That bar is your bitch!
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k today was great
low bar squats
135lbs x 2 sets of 5 (warm up)
155lbs x 3 (warm up)
170lbs x 3 (warm up)
belt
180lbs x 3 sets of 8
back off sets
160lbs x 2 sets of 8
high bar paused squats
I started out with some heavier sets, but I could tell my body just wasnāt having high bar today so I took a bunch of weight off and just kept stuff tight and perfect w/long pauses. Listening to my body PR
145lbs x 2 sets of 6
155lbs x 3 sets of 3
165lbs x 1
ass machine
150lbs
x 10ass
130lbs
x 10ass
x 10*ass
one leg on bench cable ass kick back
straight leg w/pause at top
10lbs
x 12ass
x 12ass
bent leg without pause
15lbs
x 12*ass
leg squisher
145lbs I think
x 8 w/slow neg
x 8
leg spreader
70lbs
x 30
x 30
115lbs
x 10
single leg ext.
40lbs
x 8leg paused
x 8leg paused
60lbs
x 6leg
1 drop
30lbs
x 15leg
stepmill intervals x 20 minutes
back ext.
w/long squeeze
x 20
x 2 sets of 10
normal
x 25
anddddddddddd DONe
enjoyed every minute of it
BEY
BYE
Awesome. Congratulations!
1 Like
k fantastic-ness
paused bench press
115lbs x 2 sets of 3 (warm up) (could already tell today was gona rock)
127lbs x 2 sets of 4
131lbs x 3
135lbs x 2 sets of 2
137lbs x 1
138lbs x 1
140lbs x 1 
back off sets
125lbs x 2 sets of 3
1 board press
145lbs x 3 sets of 4
seated DB press SS DB lateral raises w/pinkies up
30lbs/7.5lbs
x 15/ x 20
x 12/ x 20
x 12/ x 20
seated DB bent over row w/palms facing each other SS palms facing inwards SS palms facing each other
17.5lbs/7.5lbs/7.5lbs
x 15/ x 15/ x 15
x 15/ x 15/ x 15
x 15/ x 15/ x 15
cable lean away lateral raises SS straight arm DB lean away lateral raises w/pause at top SS lean away DB later raises w/pinkies up
5lbs/5lbs/5lbs
x 10arm/ x 10arm/ x 15arm
x 12arm/ x 12arm/ x 20arm
x 15arm x 15arm/ x 25*arm
no rest
cable rear delt fly SS face pulls SS bent over DB rear delt fly w/palms facing each other
5lbs/25lbs maybe I forget or 30ā¦/5lbs
x 20arm/ x 20/ x 20
x 20arm/ x 20/ x 20
x 20*arm/ x 20/ x 20
norest
diff pin heights for facepulls and cable fly
cable bent over try ext
5lbs
x 10arm
x 10arm
x 10*arm
norest
cable underhand grip front raise SS cable upright row
15lbs/20lbs
x 12/ x 12
x 12/ x 12
x 15/ x 15
norest
ropey tri ext.
30lbs
x 12
35lbs
x 12
10&2 raises dropsets
15lbs x 10
12.5lbs x 10
10lbs x 12
done.
rest tomorrow I think
anyway
im severely depressed
more than my normal Iāve been fucked up and depressed my whole life
this is like
times a million
Iāve been talking to chalk squat boy again and feeling like oh good this can be like a year ago and ill get over marshall and blah blah been trying not to contact him cause heās being awful what with court shit or whatever for some assault charge
so laa dee daa in denial like I donāt care
so last night CSB tells me he has a girlfriend
and I just lose my shit basically broke down and contacted marshall
just wanted my tears to stop
it wasnāt even like I wanted to try and date CSB, it was just hurt
cause thatās what always happens
I am The undateable
itās my legacy
im the sometimes fuckable, not loveable, and never dateable
and I always get some excuse
but that whoever it is always turns around and starts dating someone right away after I get rejected
but the excuse wasnāt about me, it was always something that meant they werenāt going to date anyone
I need to focus on my studies
I am not in a good place financially
co workers shouldnāt date we need to be a secret BAM turns around and dates a different co worker
w/e
I feel pathetic
and sad
hopeless
a million other negative words
I see lots of posts on instagram like end the stigma about depression, sometimes people are very functional and smiling but deep down quite depressed.
K well my depression looks like a person who mostly doesnāt even leave her house because shes ashamed of how her eyes look due to crying 6hrs a day
or the fact that she only wears sweat pants like shitty ugly ones from the wal mart boys section
or like how im too lazy to brush my hair so I kind of look like a crazy cat lady
except worse because I have no cats to even keep me company
I have no friends
none
unless I count my mom which I will
but its not the same
I just feel so horribly alone every waking moment of my life I couldnāt possibly fully express how badly I feel right now
I tried NE way
NBYE
BYE
k squats felt so good today
low bar paused squats
135lbs x 2 sets of 5 (warm up)
155lbs x 3 (warm up)
170lbs x 8
180lbs x 2 sets of 3
190lbs x 4
200lbs x 2 sets of 1
205lbs x 1
210lbs x 1
215lbs x 1 officially 10lbs away from a beltless two plate squat biootches
back off sets
165lbs x 2 sets of 5 , these felt ghey.
Andersen pin squats
145lbs x 6
165lbs x 2 sets of 3
170lbs x 4
banded full reset barbell hip thrusts SS ropey cable pull through
225lbs/30lbs
x 5/ x 20
225lbs/35lbs
x 5/ x 20
245lbs/ 35lbs
x 5/ x 20
225lbs/35lbs
x 8/ x 20
135lbs x 20 (continuous tension)
single leg curl
30lbs
x 10leg
x 10leg
x 10*leg
leg spreader
60lbs x 100
bent leg cable ass kick back
10lbs
x 15ass
x 15ass
15lbs
x 8*ass
seated leg curl w/pause and slow neg
60lbs
x 8
x 8
stepmill intervals x 20 minutes
back ext.
x 25
x 25
still super hard to get my left glute to work for these even when I pokey squeeze it feels weird. Gonna get cupping done on it tomorrow ā¦
N E way, yesterday was rough. Rest days are worse than ever for me right now with how depressed I feel. I have honestly never felt so intensely suicidal in my whole life, even when I was a teenager and I was getting bullied so badly etcā¦ It felt really uncomfortable. I was texting people I havenāt talked to in 6+ months just because I was so desperate to communicate with someone .
Today seems like it wont be as bad, IDK.
I forget what else I was going to say, it was probably a bunch of important shit but oh well.
KBYE
BYE
Youāre not alone.
I donāt want to trot out all of my own issues in your thread, but trust me, youāre not alone.
Try to focus on what makes you happy, fuck everybody else, and then take steps to do the things that make you happy.
Try to avoid focusing on other peopleās actions, playing the blame game, and repeating the same narrative. You own it, you can change it, itās your life.
These sound like vapid platitudes, and Iām living the same shit, but if you can get present, live now, you can be happy.
I took a yoga class today and the teacher made us kiss our hand and then put it on the part of our body that was hurting, heart, head, and then kiss our other hand and do the same thing, and told us to learn to love our inner being, that we were all divine.
I know it sounds like mumbo jumbo and a bunch of voodoo, but, it was awesome. Try breathing and loving yourself.
Sorry for the hippie incursion, but, you shouldnāt feel so alone.
5 Likes
That was such a wonderful post 
thanks friend. Youāre welcome in here with your mumbo jumbo annytimme
2 Likes
Didnāt you get some new meds a few weeks ago? Please, please, please, talk to your Dr. About this. It could be the medication.
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This, Spockie. Talk to your doc.
3 Likes
I wish it was the medication, I went off that like a month ago because even just a quarter dose made me feel sick so any lingering effects of that would be loooong gone.
Well damn. I still think you should talk to somebody. Those things are extremely hard to deal with on your own. It is not good for you or your son. I know itās not much, but I am on here everyday, if that helps. I am not very good at lifting, but I am pretty good at listening.
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K rest yesterday
Benching today was amazing.
115lbs x 3 (warm up)
125lbs x 3 (warm up)
133lbs x 2
133lbs x 2
belt
133lbs x 7!!! HOLI! that is almost the big plates for like HIGH REPS, I was expecting like 4 or 5!!
paused sling shot bench
145lbs x 6
155lbs x 2 sets of 3
165lbs x 2
incline DB press SS incline DB pec fly
40lbs/15lbs
x 12/ x 12
x 10/ x 12
x 10/ x 15
low cable cross over SS plate squeeze
10lbs/10lbs
x 10/ x 10
x 10/ x 10
x 10/ x 10
cable rear delt fly SS face pulls *diff pin heights each set
5lbs/25lbs
x 25arm/ x 25
x 25arm/ x 25
x 25*arm/ x 25
incline DB trap raises SS incline rear delt fly w/palms facing inwards SS incline rear delt fly w/palms facing each other
7.5lbs/7.5lbs/7.5lbs
x 10/ x 10 x 10
x 12/ x 12/ x 12
x 15/ x 15/ x 15
hammer strength incline chest press
40lbs
x 8arm
x 8arm
2 drop (both arms)
30lbs x 8
20lbs x 15 partials
DB tri kick back
12.5lbs I think
x 12arm
x 12arm
ropey tri ext. drop set
25lbs x 15
20lbs x 15
15lbs x 20
stepmill intervals x 20 minutes
k done.
Finally convinced marshall to come see me yesterday since heās been avoiding me for 3wks with stress/depression about his upcoming court case.
He told me it wasnāt my fault or nothing against me. He truly believes ignoring/avoiding me is in my best interest since heās so miserable he doesnāt want to bring people down with him. He 100% believes he has been doing me a favour 
I told him that was stupidā¦
Iām just really scared. If he has to go away for any length of time, IDK. Heās the only person I see or talk to or go out with . Heās been like the only guy Iāve even touched in 3 years .
Whatever. Some people can just move on from people or get over people. I just get attached and hang on for dear life and beg them not to leave me.
Canāt say I aināt loyal at least.
k
BYE
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Aww thx for your support, that means a lot.
3 Likes
k today
135lbs x 2 sets of 6 (warm up)
175lbs x 3 (warm up)
185lbs x 1 (warm up)
belt
190lbs x 4 sets of 6
back off sets
170lbs x 2 sets of 6
beltless high bar paused squats
155lbs x 2 sets of 4
165lbs x 3
175lbs x 2 sets of 2
150lbs x 2 sets of 3
ass machine drop sets
160lbs x 8ass
130lbs x 10ass
110lbs x 12*ass
one leg on bench bent leg cable ass kick back
20lbs
x 10ass
x 10ass
10lbs
x 10 straight leg partials *ass
leg ext.
90lbs
x 12
x 12
70lbs
x 8 paused
step mill intervals x 20 minutes
back ext.
x 20
x 30
leg squisher
145lbs
x 12
x 10
done
squats felt pretty tight and solid and both my butts worked on the back ext. for a change so thatās good.
My appetites been messed up lately I canāt stand the thought of any of my normal food. Especially like all things meat. Ive been only having like carbs and beans and fish for the past few days cause chicken or beef makes blaheh.
Dunno how to plan my diet right now
anyway
BYE
k today sucked and made me upset for no reasonā¦
deficit deadlifts
135lbs x 2 sets of 5 (warm up)
185lbs x 6
225lbs x 2 sets of 2
235lbs x 2 sets of 2
240lbs x 2
back off sets
215lbs x 2 sets of 3
paused deadlifts
175lbs x 2 sets of 3
175lbs x 5
bent over row (underhand grip) SS ropey cable pull down
115lbs/25lbs
x 8/ x 12
x 8/ x 12
x 8/ x 12
one arm DB row
40lbs
x 15arm
x 15arm
x 20*arm
uhh
wide D handle lat pull down
70lbs
x 12
85lbs
x 8
x 8
sitting sideways lat pull down SS foot on seat 2 D handle lat pull down
25lbs/70lbs
x 12arm/ x 10
x 12arm/ x 10
x 12*arm/ x 10
cable station lat pull down SS wide grip straight arm pull down
20lbs/30lbs
x 12/ x 12
x 12/ x 12
x 12/ x 12
t bar row
bar ++ 75lbs
x 8
x 8
x 8
incline DB curl SS hammer curl
17.5lbs/12.5lbs
x 8/ x 10arm
x 8/ x 12arm
medium D handle seated row cable
70lbs
x 10
x 10
55lbs
x 10
barbell curl
30lbs
x 15
x 10
x 10
k done
strength just wasnāt there today . Shoulda been able to do triples @235 and 240 shouldnāt have felt as awful as it did/ Felt like I was deadlifting all wrong or something and thatās why I wasnāt as strong as normal. But prob just cause I replaced eating with crying yesterday and I needed a rest day.
But thatās tomorrow so hopefully Wednesday Iāll feel stronger for tempo squats IDK, first weak workout in a while anyway. Lame.
BYE
2 Likes
Completely normal for strength to weeble wobble from week to week. Sleep, calories, recovery, etc. Are never constant. Sometimes I can test out a squat max after a cycle, sometimes I canāt.
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I know, but I wanna feel like superhero every day *sob.
K rest yesterday, actually felt easier than most rest days. Musta been very needed
today was medium, as tempo squats usually are cause how could they ever be fun or good, Lol.
tempo squats
135lbs x 10
155lbs x 10
165lbs x 2 sets of 4
175lbs x 3
185lbs x 3 sets of 2
195lbs x 2 sets of 1 ā first set was super ghey so had to re do
double paused squats
155lbs x 2 sets of 4
165lbs x 4
those felt super
banded full reset barbell hip thrusts SS pliƩ squats
225lbs/30lbs
x 6/ x 15
x 6/ x 15
x 8/ x 15
continuous tension
155lbs
x 10
x 10
lying leg curl
rest pause set
40lbs
x 12, 11, 10, 9, 8
leg spreader
65lbs
x 100
seated leg curl
70lbs
x 8 w/slow neg
x 8 w/slow neg
55lbs
x 12
cable ass kick back
drop set
15lbs x 10ass bent leg
10lbs x 12ass straight
5lbs x 15*ass partials
step mill intervals x 20 minutes
back ext.
x 20
x 20
x 20
k so meh, some good some shit, w/e.
Think I sorted out my diet a bit better though. Nothing makes me feel more unsettled than not knowing my diet because I really donāt trust myself
Frosted flakes is not supperā¦
Also:
Re joined P.O.F. FML
POFFML
Nothing makes me feel more hopeless than being on that shitty site
And all guys msg the exact same msg, almost word for word
Hey 
you are way to (grammar) cute to be on this site. How is ur day beautiful?
I dunno, my day is shitty thatās why Iām on here .
Marshall basically like kicked me out of his life. Said his āexā is forcing him to have a tracking app on his phone since the assault charge or he wasnāt allowed to be in his daughterās life.
And his āexā would take away his daughter if she found out he was at my place
thatās why he kept avoiding coming over
thatās the most fucked up, twisted thing Iāve ever heard
But apparently they do actually get along āfineā so itās not an unhealthy environment for the kid.
But heās not allowed to see his friends or me or whatever
So his balls are kept in a jar on her nightstand apparently.
Lots of people donāt get it though, I guessā¦ if I try to talk to friends they donāt understand me and they view both me and him as pathetic. Heās a pathetic human and Iām pathetic for allowing him to treat me this badly and to try and be there for him or be compassionate and understanding about his situation.
I dunno, I guess trying to force yourself to accept things that are very painful for you to accept when youāre in a horrible place mentally is as awful as it sounds.
BYE
1 Like
I wish I could be superhero strong all the time too.
And from the looks of it, I really wouldnāt spend an ounce more of energy on that guy. As much as your brain has attached certain feelings and memories, and sounds to your experiences with the guy, yalls interactions seem to be toxic for your well being. When it comes to being compassionate thereās a fine line between being so, and allowing yourself to become cripplingly vulnerable. And Iām not saying this to be mean, or to tell you to suck it up, nor do I think youāre pathetic or anything else that conjures up a negative viewpoint, however youāre intelligence and integrity are what will get you through all this shit we call life
3 Likes
You are not pathetic. You are strong, and beautiful. It will take a strong man to recognize that, and an even stronger one to make YOU see that.
3 Likes
awe, guys 
, yaāll the best group of cyber supporters a girl could ever ask forā¦
K today was good.
military press
65lbs x 6 (warm up)
85lbs x 3 (warm up)
90lbs x 1 (warm up)
95lbs x 4 sets of 1 , well , there we go, my AMRAP set was 1ā¦
Oh the ever decreasing military press, how I hate thee
back off sets
85lbs x 3 sets of 2
paused close grip bench press
105lbs x 6
112lbs x 2 sets of 4
117lbs x 2
120lbs x 1
121lbs x 1
122lbs x 1
100lbs x 10 (not paused)
tempo bench press
120lbs x 4 sets of 3
straight arm w/slow neg DB lateral raises
5lbs x 20
7.5lbs x 20
10lbs x 15
12.5lbs x 10
15lbs x 8
straight into pinkies up DB lateral raises
5lbs x 20
7.5lbs x 20
10lbs x 15
12.5lbs x 10
15lbs x 8
straight into bent arm DB lateral raises
5lbs x 20
7.5lbs x 20
10lbs x 15
12.5lbs x 10
15lbs x 8
yeahā¦
one arm cable rear delt fly SS bent over DB rear delt fly w/palms facing inwards SS facepulls SS bent over DB rear delt fly w/palms facing each other
5lbs/7.5lbs/30lbs/7.5lbs
x 20arm/ x 20/ x 20/ x 20
x 20arm/ x 20/ x 20/ x 20
x 20*arm/ x 20/ x 20/ x 20
norest
reverse grip D handle tri ext. SS bent over two arm DB tri ext.
10lbs/7.5lbs
x 10arm/ x 12
x 10arm/ x 12
x 10*arm/ x 12
plate front raises
25lbs x 15
35lbs x 10
25lbs x 15
35lbs x 10
25lbs x 15
norest
seated DB lateral raises SS one arm DB lateral raise
5lbs/5lbs
x 15/ x 15arm
x 15/ x 15arm
x 15/ x 15*arm
norest
seated rear delt DB fly
12.5lbs
x 15
x 15
K done.
no PRs or anything very fun, but good focus and no marbles lost so I guess itās a win.
Still havenāt deleted my POF account so thatās a PR for that at least.
BYE
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