Unsolicited Advice

Off Topic
42

I got it again today from the skinny kid.
Glad to see I am not alone.

I am just going back to my regular gym.
Fuck this place

43

What you do is you thank him and then say maybe you could show him how much you appreciate all his help later in the change rooms with a wink.

It will stop him being so helpful pretty quickly.

1 Like
44

Why not simply tell the truth? “I appreciate your efforts, but I have very limited time and really like to get into my zone and stay there. I’ll definitely ask if I have any questions.”

Why run away? I’m going to be careful of my tone here because there’s a thing in another thread about me and my required high standards, but dude - running away to avoid saying a polite “thanks but no thanks” is not what Arnold would do.

3 Likes
45

Man I always warm up over hand grip to however heavy as I can go without losing my grip. It’s great grip training while warming up deads

Depending on my mood I would’ve done what you did or explained the grip training aspect of what I was doing as well


47

I’m definitely on board not running away. In regards to the offered dialogue, I will say that, in my experience, this tends to be met with resistance from the offering party because they see themselves as some sort of messiah sent here to save you from yourself. You’re either going to get some sort of passive aggressive “Enjoy your back problems later in life” response OR they’ll feel the need to take even more of your time to explain about how you NEED to listen to them because the advice they’re offering will save your life.

I forget where I read this (most likely Nietzsche, just because I’ve been on a kick of his recently), but the advice offering dynamic tends to be more of a power play than an act of altruism. People like to offer advice because it allows them to assert dominance over the person they are offering advice to. It creates a class structure, where one is the expert and the other is the ignorant. Challenging someone when they attempting this can cause severe backlash, because it’s challenging their (made up) authority.

And, of course, the above is also why people tend to react so poorly to unsolicited advice in the first place.

Of course, I could be wrong, and this person could be receptive to a polite decline of his advice. I’ve just rarely observed it.

2 Likes
48

You’re a very smart cookie. You articulated well, what I have thought for a long time.

The few times I have been offered unsolicited advice in the gym my impression was that the thought behind the advice was patronizing. I also believe that advice is more likely to be offered by people new(er) to lifting and the gym who are proselytizing like new converts and don’t have enough experience yet to know what they don’t know. It’s kind of like the Dunning Kroger effect.

Advice I’ve received was along the lines of arching when I bench (don’t do it) and move my feet closer together when I deadlift (by someone who had never seen a sumo deadlift).

Now that I train at home with my husband advice is more along the lines of stop folding laundry between sets and organizing the paint shelf.

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49

If it is such a problem just ask them to lift for you, or ask them how much they lift. When you casually deadlift 400+lbs and they cant get 315, they’ll shut up. Then again I go to a gym where people welcome help and advice so it is rare for things like this to happen.

50

Nope. That doesn’t stop them.

1 Like
51

In my experience it usually does. Then again Im not known for being nice when people piss me off. To tell you the truth people in general don’t bother me at the gym.

52

Ah but have you ever encountered one of those tiny relative strength ninjas before?

53

Ive seen some douches at the gym, but again they don’t bother me for some reason.

54

You may be right, T3h, but a dead, souless stare can be employed as a response to continued efforts, or you could go with a casually-delivered mention that you’re trying to be polite, but really have limited time - with a firm “but thank you,” then turn and ignore.

The passive-aggressive “enjoy your hurt back” kind of stuff deserves a distracted “thanks!” and nothing more. You don’t lose time and they don’t gain any satisfaction.

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55

Now I’m wondering if T3h thinks I think of myself as some sort of messiah


56

Haha, one of my absolute FAVORITE tactics is to interpret sarcasm as literally as possible. Forcing someone to have to explain to you that they were saying something sarcastically because they’re being passive aggressive tends to put them in an awkward position. I think this is a great approach.

It dawned on me the irony of my offering advice on offering advice.

3 Likes
57

Yup. They just keep "no true Scotsman"ing you.

“Oh course you’re lifting more weight; you’re using BAD FORM. If you lifted with GOOD form, you wouldn’t be able to lift more than me.”

And hell, I constantly get deadlift advice online from people who can’t pull half of what I can. The assumption is always that you’re stronger DESPITE your technique, which I somewhat see as a compliment, because just imagine what you could do if you lifted with GOOD technique.

2 Likes
59

Thanks you just gave me an idea; going to search through my boxes tonight and find my Nietzsche books.

See why I come here? For this advice :grin:

I went down today; didnt even say hello. Just gave him the evil eye and nodded.

Deadlifted and Squatted and waited for that fucker to come near but he just sat at his desk and ogled.

60

That’s the difference between looking at things from the eyes of someone accomplished and the eyes of a beginner who has read too many articles/watched too many youtube videos. I NEVER EVER get advice or criticism on form from guys bigger and stronger than me even when I know I’ve really pushed things a little too far technique-wise when I’m straining my balls off to get my last few reps on the squat and the deadlift. Usually one of them will just come over after I’m done and give me a fist bump or something.

61

Haha, yup. Dave Tate had a great article on the ME method that described this exact exchange between folks that “get it”.

Dave went up for ME chain suspended good morning of 455. This was after 405 just about killed him. He twisted and convulsed and blew out all his blood vessels and took about 15 seconds, but he finally got the rep.

He came and crashed down on the bench next to another lifter who said “Dave, that was REALLY stupid”

and then, after a pause, added “You’re good for 500 dude”

“Fuck you”

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62

We’re just trying to keep you down! (That “grin!” It’s sort of terrifying isn’t it? Like bared teeth.)

63

Yes! It’s one of my favorite things to do. Here, now I will snarl at you in agreement:
:grin: