@planetcybertron @Spock81
I am rarely out of words, but today I am. Almost caught a tear in the old policemans hardned heart and eye. Respect girls.
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Ok rest day today so I did :
15 mins foam roll
1hr stretches /20 minute banded glute work
winging scapula shit
ab physio shit
will go for 50 min walk
oh and I have been doing Dr. HO (LOL). It actually works really well . I think itās making my glutes grow because I use it every morning to wake them upā¦ yaā¦ 
So I have been thinking a lot about progression and remembering where I came from etcā¦ I say okay well so far I have lost 12lbs, but thatās not really accurate. First I lost 30lbs, then I gained back 20lbs but added 25lbs to my squat +improved form. Then I lost 20lbs again and got to the lowest body fat % I have ever had. Then I gained 20lbs but added ANOTHER 25lbs to my squat + improved form further and got myself to my 10yr long dream of 225 , AND then finally I lost 12lbs with weight off my squat, but improved mind muscle connection and allowed my hip to heal.
So no, right now I am not at a crazy low body fat, I am far from a two plate squat and I am dare I say it, mediocre BUT. For the first time in 4 years I am not starving myself so the toxic man in my life would stop cheating on me. I am not beating myself up with powerlifting so the toxic man in my life would respect me and my strength. I am not obsessing over every tiny aspect and imperfection in my body because the toxic man in my life had taken away every ounce of my self-worth and self-esteem.
Mediocrity is no longer terrifying , and that is progression not regression.
FIN///
Squats tom. BYE
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Re: Social Media. @planetcybertron and @Spock81. About pictures. I was talking to my best friend about this last night. The idea that a lot of young girls particularly are spending hours trying to get just the right picture. I was thinking of taking my daughter and her teen friends to the beach to skateboard. You want them to just be outside enjoying being in the moment, being kids. As soon as someone pulls out a camera theyāre all about worrying about how they look. And maybe one of them is planning to take a bunch of pictures for their Instagram. Now everybody is going to have to spend an hour on hair, makeup and outfits before we go, instead of just throwing on an old t-shirt and putting your hair in a ponytail. Thatās a lot of pressure to look beautiful all the time. I hate that idea.
At resentment or jealousy of other people. We have a really hard time not comparing ourselves to others. We all have to learn to cope with that. Itās just a very human condition thing.
A good friend will feel sad with you when something bad happens, but maybe itās a bigger test of true friendship when a good friend will feel genuinely happy for your successes. I read an article this past week about resentment stemming from social media. It talked about how many of the millennials have āwealth and FAMEā as a life goals. Thatās very sad considering how few people ever achieve fame. Also, the idea that having other people feel envious of your life is often seen as success. As in, having other people feel jealousy, see my success, is the goal of posting the picture of your vacation, new car, beautiful bikini body, whateverā¦ And so people seek out opportunities to post pictures that would inspire envy. Thatās not a motive most of us want to encourage in ourselves, or our children.
At anxiety. I think social media has created an outlet for shy people, which can be good but it also creates another opportunity to feel left out or to feel rejection. The ability to ālikeā things makes that quantifiable. Before you may have been unaware that the kids on your street all went bowling, and so you didnāt feel left out until you saw the pictures on Instagram and now you feel bad because they didnāt invite you. The feeling of telling a joke, and nobody laughed. Or you make a comment and nobody responds. That becomes a reason for people to feel less connected. Much less the opportunity to put yourself out there and be trolled or actually bullied. Ugh.
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Your post about progress made me think of this. āLearn to compare yourself with who you were yesterday, not with who someone else is today.ā
Also, āMake friends with people who want the best for you.ā You only need a few meaningful relationships.
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Iāve been into some woowoo shizzel of late, am currently reading The Presence Process. It speaks of falling into victim or victor mode. Weāre often victims of our own reflections - emotions we are hanging onto from childhood that are ātriggeredā by something we are experiencing today. When we feel victorious, weāre really just competing with ourselves - which may, or may not, be bad. Ideally, weāll be in the present moment enjoying this moment and not living in time, victim or victor.
I did warn you it was woowoo.
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Thatās deep.
At trying to be in the present. Iāve been studying the Tao Te Ching.
Also, Writing Down the Bones. Youāve probably read it since you are a writer, but it has some similar ideas. Writing as a meditation. Buddhist ideas about being and experience, but tied into the writing process. Just a very wise little book.
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@anon71262119 good thing to keep in mind . I was so busy getting myself away from instagram I forgot that pretty soon I will have a teenaged son who needs to not get too absorbed in it either.
It seems to be a sad reality that people seem to want to do things just so that they can take pictures and make posts about it. Getting the perfect shot is far more important than actually āsoaking it all inā so-to-speak.
I am not enjoying this hike because I need to get the lighting just right for this shot, or I am not enjoying this social outing because the girls I am with are far more photogenic than I am, etcā¦
I think I got off at the perfect time, now I can teach my son that when we hike we take in the scenery, and when we go out we enjoy each otherās company. It goes far beyond just feeling insecure about lack of likes or what have you.
Glad your post opened my eyes to that.
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Ok I had a good squat workout sunday I did
Paused squats
95lbs x 5, 115lbs x 5 (warm up)
135lbs x 5
155lbs x 5
165lbs x 5
170lbs x 2 sets of 2
1 drop for double paused squats
135lbs x 6 (coulda down these forever, good to know)
front squats
95lbs x 5
115lbs x 3
125lbs x 3
one leg on bench cable ass kick backs
5lbs x 15 * ass(straight leg)
10lbs x 10 * ass (bent)
5lbs x 15 * ass
leg ext
40lbs x 2 sets of 10 * leg
50lbs x 10 * leg
20lbs x 12 * leg I think I forget
Goblet SQ SS pliƩ SQ
30lbs/30lbs
x 10 / x 10
x 10/ x 12
x 10/ x 15
stepmill intervals x 20 minutes
back ext.
BW x 25 or 30 or some shit
done
k BYE
till I write todayās
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K today
landmine press
bar +
10lbs
x 3 sets of 10 * arm (without setting it down )
15lbs
x 2 sets of 8 * arm (without setting it down )
20lbs
x 8 * arm
uhg
giant set
seated plate raise w/pause SS standing straight arm lateral raise SS standing plate raise w/pause SS seated lateral raise SS pinkies up lateral raise
2.5lbs/5lbs/2.5lbs/5lbs/5lbs
x 15/ x 15/ x 15/ x15 / x 15
x 15/ x 15/ x 15/ x 15/ x 15
x 15/ x 15/ x 15/ x 15/ x 15
norest
all pump
no rest/all pump babb-bby-
seated shoulder press
20lbs x 15
25lbs x 15
27.5lbs x 15
1 drop Arnold press
15lbs x 12
incline DB press SS 10&2 raises
25lbs/7.5lbs
x 10/ x 12
x 10/ x 12
x 10/ x 12
hammer strength incline press
20lbs x 15 * arm
30lbs x 2 sets of 8 * arm
1 drop
10lbs x 20 partials * arm
cable rear delt fly
diff pin heights
x 20 * arm
x 25 * arm
x 30 * arm
x 35 * arm
military press
55lbs x 5
65lbs x 2 sets of 5
barbell curl SS hammer curl
30lbs/17.5lbs
x 12/ x 8 * arm
x 12/ x 8 * arm
rope curl
20lbs x 2 sets of 10
15lbs x 10
reverse grip D handle tri ext.
5lbs x 2 x 12 * arm
EZ bar cable tri ext.
35lbs x 10
30lbs x 12
25lbs x 15
- or some shit I forget , just a drop set
I though I did something for 20 reps I dunno
W?E
DONE
seems like a lot but really too like 50mins LOL
Cause im all manic and fast like a bunny
or something cooler like the flash
Got some more needling done on my hip so thatās comforting. I like to get work done BEFORE it becomes a problem these days. Better approach so farā¦
LASTLY
GOT
A
JOB
INTERVIEW
Thursday !!!
I decided that being this exciting about a bookings job just because it related to the Deaf community is a huge sign that I need to further pursue the path that I was on 5 years ago. IE: the happiest , healthiest , least anxious time in my life.
It can go one of two ways I get the job and I re start the certificate program in sept and because itās part time I just do both
Job at day
school few nights a week and some Saturdays
then re attempt to get into the diploma program 1.5yrs after that having done the certificate twice over surly canāt muck it up this time 
SECOnd outcome
I donāt get this job, cry for 1.5days , work some shitty sales associate job and still go back to school and do the certificate over again and re enter the diploma 1.5yrs after that
same outcomes, different beginnings
I donāt really care if I am not fully adulating until I am 35, just as long as I am adulating as an ASL interpreter I donāt give a shit if Iām 50 thatās what ima do.
k
good
BYE
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Wow, a blast from the past and a canonical book for writers. You may like The War of Art as well, and if you have any interest in writing, Annie Dillard rocks.
I have a few other recommendations but donāt want to hijack Spockās thread, so if you, or anyone else, is interested, hit me up with a tag in your own log or in mine - The Pursuit of Mythical Gains - #769 by The_Myth
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The spiritual geeks call this synchronicity - a sign the Universe is sending you. Embrace it!
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YES and I 100% believe it!! As cheesy as it may sound, I saw the job posting and told my friend 2018 was going to be awesome no shitty men and a good future, I literally said rainbows from here on out and the NEXT DAY I SAW A RAINBOW I SHit u not!! I havenāt since a rainbow in god knows how long like 7 years AND IS AW ONE !
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K today was super
Squats
95lbs x 10, 115lbs x 10 (warm up )
135lbs x 8
155lbs x 6
165lbs x 2 sets of 6
pin squats
170lbs x 3
175lbs x 3
180lbs x 3
185lbs x 3
whoop the bigs and a quarter, how I missed theee
cable ass kick back SS step ups SS banded RDL
5lbs/7.5lbs/band
x 12 * ass ( straight) / x 10 * leg/ x 12 * ass
x 12 * ass (bent) x 10 * leg / x 12 * ass
x 12 1&1/2 reps * ass (straight) / x 10 * leg/ x 12 * ass
cable pull through
25lbs x 2 sets of 15
20lbs x 20
step mill intervals x 20 minutes
back ext.
BW x 3 sets of 20
and done
See now today it looks like I did nothing, but this took forever. Backwards to yesterday where I did five million things in 5 minutes. Also, today my workout makes me feel like going to sleep, yesterdayās was like oh I did nothing basically.
Itās the magic and the curse that lies in squats
Anyway, Iām hungry ā¦
Gabeās been helping quiz me on my ASL and I remember a fair a bit , so it feels nice that I didnāt lose it all completely. But now before I fall asleep I think my thoughts in sign and it makes me happy and not tired
K
back tomorrow
BHYE
BYE
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I read through that workout and just before you wrote it, I said holy cow thatās a long workout. I think I would still be in the gym the next day
But Spock is a blitz in the gym
So good to hear about your job interview.
Fingers still crossed, go get them girl
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Oh hi der
Been having some really good workouts lately . Paused squatted 170 x4 and 175 x 2 yesterday so getting back up to 185 excites me. Weighed 130.8 so thatās the only time in the history of my life the scale went down and my strength was up , LOL.
Been an anxious mess over my interview and just waiting to hear back. Honestly no idea if it went well. I was manic and could have come across as insane I dunno. I was so manic I didnāt even know I was being manic until I felt depressed and realized I was thinking like a whack. Usually itās obvious oh well. Actually usually itās like screaming at me JENN youāre being manic!!! Buy stuff !!! Ahhh
Anyway shitty back workout today but I think itās because I had a dream about my ex and I woke up upsetā¦
Is anyone alarmed by the imperfect development of my lats ?
Left is like longer and right is more arm pit tucked lmao . Iām insane
Is this a thing ?!
I think Iām just worked up a tad but this seems alarming
Hahhaha ok whatever
BYE
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Looks fine.
I broke my collar bone when i was really little and it set in the wrong spot so one of my shoulders is pulled forward a bit/positioned weirdly. Makes back squats annoying and gives me stupid imbalances in my whole upper body. So yeh the body is stupid sometimes haha!
BTW please gimme ur back gains 
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Lol ok you can have half of my left lat 
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Yes. But itās just this one girl who tends to obsess over and magnify any perceived flaws in your physique. I suggest you ignore her, because no one else would even notice your supposed āimperfectionsā if she didnāt point them out. Maybe you should ask Mr. Colucci to block her from posting on your thread (so you donāt have to deal with her nit-picking about what is in reality a strong, attractive physique.) 
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LOL okay fiiiine. I guess theyāre not THAT bad.
I saw a pic from a month ago where I was happy with my back and it literally looks identical to now so I guess it was just a mean brain day haha
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I second The @EyeDentist every bit of the way.
Great looking back there, you donāt se a lot of them around.
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