What Business is it of Yours Where I'm From, Friendo?

Training Training Logs
81

^^^ Thanks budddday!!

K leg pump day

Leg ext.
55lbs x 20
60lbs x 25
65lbs x 15 + 5 + 5 + 5 <–wanted 30, obvs.
partials (drop set)
100lbs x 10
85lbs x 10
70lbs x 10
55lbs x 15

seated leg curl
rest/pause set
60lbs
x 12, 11, 10, 9, 8
45lbs
x 12 partials

seated leg press machine
130lbs
x rest/pause = 100

pee break x 4 mins

barbell hip thrusts
95lbs
x 2 sets of 30

smith machine split squat (close stance) SS smith machine 1 & 1/2 rep squats SS DB RDL
15lbs per side/15lbs per side/32.5lbs
x 8leg/8/15
x 8leg/8/15*
x 8*leg/8/15

leg spreader
drop sets
130lbs x 8
115lbs x 8
100lbs x 8
85lbs x 10
70lbs x 12
55lbs x 25 + 30 partials

single leg ext.
Hold one leg/do paused reps on the other
x 2 sets of 8 *leg

step mill intervals x 25 minutes

K, lotta emotionally disastrous stuff that kept coming up during this workout. Just like freaking out/feeling shitty about myself, I dunno.
I always say to myself “whatever comes up, squash it back down” cause I know sometimes my brain gets super negative and it makes it hard to finish some workouts, but as long as I just keep pushing through it I’ll conquer…

Pretty sure I worked my ass off those because I felt like dying/crying/.vomiting for most of this workout, I just couldn’t pay attention cause I was too busy insulting myself :confused:

N E WAy

This not-so-interesting dream I had last night
Nightmare rather:
I let Marshall come over and I was very upset with myself. We were cuddling and I was telling him that he was an asshole, piece of shit basically, and that he was never a good person to me and he was ignorant to that fact.
ANd he said “whatever, fuck you then, I wont sleep with you anymore”
So then I retracted everything I said. “No, no I’m sorry, please forgive me”
Like, fuck off dream self. I was so mad at me!!!

Especially since stuff like that sorta happened in real life back in august.
Like the worst date in the history of my life, he literally left me falling asleep alone at his place while he kept having to make drug deals, then came back home to fuck me, and then made me go home cause he wanted to hang out with his friend…“Dre”
How I felt inside after that I cannot even begin to explain the hurt.
So I didn’t talk to him for weeks and saw him at the gym and flipped my shit on him.
Then he texted me later like WTf was that all about I was trying to make drug deals? !!! Like as a defense to his awful behaviour.
…
So I apologized.
ARE YOU FO’ REAL?!

Anyway, back to this dream…
But it was interesting to me because I still had all of my post-it notes all over the house like NEVER TALK TO HIM. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.
And he didn’t even ask about them…I mean you see that shit taped all over someone’s place and you aren’t the slightest bit curious? Dream Marshall is as oblivious and uncaring as the real life version apparently.
And in real life I have one taped on the box of condoms in my drawer like “DON"T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!”

ANd I was opening that box with that post it note on it in my dream, and my hands were shaky. Like I was a heroin addict about to fall off the wagon and I was either thrilled as hell or scared to death.
But this was all like a movie playing and I was the only one watching. So sleeping Jenn was watching dream Jenn make these mistakes and she was yelling at the top of her lungs DON’T!! NO!!! STOP!! PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS. YOU’LL HATE YOURSELF! NOOOO JENN NOOOOOOO I BEG YOU STOP.

Then I woke up.
But ya, I think I wasn’t really in the best of spirits this morning for my workout. Too distracted or something.

Oh well.

Day 36

BYE

82

Heavy back day

Bent over row
95lbs x 2 sets of 12
105lbs x 4 sets of 10
105lbs x 10 + 3 + 3 (extended set)

lat pull down with the seated row cable handle (wide)
85lbs x 12
100lbs x 3 sets of 12

1 arm DB row
45lbs
x 4 sets of 8 *arm

behind the neck pull down slow neg
35lbs x 10
35lbs x 10
35lbs x 12

kayak row SS straight arm pull down
30lbs/35lbs
x 12arm/8
x 12arm/8
x 12*arm/10

ropey bi curl
25lbs x 12
30lbs x 3 sets of 10

seated DB curl
17.5lbs
x 4 sets of 8 *arm

dual seated cable pully row, something or other
low row-underhand grip
27.5lbs x 8
35lbs x 2 sets of 6
40lbs x 6
42.5lbs x 2 sets of 6
all reps paused

ez bar curl
55lbs
x 2 sets of 6

hill sprint intervals x 20 minutes

back ext. x 30

day 37
HYE
BYE

83

SoOOoooOO pleased with today’s workout, oh my

Shoulder pump day

bent over cable rear delt fly SS one arm cable lean away lateral raise SS DB lean away lateral raise SS ropey cable pull throughs(for the pull through I did a drop set for each set so i’ll indicate two diff weights for that one…)
5lbs/5lbs/7.5lbs/15lbs10lbs
x 12/12arm/12arm/1212
x 12/12arm/12arm1212
x 12/12arm/12arm/1212

giant set of awesomeness

straight arm lateral raise/bent arm lateral raise/10&2 raises/front raise/rear delt fly
7.5lbs
x 15/15/15/15arm/15
12.5lbs
x 10/10/10/10arm/10
7.5lbs
x 15/15/15/15*arm/15

seated lateral raises SS EZ bar underhand grip front raises
7.5lbs/25lbs
x 10/10
x 15/15
x 20/20
x 25/25

face pulls drop set
42.5lbs x 8
35lbs x 10
30lbs x 12
25lbs x 15
20lbs x 30

ropey tri ext.
20lbs
x 4 sets of 20

step mill x 20 mins

k In great spirits this AM.
Last week I decided to do lateral super sets with lateral-ness, then front, then rear etc… or maybe it was rear lateral front lateral
Whatever////
This time I decided I wanted to super set lateral with front with rear, and do different variations of that.
Next week, stay tuned!! #creativemode #creativebeastmode #creativeobsessiveshoulderpumpmode

Anyway,
I don’t know if it’s cause I finally got some sleep last night, or cause I really liked my clothes today or what, but I felt Ggggggggggrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeat!

Um
BYE
Oh day…
Wow, 38. Almost at 40 bitches!

BYE

84

Heavy leg day

Medium stance squats

95lbs x 8
115lbs x 8
135lbs x 6
145lbs x 6
155lbs x 5 sets of 6

hack squat machine w/ slow descent
45lbs per side
x 4 sets of 10

barbell hip thrusts every rep paused
95lbs x 12
145lbs x 8
155lbs x 2 sets of 8
165lbs x 8 + 4 + 4 *extended set *

ass machine
120lbs
x 3 sets of 12 *ass

single leg ext.
30lbs per side
x 12 *leg
40lbs per side
x 4 sets of 10 *leg

seated leg curl w/ all reps paused at the bottom + slow neg.
70lbs
x 5 sets of 12

Done.

So I read about some stuff for when people are competing or trying to lose weight or whatever, and they have cardio added in the beginning and then when shit stalls they remove it for a short time then add it back in again slowly. Kinda like to re start the weight loss or something, so I am going to do that.

I’ve been doing step mill or hill sprints every day for maybe 2 months now, so I am not letting myself do it for a week and then i’ll add it like 3 x per week and then 5 x per week etc…
I pretend like I have a single clue what I’m doing…

BYE
Oh day
39

85

Chest

Incline Bench

65lbs x 12
85lbs x 8
95lbs x 4 sets of 8
1 drop
75lbs x 8 *paused + 8 normal

cable cross over
2nd pin
low setting x 20
low middle setting x 20
middle setting x 20
higher middle setting x 20
medium high setting x 20
highest setting x 20

close grip bench press
65lbs
x 5 sets of 10

incline DB press w/ pause at the bottom SS plate squeeze
27.5lbs/10lbs
x 12/30
x 12/30
x 11.75 + 3 + 4(extended set)/30
notes* most def. swore after spending what felt like an eternity trying to get my 12th rep.
And it wasn’t just like fuck
it was like fuck YOU
FUck who?
Me?
The weights?
Life?
Turned that bitch into an extended set, that’s what’s up. (!)

dip assist machine drop sets
x 10/10/10/12

chest press machine
55lbs x 12
70lbs x 10
75lbs x 8
85lbs x 6
drop sets
70lbs x 8
55lbs x 10
40lbs x 12 + 12 partials

triangle tri ext. SS reverse D handle tri ext.
42.5lbs/5lbs
x 8/12arm
x 8/12arm
x 8/12*arm

welp
day 40
still dying

BEY
BYE

86

[quote]Spock81 wrote:

So I read about some stuff for when people are competing or trying to lose weight or whatever, and they have cardio added in the beginning and then when shit stalls they remove it for a short time then add it back in again slowly. Kinda like to re start the weight loss or something, so I am going to do that.

I’ve been doing step mill or hill sprints every day for maybe 2 months now, so I am not letting myself do it for a week and then i’ll add it like 3 x per week and then 5 x per week etc…
I pretend like I have a single clue what I’m doing…
[/quote]

You are doing far too much cardio far too soon imo. Do you track your food? Make your diet do more of the work.

87

[quote]yonkey wrote:

[quote]Spock81 wrote:

So I read about some stuff for when people are competing or trying to lose weight or whatever, and they have cardio added in the beginning and then when shit stalls they remove it for a short time then add it back in again slowly. Kinda like to re start the weight loss or something, so I am going to do that.

I’ve been doing step mill or hill sprints every day for maybe 2 months now, so I am not letting myself do it for a week and then i’ll add it like 3 x per week and then 5 x per week etc…
I pretend like I have a single clue what I’m doing…
[/quote]

You are doing far too much cardio far too soon imo. Do you track your food? Make your diet do more of the work.[/quote]

Well I figured cause it was only like 20 minutes that it was basically nothing…

I do track my food, I eat the same thing every day. Except sometimes at supper I have 1/3 cup sweet potato and sometimes I don’t.
I eat roughly 1750 calories per day not counting vegetables, which could add like 100000000 more calories considering how many of them I eat.
I’m just so fucking hungry already I’d rather do the step mill. I am only 5’0 and it seems like losta chicks my height eat like 1500 calories or some crazy shit, I don’t know how people do that.

88

[quote]Spock81 wrote:

Well I figured cause it was only like 20 minutes that it was basically nothing…

I do track my food, I eat the same thing every day. Except sometimes at supper I have 1/3 cup sweet potato and sometimes I don’t.
I eat roughly 1750 calories per day not counting vegetables, which could add like 100000000 more calories considering how many of them I eat.
I’m just so fucking hungry already I’d rather do the step mill. I am only 5’0 and it seems like losta chicks my height eat like 1500 calories or some crazy shit, I don’t know how people do that.
[/quote]

1750 cals per day and 130lbs…seems to me like you have more wiggle room to manipulate diet numbers. I’d reduce total cals by 200 per day taken from your latest daily carbs and reset cardio to 3x per week at 20 mins per. Run that for a week or two using mirror and scale as a guide and then adjust accordingly. Adjust one variable at a time, run for a week, and then evaluate.
To combat feelings of starvation and put you in a better place mentally, consider the use of a cheat meal or a refeed.

89

Well thanks for the advice, I will tinker with things and see what happens :>.

Back day

T-bar row SS two arm DB row
bar ++ 50lbs/25lbs
x 15/15
x 20/20
x 25/25

hammer strength iso row neutral grip
70lbs per side x 15arm
95lbs per side x 10arm
70lbs per side x 15*arm

Smith machine bent over row over hand grip
*short pause at the top for each rep
20lbs per side
x 4 sets of 8

two arm lat pull down with both arms same time
27.lbs x 20
35lbs x 3 sets of 20
27.5lbs x 10 reps paused
20lbs x 10 reps paused

front pull down
60lbs x 6
65lbs x 2 sets of 6
30lbs x 10 paused + 10 normal + 20 partials

lat pull down heavy partials from the top with like few sec. stretch or whatever
85lbs x 12
100lbs x 2 sets of 10

bicep machine slow neg SS bicep machine normal
40lbs/30lbs
x 8/12
x 8/12
x 8/12

DB incline curl SS hammer curl
15lbs/15lbs
x 10/10
x 10/10
x 10/10

hill sprint intervals x 20 minutes <–yeah, I did that/… So much for taking a week off LOL, AS IFFFFFFFF

back ext. x 30

REally really REALlllllllllly awesome today.

K so here’s what:
Most of the time no matter where I go or what I’m doing I think I see Marshall somewhere. But it’s usually absurd to think such a thing because:
A) He doesn’t live anywhere near me
B) It always turns out to be like a lady or 80 year old Asian dude w/e ← should lead me to believe that my brain is a bloody liar (already knew that)
C) We are very different individuals and us being at the same place would be very odd since I am not a pothead/alcoholic, nor do I work in oil and gas. We’ve known each other for over a year and a half and when he lived 5 minutes away from me we didn’t ever “bump into” one another.
I’m babbling

So yesterday I was at the local mall with my mommy. Keep in mind this mall has basically zero stores, zero customers, and really has zero reason to exist.
And I see a boy on a skateboard. So of course I think it’s Marshall because why wouldn’t a 30 year old man who lives no where near there be on a skateboard entering the worst mall on earth ?!?!
BUT
IT WAS HIM
I was like mAaaaaaaaam (mom)
“K I know I always say this…but I think that’s Marshall”
So she laughs cause like ya right Jenn
But I get a little closer like
MAAAAA!!!M OM
That is him
Cause I dun seen the tattoos
And I know his swagger
I would know that anywhere
So I feel like I’m going to crap myself
Not figuratively
But I needed to investigate so I sent my mom away and I followed him to see where he was going
First he nears the jewelry store I am like OMGOGM NONONONOONONO he’s going to buy a RINGGggggggg dying
Second he nears the children’s clothing store and I am like OMGOBONONONONONO he is going to buy some cute baby shit for his fucking new baby and I’ll have to be reminded about it
Keeps on swaggerin’
Marches right into the skateboard shop
So I hide in the kids clothing store to pretend I am looking at swim suits for Gabe
Hiding
Creeping
Freaking
WHY
WHY IS HE HERE
WHy is he on a skateboard
Where is his car
or his motor cycle
Go away
This lame shitty mall is my turf
Heart beating
Legs heavy
Grim reaper coming to take away the last of what’s left of my soul
Sigh…
So then I see him leave, off he goes
I don’t think he ever saw me
I mean we were pretty much the only two people in the whole mall, but I’m invisible :frowning: |like always| (pity party)

Anyway, I still can count yesterday as a day we didn’t communicate because we didn’t communicate, but it was really hard
I just wanted to be liekm OGM I SMSIS YOU SO CMUCH PLEASELove me!!! KJGDSKgi;osrjfwoksj
New day
DAy
41

90

720×720 47.8 KB

Also, this is something I have been working very hard at for a while, but I am finally starting to see some shoulder growth, oui?!?!

Yes, I made a stone-ish looking boarder for this pic .

Like a gargoyle< I have just burst from my stone slumber, maybe.

BYE

91

Shhoulderrrrrrssssss

rear cable fly *diff pin heights for each set
1st pin
x 5 sets of 50

Military press SS plate front raise
65lbs/35lbs
x 10/15
x 10/15
x 10/20

Seated smith machine shoulder press SS 10&2 raises
10lbs per side/12.5lbs
x 12/10
15lbs per side/12.5lbs
x 10/12
17.5lbs per side/12.5lbs
x 8/15
drop sets
smith press
20lb per side x 6
10lbs per side x 12
10&2 raises
12.5lbs x 20
10lbs x 20
7.5lbs x 25

Oh then I did this snazzy drop set variation for lean away lateral raises
it was like heavy DB, then cable lean away, then lighter DB
so
15lbs/1st pin/7.5lbs
x 8arm/10arm/12arm
x 8arm/10arm/12arm
x 8arm/10arm/12*arm

hammer strength iso lateral should press
facing the seat way
25lbs per side x 8arm (slow neg)
30lbs per side x 8*arm (slow neg)
35lbs per side x 10 + 5 (right arm normal speed) x 10 + 4 + 1 + 2 (shitty left arm normal speed)

rear delt DB fly partials drop setted to normals
30lbs x 30 (partials)
27.5lbs x 30 (partials)
20lbs x 30 (partials)
15lbs x 10 + 20 partials
10lbs x 15 + 15 partials
7.5lbs x 20 + 10 partials

DB tri over head ext. SS ticep kick back shit
25lbs/7.5lbs
x 12/12arm
x 12/12arm
x 12/12*arm

step mill intervals x 20 min.

Wonderfulness

Day
oh god 42
Please give me the strength to carry on with this shit.
I feel a weakening entering me like a parasite… Slithering it’s way through my body, poisoning My THOUGHTs, my HEart, my will to fight.
LOL DRAMA
SRSLY I feel like I’m at the peak of my withdrawl .
I need louder post-it notes
This shit ain’t cuttin’ it.
Every five minutes my brain is like
“TXT HIM THIS”
“nO! TXT him this!”
“Oh I know, txt him this”
“NOW!”
“DO IT NOW!!!”
You can’t handle a single fucking more second of this TEXT HIM BEFORE YOU EXPLODE !
nO
leave me alone
AHhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHhh
There is not a vibrator setting high enough to make me feel better at this point

Carry on
BYE

92

T-Nation, are you there? It’s me…Jenn

Today I did quads

Medium stance squats

95lbs x 10
115lbs x 10
135lbs x 10
145lbs x 10
150lbs x 10
1 drop
115lbs x 20

smith machine split squats (close stance) SS smtih machine close stance squats SS DB squat
25lbs per side/25lbs per side/30lbs
x 8leg/10/12
x 8leg/10/12
x 10*leg/12/15

Ass machine
100lbs x 12 + 12 partials *ass
120lbs x 10 + 10 partials * ass
140lbs x 8 *ass
160lbs x 6 *ass
1 drop
90lbs x 15 + 15 partials * ass

leg press machine
110lbs
x 50
x 40
x 30
x 20
x 10

Leg spreader
100lbs
x 12, 11, 10, 9, 8
85lbs x 20 partials

leg ext.
85lbs x 8
100lbs x 2 sets of 8
115lbs x 5 + 3 + 2

stability ball hip thrusts
x 50

Awesome.

K someone plz talk me off the ledge because I’m freaking out.
Mar$$hall just texted me 6 minutes ago
I’m not allowed to answer because the screen saver on my phone tells me so
He said
“Am I allowed to say heeeey”

No
nononononononoonononono
Will power
Man the fuck up, I told myself that yesterday

I have been babying myself for the past month and a half because I thought that’s what I needed.

I saw an episode of CSI where people were staying in this rehab clinic and they said that people going through withdrawls or addiction shit, w/e, they needed to be pampered.
And I get that like, you’re consumed and you can barely function and the anxiety is so overwhelming you feel like you’re going to explode.
So you get a pedicure and a massage to pass the time because when time passes, the feelings begin to fade.
They aren’t gone forever, they will rise again, but the more you fight, the less frequent they become.

So I’ve been patient and trying to be as kind to myself as I could be.
It’s okay Jenn, you’re just going through shit.
It’s okay, just go take a nap.
Go get your hair done, you deserve it.
Stay in the closet if that’s what you need
Please take all the time in the world to get over this
Go ahead, masturbate for the next hour
And then again later if that’s what you need to cope
Do whatever you need
Be grumpy and miserable, I forgive you
Snap at gabe, I understand, it’s fine really

I am unconditionally accepting your current state of despair
But maybe this is the wrong approach because I am not getting better, I am getting worse
Yesterday was insane, I felt insane, so before bed I told myself this baby shit ain’t working.
Man the fuck up
No more patience, enough of this shit. Be uncomfortable, stop being a sad, whiney, pathetic excuse of a human being. Stop crying. Shut the fuck up
Stop justifying shit
Stop behaving this way, I’m sick of it, and I’m sick of you !!
That was going to be the tone for today, and everyday until I no longer feel like this.
But now he’s texted me
Why?

Why text a fuck buddy that you haven’t spoken to in 43 days when you are currently in a relationship with the mother of your child IF THAT fuck buddy meant nothing to you and the very implication that there was ever something there was GOOEY?!
See
It’s fucking with my head
Stop fucking with my head, I don’t matter!!! You’re making it hard for me to convince myself of that fact.

Day 43
Tomorrow can’t be day 1
That would be fucking awful

BEY
BYE

93

Why haven’t you blocked his number?

94

Because I’m weak, obvs.

95

[quote]Spock81 wrote:
Because I’m weak, obvs. [/quote]

I actually feel like that would be the weak response. It requires a lot less willpower to deal with this situation if he has no ability to contact you.

You could always hand the phone to someone else and tell them to do it for you to make things even easier. Basically, remove your control from the situation.

96

I can’t help you off the ledge but I can talk to you while on it. The dude knows it gives you the fits, block the #.

If you may, what is the ass machine you speak of in your exercise listing? I get the leg spreader or ropey thingy

97

OK, I’ll talk you off the ledge.

I have been lurking on your threads a long time. I’m blown away by the searing, lancinating honesty of your writing–which, BTW, borders on brilliant at times. (I wouldn’t be surprised if a future archivist, after stumbling upon and reading your TN logs, decided to publish them as a poetry equivalent of ‘found art.’) I have never felt the need to intervene in your life–that is, until you wrote the following:

“Snap at gabe, I understand, it’s fine really”

No. It’s NOT fine. Really. You’re going to snap at your child because you allowed yourself to develop an unhealthy attachment to an emotionally unavailable, drug-dealing scumbag? You’re going to compromise your child’s emotional well-being because THAT asshole is booty-txting you again? Are you kidding me?

You think you know pain and regret–you don’t. Real pain and regret are what you will feel 10, 15 years from now, when you realize the toll your self-centeredness has taken upon your child’s psyche–when he becomes an emotionally unavailable, drug-dealing scumbag.

You have a boy who needs you. You are his whole world. Where he is concerned, you are NOT allowed to be weak. This is his one childhood–you do not get a do-over if you eff it up. So stop wallowing in self-pity, get off the damn ledge, and be the parent he needs you to be.

98

[quote]EyeDentist wrote:
OK, I’ll talk you off the ledge.

I have been lurking on your threads a long time. I’m blown away by the searing, lancinating honesty of your writing–which, BTW, borders on brilliant at times. (I wouldn’t be surprised if a future archivist, after stumbling upon and reading your TN logs, decided to publish them as a poetry equivalent of ‘found art.’) I have never felt the need to intervene in your life–that is, until you wrote the following:

“Snap at gabe, I understand, it’s fine really”

No. It’s NOT fine. Really. You’re going to snap at your child because you allowed yourself to develop an unhealthy attachment to an emotionally unavailable, drug-dealing scumbag? You’re going to compromise your child’s emotional well-being because THAT asshole is booty-txting you again? Are you kidding me?

You think you know pain and regret–you don’t. Real pain and regret are what you will feel 10, 15 years from now, when you realize the toll your self-centeredness has taken upon your child’s psyche–when he becomes an emotionally unavailable, drug-dealing scumbag.

You have a boy who needs you. You are his whole world. Where he is concerned, you are NOT allowed to be weak. This is his one childhood–you do not get a do-over if you eff it up. So stop wallowing in self-pity, get off the damn ledge, and be the parent he needs you to be.

[/quote]

I needed this, really. Thank you for the ass kick.

The day is not quite done yet, but I haven’t broken down and I don’t intend to…

99

You used a great analogy of a Drug Addict. You sound like a Meth Head talking about how many days it has been and that you have little control over wanting to do it again! Or should I say do him again.
Day 1 is around the corner. You will find an excuse to make it acceptable that you broke down.
So we wait to see which will happen first, day 100 or back to square 1.

100

[quote]T3hPwnisher wrote:
Why haven’t you blocked his number?[/quote]
Simple, dramatically effective. Well said.