheck, is involved in the family emotionally, takes care of all things expected, yet has a relationship on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

if a man spends his paycheck on gambling, drinking and hobbies, leaves his family destitute monetarily and emotionally, yet does not have relationships on the side, is that to be considered cheating?

i am having a hard time figuring this out.

nowhere in the marriage vows is there a reference to remaining sexually faithful, just love,honor,cherish, sickness and in health, death do us part kinda stuff.

the unspoken marriage contract, at least in the west, does expect fidelity, but is that how it is supposed to be? Historically, there were liberties given to both sides in a relationship, maybe it’s time revisit this experience?

anyway, i need your thoughts, cause i am either on to something here, or way off base, and discussing this relationship quandary with a bunch of weight lifting meat heads may clear this up.

thanks![/quote]

Edgy, you forgot the part where you say “my friend wants to know”