What Business is it of Yours Where I'm From, Friendo?

Training Training Logs
2369

So if he had a man friend who was depleting his emotional energy , would that be ok?
Or it’s ok if I deplete the emotional energy of a woman when that should be saved just for her husband ?

That doesnt even make sense. People are allowed to have friends. We aren’t speaking of deeply emotional things. We’re just socializing. Talking about narcos and rap music.

My sons aunt is married, and her husband hates musicals, so she has a man friend to go with and hes cool with it, and vice versa .

And I’m an atheist, so no.

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2370

Also I don’t really think I’ll be having much in the way of workout updates. I find powerlifting is becoming too overwhelming and I’m not enjoying it very much. In fact , I greatly dislike it.

2371

Male/female connect differently versus same sex. It’s not even remotely the same, but you can tell yourself it is if you want. But its not. You have NO idea what may evolve from this ‘friendship’, on your end or his.

OK to have office friendship, that stays in bounds.

I’m sure you have, but what about dating services/websites? You know, those can be friendships too.

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2372

Also, if you get clearance from his wife like your son’s aunt’s husband gave his wife, OK. Still not what you need though. May be a temp bandaid though.

Whatever happens, good luck. It all works out. Just dont force anything.

2373

I think this will upset you and if it does I can’t help that --its the truth. People are allowed to have friends, married men are not just anyone. By getting married they entered into something bigger then helping people who need a friend.

He is not available- not to be a friend to a single, vulnerable woman. You asked for opinions and you are hearing what you will hear from other other people react to this too. There is a reason it is taboo, because it is inappropriate. You can avoid all of this by respecting the boundaries of his relationship.

He might not be able to respect his boundaries and by asking to take a walk with you–this is what you said he asked or offered to do- and hang with you by yourself that is crossing the line. Its is. You can respect his marriage FOR HIM by declining this. You can even get the good vibes he seems to want to share by simply saying thank you, I appreciate it, and leaving it at that.

Marriage is serious shit-- SERIOUS. You do not want to poke the bear, its bigger then a boyfriend and a girlfriend, its bigger then best friend and a best friend- its beyond all that. I think you know because you asked for opinions.

Men and women also have chemistry. It EXISTS. It is also very powerful. Its risky.

Messing with anyone’s relationship- and it will, there no way it won’t if this guy wants to help you and to spend time alone with you- is not worth it and it is absolute not ok. He my have the best of intentions but it is NOT appropriate at all. Don’t cross the line! You can avoid all of this, he is NOT available.

You didn’t do anything wrong, so just stay away! Put it aside, and avoid the heartache. Put your time in someone who is available for you. A married man is absolutely not.

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2374

Nailed it. Totally nailed it.

2375

I agree, from a married man’s perspective.

And it’s just one guy. There’s millions out there, and women, waiting to be your friend. Just keep putting yourself out there. You’ll be just fine.

2376

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “Why the long face?”

So, you have a male friend that is married, what’s the big deal? I have a lot of female friends that are married.

There’s an old bull grazing on top of a hill and a young bull runs up to him.

“Hey, let’s run down the hill and fuck one of those cows.”

The old bull says, “Let’s walk down and fuck em all.”

Married or not, we’re programmed to procreate. I know you mean well, and I am sure he does too, and this might be a snowflake relationship where it is all cool. I had a friend at work, Trish, and we were both going into the city to see a show. Her marriage was shit, mine was shit, and we were attracted to each other. I told her, hey, let’s catch a train back together, and she was like, nope. As shitty as her marriage was, she was not going to tempt it.

I’m still married, but moved out almost two years ago. I’m not looking for a relationship, or anything really, but have had two women refuse to hang out with me because I am still married. Even though I am separated.

The thing is, he may want to be a good friend, and support you, but we are just not wired that way.

I’m friends with the PE teacher, call her Rose. We went to lunch yesterday, and I paid half in cash and she put it on her credit card. When the waiter came, she asked me, for his benefit, if I was going to put out later.

It was a joke, but it was awkward because she likes me and I like her, but, I’m still married.

It’s just awkward.

And, the bottom line is, you deserve better. Not that he isn’t a great guy, and may want to support you and be a friend, and that’s all cool. Just give it time and keep your boundaries.

Spock rocks.

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2377

Reading this, I am so happy to have friends that get it, we are friends and nothing else. I can’t deal much with the women drama shit. So most of my friends are men and because of our age most are in relation married or not.

I have been with my love for almost 15 years. I don’t have many close friends being a loner to start with.

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2378

To add… at the end of the day Spock it’s your life. There’s always instances where friendship is just that…friendship.

However…all I would say is don’t ignore your intuition. And if guy friend has his head and heart grounded, he won’t ignore his intuition either. It’s up to both of you to be responsible. The instant either of you two decide to step over boundaries by even the slightest…it’s no longer a friendship.

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2379

Thank you for this.

I may have horrible taste when it comes to lovers, but I’m not totally oblivious.

I am a person with a painfully high sex drive , and I feel nothing when I’m with this person because I can tell this person feels nothing sexually for me.

He’s also very old school, and somewhat prudish when it comes to new age hook ups and casual flings and all that. He’s no horn dog , fuck boy, that’s for sure. He does not want me in this way, nor do I want him in this way. I do not wish to jump this persons bones. We are just friends.

I can tell 99 percent of the people here think it’s wrong, and don’t buy into it. But my gut is saying this is fine. And hes assured me his wife is fine with it as well.
Hes not a manipulative, scoundrel. Hes a nice person , with a big heart, that wants to help me get out of my slump.

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2380

That’s understandable.

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2381

This one hits too close to home for me to remain silent. (Many of you know that I’ve been reading these blogs for years b/c of my ex-wife’s participation in power lifting. But my athletic goals are very different…I’m a former D1 wrestler…so I don’t often post my workout routines and advice for the PL crowd. But I do learn a thing or two from you guys. Thanks!)

My (now ex) wife and another member of this community began a ‘friendship’ several years ago. (She and I enjoyed a wonderful marriage so I wasn’t threatened by it. In fact I encouraged her to participate and grow in this largely male sport because it seemed to make her happy, which in turn contributed to a good marriage.) But as the years progressed, the ‘friendship’ eventually violated the principles of two marriage contracts with devastating consequences: unimaginable pain for the betrayed spouses and their children, and confusion and sorrow that soaked into everyone’s extended family.

Please consider Brute Fury’s advice and avoid a ‘friendship’ that may morph into the destruction of other people’s lives. (I would not want to create and release this kind of pain into the world for a very selfish reason: it would ruin my otherwise peaceful death-bed reflections, which is my litmus test for a life well lived.)

If you two fall ‘in love’ then be open about it: first dissolve the social contracts that are an impediment to your love, THEN embark on experiencing your new love. (Even this will cause pain to other people. But nothing compared to the devastation of betrayal.)

IMHO, marriage is a social contract that embodies the most fundamental tenet of any society: trust. And I feel that any behavior that could erode the trust between two partners…a husband and wife…should be avoided.

Be strong, get stronger, and carry on,

Jon

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2382

Try and hold yourself as something special and something worth protecting. You are the only one who can do this. No friend no matter how excellent they are can, its up to you. This guy won’t help you do this, he is not capable.

Your sadness and pain has value too- its personal, that is a GIFT you give someone when you share your thoughts because its a sign of trust and connection.

You give this to the readers of this log, that is something we appreciate as it is special. It brings connection, connection can lead to things you don’t anticipate between man and woman.

At a point there are consequences. Its not just this man who has very good intentions who is involved–its you participating if you decide to jump into this. You have power as women you might not be aware of and your pain might mask you ability to spot things.

Its an AWFUL feeling, I can’t tell you enough how much it hurts. I really feel so strongly to share this because its gutting when boundaries are crossed. From what I have read you are a very caring person who would not intentionally hurt anyone, this could hurt someone and you can avoid it or stop it.

Its not about sex, its about emotional connection with a married man. Your wrote that you want to have him help you get out of you slump, how else is that to be done if not to interact with you on a emotional level? You asked for advice…we care about you! PLEASE avoid this.

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2383

Listen to these people. They put it way better than I can but its spot fucking on. Walk away.

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2384

You know there’s a woman in office , recently separated, she’s been going out playing pool with a married man we work with. Nobody bats an eye, nobody cares , she’s down, they’re friends, cased closed.

I have another married man friend, known him for 20 years, we share a much deeper emotional bond than me and this man from work as we both suffer from mental illness, should I stop being close with him ? Who would that help? Not him, his wife doesnt understand depression, not his wife as she doesn’t understand depression, not me , as I dont have anyone else that gets it either .

I’m sorry you guys were in hurtful situations, but that was YOUR situation, that is not everyone’s. That is not the inevitable outcome. And I’m the ONLY one here who can fully judge what’s really happening.
We are walking occasionally, talking about fucking face pulls. This has been wife approved as I’ve already stated .

Nobody in the office thinks it’s weird because they know him like I know him , to be kind as can be. I also know myself , and I know I could never be romantically interested in a married man. To be honest even if he was single I wouldn’t be sexually attracted to him.

I’m sorry I brought this up , I’m sorry if it stirred up emotions or pain, but I’m through arguing my side to people who could never witness my actual reality. But I assure you, this is really no big deal . We are, and will continue to be just friends .

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2385

If anything I have said in your log has made you feel you should not share what you want to share in your log, I truly apologize. That was not my intention at all.

Your response you just wrote above DISPLAYS how thoughtful and caring you are by addressing others pain. That is yet another gift you offer to others- it is something I have seen before that you have done in your posts.

We can profoundly disagree and you still offer respect. I felt safe to say those things with you because I had a confidence in you bring the thoughtful person you are.

I truly hope I do not come across as bring disrespectful to you. I did not mean to be, I know you are a caring person.

What you say shows what you have to offer someone. I root for you , you have a LOT to give.

I would never want to make you feel sensored in your own writing.
I want to say this several times!!

You did not stir up pain for me, you gave me an opportunity to try and help you. Also an opportunity to express a point of view you might not have known about.

You offer others this. I don’t want to mess that up at all!

You gave me a chance to try and help someone I care about who happens to be you.

It’s important to be able to express your thought honestly, if I effected your future choices of what you write in your own log I did not intent to.

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2386

You don’t owe me any apology, and I always respect and appreciate your insights in my log :slight_smile:.
You’re one of the first people I spoke to on here, and I will always have a copious amount of respect for you !!
You needn’t worry, I don’t think I could censor my posts even if I wanted to lol.

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2387

It’s certainly possible to have that relationship. On one hand, at what point are we not having any relationships out it fear of inappropriate same sex relations.

My wife and I have friends off opposite gender, without issues. We both would say something if we had a concern, but it’s never been a problem, because I don’t put myself in that position, nor do I have female friends my wife worries about.

Also, anecdotally, I was dating a girl while sharing a bedroom/bathroom with a good friend, who was a girl. Nothing happened nor would have. Just friends.

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2388

Don’t be sorry about bringing it up, Spock. It’s an opportunity to explore a worthy question. And you’re probably right…my post was mostly therapeutic. (Thanks.) I enjoy several cross-sexual friendships with women…and men…and they’re just fine and quite meaningful. Here’s to friendship!

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