Hahahaha SV is loving this thread right now…
[quote]SuperVillian wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
Stop trying to meet a girlfriend. Start trying to meet and engage with people in general. Focus on the process, not the prize. I believe this has been mentioned before but it’s worth repeating.[/quote]
Another xWhatever on this.
I know there’s a hundred books on it, but one of the most useful skills in any interaction is to just figuring out how to get people to talk about themselves. The more they talk about themselves (good or bad), the more they tend to like you.
That’s just a useful skill in general.
With women, if you can ask the right questions and genuinely appear interested in her and what she’s talking about, that gets you far. Pretty much the only feedback you need to give is in the form of facial expressions and body language, and the questions you ask her.
Related, there’s a big difference between your eyes, face, body language saying “wow, you’re amazing”… and actually verbalizing it.
But, get a girl to talk about herself, pay attention to her emotional state and learn to just keep the conversation in places where she enjoys it. I.e., pay attention to which things is she passionate about and get her to talk more about those, and if she starts to go negative, gracefully change the topic. You want her to associate positive emotions whenever she interacts with you, even if those emotions are about things that have nothing to do with you.
You don’t have to take her completely seriously though. Tease her, question her assumptions about things, just find a way to keep her smiling.
Once you figure that out, you can have conversations with girls where you never say a thing about yourself, but she’s extremely interested in you. She’s not interested in you for you, she’s interested in you for how you make her feel. Make her feel happy when she’s with you, let her have fun, make her feel safe with respect to her own insecurities, and you’re pretty much golden.[/quote]
That’s some American Psycho shit right there, let me translate…
Women are self-absorbed feeble minded creatures who you can manipulate and toy with for your own amusement and validation without ever really revealing anything about yourself or facing rejection.
Ted Bundy would be proud. [/quote]
Preach Preach Preach!!!
[quote]trivium wrote:
Hahahaha SV is loving this thread right now…[/quote]
Hahahaha I really am, but seriously don’t ask for help unless you want to get broken down and built back up.
If you were just looking for someone to reaffirm your own delusions of grandeur about yourself and tell you you’re ok and special just the way you are then you’re in the wrong forum.
You can passive-aggressively laugh off my points and advice while seething underneath the surface for the opportunity or information that would undermine my integrity and distract the focus from your obvious need for female approval, but the fact is you’re insecure and most likely co-dependent and needy in relationships and that’s why you’re alone.
There’s a difference between actually caring about people and just relying on them for your own validation. When you learn to actually care about women beyond stroking your pathetic ego maybe you’ll man up and have the balls to approach one, look them in the eye, and say “Hey, you’re really pretty, what’s your name?” and not give a fuck about how creepy or how ‘aggro’ you may come off because you genuinely just want to make them feel good about themselves to whatever extent they will allow or your level of interest defines.
“Coffee is for closers.”
Lol
[quote]
There’s a difference between actually caring about people and just relying on them for your own validation. When you learn to actually care about women beyond stroking your pathetic ego maybe you’ll man up and have the balls to approach one, look them in the eye, and say “Hey, you’re really pretty, what’s your name?” and not give a fuck about how creepy or how ‘aggro’ you may come off because you genuinely just want to make them feel good about themselves to whatever extent they will allow or your level of interest defines.
“Coffee is for closers.”[/quote]
Applause.
“Coffee is for closers.”
I like that.
[quote]trivium wrote:
“I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”
[/quote]
Maybe they want to polish you wood… badump.
And maybe this thread has something to do w/ it: A Reason for War? - Off Topic - Forums - T Nation
[quote]SuperVillian wrote:
That’s some American Psycho shit right there, let me translate…
Women are self-absorbed feeble minded creatures who you can manipulate and toy with for your own amusement and validation without ever really revealing anything about yourself or facing rejection.
Ted Bundy would be proud. [/quote]
Not a bad translation; just take out the word “feeble” and change “women” to “people”. Also, emphasis on the “can”.
Tools are just tools. Dressing nice is a tool. Smiling is a tool. They’re all ways to shape a person’s perception of you.
If you walk into a room confidently, well dressed, and generate attraction without saying a word, all of that is quite literally manipulative. Being a pleasant conversationalist by keeping the focus on the people you’re talking to is no different.
In fact, I’d argue it’s actually pretty hard to provide good non-verbal feedback and keep someone talking about themselves and their interests, if you’re not also genuinely interested. Directing or leading a conversation is a valuable skill, but it doesn’t mean you need to be deceptive or disingenuous.
But sure, we can take this a step further and talk about base drives: the need to reproduce, and the need to dominate one’s environment. Of course we don’t talk about that in polite company, but most actions by most people fall under either of those two headings. And in this case, we’re quite literally talking about mating/courtship rituals, which almost universally rely on managing perceptions and strong persuasion, regardless of species.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]SuperVillian wrote:
That’s some American Psycho shit right there, let me translate…
Women are self-absorbed feeble minded creatures who you can manipulate and toy with for your own amusement and validation without ever really revealing anything about yourself or facing rejection.
Ted Bundy would be proud. [/quote]
Not a bad translation; just take out the word “feeble” and change “women” to “people”. Also, emphasis on the “can”.
Tools are just tools. Dressing nice is a tool. Smiling is a tool. They’re all ways to shape a person’s perception of you.
If you walk into a room confidently, well dressed, and generate attraction without saying a word, all of that is quite literally manipulative. Being a pleasant conversationalist by keeping the focus on the people you’re talking to is no different.
In fact, I’d argue it’s actually pretty hard to provide good non-verbal feedback and keep someone talking about themselves and their interests, if you’re not also genuinely interested. Directing or leading a conversation is a valuable skill, but it doesn’t mean you need to be deceptive or disingenuous.
But sure, we can take this a step further and talk about base drives: the need to reproduce, and the need to dominate one’s environment. Of course we don’t talk about that in polite company, but most actions by most people fall under either of those two headings. And in this case, we’re quite literally talking about mating/courtship rituals, which almost universally rely on managing perceptions and strong persuasion, regardless of species.[/quote]
Do you wanna drive a car with a BMW body and a Ford Focus engine or do you wanna drive a car with a Toyota Prius body and a HEMI under the hood…?
NEITHER!
Develop yourself, talents, and attributes so that when you walk confidently into a room, wear a suit, or look people in the eye during conversation you aren’t trying to invoke a sense of strength and confidence, you are simply acting and presenting yourself in a way that reflects how you see yourself, not how you want people to see you.
[quote]SuperVillian wrote:
Develop yourself, talents, and attributes so that when you walk confidently into a room, wear a suit, or look people in the eye during conversation you aren’t trying to invoke a sense of strength and confidence, you are simply acting and presenting yourself in a way that reflects how you see yourself, not how you want people to see you. [/quote]
Why wear a suit in the first place then? Why look people in the eyes?
Both of are only meaningful within a given social context. Whether you’re consciously “trying” to convey a particular meaning or not is irrelevant, since that’s still exactly what you’re doing. Otherwise why do either?
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]SuperVillian wrote:
Develop yourself, talents, and attributes so that when you walk confidently into a room, wear a suit, or look people in the eye during conversation you aren’t trying to invoke a sense of strength and confidence, you are simply acting and presenting yourself in a way that reflects how you see yourself, not how you want people to see you. [/quote]
Why wear a suit in the first place then? Why look people in the eyes?
Both of are only meaningful within a given social context. Whether you’re consciously “trying” to convey a particular meaning or not is irrelevant, since that’s still exactly what you’re doing. Otherwise why do either?[/quote]
Hahahaha Ok, cause I know I and probably everyone else in here only lifts weights not so they can get stronger or develop their body, we just like wearing UnderArmour gear.
Hence the phrase ‘You’re a tool…’ which I’m sure you’re pretty familiar with.
You’re reaching buddy, just concede.
[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
“Coffee is for closers.”
I like that.[/quote]
[quote]PlainPat wrote:
[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
“Coffee is for closers.”
I like that.[/quote]
I LOVE that scene.
I work in sales (shocking right?) but one thing I learned a long time ago before I even graduated college is that if you wanna sell something you have to either…
1 - Believe in what you’re selling
or
2 - Believe in your need to sell it
So, either you develop yourself to where you believe you’re worthy of fucking that girl and present yourself to her directly with confidence conveying that you are specifically interested in a physical relationship, knowing she will ultimately appreciate your advances because you have the ability to make her happy and meet her carnal and or emotional needs in that moment, the immediate future, or over the course of a long-term relationship.
OR…
You can lie, cheat, and manipulate your way into her pants because you desperately need the validation that comes with her allowing you to penetrate her and inversely chasing you around like a lost puppy dog seeking the same reassurance you were looking for in the first place covering up how weak and insecure of a person you really are.
Pick one, you can’t do both, but I’ll say the most intelligent and physically capable men choose option 1.
[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
“Coffee is for closers.”
I like that.[/quote]
Glengarry Glenn Ross
[quote]trivium wrote:
As for the poster that said that said women like brutally honest personalities, I am not so sure about that.
[/quote]
Some of them do, some of them dont.
Be brutally honest and you will find out which ones are which soon enough.
[quote]SuperVillian wrote:
Hahahaha Ok, cause I know I and probably everyone else in here only lifts weights not so they can get stronger or develop their body, we just like wearing UnderArmour gear.
Hence the phrase ‘You’re a tool…’ which I’m sure you’re pretty familiar with.
You’re reaching buddy, just concede.[/quote]
Lol, ok, I’ll back up.
Based just on things he’s said, I’d guess that his approach to women is something along the lines of “I’m awesome, you should like me because I’m awesome, let me tell/show you how awesome I am”. Probably not quite that explicit, but the basic theme.
So I presented an opposite approach, where he takes himself out of the picture completely and focuses entirely on her, what she likes, how she thinks, how she feels. And tried to give some basic direction of both how to do it (statements like “don’t be so desperate” are hard to work with), and what can be done with it when taken to an extreme.
And also since he seems to be a bit in his head, trying to intellectualize this stuff, I tried to put into words what’s going on with the other approach… consciously focusing on ‘manipulating’ her emotional state, ensuring that she associates positive emotional states with you, etc. That’s exactly what happens with a successful conversationalist, regardless of whether they’re explicitly trying to do that.
So I figured if he could better understand what’s going on – intellectually – he can work on that and see the things he needs to change from what he’s currently doing.
But I mean, I’m certainly on board with the “don’t be creepy”, don’t use people, be genuine message.
[quote]SuperVillian wrote:
[quote]trivium wrote:
Hahahaha SV is loving this thread right now…[/quote]
Hahahaha I really am, but seriously don’t ask for help unless you want to get broken down and built back up.
If you were just looking for someone to reaffirm your own delusions of grandeur about yourself and tell you you’re ok and special just the way you are then you’re in the wrong forum.
You can passive-aggressively laugh off my points and advice while seething underneath the surface for the opportunity or information that would undermine my integrity and distract the focus from your obvious need for female approval, but the fact is you’re insecure and most likely co-dependent and needy in relationships and that’s why you’re alone.
There’s a difference between actually caring about people and just relying on them for your own validation. When you learn to actually care about women beyond stroking your pathetic ego maybe you’ll man up and have the balls to approach one, look them in the eye, and say “Hey, you’re really pretty, what’s your name?” and not give a fuck about how creepy or how ‘aggro’ you may come off because you genuinely just want to make them feel good about themselves to whatever extent they will allow or your level of interest defines.
“Coffee is for closers.”[/quote]
I’m not being passive aggressive man. I am just taking in everyone’s comments and trying to be a sport about it. I created this thread for pointers and so that we can all have a good laugh. Some of what I wrote was dramatized, and sarcastic, but if I didn’t want to get flamed, I wouldn’t have gone and made a post in GAL haha.
I am a fan of the break to build mentality. When you want to fix something you gotta tear it down, figure out what is broken, and then reassemble. It is just how things work.
I don’t think I am codependent though. I live alone by myself in the city, and I have for 3 years after I broke up with my last actual GF. I figured that I had a few other issues to fix and that it was never a good idea to jump into another relationship so fast. That wouldn’t be fair to anyone haha. I always thought codependent people needed to have others for validation.
Thanks for posting though man.
While I don’t take everyone’s advice verbatim (if knowing a person’s entire personality was as easy as making one sarcastic post on GAL, psych wouldn’t exist), I do try to get the point that everyone makes and evaluate whether or not it fits my situation.
I guess what I am saying was that I am not offended. Just looking for entertainment, and don’t mind being the subject of a few jokes.
[quote]1 Man Island wrote:
[quote]trivium wrote:
“I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”
[/quote]
Maybe they want to polish you wood… badump.
And maybe this thread has something to do w/ it: A Reason for War? - Off Topic - Forums - T Nation
[/quote]
It is literally the perfect game to play while taking breaks from work, studying, etc. Takes about 3 seconds to play a few times a day, and the forums on there are pretty cool/funny. Check it out man, you may end up liking it!
I see it no less nerdy than being on a weightlifting message board haha.
[quote]trivium wrote:
[quote]1 Man Island wrote:
[quote]trivium wrote:
“I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”
[/quote]
Maybe they want to polish you wood… badump.
And maybe this thread has something to do w/ it: A Reason for War? - Off Topic - Forums - T Nation
[/quote]
It is literally the perfect game to play while taking breaks from work, studying, etc. Takes about 3 seconds to play a few times a day, and the forums on there are pretty cool/funny. Check it out man, you may end up liking it!
I see it no less nerdy than being on a weightlifting message board haha.[/quote]
Learning to get bigger, stronger, and/or leaner is the same as talking about some online role playing game?
[quote]Captnoblivious wrote:
[quote]trivium wrote:
[quote]1 Man Island wrote:
[quote]trivium wrote:
“I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”
[/quote]
Maybe they want to polish you wood… badump.
And maybe this thread has something to do w/ it: http://tnation.T-Nation.com/free_online_forum/music_movies_girls_life/anyone_play_ultimate_assassins_on_the_web
[/quote]
It is literally the perfect game to play while taking breaks from work, studying, etc. Takes about 3 seconds to play a few times a day, and the forums on there are pretty cool/funny. Check it out man, you may end up liking it!
I see it no less nerdy than being on a weightlifting message board haha.[/quote]
Learning to get bigger, stronger, and/or leaner is the same as talking about some online role playing game?
[/quote]
Let’s kick his ass bro…