What Business is it of Yours Where I'm From, Friendo?

Training Training Logs
983

K today was soOoO good, holY!

Low bar squats

135lbs x 2 sets of 4 (warm up)
155lbs x 4 (warm up)
175lbs x 2 (warm up)
185lbs x 2 (warm up)
belt
195lbs x 1 (warm up)
200lbs x 4 sets of 4 :slight_smile:
back off sets
180lbs x 3 sets of 4

beltless high bar paused squats

160lbs x 5
170lbs x 2 sets of 3
185lbs x 2
155lbs x 2 sets of 3
these really clicked today


ass machine

130lbs
x 12ass
x 12ass
110lbs
x 20 partials *ass

single leg ext.

40lbs
x 10leg
50lbs
x 10leg
x 10leg
30lbs
x 15leg

one leg on bench bent leg cable ass ass backs

15lbs
x 15ass
x 15ass

leg squisher
drop sets

130lbs x 8
100lbs x 8
70lbs x 12

leg spreader

145lbs
x 8
x 8
70lbs
x 30 partials

step mill intervals x 20 minutes

back ext.
10lbs
x 10 w/pause
x 10 w/pause
BW
x 20 w/pause

done

everything worked properly today

:slight_smile:

perfect man trainer was there again today, we’re going to make up a handshake
Nothing I like more than a man that’s willing to invent a handshake with me
uhg
I’m just glad he exists , if anything it gives me hope that there’s more of him somewhere else in this world
like single versions of him
Maybe there’s a factory that produces him, bunch of hims falling off conveyer belts, I dunno

k rest day tomorrow, deadlifts sunday

BYE

1 Like
984

K gav-er my all today friends. 110%

deadlifts

135lbs x 2 sets of 6 (warm up)
215lbs x 6 (warm up)
belt
235lbs x 6
240lbs x 6
245lbs x 6

bent over row (overhand grip) SS foot on seat lat pull down w/ the wide seated row cable handle , also slow neggy

95lbs/55lbs
x 12/ x 12
x 12/ x 12
x 12/ x 12

one arm lat pull down

35lbs
x 10arm
x 10arm
x 10*arm

DB row

50lbs
x 8arm
x 8arm
x 8*arm

seated DB curl SS barbell curl

15lbs/50lbs
x 10arm/ x 8
x 10arm/ x 6
x 10*arm/ x 6

k uhh

t bar row SS ropey cable pull down

bar ++ 65lbs/ 25lbs
x 12/ x 15
x 10/ x 15
x 12/ x 15

wide D handle lat pull down

70lbs
x 8slow neg
x 8slow neg
55lbs
x 15 I think

straight arm pull down
drop sets

35lbs
x 8
30lbs
x 10
25lbs
x 12

wow sorry I was too lazy to trim this, LOL.

hungry

K BEY
BYE

2 Likes
985

K today was the suckiest bunch of suck that ever sucked


low bar paused squats

135lbs x 2 sets of 5 (warm up)
175lbs x 6
185lbs x 3 sets of 3
190lbs x 1
195lbs x 2 sets of 1 , only like 20lbs off my max, but felt 20 times heavier

165lbs x 2 sets of 4

Andersen pin squats

155lbs x 2 sets of 5
170lbs x 3

banded full reset barbell hip thrusts SS plié squats

235lbs/32.5lbs
x 4/ x 10
x 4/ x 12
x 4/ x 15

185lbs x 3 sets of 10

lying leg curl

70lbs
x 8
x 8
2 drop sets
45lbs x 8
25lbs x 10

ropey cable pull through

30lbs x 15
35lbs x 20

standing cable ass kick back w/bent leg

10lbs
x 15ass
x 15ass

step mill intervals x 20 minutes

leg spreader

85lbs
x 40
x 40
55lbs
x 40 partials

and done

so form was fine, mind muscle connection was okay for the most part, but strength=non existent

could barley even do my intervals. I usually do like 40 seconds at level 19 this time my running intervals were at like level 13 and I wanted to die.

100% diet related though so at least it’s fixable.

Quietly trying to lose a bit of weight because of this whole marshall fiasco making me feel horrible about myself. Classic OMG boy broke me now I hate my body, fml.

So here’s my diet

I have plazma and finibar before workout
after workout mag 10
then protein shake with pumpkin and blue berries and two eggs on two pieces of ezikiel (SP) break

lunch is 4.5 OZ chicken breasts w/1 cup of rice and some salsa

supper is either a bison patty w/1 cup sweet potato veg OR salmon w/1 cup rice pilaf and veg
and before bed is creamy rice cereal, it’s like oatmeal but with rice and it doesn’t bother my digestion (1/2)
BUT
if it’s an “important” workout EI: something where I’m testing reps or whatever like yesterday’s DL 6rm then I have a huge ass bowl of frosted flakes instead of my bobs redmill brown rice cereal .
Might seem like nothing, but it has hugely significant effects on my sleep (sleep like a baby after the carbs) and my strength is insane, my mood is also better which probably also affects my strength because I think more positively about my sets etc


So question being today: what’s an “important” workout? ALL OF MY FUCKING WORKOUTS> !!

I had frosted flakes the night before I paused squatted 215 beltless and my 195lb single today felt like SHHHHHHIt
every rep of every set today was WORK and was heavy/unpleasant

I just do not feel like I am in a place where I want to even consider making a moderate effort to lose weight. I am not at a strength level yet where I feel like I can say, ya, let’s cut and just take some weight off our lifts.
I dunno, I feel like if I was beltless pausing 225lbs AFTER taking weight off, IE: that being easy and weaker than norm. then I might be willing to be stricter with my diet and not let strength loss wig me out so much, But im not there yet.
Problem being is that if I feel im not being in control of my food then marshall’s heartbreak hurts 100000 times worse and I get depressed and down about my body/
W/e
paused squats matter
best believe tonight im eating cereal

k
BYE

1 Like
986

K and there we go, like magic
 Big ass bowl of cereal last night and I slept solid from 8-5 and had a stellar workout

paused bench press

115lbs x 2 sets of 3 (warm up)
127lbs x 2 sets of 4
130lbs x 3
133lbs x 2
135lbs x 3 sets of 2

1 board press

140lbs x 6
145lbs x 2 sets of 4
150lbs x 4

seated DB press SS DB lateral raise w/pause at the top SS DB lateral raise w/pinkies up

37.5lbs/5lbs/5lbs

x 8/ x 15/ x 15
x 6/ x 15 x 15
x 6/ x 15 x 15

cable rear delt fly SS bent over rear delt DB fly w/palms facing inwards SS facepulls SS bent over rear delt DB fly w/palms facing each other
*diff pin heights for the shit

5lbs/7.5lbs/25lbs/7.5lbs

x 20arm/ x 20/ x 20/ x 20
x 20arm/ x 20/ x 20/ x 20
x 20*arm/ x 20/ x 20/ x 20
norest

cable underhand grip straight bar front raise SS cable upright row

15lbs/25llbs

x 15/ x 12
x 15/ x 12
x 15/ x 12
norest

giant super set

straight arm DB later raise SS pinkies up DB lateral raise SS 10&2 raises SS DB front raise
(all without setting DB down)

7.5lbs .>>.>>>

x 10/ x 10/ x 10/ x 10arm
x 12/ x 12/ x 12/ x 12arm

DB tri kick backs

7.5lbs
x 12arm
x 12arm

EZ bar cable tri ext.

30lbs
x 15
42.5lbs
x 10
x 10
Remind me there was a reason I stopped doing that exercise and switched to rope ONLY
Elbow pain PR

NE all around pretty good

LIFE LESSON
Someone who works out 2hrs a day lifting heavy weights and doing intervals needs sugar
SO THERE
SELF
So there!!

Rest day tomorrow
heavy squat dubs on thurs EEEEEEEEEP

kBYE

1 Like
987

k RLY good today

low bar squats

135lbs x 2 sets of 6 (warm up)
175lbs x 2 (warm up)
185lbs x 2 (warm up)
belt
200lbs x 1 (warm up)
210lbs x 2 sets of 2
back off sets
190lbs x 3 sets of 2

high bar paused squats

145lbs x 3 sets of 8

one leg on bench cable ass kick backs

bent leg
15lbs
x 20ass
straight leg
10lbs
x 20ass

ass machine

170lbs
x 6ass
x 6ass
130lbs
x 15 partials *ass

uhh

leg ext.

100lbs
x 10
x 10
115lbs
x 8 + 2 (extended set)

stepmill intervals x 20 minutes

back ext.

10lbs SS BW

x 10/ x 10
x 10/ x 10

done

K OCD went a little haywire and my 210lbs x 2 x 2 was most def. three sets of 2 and my back off sets at 190 was easily 6 or 7 sets but my brain kept being like oh don’t count that one, bleh.
Tired, but really pleased with all the stuff I’m choosing to actually count :stuck_out_tongue:

k BYE

2 Likes
988

K today

Block pullz

135lbs x 2 sets of 6 (warm up)
185lbs x 10
225lbs x 2 sets of 4
235lbs x 3
240lbs x 3
back off sets
230lbs x 3 sets of 2

RDL’s

135lbs x 3 sets of 10

bent over row (over hand grip) SS ropey cable pull down

115lbs/25lbs
x 10/ x 15
x 8/ x 15
x 8 + 1 drop 95lbs x 12 / x 15 + 1 drop 20lbs x 20

cable station lat pull down

20lbs x 15
25lbs x 12
30lbs x 10
15lbs x 20 partials

one arm DB row SS t bar row

35lbs/ bar + 35lbs
x 12arm/ x 12
x 12arm/ x 12
x 12*arm/ x 12

k super set all reps were squeezy and slow neg
Wide D handle lat pull down SS foot on set two D handle lat pull down SS sitting side ways lat pull down

70lbs/55lbs/25lbs
x 8/ x 8/ x 8arm
x 8/ x 8/ x 8arm
x 8/ x 8/ x 8*arm
norest

hammer strength front pull down machine

30lbs
x 20
x 20

seated DB curl ss hammer curl

12.5lbs/20lbs
x 10arm/ x 10arm
x 10arm/ x 10arm
x 10arm/ x 10arm

stepmill intervals x 20 minutes

K done

rest day tomorrow

Bleh

yesterday was marshalls court thing and of course he wont text me or tell me how it went like maybe he’s off to jail for a yr or maybe all he got was a slap on the wrist IDK.
He just ignores me

He treats me as though I wronged him in some horrible way and I deserve to be punished.

Hope U R okay
hope U R coping okay
Worried about u
etc

I get nothing

I wish I could send myself a text hope U R okay Jenn cause the answer would be no but thanks for checking up on me.

Wish I had a friend that’s not 10years old is all.
I KNOW it’s like well you always have your mom or good ppl on the internet to talk to, but it’s not like having a really close chick friend that will go shopping with you or get your nails done or something and listen to you bitch or hug you when you cry, it’s just not the same.
I don’t want a million , I just want one.

NE w/e/

really excited about Sunday’s workout, it will be my heaviest bench day of the cycle . Tester set @ 138lbs should be interesting to see what I get after a rest day filled with carbs and a massage.
Maybe ill get 8reps HMMM
No

Id be thrilled with 4 :joy:

kBYE

1 Like
989

k awesome one today

bench press

115lbs x 2 sets of 3 (warm up)
125lbs x 3 (warm up)
135lbs x 1
138lbs x 2 sets of 1
belt
138lbs x 5

paused sling shot

150lbs x 5
155lbs x 2 sets of 3
160lbs x 4

145lbs x 11 (not paused)

incline DB press (various incline levels) SS one arm DB flat bench press

40lbs/20lbs
x 10/ x 12arm
x 10/ x 12arm
x 8/ x 12*arm

hammer strength chest press SS plate squeeze press

25lbs per side/10lbs
x 8/ x 8
x 8/ x 10
x 8/ x 15

hammer strength incline press machine

20lbs
x 15arm
x 15arm

cable cross over
lowest setting
10lbs
x 12
x 12
middle setting
x 12

one arm cable rear delt fly SS facepulls

5lbs/30lbs
x 15arm/ x 15
x 20arm/ x 20
x 25*arm/ x 25

bent over cable tri ext.

5lbs
x 10arm
x 10arm

ropey try ext.

30lbs
x 8
x 8
drop sets
25lbs
x 8
20lbs
x 10
15lbs
x shit I dunno 15 or 20 or something

stepmill intervals x 20 minutes

tempo sq tomorrow, bleh

KBYE

2 Likes
990

k gooder

tempo squat

135lbs x 2 sets of 5 (warm up)
155lbs x 5
170lbs x 2 sets of 3
175lbs x 4
185lbs x 2
190lbs x 2
200lbs x 1
205lbs x 1

double paused squat

155lbs x 5
165lbs x 2 sets of 3
175lbs x 2

banded full reset barbell hip thrust SS plié DB squat

225lbs/32.5lbs
x 5/ x 10
230lbs/32.5lbs
x 5/ x 10
245lbs/32.5lbs
x 3/ x 10
255lbs/32.5lbs
x 3/ x 10

225lbs x 8
135lbs x 10 (continuous tension)

leg spreader

75lbs
x 50
x 50

lying leg curl

50lbs
x 12
x 12
1 drop
30lbs
x 12

single leg curl

30lbs
x 8leg
x 8leg
x 8*leg

straight leg cable ass kick back w/pause

10lbs
x 10ass
x 10ass

ropey cable pull through
drop sets

30lbs x 15
25lbs x 15
20lbs x 15

stepmill intervals x 20 minutes

well a million ignored text messages later marshall answers me “I’m sorry”

I deleted it and deleted his number
and all my log history so I couldn’t go find it mid panic attack
PR of some kind anyway

Been talking with this guy on plenty of fish, we “matched” because all of his profile pictures are of pancakes and I thought that was funny and he was just a troll, but he turned out to be the most interesting person that I am talking to on there.
He said he wasn’t a troll, just wanted to see who has a sense of humour.
Gotta just keep in mind all the stuff that makes me happy right now, forcing myself to go to my parents and visit my 150yr old dog like every day. Who knows how long that little guy has left. He’s lost all his fur and is pretty Deaf. I just go over and sit on the floor and hold him for a while, it’s very comforting.
Also music, updated my ipod for my gym tunes and it’s like brand new workouts.

Told myself to take the hate off myself and put it on marshall and take the kindness away from marshall and put it on myself. I’ve been doing things backwards for way too long.

We shall see


KBYE

3 Likes
991

k today was just so-so

deadlifts

135lbs x 2 sets of 4 (warm up)
185lbs x 4 (warm up)
225lbs x 4
belt
245lbs x 4
255lbs x 4

NE WAy, got the reps I wanted, but the last two were too backy, not enough assy. Last one was uggo fa sho. Maybe just glutes were tired from yesterday, I dunno. Just expected it to not feel that bad is all. I’m sure it was no where near as bad as I thought it was


bent over row (underhand grip) SS seated row cable

95lbs/70lbs
x 15/ x 15
x 12/ x 12
x 12/ x 12 + 1 drop 55lbs x 15 partials

one arm lat pull down SS front pull down

42.5lbs/27.5lbs
x 8arm/ x 10
x 8arm/ x 10
x 8*arm/ x 10

DB row SS ropey cable pull down

50lbs/25lbs
x 10arm/ x 15
x 10arm/ x 15
x 10*arm/ x 15

cable station lat pull down

20lbs
x 12
25lbs
x 2 sets of 10

one arm D handle cable bi curl

10lbs
x 12arm
x 12arm
x 12*arm

wide D handle lat pull down

75lbs
x 8
x 8
55lbs
x 12 w/slow neg

kayak row SS straight arm pull down

25lbs/25lbs
x 12arm/ x 15
x 12arm/ x 15
norest

straight BB curl

40lbs x 20

done.

But ya, kinda bummed

for no reason probably
If I had filmed it I coulda seen my last rep was the same grind as all my other final reps on my DL days .
Had a feeling today would mess with my OCD though cause I knew I couldn’t go hella volume or really over exert myself because of my heavy 1 rep squat day end of cycle this Thursday. That has to take priority.
Usually I woulda been more excited for a rep DL day wondering what I’d be able to work up to, today was like pre planned no more than 255 and no back off sets and little volume. FINE JENN take the fun outta it :stuck_out_tongue:

Oh well after squats on Thursday Ill be back to high rep shit and deadlift can be the important thing.

KBYE
rest tomorrow.

1 Like
992

Alrighty , got the most stressful workout of the month over and done with, thank G

low bar squats

135lbs x 2 sets of 6 (warm up)
175lbs x 2 (warm up)
185lbs x 2 ( warm up)
195lbs x 1
205lbs x 1
belt
215lbs x 1
220lbs x 3 sets of 1 (there was a 4th that was super fucked up, boo boo squat, but I fixed what made it wonky and continued on, bravery PR)
back off sets
200lbs x 4 sets of 1

high bar paused squats

150lbs x 2 sets of 6
160lbs x 4
170lbs x 2 sets of 2

ass machine

120lbs x 15ass
130lbs x 2 sets of 10ass

single leg ext.

30lbs x 12*leg paused
30lbs x 2 sets of 12 *leg

leg one bench cable ass kick back
bent leg
15lbs
x 8ass
x 8ass
10lbs x 12 partials * ass (straight leg)

stepmill intervals x 20 minutes

back ext.
BW
x 20
x 15
x 20

an
d
done

yeah

I wish I could have femur reduction surgery :stuck_out_tongue:

NE kinda thought my hormones were messed up this month because I seemed to get my emotional disaster, super depressed non -stop crying PMS in the middle of the month, and aversion to vegetables and whatnot around mid april instead of at the end of the month
and now low and behold I think I skipped my period (?)
Should have had it 5-6 days ago
I thought it was coming because my barely B boobs went to D’s and got super painful as per my norm, but now they went back to normal
I also feel sane and I am not crying
SO I dunno, it all just went away?
Like ppppeeerrriii OOPS NVM not coming :stuck_out_tongue:

TMI anyway
TMI FOR TNation
just thought it was super odd

Im babbling

I feel pretty stable actually, still babbling. I think deleting marshalls number was a huge brain thing for me because even if I am trying to resist texting him if I had his number id be thinking about angry things Id want to say, but since I don’t have it I am not thinking about things I want to say so therefore I am barely thinking about him at all.
Im like thinking about other shit?!!

This is huge . I feel way less awful inside than I thought I would :smiley:

YE
BNYE
BYE

3 Likes
993

K today was gHey

military press

71lbs
x 10
x 10
x 10

Yes
I only added 1lb this cycle
I also did a set of 9, but we’ll just pretend that never happened :wink:

tempo bench press

115lbs x 5
116lbs x 5
125lbs x 3
126lbs x 3
130lbs x 2
131lbs x 2 sets of 2
back off sets
121lbs x 2 sets of 3

paused close grip bench press

105lbs x 2 sets of 4
110lbs x 2 sets of 2

giant super drop set

straight arm DB lateral raise w/pause at top SS pinkies up DB lateral raise SS 10&2 raises SS alternating DB front raise

10lbs
x 10/ x 10/ x 10/ x 10arm
7.5lbs
x 10/ x 10/ x 10/ x 10arm
5lbs
x 10/ x 12/ x 15/ x 20*arm

straight one arm DB lateral raise w/pause at top SS pinkes up one arm DB lateral raise SS seated DB lateral raise

5lbs/5lbs/5lbs
x 10arm/ x 15arm/ x 20
x 10arm/ x 15arm/ x 20
x 10arm/ x 15arm/ x 20

seated rear delt DB fly w/palms facing inwards SS seated rear delt db fly w/palms facing each other

5lbs/12.5lbs
x 20/ x 10
x 20/ x 10
x 20/ x 10
norest

cable rear delt fly *diff pin heights each set

5lbs
x 15arm
5lbs
x 20arm
5lbs
x 25*arm

reverse grip D handle tri ext/ SS cable tri ext/

10lbs/5lbs
x 8arm/ x 15arm
x 8arm/ x 15arm
x 8arm/ x 15arm

facepulls

30lbs x 15
35lbs x 15

I guess that’s all I did
 for shoulder’s that’s like nothing

Everything felt like shit and my arm was hurting and ya


Had the worst sleep ever last night
 all I could think about was how my squat has gotten worse, like my form looks somehow drastically different to me and I can’t tell if my brain is just making it up or not? Like I started thinking my from was completely wrong and absurd and I have no idea what I’m doing and balhhh

It was literally replaying over and over in my head for hours, I went to bed at like 8ish and didn’t fall asleep until well after 10 just trying to picture my squat and not being able to tell if I was a loon or not.

Does it still look okay to everyone or does it look horrid? I need to work on keeping the bar tighter on my back I don’t understand some people don’t even seem like they’re trying to keep the bar tight it just stays in place / Especially the people with the wide placement or thumbless grip its just magically resting there IDK

rest day tomorrow, clearly needed.

KBYE

994

Far from an expert, but sometimes a little reassurance goes a long ways, squat looks good, form held up through your singles, strong out of the hole with a bit of a sticking point. But overall bar path looked good and you’re working at maximal or near maximal weights, ya? With the keeping the bar tight, I can’t be much help there as I do high bar as opposed to low bar for shoulder comfort, but I try to bend the damn thing over my shoulders. Nothing wrong enough to waste precious hours of recovery sleep over, ha.

2 Likes
995

Thx for the feedback :smiley:. I guess making a video that was basically a close up of my femurs didn’t do my mind any favours :sweat_smile: .

996

ok today was pretty good aside from some bicep pain during my squats they felt wonderful .

low bar paused squats

135lbs x 2 sets of 5 (warm up, done with light band around knees)
170lbs x 8
185lbs x 2 sets of 2
195lbs x 3
200lbs x 3 sets of 2

Andersen pin squats

155lbs x 6
165lbs x 2 sets of 4
175lbs x 3

banded full reset barbell hip thrust w/ good 3 cnt. pause a top

185lbs x 3 sets of 8

continuous tension

155lbs x 2 sets of 8

seated leg curl

70lbs x 2 sets of 10 w/pause
55lbs x 15

leg spreader
drop sets

145lbs x 8
130lbs x 8
115lbs x 8
100lbs x 10
85lbs x 10
70lbs x 12
55lbs x 15
40lbs x 30 partials

leg squisher

130lbs x 6
160lbs x 6

step mill intervals x 20 minutes

back ext. w/squeeze
10lbs x 2 sets of 10
BW x 12

done

So anyway, feeling pretty insecure about my body these days, but typically when I feel like this somehow magically in this exact moment I also feel a little bored or worn out with powerlifting and it’s very easy to make the switch back to cutting/bodybuilding pursuits. This time, however, I am still very emotionally invested in my strength gains and I have no desire to stop.
But every time I try to cut back on food I have the shittiest workout/sleep ever and I decide to go back to my regular cals. Then a rest day comes and I have to spend the whole day feeling like a fat blob :confused:

AS OBSERVED IN THE VIDEO ABOVE

N E WAY gonna try to time my nutrients better frosted flakes post workout instead of before bed and shake w/pumpkin before bed as snack and not breakfast . W/E we shall see . Maybe this dissatisfaction is temporary .

AnywaY: Here’s a story that might make me sound awful, IDK/

Somewhere in between the 1000th time and 2000th time marshall broke my heart, circa april 2015 (around the start of this log), it was also the first time I joined plenty of fish in an attempt to get over him. It wasn’t working, obvs/ as I was such a mess back then, probably one of the lowest times of my life TBH.
I was on there and also on tinder BARF!!!>>> and there was a guy on both of those that was chatting with me. He kinda looked like marshall so I was interested in him in a very creepy OMg you’re him! kinda way.
But we talked and everyday he would nag me to bang and I’d laugh and say no or whatever, but everyday he kinda grew on me. His profile was witty and shit and he was just so strange. And in the midst of my heartache I decided I had to sleep with him to break the spell of marshall. (Keep in mind over the past 3 some odd years he and marshall are the only two people I’ve been with so that reduces slut points awarded by at least 10:P )
So after the 50th time he nagged me to do it I said fine come over but this is purely medicinal, LOL. and it was very much so, it was ridiculously stupid and very unrewarding but I figured it was all I needed to be free of a penis spell or w/e.
But afterwards he messaged me the second he left and was like OMG I didn’t realize how beautiful you were from the pics you are by far the most remarkable woman I’ve ever been with/ We should have NOT done it like that. Please let me take you out on a real date. etc etcc
 like super mushy stuff like that about wanting to wake up next to me, for weeks and weeks.
I was not in a good place and it was too weird and stupid so I stopped talking to him after a while

FAST FOWARD 2yrs and I go back on there and I found him on there again. I was like OMG! LOL YOU STILL ON HERE?!

He went right back to professing his undying love for me like not a second had past.
And at first I was still like bleh, this isn’t right, BUT HE KEEPS GROWING on me and I don’t know why/ He passed my stupid “test” that no one knows they’re taking

“What do you think of Pablo Escobar?”

This matters to me, I watch every show/documentary/read shit, follow all Pablo instagram shit there is. Don’t even ask me why, the man fascinates me beyond comprehension.

Most people answer “wrongly”. They say like, he has a moustache, right? Or, Did he die??
Uhg

He responded with

“good entrepreneur” :scream:

I WAS LIKE WTF HOW DID U PASS MY TEST NO ONE PASSES U GOT 10/10!!!

He’s like oh good can I come over now, LOL.

NO! But 
maybe not never :flushed:

Oh I forget the point of this story now
 NO, that’s right

I don’t want him to see me now because he saw me when I was 120lbs and now I am lying when I say I’m only 140


k ya

BYE

997

Hi Jenn. I haven’t lurked your log in a long time. Dang, you’re doing so well with your training.

Girlfriend talk.
Sorry to hear about all the life difficulties. Just an idea. Look up symptoms of low progesterone. Also, search tender breasts and low progesterone. Maybe? Sleep disturbance, anxiety, crying easily
 You often see this stuff in women closer to my age, but younger women can have it too. http://www.drnorthrup.com/estrogen-dominance/ Anyway, there’s an over the counter cream you could try. Amazon. One brand, Emerita Pro-gest Cream.

Re: This new man you’re thinking of dating. Don’t imagine that he’s going to be thinking something negative about your body. Does he have a perfect body? Notice how many men here (even guys with really beautiful bodies) prefer women who are thicker, softer, date and marry women who do not look like figure models. Don’t let this kind of guessing about what you think he might think keep you from going out on a date. One of my training partners is 25. She’s wicked strong like you. Darling. Got dumped by her BF a few months ago. Super sweet girl. She made herself go online and try to meet someone, and she’s met a super nice guy. Chin up. Do it. There are a lot of good men out there.

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Hey thx for stopping by powerpuff, it’s always so nice to have you post here :blush:

That’s interesting you mention the low progesterone because my mom brought it up to me a while ago and I wasn’t really paying attention, oops. I guess I shouldn’t always assume everything is just a result of my wonky brain cause most of those symptoms are completely bang on.

I appreciate your support !! :heart_eyes::slight_smile:

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K today was Shhhhittttttacualr x’s a million

Woke up super early because shit was making weird noises and I was confused but it turns out all the power just went out for like an hour and then came back on so clocks and electronics were like DYING (random noise) ALIVE (turning back on noise)
BLAH
w/e I did not want to go work out today and I didn’t know why
 I was questioning every possibility to determine which possibility rang true and if it was a legitimate reason to take a rest day
Do you not want to go because of your gross cupping marks ? THEN GO !
Do you not want to go because your arm feels injured and you feel tired? THen rest!
Do you not want to go because you feel you will just spend the whole workout berating yourself for imperfect form ? Then go!

anyway I determined it was just me being afraid of my own wrath so I went


deficit deadlifts

135lbs x 2 sets of 6 (warm up)
185lbs x 6
215lbs x 2 sets of 4
225lbs x 3
235lbs x 2 sets of 2
back off sets
205lbs x 2 sets of 3

paused deadlifts that I think weren’t very paused


185lbs x 2 sets of 3
185lbs x 5
190lbs x 2 sets of 2 (these ones I paused
)

bent over row over hand grip SS to arm DB row ss bent over row underhand grip
(actually changed which grip I did first for each set, but I don’t wanna type that shit out each time)

85lbs/25lbs/85lbs
x 12/ x12/ x12
x 12/ x12/ x12
x 12/ x12/ x12

um

wide D handle lat pull down SS ropey cable pull down

70lbs/25lbs
x 10/ x 10
x 10/ x 10
x 10/ x 10

sitting sideways lat pull down SS foot on seat lat pull down w/narrow seated row cable handle

25lbs/55lbs
x 8arm/ x 8
x 8arm/ x 8
x 8*arm/ x 8

one arm DB row SS t bar row

35lbs/ bar + 35lbs

x 15arm/ x 15
x 15arm/ x 15

seated DB curl SS hammer curl

10lbs/10lbs
x 10arm/ x 10arm
x 10arm/ x 10arm
x 10arm/ x 10arm
did this all one continuous set

hammer strength front pull down machine

drop sets

60lbs x 8
50lbs x 8
40lbs x 10
30lbs x 15

straight arm pull down

25lbs
x 20
x 30

done

here’s a video of my ugly deadlifts that make me upset and make me feel like I have no potential


.
I had no heart no passion today, not even really for the whole past week. Benching excites me but everything else is like, uhg, I have to do this today, barf.
Hmm even my shoulder MP bench day last time made me hate everything

That is so unlike me I am usually so invested in each exercise beast mode doesn’t even need to be consciously turned on, it’s just there.
Maybe I am more ready for a change that I was willing to admit to myself.

I feel conflicted because its like A) okay while I am not “fat” by normal people standards I am far fatter than I’d like to be and I’ve let myself go too much and I am in a constant state of discomfort. but B) I cant do the cutting + powerlifting thing at the same time I am not just “naturally” strong I have to put everything I have into one endeavour at a time or it’s just not fun C) then so what I start cutting/bodybuilding again and it takes me a while to believe that I even know how to do that anymore and then I have to go to the gym and no longer be unique as if powerlifting is the only thing that makes me different from “them” IE like the woman who go in and dress the same and look the same and do the same shitty ass kick backs for 2 hrs with the super high wasted pants and the really noticeable ass cheek separation butt crack shit like that isn’t me so who the fuck am I supposed to be then
?
Feeling like well I cannot make this decision some outside party needs to tell me how they prefer I look .

Marshall preferred my big ass so I was fine and comfortable cause whatever he seemed to continually encourage butt fattening and thought it was fantastic

but then I ask myself and I think well I fucking hate how fat my arms look like arm pit fat crap and the most massive blobbyiest thighs ive ever had so I hate it/myself

oh but then Zach the trainer I like from the gym thinks my strength is super awesome and pursuing de fattening VS strength is lame
but who cares he doesn’t have to see me naked
so blah blah bLAH

I have no idea what to do I think this is the first time I want to do neither . I basically just feel fat, injured, tired and weak so how is one to make a huge decision in that type of state IDK.
uh
BYE

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All I saw was a strong, hot woman not afraid to lift heavy.

Besides, you’re only 20 days from seeing RHCP. :wink:

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Just saying, I think you’re hawt!

But not in a creepy kind of way, just in a creepy kind of way.

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Then do neither or something in between. I don’t think you will lose much if any strength if you decide to cut a bit. I understand the fear but you work hard and consistently in the gym and that will go a long ways. For mental reassurance use power to weight ratio rather than raw totals.

But you can also take a break from powerlifting. A program I have in my head I will start the day I decide I am sick of the injuries is Trap Bar deads, Front squats and dumbell presses/rows. All of those are easier on my body than the big 3 but will allow me to stay strong and active.

Nobody sees you naked more than you so do what makes you feel good.

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