Dating Advice

Off Topic
1

…'er more like getting dates advice.

I’ll just come right out and say I’m 26, and I’ve never been on a date. This isn’t to say I haven’t been approached, or I haven’t gotten girls phone numbers, or that I haven’t even gotten girls numbers who AGREE to go out with me only to cancel, “reschedule,” or the classic no-reply-cuz-i-dun-wanna-hurt-his-feelings.

Hell, most recently the girl approached me and gave me her phone number. We exchanged a few texts and as soon as actually setting up a time and place to meet came up…crickets.

I have come to a forum full of strangers for real advice, men and women’s perspectives both welcome. Of course I’ve approached family members and close friends with this one, but always get a biased shrug-it-off reply like “you’ve got nothing to worry about. You’re a great guy, just give it time.”

So I humble myself before those who have the experience I do not, but want. I am naive and don’t have a fucking clue how to get the ball rolling. I don’t have a type and haven’t even been able to figure out what I want in a significant other, because I haven’t even had the opportunity to see what’s out there in any kind of romantic context.

It sucks when I lose motivation from it, and I’ve become completely terrified of approaching women I find attractive anymore…feeling “unworthy” or whatever…and then the even more terrifying long term fear of ending up alone for my entire life.

2

Not going to get to much into if I believe this to be true or just a topic starter.

Without using the word “Date” are you saying you have never spent time with the opposite sex for a social reason (conversation, walk, coffee, lunch, ninja fight). Or is this just a issue when you ask someone for a “Date”?

3

When I was single my approach was swing at everything you remember the ones you hit and not the ones you miss. Don’t come across desperate ever, seem kind of uninterested and make girls want you more than you want them. It’s a weird mentality but it worked, always be confident and never count yourself out confidence is key, never let any fucker back talk you in a girl that you like presences, they like an alpha styled guy. When you meet the right one all this shit will be irrelevant finding the one is random chance but use a confident approach and don’t get down bcuz 1 says no, keep swinging for the fences. The nice guy approach works for the type that you wanna setttle down with but you gotta know her before it gets to that point

4

I’m a year older than you. I just went on a date Friday with a girl who is a mutual friend. Take my advice for what it’s worth… I’m no expert, but if anything I say can be of help…

Get the number. CALL her for a first date. I have friends who text first and I don’t see it as successful. First off, you don’t know if she even gave you a real number based on a text. Plus, a text gives her time to think about a response, etc. Call her earlier in the week better than later (so she doesn’t already have plans), but not too early that she can come up with plans to later cancel. If you get a voicemail (hopefully the recording at least validates the number), just leave a message and tell her to call or text you back later. I prefer a call back, but I’ll take a text at that point. Also, don’t text her throughout the week making small talk and shit. Save that for something to talk about during the date. Plus, the texting shit can come off needy/lame/boring IMO.

I like Saturday’s better than Friday’s, because I will have had all day to relax/chill/get shit done and I don’t necessarily like the rush out of work and see if I have time to go to the gym and get ready to go out. If I do a Friday, I might push for something more casual like drinks. Do you drink, at all? I’m not saying getting wasted, but 2-3 drinks is appropriate. If you don’t drink, I can see dating being a littttttttle bit awkward. I would feel odd if my date didn’t at least have a drink with dinner.

Saturday’s are easier, and I will suggest “getting dinner”. Unless there is something big/cool going on that I know of ahead of time, I typically only suggest dinner, and maybe leave the rest of the night open ended. Depends on how the date goes, we can go to a bar for some drinks after, go shoot pool, do something that is going on locally, meet up with friends who might also be out, or even go back and watch a movie at my place.

That’s about all I can offer besides saying that also some of this is scenario specific and you have to adjust for each case. Do you offer to pick her up? Is she meeting you at your place? Is she meeting you at the bar/location/whatever? Don’t overthink it, but be prepared I would say.

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Better advice ^

6

[quote]gtl wrote:
I’m a year older than you. I just went on a date Friday with a girl who is a mutual friend. Take my advice for what it’s worth… I’m no expert, but if anything I say can be of help…

Get the number. CALL her for a first date. I have friends who text first and I don’t see it as successful. First off, you don’t know if she even gave you a real number based on a text. Plus, a text gives her time to think about a response, etc. Call her earlier in the week better than later (so she doesn’t already have plans), but not too early that she can come up with plans to later cancel. If you get a voicemail (hopefully the recording at least validates the number), just leave a message and tell her to call or text you back later. I prefer a call back, but I’ll take a text at that point. Also, don’t text her throughout the week making small talk and shit. Save that for something to talk about during the date. Plus, the texting shit can come off needy/lame/boring IMO.

I like Saturday’s better than Friday’s, because I will have had all day to relax/chill/get shit done and I don’t necessarily like the rush out of work and see if I have time to go to the gym and get ready to go out. If I do a Friday, I might push for something more casual like drinks. Do you drink, at all? I’m not saying getting wasted, but 2-3 drinks is appropriate. If you don’t drink, I can see dating being a littttttttle bit awkward. I would feel odd if my date didn’t at least have a drink with dinner.

Saturday’s are easier, and I will suggest “getting dinner”. Unless there is something big/cool going on that I know of ahead of time, I typically only suggest dinner, and maybe leave the rest of the night open ended. Depends on how the date goes, we can go to a bar for some drinks after, go shoot pool, do something that is going on locally, meet up with friends who might also be out, or even go back and watch a movie at my place.

That’s about all I can offer besides saying that also some of this is scenario specific and you have to adjust for each case. Do you offer to pick her up? Is she meeting you at your place? Is she meeting you at the bar/location/whatever? Don’t overthink it, but be prepared I would say.[/quote]

The only thing I would add to this, don’t bring up working out or the gym. If she brings it up, go ahead, but YOU do not bring up working out or the gym.

7

[quote]four60 wrote:
Not going to get to much into if I believe this to be true or just a topic starter.

Without using the word “Date” are you saying you have never spent time with the opposite sex for a social reason (conversation, walk, coffee, lunch, ninja fight). Or is this just a issue when you ask someone for a “Date”? [/quote]

The latter…an issue when asking for a “date.”

And I lol’ed at “ninja fight.” The girl who wants to go there is a true keeper.

8

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]four60 wrote:
Not going to get to much into if I believe this to be true or just a topic starter.

Without using the word “Date” are you saying you have never spent time with the opposite sex for a social reason (conversation, walk, coffee, lunch, ninja fight). Or is this just a issue when you ask someone for a “Date”? [/quote]

The latter…an issue when asking for a “date.”

And I lol’ed at “ninja fight.” The girl who wants to go there is a true keeper. [/quote]

Follow up question: are you asking for (or to go out on) a “date”? If so, don’t. I would just ask if they would want to X,Y,Z.

9

[quote]mbdix wrote:
The only thing I would add to this, don’t bring up working out or the gym. If she brings it up, go ahead, but YOU do not bring up working out or the gym.[/quote]

If you mean when it comes time to the actual date, I would slightly disagree. While I wouldn’t say: I do a 6 way BB split over 7 days, train upper/lower, TBT, Crossfit… I would at least mention that I’m into an active/healthy lifestyle, or that I go to the gym 3-4 nights a week after work, or something like that. I wouldn’t pull it out of thin air, but it is rather easy to come up, and because I wouldn’t necessarily be into a girl who wasn’t at least somewhat active. It could be a good way to establish some common ground or rule a girl out.

Also, for Christ sake, please don’t be an ‘eat clean nazi’ on a date. If you can’t budget 1 cheat meal a week for a date, then forget about it. If you’re in a contst prep phase or something, or cutting weight, and it’s that serious, I probably would forget about dating until you have more flexibility. There’s nothing worse than going out with someone who orders chicken breast, broccoli, and water when you go to a nice restaurant or a specialty cuisine.

10

Confidence is everything so whatever you do don’t come across as insecure or you’ll look like a fucking loser. I’ve never had a problem with getting dates. If you are afraid of rejection look for cues to indicate her interest. A look and smile your way means you are totally in. A look and a bite to the bottom lip means you are getting laid. Just a long look could mean she is interested, your ugly or you have something on your face. If the signs are there make the first move. Call her a few days after she gives you her number. Try to do something casual like getting a drink at first. When your out, focus on her and avoid talking too much about yourself.

11

[quote]jskrabac wrote:

[quote]four60 wrote:
Not going to get to much into if I believe this to be true or just a topic starter.

Without using the word “Date” are you saying you have never spent time with the opposite sex for a social reason (conversation, walk, coffee, lunch, ninja fight). Or is this just a issue when you ask someone for a “Date”? [/quote]

The latter…an issue when asking for a “date.”

And I lol’ed at “ninja fight.” The girl who wants to go there is a true keeper. [/quote]

What exactly do you say when you ask?

Also, in what capacity do you know the women you have asked out on dates? (work friend, random from bar etc.)

12

[quote]gtl wrote:

[quote]mbdix wrote:
The only thing I would add to this, don’t bring up working out or the gym. If she brings it up, go ahead, but YOU do not bring up working out or the gym.[/quote]

If you mean when it comes time to the actual date, I would slightly disagree. While I wouldn’t say: I do a 6 way BB split over 7 days, train upper/lower, TBT, Crossfit… I would at least mention that I’m into an active/healthy lifestyle, or that I go to the gym 3-4 nights a week after work, or something like that. I wouldn’t pull it out of thin air, but it is rather easy to come up, and because I wouldn’t necessarily be into a girl who wasn’t at least somewhat active. It could be a good way to establish some common ground or rule a girl out.

Also, for Christ sake, please don’t be an ‘eat clean nazi’ on a date. If you can’t budget 1 cheat meal a week for a date, then forget about it. If you’re in a contst prep phase or something, or cutting weight, and it’s that serious, I probably would forget about dating until you have more flexibility. There’s nothing worse than going out with someone who orders chicken breast, broccoli, and water when you go to a nice restaurant or a specialty cuisine. [/quote]

Not saying I am right but the reason why I wouldn’t bring up working out or the gym is because look at his picture. The girl is going to already KNOW he goes to the gym a lot and lives an active lifestyle. Women are likely not going to want to hear about his workouts or gym because they will get the impression that this is all that is to this guy. If I was the OP I would avoid bringing up the gym and working out like it was the plague.

Now if there is a certain event or activity that OP would like to take the date, then yes don’t avoid asking her to something you would enjoy going to with her. But, if she brings it up, which is likely to happen with his physique be humble and down play it. ‘It is important to me to stay healthy and I am working to improve myself physically, but it is not all I am about. For instance I am an ass man, and like to hit it doggy style’ For an example.

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Example of text I would not send. " I get done with the gym around 8, do you want to (whatever)"

Instead try. " Would you like to (whatever) around 8"
In your own style

Just leave the gym and working out, out of the conversations. She already knows OP works out by looking at him. My opinion.

14

The Tinder app can (and will) work wonders esp since you’re in CA:

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I went on a date once

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[quote]HolyMacaroni wrote:
I went on a date once[/quote]

Dressed like that avatar pic. Who would say no

17

lol

[quote]mbdix wrote:Not saying I am right but the reason why I wouldn’t bring up working out or the gym is because look at his picture. The girl is going to already KNOW he goes to the gym a lot and lives an active lifestyle. Women are likely not going to want to hear about his workouts or gym because they will get the impression that this is all that is to this guy. If I was the OP I would avoid bringing up the gym and working out like it was the plague.

Just leave the gym and working out, out of the conversations. She already knows OP works out by looking at him. My opinion.[/quote]

Yeah, I guess I wasn’t taking into account that the OP compete(s/d). I totally agree though that regardless she does not want to her about workouts or diet or anything like that. I would avoid the details completely.

18

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
…'er more like getting dates advice.

It sucks when I lose motivation from it, and I’ve become completely terrified of approaching women I find attractive anymore…feeling “unworthy” or whatever…and then the even more terrifying long term fear of ending up alone for my entire life.

[/quote]

I am a fat guy who has always dated hot women. My wife is hot, people assume I am rich, I am not. Take my advice. Two things, first, be confident, not arrogant, just confident. Women smell and hate (mental) weaklings and fake, “want-a-be’s” equally. You can’t fake it. Either you are or your not and if you believe you are, or that you are not, you’re right. Watch every episode of Mad Men and be Don Draper. That show is a master’s class in quiet confidence.

Second, understand no one wins every time. Some women are not going to like you no matter how ______ you are, but what do you get if you don’t ask? NOTHING. What do you get if you do ask? A CHANCE.

19

TBH I got the same vibe from you as I did from Standard Donkey/Walkway when one of you was posting aggressively about how you lifted to get women and how you needed abs to get hot women yada yada yada. I didnt peg you for a virgin though. if it makes you feel better, MOST of the fuckers on the BSL forum jack themselves off to sleep after either Wendler or Meadows worship on the forums (probably saying “ouch ouch”).

At least you have a graduate degree so youre likely a provider type.

Advice 1 : you’ve been lifting to get women. After a certain age (very young) once theyve had some sexual experience, they honestly dont give a shit about that stuff unless it translates into things that MATTER to them: more cash and/or better sex. For example, an average guy who lays pipe properly (i.e. yeppp SIZE does matter, tongue game does count) will CUCKOLD the most jacked/aesthetic gymrat without even trying - and if they also see a provider etc etc in him then he’ll get in relationships with minimal effort. But if said casanova (who pulls chicks in without trying) improves his physique then HE will see a significant improvement. You have to make your physique work for you. Walk around like chicks want your D*** non stop and they eventually will give in to curiosity. Dont be the loner virgin who constantly walks around with chicken and sticky rice in tupperware charting his “macros” everytime he’s with friends. And yeah, downplay your gym stuff in the presence of women, as in dont even talk about it. Let them ask you about it if they want, and even then shrug it off as little more than a hobby.

Advice 2 : your FB friends and anyone else knows you’ve not been “touched” by now and some/most of these chicks likely have labeled you as a ##### and wont touch you with a foot long pole. You need to drag someone in from OUTSIDE your current social clique into a romantic liaison and then re-establish yourself in the eyes of your social clique as a non #####. You have to first be SEEN with women on your arm (or C***) for women to want you.

Advice 3 : Go for the fitness modeling thing you were talking about earlier. As a well-educated guy in THAT particular clique, you’ll have a fuckload of good luck. And being shy and reserved and inexperienced isnt going to be a handicap with fitness chicks PROVIDED you can lay the pipe and pay the bills :slight_smile:

[quote]jskrabac wrote:
…'er more like getting dates advice.

I’ll just come right out and say I’m 26, and I’ve never been on a date. This isn’t to say I haven’t been approached, or I haven’t gotten girls phone numbers, or that I haven’t even gotten girls numbers who AGREE to go out with me only to cancel, “reschedule,” or the classic no-reply-cuz-i-dun-wanna-hurt-his-feelings.

Hell, most recently the girl approached me and gave me her phone number. We exchanged a few texts and as soon as actually setting up a time and place to meet came up…crickets.

I have come to a forum full of strangers for real advice, men and women’s perspectives both welcome. Of course I’ve approached family members and close friends with this one, but always get a biased shrug-it-off reply like “you’ve got nothing to worry about. You’re a great guy, just give it time.”

So I humble myself before those who have the experience I do not, but want. I am naive and don’t have a fucking clue how to get the ball rolling. I don’t have a type and haven’t even been able to figure out what I want in a significant other, because I haven’t even had the opportunity to see what’s out there in any kind of romantic context.

It sucks when I lose motivation from it, and I’ve become completely terrified of approaching women I find attractive anymore…feeling “unworthy” or whatever…and then the even more terrifying long term fear of ending up alone for my entire life.

[/quote]

20

[quote]HolyMacaroni wrote:
I went on a date once[/quote]

Yeah, with an old school teacher. :wink: